Chapter Twelve: Not ready to be a crown princess

Sofia tossed and turned in her sleep, finding herself back to the day where her life had changed for the worse.

Except there wasn't the usual screams she would hear. Instead her family eerily surrounded her.

"Why did you hide?" Miranda asked, getting to Sofia. "I raised a strong daughter, not a coward."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to," Sofia frowned.

"Your mother is right. I know I'd do anything for you and your siblings but you think you could've done something to help us?" Roland asked, crossing his arms.

"I would've Dad! I—"

"You want to know something Sofia? It's a secret just for you!" Amber squealed, taking her hand.

Sofia shook her head, knowing what it was. It was creeping her out how cheerful her siblings were, the exact opposite of their parents.

"I'm going to die soon! We're all going to die!" James giggled cheerfully, unmoved by her uneasiness.

Sofia shivered, trying to block out his words. How could Amber and James be cheerful about their horrific death like that?

How could Miranda and Roland be furious with her for hiding? She didn't know any of them would die.

Sofia shot up awake as tears went down her cheeks., feeling Elena gently embrace her.

"You had a nightmare didn't you?" Elena asked softly, stroking her hair.

"Amber told me there was a secret just for me," Sofia sniffed. "James said that they were all going to die soon and Mom and Dad were angry with me like it it was my fault."

"But was it your fault?"

"No."

Even with the reassurance from Elena, Sofia couldn't help but cry.

If she hadn't been so cowardly... If she had just gotten herself together and had sacrificed herself for her family...

But there was nothing she could do as Elena cradled her in her arms.

"Mom called me a coward. Am I a coward?" Sofia sniffed.

"No. Of course not," Elena shushed, stroking her hair. "You were scared. You reacted by how you felt at the time."

"I know. I should be asleep by now but I need to visit a friend for a moment."

Elena knew who she was talking about. She didn't know him personally but cursing him left and right when she was still in the amulet had been the most thrilling day she had since before being pulled inside the amulet.

She was thankful for the candles that flowed through the castle halls. Sofia was emotionally terrified to be in the castle hallway without light in the middle of the night so Tilly had bended a few rules on the usage of candle lights.

Even Baileywick had surprisingly accepted the new rule of the candle lights despite it being a few days since the funerals.

But Sofia's illness had prevented either crown princess to go home so it would be their last day in the castle as Elena knocked on the door to Cedric's workshop.

"Sofia? Do you know what time it is young lady—" the sorcerer paused, seeing Sofia in Elena's arms. "Oh. You're the princess from the amulet."

"And you're the 'Mr. Ceedric' I cursed a year ago?" Elena grinned.

"It's Cedric. And that was you?! Wish we could've meet in better circumstances, not with what happened."

"Agreed. Sofia's terrified. And I thought my nightmares with Shuriki were worse."

"Right. Sofia told me about that," Cedric sighed, shaking his head.

"Mr. Cedric?" Sofia spoke, reaching out for him. "I know Mom and Dad and Amber and James would forgive you for the Order of the Wand incident. I did. But I don't know what to do without them."

"I know dear princess."

"Is it normal to hurt this much? I just want them back."

"It can be to an extend," Cedric muttered. "Sofia, you're not the only one dealing with this. How do you think Tilly's feeling? Or me? Or Baileywick? We're supposed to protect you, not let you down."

Sofia never thought of that.

Granted she was the one that had to witness the screams of her family and the blood on their clothes.

But she never thought adults, especially her mentor, could be affected by her loss too.

"I'm sorry Mr. Cedric," Sofia sniffed. "I thought I was the only one. I didn't realize that..."

The sorcerer shushed her, stroking her hair as Elena stood and watched.

The man who tried to swipe the amulet under Sofia's nose multiple times cared for the little girl, consoling her until her sniffles were hiccups.

That wasn't something she was used to when it came to what she knew when Sofia was younger and still native enough to trust everyone.

