White Collar: Knock on Wood

Chapter Twelve: Daymare

Gripping the cold metal edge of the large medical sink Neal doubled over and retched violently. There was nothing left in his stomach, but now that he had started he couldn't stop gagging. He coughed and sputtered against the bile that was burning the back of his throat. Someone was rubbing between his shoulder blades and trying to tell him something in a soothing voice, but he couldn't understand what they were saying.

"This is more than just psychosis," a deep voice said "this is starting to look like a reaction to a toxin."

"What should we do next?" The nurse asked.

"Get some more blood, rerun liver enzymes and tox-screen. I can't treat this if I don't know what it is. I'm going to get Dr. Anders over here, she might have a better idea. Keep him comfortable, no more sedation he clearly isn't reacting well to it."

Neal agreed fully with the doctor's last statement as he leaned into the sink and went into another fit of dry heaving. When his stomach settled again the nurse offered him a small plastic cup with water in it. Finding it difficult to speak Neal just gratefully took the offering. Bringing the cup towards his lips Neal jerked back as the water suddenly turned to blood.

"It's not real." Neal growled to himself as he tried to gather the courage to drink the blood. "I...I can't drink this."

"It's just water, Neal." Sandeen said softly.

"It looks and smells like blood." Neal said as he tried to quell his revolting stomach.

"Can you understand me?"

"Yes. The other voices come and go, they are quieter right now...but it won't last."

"Neal, this is very important: did you take any drugs recently or were you in a situation where someone might have drugged something you ate or drank?"

"I don't remember..."

Desperately thirsty Neal weld his eyes shut and tried to knock back the water. It was cold, but it tasted metallic. The instant it hit his stomach it came right back up. Leaning his full weight on the large metal sink Neal bowed his head in exhaustion. He peacefully allowed the medical team to lead him across the room to an exam table where he laid down. The nurse skillfully drew a vial of blood for more testing. Doctor Sandeen came up and looked down on Neal with sympathy.

"I'm sorry for all the trouble." Neal said seriously.

"You've been doing very well considering all you're going through, Mr. Caffrey." Sandeen smiled. "We are going to do everything we can for you. You're safe here."

"Thank yo..."

Neal jerked violently when he heard gun fire in the hallway. Trying to block out the sound he curled up on his side. Sandeen saw the change in his patient's eyes and motioned for the strong orderlies. Even though he knew it was useless Neal covered his ears to block out the imaginary fire fight that was raging in his mind. He was managing to keep a grip on reality until he heard a piercing scream. Neal sat bolt upright causing the orderlies to pounce on him.

"Peter?"

"Neal!" Peter's voice cried out in pain. "Help me!"

"Peter!"

Lost in the delusion Neal bit down hard on the arm that was holding him back. Twisting free Neal jumped down off the exam table and bolted for the door to search for his injured partner. He could still hear Peter calling for help between cries of pain. The chaos was punctuated by the sharp crack of gun fire.

Neal made it into the hallway before he was tackled from behind. He kicked at his attackers, but they were able to pin him down. As they dragged him back towards his room Neal caught sight of the gory blood that stained the floor and splattered the walls. Frantic in the belief that the blood was Peter's he screamed incoherently as he battled the men trying to calm him.

"Help him! Please! He's going to bleed to death!" Neal insisted. "Let me go, I have to help him!"

"Neal," Sandeen said calmly "your partner is not in danger."

"The blood..."

"It's all in your mind. There is no blood."

"You're doing this to me!" Neal snarled as his fear turned to paranoid anger. "What do you want from me? Sick bastards just torturing me for fun!"

"There's no point trying to talk him out of his delusions." Sandeen said to the orderlies. "Just secure him in his room, if he becomes a danger to himself use restraints. I'm going to go call Anders, get me at once if he starts vomiting again."

"You can't do this to me!" Neal spat.

Neal struggled for freedom every step of the way. He screamed in frustration when he couldn't stop them from taking him further from the source of the gun fire. Neal's rage turned back to fear when they opened the door to the room they'd been holding him in. The walls dripped in blood and the floor seemed to pitch up and down like a ship in a storm.

"Wait..."

The orderlies didn't pay any attention to Neal. They forced him into the room where he quickly lost his balance and fell to the rolling floor. Neal tried to back out of the slaughter house room, but they had already closed the door. Unable to stand without a feeling of extreme vertigo Neal crawled over to the far corner and sat down with his knees hugged to his chest. He glanced around at the blood before burying his face in his crossed arms and starting to cry.

"Wake up, Caffrey." He whispered to himself. "I want to go home."

"Neal..." A soft female voice called.

"No, no, Kate, please leave me alone." Neal curled up tighter. "I'd rather deal with the blood."

"Neal, look at me."

Neal shook his head like a stubborn child and remained hidden in his crossed arms. He shivered when he felt her running her fingers through his hair. It was a lot easier to ignore the hallucinations when they didn't reach out and touch him. The sensation was so real that Neal lost his resolve and looked up.

Kate was knelt down in front of him with a bright smile painted on her beautiful face. Neal reached out hesitantly and touched her cheek. She felt real, her skin was warm and soft. She traced her hand down the side of his face. Neal closed his eyes and took a deep breath. In the back of his mind he knew this wasn't real, but he didn't care. Relaxing Neal kept his eyes closed and just enjoyed her touch.

"I'm sorry." Neal said softly.

"It wasn't your fault." Kate assured him.

"I want you to know that I didn't chose Peter over you."

"What?"

"I was just having a hard time saying good bye to him. I had every intention of getting on that plane."

"I know." Kate smiled sadly.

"I shouldn't have hesitated, I should have just gone to you. I should have died on that plane with you."

"If it makes you feel any better I didn't feel any pain."

"I'm a coward, Kate." Neal said quietly. "I should have ended my life when I failed to save yours."

"You know that isn't what I want."

"Sometimes it's what I want."

"Hush, don't talk like that." Kate leaned in and kissed Neal's cheek. "Try to rest, you need sleep."

"I can't...nightmares..."

"I'll protect you."

Neal started to protest but Kate reached out and pressed her fingertips against his lips to quiet him. Giving in Neal laid down on his side with his back against the wall. Closing his eyes he curled up, finding himself surprisingly comfortable. Suddenly feeling alone Neal opened his eyes and propped himself up on his elbow. Free from hallucinations for a moment he looked around the empty room with a heavy heart. Laying back down he stared blankly at the white walls.

"I miss you..."