CHAPTER 12 : THROUGH TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS (Part 3 of 5)
He might as well have been handcuffed in a cell, he had that little dexterity of movement. At least he would have had company, he'd have known that the guards were nearby! Merlin empathised with all men manacled, lying in dungeons in Camelot and Sertium.
'Camelot! Why had he reminded himself of Camelot? What was he going to do if he ever returned there, work for Gaius as had been his original plan? Arthur wouldn't need him, he'd already proven that in innumerable ways on this trip.'
He shifted to relieve the pressure on his knees. The pain had intensified. He was really feeling sorry for himself; his thoughts became a litany of negativity. He wasn't normally conscious of his feelings as life was usually great. He was generally an up-beat, happy person but he had never been beaten-up before. Put in stocks, thrown into the dungeons, yes, but never physically immobilized and beaten.
He had a good job, there was a flash of The Prat. He had made friends. The word stuck in his throat, 'He'd made a friend, hadn't he?' Well, he had thought so but this experience had taught him one thing, he'd better examine whatever he thought of as friendship – as obviously the other person hadn't felt the same.
He pain intensified as he tried to move, his throat contracted and he groaned, "Arthur, I'm here!" He tried sending mental images of himself to Arthur and Gawaine.
Merlin tried to raise his hip allowing him to bend his knee, his groin screamed at the extension of the muscles. He returned it to the floor.
His thoughts were spiraling down. 'Why do I feel so upset?' His self-esteem was being challenged. He tried to convince himself he would survive this. 'Get a hold of yourself, you were beaten but you are alive; you are on your knees; next step will be to stand up. You will get out of here!' But heavier thoughts prevailed, 'How seriously damaged am I? Will I ever be of use to anyone?' Merlin cringed, 'Will Stanley return to finish me off?'
Slowly, Merlin's mind digressed. It had assumed an active role in the situation in which he had found himself but now he lost sight of the future. He gave up, slumping as an indistinguishable pile of rubbish at the bottom of a wall, with only a glimmer of hope in his mind.
He visualized it, a golden haired figure with hands outstretched reaching for him, offering friendship, maybe more... It shocked him out of his stupour, "Arthur, I'm here", he whispered. "Don't forget me...!"
He pulled himself away from the wall and again tried raising his knee and putting weight on his foot. The pain returned but he worked through it.
Merlin knew he was scared, he'd experienced that before, a burst of fear followed within a short time by relief but this scared was different. It was mind encompassing. He wanted to close his mind to all the pain and the thoughts. He needed to regroup so that as time passed, he would be able to save himself – no one else would. He pushed down on the raised knee and searching for crevasses in the stone wall managed to get his other knee upright. He'd done it!
Merlin was on his feet. He was still unsure of his ability to walk or even find his way out of the corridor. If necessary, he would crawl, he had to get back; he didn't know what Stanley might do to Arthur. Maybe Gawaine knew he was missing. "Please find me..." he whispered.
Concentrating on his feet, he took a step using the wall as a brace. Each step was excruciating. He felt so sore that he was scared; he knew he needed to see Gaius.
The alarm had been raised in the castle that Merlin, the manservant of Prince Arthur of Camelot, had gone missing and foul play was suspected.
Lancelot was scouring chambers and antechambers; Prince Borsund accompanied by Arthur, was questioning household servants and inside staff. Sir Rupert was in charge of the guest wings and kitchens; Tom had the stables and barns. Gawaine in disgrace, was relegated to outside staff quarters and their general areas.
The castle staff was also looking for him.
Gawaine wandered the East wing near the outside staff quarters.
He turned the corner of a dark dingy corridor and heard more than saw someone. There was a dragging sound and scrabbling on the stone walls. He squinted and saw an old man wobbling along.
He was staring reality in the face and it wasn't registering...
'Merlin?' he thought...
"Oh! Please God, no ... Merlin!"
He raced at him and as Merlin's head came up; he lost his balance and would have crashed to the floor, if Gawaine hadn't reached him in time to catch him in his arms.
Merlin screamed as he was caught. Remembering, he tried to fight the constraining arms. He couldn't face the possibility of more pain. He tried to call out, which in his present condition was only a whisper, "No..." The pain on being held, took away his breath and he stopped struggling.
"Merlin, it's me, Gawaine! You're safe, I won't let anyone hurt you. Honest, you're safe."
Merlin made no sign that he knew who he was. "You're safe," he repeated. "Arthur is looking for you. He's been worried." He felt Merlin relax at the familiar name. "I'll get you to Arthur as soon as I can."
Gawaine was shocked, pulling off his cloak, he knelt down, lowering him onto it, holding Merlin in his arms until he quietened and the moaning stopped.
Merlin was whispering. Gawaine could pick out Arthur's name, over and over again, Merlin asking him to come as he was scared. Gawaine felt as if he was eavesdropping on a private conversation. Then there was only silence, Gawaine's heart fell but then he realised that the reason for the silence was that Merlin had passed out.
Gawaine had been in enough pub brawls to recognize an assault and not just an accidental fall.
He whispered to the young man who was slowly regaining consciousness. "I'll kill who ever did this to you, Merlin." Gawaine now felt certain that Stanley had retaliated to Merlin's threat from the two nights ago.
Merlin made eye contact, realising he was being held by someone he knew and trusted; he turned his head into Gawaine's chest and relaxed. He was exhausted, very sore but with Gawaine, he knew he was safe.
