Chapter 12: Olivia's Betrayal

They were working the case of a missing sixteen year old escort and Olivia was working hard to put all of her focus on that. This past weekend, she'd made the biggest mistake of her life and she didn't know what to do about it. But she didn't have time to think about that now. There was a young girl out there fighting for her life and it was her job to bring her home. She tried to use her connection to David Haden to convince him to back her on shutting down the paper that these girls used for their ads. When he said they could only work if he didn't go near her cases, she felt a twinge in her stomach. The truth was they could never work. She didn't know what she was doing with him. She didn't know how she'd tell Rae about him. She didn't know anything. She put all of her focus on bringing Haley home to her mother and baby. The days passed and they gathered bodies and witnesses, looking for any evidence to close in on their perp, a guy who called himself Brewster. Finally, they got a break when they found a girl named Lizzie in a psych ward who'd escaped from him and survived. She gave the final clues as to where they could find this Brewster and save Haley's life. They tracked him down to Wildlife Preserve run by Hudson University and went in with the state police to search for both him and his victim.

Olivia found Haley in a small shack and soon found herself cornered by Brewster and his gun. He took her sidearm and then her drop gun, leaving her completely unprotected. All she could think about was Araeyah and if she'd ever see her again. She wished she had taken the time to talk to her that morning and tell her how much she loved her, how she wanted to work things out between them, and how she didn't ever want to be without her. Now she was here in this little run down shack, staring down the barrel of a gun, not sure how she was going to talk her way out of it. Just when she saw him about to pull the trigger and end her life, she heard a shot ring out and then another. She collapsed when she realized that it was Amaro and she was ok. He'd just saved her life and given her the chance she'd been hoping for to make things right with Araeyah. She wasn't sure how she'd do that but at least she had the chance to figure it out.

Back at the precinct, the Captain ordered Amaro to take a few days and spend time with his daughter. He tried to argue and Olivia tried to step in for him but Cragen made it an order, ending all discussion. He took some time to video chat with his wife before going to start on the paperwork with Cragen for IAB. Olivia sat at her desk and tried to calm her nerves. She thought about what she needed to do to get her relationship with Rae back on track. The first thing she needed to do was talk to David. Then she needed to figure out what to tell Araeyah. She knew the truth would break her heart but she'd already lied to her enough. She got her paperwork done and then called David, telling him they needed to talk. She went to meet him for a drink and told him that they had to end things between them. He tried to argue with her but she just kept repeating herself.

"I'm sorry, David. This was a mistake" she said.

"No. This wasn't a mistake. Olivia, we work together. We've been getting to know each other. We had a great weekend together" he said taking her hand. She sighed and closed her eyes as the memories came back to her then quickly tried to shake them away. "I thought things were going well. What is this about?" he asked. She pulled her hand away from his.

"I'm with someone. I'm in a relationship" she said. He could hear the guilt in her voice over what she'd done. She was genuinely sad.

"Well, then you're not happy. Whoever this guy is, he doesn't make you happy. If he did, you wouldn't be with me" he said trying to take her hands again. She pushed his hands away, making it clear she didn't want him to touch her.

"She is amazing" she said letting him know there was no guy. "And she doesn't deserve this. Yes, we've been having some problems but that's no excuse for this. This was a mistake. I love her. I'm in love with her and I don't want to hurt her anymore. This is over, David. I'm sorry but this is over". She stood up and took her purse from the back of her chair to leave. He grabbed her by her coat and pulled her into a kiss. It was different than all the other kisses they'd shared. It was goodbye. It lasted for only a moment before she pulled away and walked out of the bar to head home. Araeyah was sitting on the bed doing homework when she heard the front door open and shut. Olivia yelled for her and she shut her laptop and went out to the living room to meet her. Olivia took off her coat and hung it up and turned to see Rae standing there. She was wearing shorts and a tank top and her curly hair was pulled up into a ponytail. Not a trace of make up on her face and still she looked so beautiful.

