Secrets
Siesie137, once again, made an amazing suggestion (although I don't
think this turned out quite like she would have wanted it to).
Thank you.This chapter would not be here without you.
"Tell me something you've never told anyone else," Kagome commented, lying on her stomach on the floor of his office, munching on a piece of pocky. Sesshoumaru snorted. He was leaning against the wall, one leg bent, the corresponding arm resting lazily on it. His tie had been loosened and his jacket was draped across his office chair. Splayed out on the floor were various plastic containers, food filled to the brim. She had burst into his office earlier in the day, picnic basket in hand, and dragged him out of a very important meeting to "eat a proper lunch" with her. It didn't seem to matter to her that many of his investors happened to be in that meeting. He supposed that he was lucky that most of them found it to be amusing that this pint sized girl was able to command him to do whatever she liked.
"Ah young love," one had even remarked, earning him a trademark glare from Sesshoumaru, who was less than pleased with the whole situation. And yet, he went along with it. He knew if he didn't he would regret not spending time with Kagome. There was just something about her that caused his resolve to falter. He could never say no to her.
"No," he was his firm answer, and Sesshoumaru knew that it wouldn't last long. But he had to maintain some shred of dignity. Kagome rolled her eyes.
"Don't go all Snooty-Pants on me now. And here I thought we had made progress!" She exclaimed. "I'll go first." She didn't speak at first and Sesshoumaru, now rather intrigued prompted her to continue. "Hold your horses. I'm sorting my words.
"Well, you know how the shrine used to belong to my grandfather, right?" She asked him.
"I seem to recall that bit of information."
"Well, when he got on in years, we wound up moving in with him. I was still young, oh six or seven at the time. Things were rough on my parents. My dad had lost his job and my mom was barely able to make rent with her part time wage. So we moved to the shrine, because it made sense. My mother could work more hours and some sort of adult supervision would always be present and my dad eventually found a new job and all was well for a long time.
"Well, my grandfather wasn't exactly in his right mind most of the time. Both my parent's realized this but turned a blind eye to it many times. We needed the money, so we would have to make due. Even so, my grandfather had no experience entertaining a seven year old. Souta was still very young at that point so we didn't have to worry too much about him. He would go off and play by himself with his toys most of the time. He didn't understand most of what my grandfather was on about anyway. Hell, most of the time I didn't understand what my grandfather was on about. But anyway, he would tell me all these stories about the Feudal Era of Japan, particularly the story of the Shikon no Tama. I could sit for hours and listen to him, fascinated at the tales he wove. I don't think he ever expected me to like them so much, but I did. As I grew older, he would still tell me the tales all the time. When he died, that part of me, that willingness to believe in everything he ever told me faded a bit. I miss him a lot.
"But when he wasn't around to distract me, when he was busy beautifying the shrine or attending to those who came to send a prayer, I would go to the well-house. The story said that a girl from the future dropped through a well to have all the adventures. I used to pretend I was that girl and I would jump off from the mouth of the well and drop to the bottom, reveling in the feeling of falling and imagine that I was off to have adventures, just like the miko in the stories. I'm sure my grandfather knew what I was up to, and while senile, he knew how dangerous it could be. But he never stopped me. Deep down, he understood that I was experiencing the magic of his tales. He respected that. That well-house will always be special to me.
"It's because of those stories that my grandfather left the shrine to me in his will. He wrote that the magic was in my veins and that the shrine could belong to no one else but me. I wasn't even an adult at the time. After college, my mom told me that it was time that I took care of the place. She took the money from my dad's life insurance and moved out to a small apartment in the suburbs. After all my things had been unpacked, I went out to the well-house and jumped down to the bottom, just like always. I sat at the bottom for a while, staring at the ceiling and that's when I decided to set up my darkroom in there. The well is boarded up pretty well now; I don't want to fall in there when I can't see where I'm going, but just being in there every time I develop photographs gives me a sense of calm. It's the one place in the world that I feel completely like myself." Kagome sat up, telling the end of the tale. "I've never told anyone that before, not even Sango or Miroku. Not even my mother. If she knew, she would have tried to stop me, no doubt."
"Then why did you tell me?" Sesshoumaru asked, his head cocked to the side, curious. Kagome shrugged.
"I trust you. I'm comfortable around you. You don't judge me when I tell you stupid things like this. You don't judge people or perhaps it's the opposite. You judge so completely that nothing can change the image you have of a person in your mind. I will always be that crazy pocky girl who sat on a bench with you way back in October. This story isn't going to make me seem any more ridiculous than that." Silence overtook them for a moment and Sesshoumaru frowned.
"That's not true," he responded.
"What's not true?"
"That the first impression someone makes is the final in my mind."
"Oh," was all that Kagome could really think to say.
"Is that what you really think of me?" he asked, his voice flat, emotionless, but Kagome knew he was hurt.
"You know it's not," she replied firmly. "I was just babbling." Suddenly, she leaned forward, presenting her pinky to him. "Pinky promise you won't tell anyone my story?" Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow.
"Who would I tell?" he questioned. Kagome shrugged.
"The tabloids. Random people on the street. Inuyasha." Sesshoumaru rolled his eyes but reluctantly linked his pinky with hers.
"I…pinky promise I won't tell anyone." Kagome smiled brightly up at him.
"Okay, your turn now!"
"My turn?" Kagome nodded.
"Mmmhmm. I told you something, now you tell me something."
"No." Kagome sighed.
"We've been over this already. Now, seriously, just tell me something. It doesn't have to be an epic tale, such as mine. Could be a bad habit, a fear, a desire, anything. Just as long as you've never told anyone before. I told you a secret, it's only fair that you tell me one."
"And if I tell you something, will you stop going on about it?" Kagome laughed.
"You know me too well, my friend."
"Fine," he paused for a moment, contemplative before starting in on his secret. "I have always been jealous of Inuyasha." Kagome's eyes widened.
"What?" She questioned. Sesshoumaru didn't comment. "Well, go on!" she urged. Sesshoumaru shook his head.
"You said that I had to tell you a secret. You never said I had to explain." Kagome rolled her eyes.
"I explained. I mean, if I just told you I used to jump down the old well at the shrine without all that extra meaning attached, you would have every right to think that I was some suicidal crazy! But I explained! Now it's your turn." Sesshoumaru turned away from her. He did not want to explain. This was something that he had harbored for years now. He had never told anyone and the careful, hateful facade he had developed prevented anyone from finding out.
For a long time he did hate Inuyasha. He didn't any more, but that didn't stop him from wishing that for once in his life he'd done something impulsive and reckless. Inuyasha did what he wanted, when he wanted. Those years where he had left to live on his own were something that Sesshoumaru was always envious of. Growing up, Inuyasha had always lived without the pressure of being the first son. On the days when Inuyasha was playing outside with their mother, Sesshoumaru would be stuck inside with a tutor, making sure he was groomed to take over the company next. He needed to be smart, quick, ruthless, and emotionless about all endeavors he made. Emotions made people and decisions weak. He could never be weak.
"You said you would drop it if I told you. Now would be the time to do that." Kagome was startled at the edge in his voice.
"Okay, I'll drop it." Kagome said and turned away as well. She quickly ate her last piece of pocky, somewhat angry before she stood up and threw the box away. "I should go," she continued, barely above a whisper. Sesshoumaru didn't respond. Kagome sighed and cleaned up the food, placed it in the basket and left the office. Sesshoumaru didn't stop her.