Chapter 12: Heart shaped box
Merlin stood watching as the small slab of honey in the iron pot melted into a thin liquid and began to caramelise. He had already washed and pounded the stone salt crystals that he had collected earlier and mixed them with a little wood ash he had taken from Gaius' fire grate; now he added them to the pot and carefully stirred the mixture as it reduced to a thick treacle consistency. Taking the pot from the fire so as not to ignite the concoction before its time, he poured the mixture out into a mould he had fashioned from a disused piece of crockery.
As he waited for it to cool, he hastily washed away the remnants of the dung heap that still clung to his feet and threw on some relatively fresh clothes retrieved from the corner of his room. As he ran down the steps and back into Gaius' main chambers he paused for a moment before bounding back into his room. From a small brown sack under his bed that contained his few meagre possessions, Merlin pulled out a little silver box intricately carved with a delicate floral motif. It had been a long time since he had looked at the trinket and he slowly traced his fingers along the markings, turning it over in his hands. With a determined nod he pushed the box deep into his pocket and jogged once more out of his room and back to Gaius' work bench.
The caramelised honey had now fully hardened and resembled a small nugget of amber, which he carefully pulled from the mould, wrapped in a piece of oil cloth and placed into a leather pouch that hung from his belt. Satisfied that he had followed the Dragon's instructions to the letter, he quickly gathered some clean bandages and ointments from the store shelves and hurried back to Morgana's bedside, eager to check on his patient.
The two guards that were still posted outside of her chamber doors barely gave Merlin a second glance as he stepped between them, pulling the doors closed quietly behind him. By the dim candle light in the room he could see Morgana still lying face-down on the bed, with Gwen curled up in a chair in the corner, a blanket pulled haphazardly around her as she slept soundly.
Merlin walked noiselessly over to the bed and set down the items that he had carried with him, just as Morgana began to stir. Her body slowly stretched out stiffly, before she was rudely reminded of the torture she had suffered that morning and winced visibly in pain. She clenched her fists and drew her breath in sharply as she raised herself onto her elbows and turned to look at Merlin, her watering eyes still heavy with sleep.
"Try not to move, I need to redress your wounds," instructed Merlin softly.
Morgana let out a frustrated sigh at these words and lowered herself back onto the bed, burying her head into the covers.
"How long have I been sleeping?"
"For the best part of the day; we're into the first watch of the night," said Merlin as he laid out the bandages next to Morgana on the bed, "Gwen has been watching over you, she's sleeping just there," he added, nodding with his head at Gwen's slumbering form.
Morgana simply nodded her head, unable to turn and see her maidservant from her prone position.
"How do you feel now?" asked Merlin as he removed the blanket that had covered her and gingerly peeled back the corner of the muslin that lay across her cuts.
"Like the skin has been ripped from my back," she replied flatly.
A crooked smile tugged at Merlin's mouth, "Sorry… silly question. I'm going to remove these dressings, I'll be as careful as I can."
The resinous quality of the poultice had caused it to shrink in on itself so that Merlin was able to simply lift the layers of muslin away from Morgana's skin without too much trouble, rolling the material back until the whole sheet could be removed at once and discarded. Merlin then inspected the welts and thin red cuts that lined her back, satisfied that they were healing well.
"The poultice seems to have done the trick; I don't think you'll get any permanent scarring."
"Thank you Merlin," she replied, forcing a weak smile, "but I think that scars are the least of my problems right now…"
"No… no of course not," Merlin mumbled as all of the different facets of their current situation and the tasks they still faced flashed through his mind in stark reality. Working quickly to dispel these thoughts, Merlin reached for a large earthenware pot that he had brought with him from Gaius' stores. In it was a thin, oil based cream that Gaius used to treat burn wounds, plus a few added ingredients of his own - courtesy of the ancient book now hidden once again beneath his floorboards. "This will protect you from infection and should numb the pain again for you," he said soothingly as he began to apply a thin layer of the ointment to her skin.
"You haven't mentioned it so I assume the sorcerer has not been found?" asked Morgana tentatively.
"Not yet," replied Merlin tersely.
"Have you… have you discovered anything? Anything about what her motives might be?"
Merlin's paused momentarily in his ministrations as the Dragon's warning words echoed in his ears, "I believe so milady, try not to worry. Arthur is meeting us here soon; I'll explain everything when he arrives."
Morgana simply nodded her head in resignation, then lay in silence as he worked, lost in her own thoughts but breathing more evenly as the pain did at last begin to subside once more. Taking a fresh length of muslin, Merlin carefully rebound her wounds, gently pressing the material into place as before.
"All done," he said, unable to hide the satisfaction in his voice, "I don't think even Gaius could fault it!"
"Thank you Merlin," said Morgana quietly, "now could you please help me to sit up?"
"I don't think that's such a good idea," Merlin replied quickly, "your bandages aren't secured in place."
"Then secure them; refasten my gown - that will keep the dressings in place."
Merlin's hands hovered uncertainly over the clasps of the dress, "Maybe I should wake Gwen," he suggested, his eyes drifting over to Gwen's sleeping form. "I don't want to hurt you," he added feebly.
"No, let her rest," Morgana instructed, "you won't hurt me - but if we're going to discuss our plans once Arthur arrives I want to be ready… Please Merlin."
With a small sigh of apprehension, Merlin carefully pulled the two sides of Morgana's bodice together over the top of the bandages. He winced in sympathy as the extra pressure this put on her cuts elicited a small cry of pain; one that she quickly swallowed as she again urged him to continue until her gown was properly fastened. Kneeling by her side, Merlin took Morgana's arm around his neck and slowly helped her into a sitting position, supporting her as she slumped forward slightly, hunched over her lap.