Gawaine waited until he heard noise from the adjacent corridor and called for help. The castle's Head Groundskeeper turned at the sound and came to his aid.
Merlin was carefully transferred to a litter and carried back to Arthur's chambers. Arthur insisted that he be put on his bed. The court physician, Benedictus, had been called and was awaiting their arrival.
Arthur was beside himself. He felt responsible as he had not kept Merlin with him in Sertium. No one could explain what had happened, or more importantly why Merlin had been assaulted. He was no threat, he'd never cause a fight. Hunting rabbits flashed through his mind and he knew that if he had to say anything; he'd have classified Merlin as a lover not a fighter.
Arthur's stomach turned when he saw the condition of Merlin's body as he helped the physician undress him. He was bruised from mid-thigh to mid-chest, his scalp was split and congealed blood was in his hair, down his neck and on his clothes. His nose was swollen and bruises were beginning to form as black eyes. Carefully turned on his side, his back was patterned by huge bruises from his buttocks to his waist. It was not hard to recognise kick marks.
He glanced at the others and saw their expressions reflecting his horror at Merlin's condition.
Benedictus who knew Gaius, tutted and sighed as he saw what damage had been done. Arthur made sure that he knew that this was Gaius's ward; care beyond the call of duty would be well rewarded.
Arthur went to Merlin's head and talked quietly to him reminding him of Gaius and Camelot. He needed to apologise for not searching the previous night; the thought of Merlin lying, hurting in a deserted corridor did nothing to assuage his guilt. He didn't want to question him about his assailants until he was more stable.
There was a knock on the door and Stanley came in, "Sire, I haven't been..." His face blanched, they'd found him. Hopefully, he was dead but the court physician working on him, suggested otherwise.
This situation might still work out as Arthur would need a manservant until Merlin was well enough to work. He'd wait until they were alone to broach the subject of his returning to Camelot with Arthur.
Arthur turned and saw Stanley, and said to him, "You may leave, your services are not required until further notice."
Arthur looked down at Merlin. Gawaine had washed his face and had cut out the hair matted with congealed blood. Sir Rupert was helping the physician with his potions and salves. Merlin flinched each time he was touched. He was alert but refused to open his eyes feeling safer, in the darkness, just listening to the voices of his Camelot friends.
Benedictus reported that most of the pain was caused by soft tissue trauma but that the kicks could have damaged his kidneys and he would write a note to Gaius, explaining his concerns.
Arthur refused to allow Merlin to be moved to the Castle Infirmary. He trusted only his Camelot knights. So Benedictus gave Arthur the ointments and salves for Merlin and left, telling Arthur to notify him immediately if he noticed any changes; promising that he would be back later as he intended to check on Merlin again.
Merlin had fallen asleep after receiving a draught from Benedictus. He had not been questioned about what had happened as the physician wanted him to rest for a couple of days.
Arthur was glad that Merlin was sedated as he would have fought them for carrying out Benedictus's orders. Rupert helped with him the most, as Arthur felt that the elder knight was better able to help him. He knew Rupert could be trusted and he didn't want Merlin embarrassed when he knew of the personal care he had needed.
On his fourth visit, Benedictus took the prince aside and explained that Merlin's bladder might be bruised as is often the case in groin and lower gut injuries. Although the relief of finding him, was only recent, Arthur felt a deep down chuckle. Merlin was so private about himself that if he knew someone other than Gaius was discussing his water-works especially with the prince. He would have been mortified.
Benedictus told him to think positively, "Merlin is obviously a survivor and determined to find something positive even in critical moments such as these." He continued his visits now reduced to twice daily.
Arthur felt a little assured but not any less guilty.
Prince Borsund dropped by, apologising profusely to Arthur that one of his party had been hurt at Sertium; promising to find the culprits and punish them.
'Not if I get to Stanley first,' thought Gawaine. He had noticed the lack of surprise on Stanley's face at Merlin's condition. 'I'm going to draw that to Arthur's attention,' he decided.
The prince invited them to extend their visit as they saw fit and to retain any staff allocated to them.
Sir Rupert offered to sit by the sleeping Merlin so the others could take a break and get some food. He knew that until Merlin, gave them the whole story, they only had a rough idea of what had probably happened.
Gawaine was again questioned by Arthur on Merlin's conversation with him. Again, he did not repeat word for word Stanley's accusations but did repeat Merlin's response. If one day, Merlin decided to tell Arthur the rest, that would be his prerogative.
He also mentioned Merlin telling him of Stanley's smirking at him as he dressed Arthur and jostling him as he left the chamber, non-verbally, taunting him. Merlin had mentioned that he had picked up negative vibes from the very beginning but that Arthur had told him not to be silly.
Arthur was shocked, he remembered that Merlin had questioned him about Stanley's behaviour and he had brushed him off. He now was living to regret not listening fully to Merlin's suspicions. He felt so stupid, especially as Merlin was always sensitive to other people's thoughts and actions, he'd obviously noticed something, not quite right.
Lancelot and Arthur cautioned Gawaine against taking on Stanley before they had a chat with Merlin. It might result in more harm to him. Gawaine decided to bide his time but he'd promised Merlin and he intended to get Stanley!
Arthur made the decision that they would postpone their return for at least five days to give Merlin a chance to recuperate.