"Hey" she said as Olivia walked towards her. "So, for my birthday" she paused as Olivia wrapped her arms around her and held her tight. A confused Rae brought her arms up and returned her embrace. Olivia's breaths came out heavy and labored like she was trying not to cry. "Liv, what's wrong?"

"I thought I'd never see you again" she whispered.

"What are you talking about?" she said pulling back to look at her.

"I…I almost died today" she said as a single tear slid down her cheek. "I was so scared that I'd never see you again". She kissed her and pulled her into another hug and held on like she never wanted to let go.

"It's ok" Rae whispered. "You're ok". She hated hearing things like this from her girlfriend. She'd much rather think about the good things about Olivia's job, like how she was helping people, not the dangerous things, like almost dying. The thought of losing her made everything they'd been arguing about seem small and unimportant.

"I'm sorry" Olivia whispered. "For everything". She was apologizing for the fighting and the accusations and the things that Rae knew nothing about. She couldn't tell her. She couldn't risk losing her.

"I'm sorry too" Rae said. Olivia felt a pang in her chest, hearing Rae apologize to her. She didn't really have much to apologize for. Yes, she'd flirted with Amanda but they'd already talked about that and she'd apologized more than once. It was herself who would have a lifetime of apologizing and making up to do, even if Rae never knew what it was for. She finally pulled away from her and wiped the tears from her face.

"So" she said taking a deep breath to collect herself, "about your birthday. We can do whatever you want. I'll take the day off" she said. Rae's birthday fell on a Tuesday but Olivia wanted to celebrate with her.

"Ummm, ok but I was gonna celebrate this weekend since everyone's pretty busy during the week" she said as she started walking back to the bedroom. Olivia followed her and started to change out of her clothes.

"Ok, then I'll take the weekend off" she said. Rae was surprised that Olivia was willing to take a weekend off of work without her having to convince her, especially since they'd just taken a vacation.

"Ummm, ok" she said. "Well, the band booked a gig tomorrow and I invited everyone except for Nick and Don because I don't have their numbers so could you invite them?" she asked. She climbed back into bed and opened her laptop to finish the homework she'd been working on.

"Yeah, of course". Olivia got her phone sat down on her side of the bed in just her underwear and typed a message for Nick and the Captain. "What time babe?" she asked.

"Show starts at nine" she said still staring at her computer screen. Olivia finished typing the message and hit send. She put her phone down on the bed and got up to go to the bathroom. She was brushing her teeth when her phone chimed on the bed next to Rae. Rae reached over and grabbed Olivia's phone to check her message. It was from Nick saying that he'd love to come and asking if he could bring Zara. "Who's Zara?" Rae asked. Olivia came over to the doorway with her toothbrush in her mouth.

"What?" she mumbled.

"Nick wants to know if he can bring Zara. Who's Zara?" she asked again. Olivia laughed.

"His five year old" she said trying not spill toothpaste from her mouth.

"Ok. That's a no". Olivia went back to the bathroom to finish brushing her teeth and Rae replied to Nick, telling him the show was at a bar. He replied back and said he'd ask his mother to watch her but he'd be there. Rae went back to her homework and Olivia turned on the water so she could take a shower. She took off her last articles of clothing and stepped in the shower. Rae finished her homework and shut down her computer then grabbed Olivia's phone to play a game. She found her favorite game called Unblock Me and started to play. A couple minutes later, her phone chimed again so she closed out of the game and checked the message. It was from someone named David saying he missed her already. She didn't know what to think. Olivia had never mentioned anyone named David to her and if he was important she'd know about him. She opened the game again and waited for Olivia to come out of the shower. Olivia's phone chimed again and again Rae exited the game to look at the message. It was Don saying he would be there for Rae's birthday. She smiled for just a moment before her mind went back to the message from David. She thought hard, trying to remember if Olivia had ever mentioned a David to her but couldn't think of anyone. The shower turned off and Olivia came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel. She went over to the dresser and pulled out underwear, a t shirt, and pants.