But in a way, she was thankful for the reforming Sofia had placed on Cedric as he gave her to her.

"I've been trying to make a memory wiping potion so she doesn't remember what happened," Cedric muttered before Elena shook her head.

"It takes time to get over a loss. Sofia's only been without her family for about a week. Even I have times of grief," Elena smiled softly, turning away from the workshop. "Buenas noches Cedric. Sleep well."

"You too. Princess Elena is it?"

"Yes it is. Sofia's told you about me?"

"During our experience in Hexley Hall," Cedric smiled a little.

"She told me about that. Why everyone wants to steal a necklace from a niña is just loco," Elena said, shaking her head playfully.

"You better get her back to bed. Baileywick usually worries about the children if they're not in their rooms by now. Or he used to. I don't think even he's right in the head."

Elena nodded softly, walking down the steps with a sleeping Sofia who barely made a sound.

She seemed comfortable enough not to get another nightmare as the crown princess of Avalor sighed to herself.

What was going on wasn't what she expected when she had been freed a year ago.

As they made it back to Sofia's bedroom, Elena spotted Amber's stuffed unicorn on the floor. Her savior rarely slept without it because it brought her comfort and security.

So did James' knight but being in a rush to leave for the funerals, Sofia had left it in Avalor.

The unicorn had been recently cleaned from the germs it had received during Sofia's illness but Elena guessed with a grin that one of the maids had dropped it accidentally.

The toy wasn't presenting Sofia with immaturity as Elena tucked her in and went back for it. Rather it made her grief much easier to handle.

"Sweet dreams Sofia," Elena whispered, tucking the unicorn in between her savior before leaving the room.

…

"Good morning my lady."

Sofia yawned, covering her eyes from the glaring sunshine before Violet closed the curtain.

"Is something wrong Violet?" Sofia asked, rubbing her eyes.

"It's nothing miss. The castle seems so empty since what happened," Violet admitted, helping her out of bed.

"I know what you mean. Amber or James would have woken me up by now."

"They were notorious for that. Especially when they were little. You should've seen Mr. Baileywick. They particularly had him ragged!"

Sofia smiled at the maid's laugh as Violet had her lift up her arms. She would normally do it herself but hadn't seem any of her animal friends since what happened aside from Clover.

"Violet do the servants who took care of Amber and James miss them?" Sofia asked as she was stripped out of her nightgown.

"They do," Violet smiled sadly, gathering up the dropped nightgown. "Some of them had been with the princess and prince since their birth."

"What was their birth like?"

"T'was the happiness day in the castle. All of the servants, including myself, weren't sure who was more excited: the doctor or his majesty. Your sister was a screamer as soon as she was out. Your brother only needed a smack on the bottom before he screamed. But we were shooed away soon after."

"Was it for privacy?" Sofia hoped.

"No. Queen Lorelei, the queen long before your mother, wasn't well. We thought she would flourish but alas Queen Lorelei died giving birth to your sister and brother," Violet sighed. She noticed Sofia's frown and smiled softly. "But now they get to meet her. Earlier than expected but they'll be together."

"Yeah."

"Is something the matter my lady?"

Sofia shook her head softly, not wanting to get into a unbearable conversation. It wasn't that she didn't like the maid it was more the lines of speaking about her family.

Especially since her nightmare from the night before had creeped her out to an extant.

Dressed in a dress from her closet that she never thought she would wear, and a dress Amber would be proud of so to speak, Sofia bid Violet farewell with a smile.

She shivered as she saw the strain glass window that lead close to the throne room.

It only brought her memories of before. Though she wondered if it was going to be kept?

The staff were storing away whatever Tilly and Grand Mum had beckoned for the trinkets and other objects of her family were hurting them.

Sofia wouldn't blame them in the slightest, touching her part of the strain glass window.

The smiling, confident child she no longer was next to her would've been queen sister and would've been knight brother while their parents embraced warmly at the other.

The forced to be crown princess wondered if that was what Miranda and Roland were doing in the skies above her while Amber and James were two by two.

