Many, Many Questions
Biology Class:
Bella's inner monologue: *Mr. Banner shuts off lights* Aggghh! Want to stroke him, touch him, my preeecciiiousss.
Edward: *sexy zoolander look*
Bella: *swoon*
Edward: *Mr. Banner turns on lights* Well, that was interesting… Wait, Stephenie, really? Was that supposed to be passionate or something? NOTHING HAPPENED! I mean, Jesus, if I have to put up with her being creepy, and now me being stalkerish, shouldn't we be getting it on… or at least getting to first base?
Stephenie: No. No touchy. Nuh uh. *speaking under her breath and very fast*Not until you're married so that you can impregnate her with your mutant sperm, thus breaking her back, splitting open her uterus as she vomits blood so you can then jab venom into her heart like they do to Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction. Yaaa, that's hot.
Edward & Bella: ?
Stephenie: Never you mind. *Grabs teen magazine featuring Cedric Diggory and runs out of room*
Edward: *raises hand and strokes Bella's cheek* God, this is so incredibly G rated.
Bella: *double swoon*
In Gym:
Mike: *to himself* You and me post-coital, huh?
Bella: ?
Mike: You and Cullen, huh?
Bella: *ignoring jealous stare* None of your business. Yes, yes, yes. He stroked my face. We're pretty much married with boat loads of demon babies.
Mike: He looks at you like you're something to eat. And that's no fair. I want to eat you, me!
Bella: *giggle* pffft. Sexual innuendo.
In the Hall:
Mike's inner monologue: …Well, now that I think about it, Cullen's not that bad. Actually, he's kinda hot. Wonder if he's ever snuck a peak in the locker room.
browniechadowes: *punches Mike in the face* Uh uh. I will give you guys free reign, but we are doing no freaky slash or lemony shit in this parody. Just keep drooling over Bella.
Mike's inner monologue: *sticks out tongue and absentmindedly plays with his loofa*
Edward: Newton's getting on my nerves. Really, Mike? You had to go there? God, Bella's ego is already dead. She needs someone to fawn over her.
At Bella's:
Edward: I'm going to ask you questions tomorrow for no explicable reason. Most likely to flesh out the story into a novel. Many, many questions.
Bella: Okay!
The Next Morning:
Edward: Question time! What's your favorite color?
Bella: Brown.
Edward: ?
Bella: It reminds me of smelling of shit flavored strawberries the first day I laid eyes on you, my love. Ya, because green squashy stuff covers up the brown.
Edward: Should I explain to her that green things usually grow out of the brown stuff? No, I won't chastise her too much. What music are you listening to?
Bella: *pulls out Spice Girls cd* Damn, I forgot that was in there. Haven't listened to them in ages. Feminist freaks.
Edward: *pulls out Spice Girls cd* Oh me too, me too! I am completely humoring her, for your information. Take notes, guys: check up on what she likes then pull it out at just the right moment. I am so debonair and classy.
Edward: Movies you like, movies you hate, places you go, books books books, gemstone?
Bella: Your eyes. So preeetttyyy.
Edward: That's not a gemstone.
Bella: Oh, well topaz then. Shit, wonder if I have slipped and revealed too clearly how obsessed I am.
Edward and Bella: Okay so here's where we pause interrogation for another awkwardly non-sexual anti-sexcapade through the dark room of the biology room. But don't worry, we won't kiss, or touch, or look at each other.
Edward: Explain things to me! Scent of creosote, cicadas… since you would know better than me, not that I've lived over 90 years longer than her or anything.
Bella: Finished?
Edward: Not even close.
Edward and Bella: *groan collectively*
Stephenie: It's cute! Shut up and bond already. Jeez.
In Bella's Driveway:
Orchestra & Choir: *strikes up tune to "Be Cool" from West Side Story* *Choir bends low, crouching and clicking fingers to the beat* "Sharks!" "Jets!" "Sharks!" "Jets!"
Edward: *crouches low clicking fingers* "Vampires!"
Billie: *crouching as much as he can in his wheelchair clicking fingers* "Werewolves!"
Edward: *drives away, singing "I Want to Be an American"*
Bella: ?