I really just wanted to write so here you go. My favorite kind of stories: dreams
Amnesiac
A Whisper
Silence doesn't exist. Not the kind one would think, because many imagine it as a replacement rather than the lack of anything. Like anti-matter, it's a concept, but not a thing, as dark is the lack of light. Unattainable. In spite of the turned off lights and the people no longer roaming the streets, Haise has yet to reach silence. Though not seeing the simple side table that should be beside his bed, he cannot reach for his shadow. It is impossible - impractical.
While he hoped for a peaceful night, that too is impractical, as the mind never stops, whether you want it to or not. In sleep, the mind is the most oddly active, as it hallucinates scenarios. Sometimes, they're about things he know, like the CCG faculty lounge, where he'd gag ever so slightly on thier cheap coffee while Akira went over the vocabulary for his upcoming exams he passed with flying colors years ago. Other things like Arima and him sparring, or cooking for the kids, things he found pleasant, would appear hear and there, especially on long nights. How odd that when we are the most exhausted do we remember our dreams best.
But there are nights where he assumed it to be still, quiet, pleasant. And they're not. Sometimes it's dark and silent, but as said, that doesn't exist. Something always creeps outside of the light, studying him, sizing him up. The hairs on the back of his neck will stand on end, and the things presence alone acted as a binding around his lungs that squeezed tighter the closer it came. Most nights, it doesn't approach. Sometimes it becomes curious. And others it even speaks.
Go away, he'd think, not realizing it wasn't real.
I can't, sometimes he imagine it said back. You need me. You'll see.
It'd remained so timid at first, never ever approaching, though Haise wouldn't say tamed. But now- now Haise knew it's intent. He knew after it attacked, screaming inhumanly for him to give it his body. He'd wake to Akira pointing a rifle at him and a faint tingling sensation in his abdomen. She herself stared too widely compared to himself, even though the gun was pointed at him, not her.
After that, Haise never let his guard down around it again.
But now it's found new tactics, like slipping into the pleasant dreams. Cooking. Haise'd turn to reply to Tooru who'd be sitting in his usual seat, smiling timidly and ask about his day and then turn back to his food. The nightmare would start. The pot he stirred no longer held a tomato base, and the threatening aroma of blood would fill his nose. Turning around, there was Mutsuki, but unmoving in its hands, in the one that wants his body.
Haise never saw it's face, as its covered by a smiling mask, staring intently with its one eye. Scolding his weakness, its hair falls softly over the leather mask.
You can't be weak anymore. You have to be stronger. It'd reach for him, dropping Mutsuki. Give it to me.
He'd awaken then at dawn. It cannot have me. Allowing that to happen, especially in the house . . . the Quinx would have no chance. Haise couldn't stop it if it took hold again. Akira can't always save him, he known that. And that is why, in spite of his predicament as a half-ghoul living with the ones that hunt people just like him and even participating in killing those that he may have once known, the thing will not be a concern for peers or overseers. As their greatest weapon to ensuring the public's safety, as the supposed revolutionary experiment, Haise's existence represents hope. He stood as a chance for the humans to find the courage to fight back on the same terms as ghouls.
The anonymity, or at least for his allies, will talk and talk and bite here and there, but it will remain as it has: just a voice.
He's fine. He can handle this and keep them safe.
This chapter was originally going to be an intro to a multi-chapter story called "Apropos of Nothing" (or "White Silence") that I scrapped. I wrote this chapter before I started "Amnesiac" and was in first-person. Sorry if I forgot to fix any pronouns. This also means this was written before the latest chapters of Re:TG came out (like chapter 31.5), so the audience' understanding of "the voice in haise's head" was very limited.
Continuing on, i imagined the voice in Haise's head was always kaneki in spite of some saying "it's only the bad part of kaneki." At the end of TG, there wasn't much left of the "good kaneki." I don't remember where I read this sadly, but someone pointed out that TG is really about a story of a boy who simply keeps losing. He lost physically and emotionally and continued to lose until he became the monster. (After all, during the scene where Eto/Takasuki Sen signs Kaneki's book, she relates his surname as a reference to the writer Osamu Dazai, who's novel "No Longer Human" greatly parallels to Kaneki's destruction from start to finish. I really suggest you guys check out the novel. I'll be reading it over the summer.) So in this chapter, the inner voice is that monster.
Anyway! School is officially over, and I'm planning a "special chapter" (which means basically it's out of my comfort zone, is a bit "out there" like "Copycat" was, and will hopefully be longer than the usual.) Again, forgive me for my absence.
Please leave a review/question/comment! They're like a drug and make me work faster!