"Are you hungry?" she asked taking her towel and throwing it in the hamper. "I feel like take out". She pulled on her underwear and put on her bra and grabbed her lotion from the dresser taking it, along with her shirt and pants, over to the bed. She sat down and started to put lotion on her skin while she stared at her girlfriend who looked to be in a daze. "Araeyah" Olivia said getting her attention.

"What?" she said looking over at Olivia. It took a moment for her question to register with her. "Oh, uhh, yeah. Take out's fine" she said. Olivia finished putting lotion on then put on her t shirt and pants. She took her lotion back over and sat it on the dresser and Rae went back to playing her game.

"You want anything special?" she asked. Rae shook her head from side to side, focused on the puzzle in front of her. Olivia walked out of the bedroom to the kitchen to look through her take out menus for what she wanted for dinner. Rae was still sitting on the bed playing the game but she couldn't take her mind off the message from David. She went back to look at it again.

I miss you already

There weren't too many things that statement could mean. She wondered if this had anything to do with why Olivia had been lying to her about work. Her mind started racing with all the possibilities of what this could mean for them going forward. She got an awful feeling in her stomach as she thought about Olivia with someone else. She took a deep breath and tried to relax. Olivia would never do that to her. She loved her, right? Olivia came back into the bedroom with a menu for the Chinese restaurant that delivered to their building. Rae looked up at her and searched her face for a sign, anything that would tell her what she was thinking. She couldn't see anything.

"Pick what you want" she said holding out the menu. She sat down on the bed and waited for Rae to take the menu from her.

"Who's David?" she asked quietly. Olivia wasn't sure she'd heard her right.

"What?" she asked hoping she hadn't just said the name she thought she had.

"David, who is he?" she asked again.

"He's a DA that I work with" she said like it wasn't a big deal. "Here" she said trying to hand her the menu again. "Pick what you want so we can order". She hoped that Rae would take her answer and drop it but she knew her girlfriend better than that.

"How long have you worked with him?"

"Umm, I don't know. A few months, I guess" she said trying to add up the time in her head.

"What's his last name?" she asked.

"What?"

"What like you didn't hear me or what like you don't understand what I'm asking?" she asked with a little attitude.

"Haden. It's David Haden" she answered. That name sounded familiar to her. She was positive that she'd heard it before. Then it came to her. Fin said something about them buying a gift for Haden and not Amanda.

"Did you buy him a gift?"

"What?" Olivia asked for the third time. Rae rolled her eyes.

"Are you….going deaf or something?" she asked with a lot more attitude. She knew that Olivia could hear her and understood what she was asking. It was pissing her off that she was pretending not to know what she was talking about.

"I…." she thought about lying but couldn't do it. She knew that Rae would see right through her and the guilt she felt was eating away at her. "Yes, I bought him a gift" she finally answered.

"Why?"

"Because…we work together and we got everyone else one" she lied.

"We didn't get him a gift. You got him a gift. I don't know him. You know who I do know? Amanda. But you didn't want to get her anything" she said. Olivia could hear the anger in her voice. She knew this conversation wasn't going to end well. "Why haven't I met him?"

"I don't know, Rae. I guess he's just never been around when you came in the precinct. He's just a DA. He has his own office" she said still lying.

"Well, why haven't you ever mentioned him? I didn't even know you were working any DA's other than Alex and Casey" she said. Lie after lie was rolling off of Olivia's tongue like it was nothing to her. Rae couldn't believe it. They'd always been open and honest with each other about everything. She didn't know when or why that'd changed.

"Alex and Casey haven't worked with the unit for months. I thought you knew that. And I didn't mention him because he wasn't important, Araeyah" she said. She really wanted her to just drop this whole thing and decide what she wanted for dinner. "Are you gonna pick something to order?" she said holding out the menu to her again. Rae scoffed and got up from the bed, putting her back to Olivia. She took slow, deep breaths trying her best to control her anger. Once she felt like she could continue talking to her without yelling she turned around to face her.