"Thank you…" said Morgana as she took a deep breath to try and steady herself and stop the room from spinning around her, "The pain is bearable again, you're obviously learning a lot from Gaius."
Merlin swallowed a smile as he thought of exactly how little Gaius' efforts to teach him his craft had actually helped him, "You're welcome Milady," he said with a grin, before his face grew serious once more. The thought of Gaius brought to mind the advice his white-haired mentor had given not to confide in Morgana about magic… advice that he was about to ignore. Still kneeling in front of the King's ward, Merlin cleared his throat nervously, "Although… there is something I must tell you."
Morgana looked at him quizzically, "Yes?"
"Earlier today when you were… when you were being… well… what I mean is - I saw the flame."
"Flame?" repeated Morgana in utter bewilderment, "What flame?"
"The flame," he said again in an urgent whisper, "from the candle, I saw you light it."
"Merlin I can assure you I have not lit any candles today, what are you talking about?"
"Not with your hands…" he replied, staring intently at her as he let his heavily weighted words hang in the air for a moment, "with your mind."
A brief wave of panic passed before Morgana's eyes as she began to realise how her new-found powers must have manifested themselves, before she quickly recovered, "And why would you automatically assume that I was the source of this flame when we already know that there is a sorcerer on the loose!"
"Milady, the candle came to life in perfect unison with every stroke that you were given!"
"That means nothing!" Morgana insisted.
"That, coupled with the strangely prophetic dreams you've been having lately," said Merlin, pressing on regardless, "I would say that you most definitely have magic… a strong magic.
Morgana's eyes widened in fear at Merlin's frank and razor-sharp observation, colour spreading across her pale skin, crimson with guilt and shame. Her fingers, locked tightly in her lap, began to tremble as her greatest dread was realised, voiced and released into the ether. It could no longer be ignore or covered over. She had magic and not only that… she had been discovered. Fresh tears spilled uncontrollably across her cheeks as she finally broke, her shoulders heaving in silent sobs. Reaching forward suddenly she grasped Merlin by the arm, clinging to him in desperation.
"Do you know what this means Merlin?" she asked bitterly, "I am the King's Ward and yet he had me beaten when he thought I had merely aided a sorcerer. He wouldn't hesitate to execute me if he found out the truth about me."
"But he's not going to find out," insisted Merlin, grasping both of her hands in his own in reassurance, "I can keep the magic secret, trust me."
"It isn't you I'm worried about," said Morgana with a sigh, "It's me, I have no idea how to control it and at some point I am certainly going to reveal myself."
Merlin looked searchingly at Morgana, as if he could find the answers to their problems in the depths of her pale green eyes. "Tell me," he began at last, "How did it feel?"
"Excruciating," she replied blankly.
"No, not the whipping, how did it feel when you first became aware of the magic."
Morgana closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she thought back to the white-hot feeling of raw power expanding at the centre of her being, "It was terrifying and overwhelming… and wonderful… and intoxicating and I felt as if I would explode. I could feel such energy inside of me like a… a ball of fire. It seemed as though I could feel every part of my body at once and yet… it grew so quickly Merlin, I was petrified that I would be eaten up in flames!"
"But you weren't, the only flame that ignited was that one small candle… which means that you CAN control it and you did! All you need to do is understand how you managed it then and how you can do it again."
Merlin reached into his pocket and pulled out the small silver box that he had retrieved from under his bed and placed it in the palm of Margana's hand, watching as she slowly ran her fingers along its delicate pattern.
"It's beautiful," she breathed.
"It was given to me by my Mother when I was a boy, she told me that whenever I felt that my problems were too big to face, I should just imagine putting them inside this box and closing the lid. It's amazing how much smaller problems seem when you can hold them in your hand."
Morgana stared down at the silver box lying in her palm and sighed quietly to herself, her heart longing for the loving words of a Mother that she had been so starved of as a child.
"It's the same principle with your magic," he continued taking the box and holding it up between them, "Imagine this box in your mind with all of that energy locked inside. Whatever amount you want to let out is up to you; you control it, not the other way around."
"Your Mother sounds like a wise woman."
"You have no idea…"
"But Merlin, this is different, this is sorcery. It's powerful and… and so unknown to me. What if Uther is right, what if it is evil and there is nothing I can do to prevent it from dominating me?"
"It's not like that, trust me it will work, it…"
"How do you know Merlin?" asked Morgana is despair, "What do you know of Magic?"
Merlin opened his mouth to respond, stumbling over his words as a hundred implications flashed through his mind of what might happen if he actually did reveal to Morgana what he knew of magic. Once again the slick sound of the Dragon's voice echoed in his ears, 'the Witch is not to be trusted, her loyalties are… divided…'
"I…" he hesitated, clearing his throat tensely, "I had a friend in Ealdor who had magic. There's no law against it in my village but people didn't trust it. It was… difficult for him when we were growing up."
"Did he face execution?" asked Morgana bluntly.
"No… not execution," he replied, looking down briefly as he remembered some of the worst moments of his childhood, "But there were a lot of very hostile people that could easily have made him embittered and vengeful. Instead he taught me that magic is a part of who you are and so you can make it become whatever you want. He chose to use it to help people… and I know that you can too."
Morgana looked at him searchingly, "You really think that I can control it?"
"Yes, I…" Merlin's voice trailed off as a small noise to the left made both their heads turn in that direction… and both of their stomachs fall through the floor.
Gwen's eyes were wide open and bright with shock as she stared at her two friends in stunned silence…
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