"Princess Sofia?"

Baileywick's voice got to her as Sofia curtsied in embarrassment.

"I'm sorry if I lost track of time. I'll try not to do it again," Sofia smiled uneasily. "As crown princess, it's my sworn duty to be as proper as I can."

"You're still mourning the loss of the family as are Duchess Matilda and Grand Mum. Princess Sofia, you don't have to rush," Baileywick assured her with a gentle hand on the shoulder.

"But I need to honor Amber! To bring vengeance for her, James, Mom and Dad!"

"What do you mean?"

"Don't tell Elena please Baileywick. I don't know how but I sensed that somehow Paulownia is somewhere. Alive. I'm traumatized and hurting by what he did. I could still have a family if it wasn't for him!" Sofia blurted out, nearly in tears. "I don't know why! I was only dreaming last night after visiting Mr. Cedric with Elena and he just shows up!"

"And who is this Paulownia?" Baileywick wondered.

"I don't know him very well but I hate him! I only know his name because that's what he told Dad before..."

Baileywick rubbed her back as Sofia startled crying. The hapless child had to witness her family's murders right in front of her eyes.

At least it explained why he found her near the strain glass window glancing at it silently.

And she stared again, mostly at her breakfast and trying to sink further and further under the table without much success.

The room felt incomplete without her family. Tilly sitting where Miranda used to with Grand Mum at her side didn't help.

At least Elena sitting towards her right filled the empty space where Amber once sat a little bit.

"My cousin Estéban and I have already decided to have her accompany us to meetings of our Grand Council on weekends so it won't interfere with Sofia's schooling," Elena spoke professionally before glancing at Sofia. "That is if she's willing to go back to RPA."

"About that Princess Elena, they've pardoned her for a month from her studies. We just learned about it this morning," Grand Mum shook her head.

"I for one understand why Flora, Fana, and Merryweather did so. Amber and James attended the school before their deaths. Sofia wouldn't be comfortable attending without the unbearable memories of her siblings," Tilly retorted with a sigh. She glanced at Sofia with a smile. "Isn't that right dear?"

"Yes," Sofia muttered softly. "Do I get a say in how my studies will go when I go back?"

"I'm sure you will," Elena hoped with a smile. "You got a few months until you graduate."

"Then I have this responsibility that I never wanted forced upon me to begin? To learn how to rule?"

"You got a decade to learn how to rule. You're be alright pequeña."

Sofia bit her lip to keep the flowing tears in her eyes from being noticed.

She remembered her and Amber and James studying royal siblings before everything that happened.

She recalled the sisters of Arendelle and how Queen Elsa had to be learn to be queen at eighteen after her and Princess Anna's parents died in a storm.

Having uncontrollable ice powers hadn't helped Elsa in slightest.

But Sofia couldn't imagine what people would saying in the many kingdoms about her, a lone survivor in a family slaying turned runaway because she couldn't handle the pressure of staying in the same place as her family were killed.

She only hoped that they would understand that she was a child.

A child that was traumatized and with innocence lost, didn't know what to do.

And still didn't.

"Come algo niña ¿Por favor?" Elena asked softly, pointing Sofia towards her breakfast.

"I'm not hungry," Sofia muttered, pushing her plate back. "May I be excused?"

Grand Mum nodded before glancing at Tilly and Elena in worry.

Her step granddaughter was distraught with what happened and in a way, she didn't blame her.

She had been the same when it came to Roland the first'a death long ago.

Unlike her though it seemed that it would be awhile, months and possibly years, before Sofia would be herself again.