"He was important enough for you to buy him a gift behind my back" she said softly.

"You bought Amanda a gift and I didn't know anything about that" she said back.

"Olivia, it's common sense that she would get a gift. You work with her everyday. She's a part of the team. It would've been incredibly rude to get everyone a gift and not her. Fin was upset when he thought she didn't get anything. You..."

"Ok, ok" Olivia said, getting her point. "You're right. I should have mentioned him. I should have discussed buying him a gift with you before I did it. I'm sorry" she apologized hoping that would be the end of it but knowing deep down that it wouldn't be. Rae stood there quietly, still controlling her breathing and suppressing her anger. "Babe, can we please just not fight anymore? Let's order dinner" she said trying to move on to something else.

"Where were you this past weekend?" she asked softly. She didn't know if she wanted to know the truth but she needed to know. She looked Olivia in the eyes and dared her to tell her another lie.

"I was working. I already told you that" she said. She had to keep up the lie. She couldn't bear to tell Rae the truth. She wanted to but she couldn't bring herself to do it.

"What was the case you were working on?" she asked, knowing that if she kept asking her questions she'd just continue to lie.

"It was a domestic violence case. A…husband was beating his wife and we were trying to convince her to leave him….and press charges". She looked Rae in the eyes and willed her to believe what she was saying. In her mind, she was trying to convince herself that she was telling the truth. It was amusing to Rae that Olivia thought she could lie to her and get away with it. She let out a small laugh.

"God, you're such a fucking liar" she said. "I know you weren't working last weekend, Olivia. You know how I know? Since you weren't returning my phone calls, I called everyone else. I talked to Fin and John and Amanda. None of them were working. You all had the weekend off". She stood there and waited for her to say something, to come up with another lie. Olivia just sat there and stared at the bed. "When did this happen?" she asked. Olivia looked at her, confused by the question. "When did it become a thing for you to look me in my face...and lie to me?" Olivia just stared at her and didn't say anything. "Where were you last weekend?" she asked again. Olivia shifted uncomfortably on the bed and tried to blink back the tears that were coming to her eyes. The longer Olivia sat there, not answering her question, the angrier Rae became. She decided to just ask the hard question. "Why does he miss you?" Olivia's eyes shot up to meet hers. She folded her arms over her chest and stared back at her.

"What are you talking about?"

"David texted you. He said "he misses you already". Why does he miss you, Olivia?" She didn't know how much longer she'd be able to control her anger if Liv continued to sit there staring at her like an idiot. "Don't make me ask you again" she said firmly.

"I…he….it was" she stuttered trying to find the right words. "I don't know why. Maybe he meant to send that to someone else" she lied again. That was the last straw. Rae lost it.

"Stop fucking lying to me, Liv!" she yelled. "Were you with him when you told me that you were working!?"

"Araeyah" Olivia started to answer but Rae didn't want to hear a long, drawn out answer to such a simple question.

"Just yes or no" she said cutting her off. "Were you with him when you told me that you were working?" she repeated. Olivia took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Yes" she said softly.

"Did you fuck him?" she asked bluntly. Olivia visibly cringed at the question. "Hello!?" Rae said impatiently waiting for an answer. "Did you?"

"Yes" she said even softer than before. Her answer hit Rae like a ton of bricks. She couldn't believe this was happening. The shame and guilt was all over Olivia, on her face and in her body language. She looked at her, tears forming in her eyes threatening to spill, "I'm so…"

"Don't!" Rae yelled stopping her. "Don't you fucking say you're sorry. How long have you been sleeping with him?" she asked not sure she wanted to know.

"It just happened this past weekend, I swear" she said quickly.

"Where?" she asked. "Where did you have sex with him? Was it here?"

"No" she answered without hesitation.

"Then where?" she asked. "And don't lie to me" she added.

"We went to my old apartment" she answered. When Rae and Olivia moved into their new place they decided that it'd be cheaper to pay Olivia's rent rather than to break the lease. So technically the apartment was still hers.

"Oh, you mean the apartment that my mother is paying for?" she asked. "That's…fucking great, Olivia". She felt so pissed off and disgusted and hurt and used and lied to. "Were you seeing him before our vacation?" Olivia opened her mouth to answer then stopped herself. "Tell me" she said prompting her to answer.

"I wasn't. It was just….we went to dinner…..twice. That's it" she explained.

"Were you...were you seeing him before we moved in together?" she asked? She had so many questions running through her brain she could barely keep them straight. She was asking them so quickly Olivia cold barely keep up. She didn't want to lie anymore but she didn't want to tell the truth either. Her lack of answers told Rae everything she needed to know. "Oh my god" she breathed out, turning her back to her and putting her hands in her hair. Olivia got up from the bed and walked over to her. She reached out and touched Rae on the shoulder but she moved away and turned to face her. "Don't…fucking touch me" she said harshly. "Did you use a condom?" she asked abruptly. Olivia was so caught off guard by the question, she couldn't find her words.

"I…I…we…" she stammered, trying to string a sentence together.

"What? You don't remember? Or did you use one the first time and not the second or third or fourth? Could you be pregnant? Could you have caught something from him?" she asked bombarding her with questions. "How many times did you fuck him? I mean, you were with him all weekend, right? So how many times?"

"I don't know" Olivia said tears streaming down her face. She was so overwhelmed by how many questions Rae was asking her.

"So, you ignored my phone calls all weekend because you were in bed with him?" she asked. Olivia didn't say anything. She just stood there and cried. "Do you love him?" she asked nervously.

"No" she answered quickly. "No. I love you". She reached out and tried to take Rae's hand but she pulled away from her again.

"I said don't touch me!" she yelled.

"Araeyah, I'm sorry. It was a mistake. I told him it's over. I told him that I love you and…"

"You're a liar!" she yelled interrupting her. "How can I believe anything you say? You've been lying to me for months! You fu…." she bit back her words. There were so many things going through her head, she couldn't process them all at once. "You're fucking unbelievable, you know that? This whole time, you've been obsessing about Amanda and making me feel like a shitty girlfriend because I do things to make you feel jealous and insecure and all along you've been fucking someone else!" she yelled. "What else have you lied to me about? What about Alex?" she asked thinking back to when they broke up before. "Was it really just a kiss then or did you fuck her too?"

"No, babe, I didn't" Olivia said. She wanted Rae to stop yelling and just listen to her but she knew that wasn't going to happen. She just had to keep trying. "I swear, I didn't" she tried to reassure her.

"I don't fucking believe you!" she yelled. She started to pace back and forth as images of Olivia with this mystery man filled her head. She couldn't get them to go away. It was amazing, the things her imagination was coming up with. "Oh my god" she said stopping in front of her, "Did you go down on him? Did you put his dick in your mouth?" she asked disgusted. Olivia couldn't believe she was asking her that. "You kissed me!"

"Araeyah, please" Olivia whispered, begging her to stop. Her tears showed no signs of stopping and she could barely get her breath to speak.