"I know what it's like to lose family to unfortunate circumstances. I've grieved for forty one years while in the amulet. I thought all my biological family was dead just like my parents. Until I got out. But Sofia, the pobre chica, has no biological family at all. Her first night with me? She was upset, wanting her mom because she had just wet the bed and was shameful to tell me at first. The first four nights with me and my family Sofia cried herself to sleep. And we heard them. My cousin Estéban even stayed up late until she was finally asleep and he normally wouldn't do that unless it was with my sister. Florence, Tilly you two will be fine within a matter of days and even have moments of grief. Sofia witnessed everything. She's only eleven. You don't get over seeing familia die in front of your eyes easily because I know what she's feeling too well," Elena sighed. "Let her be. Maybe she'll get hungry. Who knows? Just let her get out whatever she might be feeling right now out of her system."

…

Being crown princess wasn't supposed to be her responsibility as Sofia flopped on her bed in tears.

She thought learning being to be a princess was difficult. Now it was a thing of the past.

She didn't ask to be the surviving heir of the fallen Roland the second and his family. She didn't ask to be orphaned.

But it happened and there wasn't much she could do about it.

Sofia sniffed, wiping her eyes as she sat up and curled herself in a ball.

"I wasn't supposed to be the heir to the throne. That was Amber's job except I can't ask her to take it back. I wonder if I'll be a good queen," Sofia wondered softly, closing her eyes. "I wonder if I'll attain the legacy that Mom and Dad left behind. I wonder why I got spared that day. Why didn't I die too?"

She smiled a little, hearing a pecking sound on the window. Maybe Mia or Robin came back!

Sofia ran to the window seat, opening it excitedly before frowning.

It was only Wormwood.

"See you're still in your mope fest," Wormwood squawked.

"It's called grieving," Sofia muttered, rolling her eyes.

"Believe me I heard. It's a shame really."

"Heard? From who?"

"The four legged fur ball. Prince James' dog," Wormwood muttered.

"Rex? Is he alright?" Sofia asked with a smile.

"Living in your aunt's manor. Gotten a lot smarter since what happened. Misses his master and can't say I blame him."

"Actually Aunt Tilly is living here now."

"Shouldn't you be the one ruling?" Wormwood wondered.

"I'm not old enough," Sofia scowled. "I've just recently lost MY family in case you forgotten! Besides I'm just not ready to be crown princess yet. Amber could handle it better than I would."

"Except you have the traits to make a great queen. With your goody-goody nature and all."

"This is surprising coming from you of all animals."

"You helped Cedric which was pretty damn surprising itself at first but what the hell. You're a decent kid," Wormwood scoffed. "But don't expect me to be mushy with you all the time Princess Sofia."

"I won't," Sofia muttered, feeling her stomach growl.

Maybe she should've had eaten something before starting her personal grieving process.

Excusing herself to the raven, Sofia had left her room and took a deep breath as she passed the throne room.

Was that going to happen when she was going to be queen every time she was expected to be in the throne room? Taking a deep breath so she wouldn't break down?

She couldn't resort to fear by then. Now? She was excused for being a child.

But an adult acquiring her mother's throne? It wouldn't be likely.

Sofia felt her hands shake, holding back tears.

Though she managed to get some leftover breakfast in her stomach, the crown princess wanted to throw it back up.

Her and her family's thrones sat eerily as if they were haunting her, reminding her that she was alone and would forever be that way.

"What did I do to deserve this?" Sofia wondered, kneeling down towards the thrones. Tears flowed into her eyes as she tried to hold them back. "Is my past to blame? Am I to blame? Please show me a sign. Anything. Please. I didn't ask to be crown princess! I didn't ask for any of this!"

Tears blurred her vision as Sofia glanced at her throne.

She recalled the times she helped Miranda or Roland while Amber and James were busy. Usually it had been fun and even mind provoking but was now just a memory.

She dug her fingernails into the same carpet that once laid her family's blood as tears of grief ran down her cheeks.

She wasn't ready to be crown princess. Even with Elena's reassurance.

Sofia wasn't like her.

In her grief, she didn't notice Elena's arms around her waist while one of her hands stroked her hair.

"You're going to be just fine."

The whisper was soft enough for Sofia to hear as Elena didn't make another sound, letting her have her moment.