"Please, what?" she asked annoyed. "Am I making you feel bad? Good! I hope you feel like shit!" She started to pace again and again her mind filled up with images of Olivia and David lost in the throes of passion. She stopped in front of her again. "How was he? Was he good? Was he better than me?" she asked firing away with questions. "How many times did you cum for him? How many times did he cum for you? That's what this is about right? I couldn't cum for you so you found someone who could?" Rae, herself, could barely believe the questions that were coming out of her mouth. She'd never talked to anyone like this, let alone Olivia. But she'd never been hurt like this either. Olivia was standing in front of her sobbing and it was driving her crazy. "Why are you crying? You're the one who cheated on me. I should be crying, not you!" Olivia took deep breaths and tried to control gain of herself. It took her a few minutes but she finally calmed down and stopped her tears from flowing. "I went out to dinner with Amanda on Sunday….when you were working" she added using air quotes, "and we had a really nice time. It was nice to talk to someone who was actually interested in what I was saying. I drove her home and she invited me up to her apartment and I went. We sat and talked for a while longer and….I don't know, maybe she thought I was making a pass at her but she tried to kiss me. And even though I really wanted to kiss her too….I didn't. I couldn't….because I thought of you". Her anger turned to sadness and tears filled her eyes. "I thought of you and how much I lo…" she paused to take a breath and kept her tears at bay. "How much I love you and how I didn't want to hurt you. Did you think about me?" she asked. "No. You couldn't have" she said answering for her. "There's no way that you spend an entire weekend in bed with someone and then call it a mistake. You wanted to be with him. You intentionally lied to me and ignored my phone calls to be with him. Why would you do that? Why not just tell me that you wanted to be with someone else? Why lie and sneak around? Why didn't you just break up with me….again?" she asked. Olivia just stood there silently, like she didn't hear anything Rae was saying. "Answer me!" she yelled.

"I don't know what to say…to make this right…"

"Olivia, there's nothing you can say to make it right" she said cutting her off. "Just…tell me why?"

"I don't know why" she said simply. "I was jealous of….your feelings for Amanda and then I met him and he was interested in me and I…I don't know….I just" she didn't know what else to say. She didn't really have a reason. She'd been stupid and selfish. "We hadn't been connecting. We've been different together ever since you met Amanda and…." Rae rolled her eyes. She'd had enough of her blaming their problems on Amanda.

"That's bullshit" she said interrupting. "What's going on between us has nothing to do with me meeting Amanda. We haven't been different since I met her. We've been different since Elliot left" she said finally saying what she'd known to be the problem all along. "He left and you act like he took your whole life with him. And I stood by you. I was always there for you and you….you were somewhere else. You checked out on me long before I met Amanda". Olivia couldn't argue with her. She tried to pull it together after Elliot left but the truth was, she still wasn't over him leaving. She thought she was doing a good job pretending to be present with Rae in their relationship but she should've known better. Rae could read her like a book and she wasn't a fool. "I should've listened to my mother" she whispered.

"Araeyah, please. Don't say that" she said taking a step towards her. To her surprise, she didn't move away. "I'll do whatever you want. I'll do anything to show you that I'm…I'm so sorry" she whispered blinking back her tears. "Please. Rae, please" she begged, "just tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it. I'll do anything".

"Get out" she said.

"Araeyah please don't…" she started to beg her to let her stay.

"You said to tell you what I want you to do" she said stopping her going any further. She left the bedroom then came back a minute later with Olivia's suitcase and dropped it on the floor. She turned to her and looked her in the eyes. "I want you to pack your shit and get the fuck out of my house". She stood there paralyzed for a moment, trying to process what was happening. She couldn't believe that this was actually happening. It felt so much like a dream, like she would wake up and everything would be ok. Then Rae yelled at her again. "Get the fuck out!" The dream was over and she snapped back to reality. This was really happening. Rae was kicking her out of their apartment. She took some of her things out of the closet and dresser and went to the bathroom for her toiletries. She took her gun and badge from the night stand and her phone from the bed, putting it in her pocket, then headed for the front door. It felt like everything was happening in slow motion. She took her coat down and put it on and grabbed her keys from the table. "Leave the key" Rae said from behind her. Olivia couldn't help the tears that fell from her eyes. She took the key off of her key ring and slowly set it down on the table. "Have Fin call me when you want to come get the rest of your stuff" she said. Olivia choked back her sobs at what Rae had just said. She didn't even want to talk to her. She didn't know how they would come back from this or if they could. She opened the door and stepped out of the apartment and cringed when she heard the door slam behind her. The sound of the lock turning seemed amplified in her head. She could swear she could hear sobbing from the other side of the door but that could've been in her head too. Nothing seemed real. She took a deep breath and started walking, making her way to her car. She sat behind the wheel and cried before finally starting her car and leaving, going to her apartment.