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Chapter 12: Family

The warmth of the early afternoon sun was warming his face as Danny was sitting on the wooden stairs in front of the small house he currently called his home. Usually his lunch breaks Danny enjoyed the most, even more when he could spend those together with Lindsay. The fellow farm worker was always a lovely companion; with her eager and friendly self she never failed to brighten up his mood. Today he had been too busy to join her around noon and so he had taken a break a couple of hours later.

Still his slice of bread and the steaming coffee were resting on the dusty ground in front of him, untouched and ignored by the man whose full attention was turned away from the beauty of the landscape surrounding him. Instead all he was caring for was the letter his hands were tightly clenching around. Only watching him closely would reveal the way he was shaking lightly as he kept on attempting to process what he had been reading just seconds ago.

Stella had been observing Danny for a couple of minutes. The letter had arrived early in the morning and in surprise she had read from the envelope that it had been sent right from New York City. Until early afternoon it had taken her to catch the young man and hand the message over to him. She hadn't missed how his facial expression and his entire behaviour had changed immediately. It seemed like with every second he had gotten paler as he had stammered an excuse and had almost run over to his little house.

There he was sitting for minutes now and Stella was getting concerned. Due to the name on the envelope she knew a family member had sent the letter to him. The letter alone had already affected him in a way that worried her but even from the distance she could tell that after reading it he was struggling with the message even more. Stella was fighting with herself. Should she let him deal with whatever kind of news he had gotten all by himself? Should she offer to share those news with her? Stella wasn't sure whether Danny preferred to allow her an insight into his feelings but she also knew she wouldn't find out if she didn't give it a try.

Taking a deep breath, she hesitated for another short moment before she decided to follow the one voice that had never betrayed her before; her heart.

Danny didn't notice her approaching, didn't hear the light steps on sandy ground while his eyes stayed focused on the paper he was tightly holding. Once he had read the letter so far and already he was feeling a familiar slicing pain in the depth of his chest. His knuckles were turning white as the soft, formerly white and now dusty, grey paper was knotted in his tight grip. The building tension inside him was making it difficult for him to form proper thoughts as he tried to push away all those painful old memories.

"Hello Danny," the voice of Stella caught Danny's attention, bringing him back to the present. Startled by the sudden interruption, he stared up at her with huge eyes. "Oh, my apologies, I didn't mean to scare you."

"No, it's fine, Stella," Danny answered, feeling his cheeks warm up a bit, not due to the sun though. Although the Taylors were turning into a family more and more with every passing day, they were still his employers and chatting to them still caused a light sort of insecurity for him. "I was just busy with...thinking. I'll be back to work in a few moments." A growl he could feel in the pit of his stomach reminded him of the lunch that was still resting in front of his feet on the sandy ground.

Minutes of silence passed in which Danny kept on staring at the ground in front of him and Stella continued watching him. She could feel his discomfort, mixed with the feelings she had noticed earlier.

"Did you get news from home?" she decided to ask then. Danny winced at the question. Gazing up at Stella he found her studying him closely and he knew she wouldn't let him back off easily. For a while now he had been working for the Taylors together with Lindsay. His hopes for hiding his past in front of those people he spent every day with had been irrational and he knew that.

"My home is here now," he answered strictly. "The city isn't my home anymore ever since I entered the train that took me to this place. Actually it wasn't my home anymore for a lot longer."

Stella glanced back at him nodding and for a second he felt like she was understanding him. She walked over to him and joined him on the stairs, silent for a few moments before she spoke again.

"May I assume you don't have the closest relationship to folks in the city? To your family? And friends?" Stella wanted to know.

Once more Danny's hands grew tighter around the paper that cracked. "It's rather complicated," he explained to her between clenched teeth. "My father. My brother. My uncles. They've done things I never wanted to be involved in. I never fitted in my family's business. Couldn't stomach that any longer and that's when I decided to start fresh out here in the fields of Montana, doing honest work that suits me, that makes me feel comfortable." He hesitated. "If you don't mind I'd rather not continue my explanation now."

"Of course, I understand your wish," Stella replied. Still nothing had been revealed that could make her get a full picture of what had happened that could have caused Danny's decision to move. His family that seemed to be so different from the young man seemed to be the main reason though and Stella could fully understand the pain he was currently experiencing.

"People who are supposed to show you support, be by your side and accept every decision of their loved ones often seem to change their mind when said decisions are no longer what they want themselves," she told him. "Mac and I left the city for those reasons. The past can cause a dragging pain and it seems like only distance can ease it. Still there are moments in which the pain returns and those are the moments in which we need people around us who are willing to listen to us. I found this man in my husband and I'm fairly certain you're about to find such a person for yourself."

Danny glanced up at Stella, finding her smiling at him warmly. And as he was watching her, thinking about her words with the realisation that the Taylors seem to understand him due to own experience, he realised that his employer was speaking the truth. He knew it wouldn't take him much more time until he would be willing to share his story with Lindsay as well. And maybe the young woman would be this one person who would listen to him when he needed her to.

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The evening was mild with a breeze that blew a sweet breath of mountain air around the farm buildings. Mac left the farmhouse with thoughts in his head that needed fresh thinking to be blown through them. He had left Stella indoors sleeping on the couch, curled up with her head resting on the arm of it. After having put a cushion carefully under her head and laid a blanket over her, he had crept through the kitchen and outside for a stroll round. A thinking stroll as he called it, and was in need of taking once in a while.

The day had gone well, he would even call it successful, but there were various things occupying his mind. Seeing as his wife was sleeping, he had taken the opportunity to take a moment for himself. Not least because she was the cause of many of the thoughts in his mind. Worries even. Since the blizzard in which if he was honest, and as Stella had told him several times, he had nearly lost his life he had been shaken at how easy it was for that to happen out here in the Montanan wilderness. Not only had he nearly died, but so had Dr Hammerback, and most devastatingly of all, so had Stella. If she had not survived, he would not have been able to forgive himself. What he was finding hard to forgive now was that she had been put through the ordeal of seeing him so ill and nursing him back to health again. He knew very well that she would have had it no other way, that she would not have accepted anyone else looking after him as long as she was able to. But she should not have had to have done.

Mac attached no blame to Lindsay, as Stella had told him the young woman seemed to think was deserved. Quite the opposite: he blamed himself. The thought crossed his mind then of how subdued Lindsay had been since the incident, but he knew Stella had spoken to her which seemed to have eased her mind. A small smile wrinkled his mouth then as he thought about how she and Danny were doing and how much progress they had made since arriving at the ranch, both in their work and in themselves. He supposed that it was the same for Stella and himself.

With a profound sigh, Mac's footsteps slowed and he shoved his hands into his pockets. He had reached the edge of the farmyard and stood for a moment looking out over the fields beyond. The journey Stella and he had undertaken to the town replayed in his mind, not for the first time. If only he had taken a more careful look at the weather; if only they had taken their winter coats with them; if only... But if onlys did no good, all he could do was be thankful that he was still here to be able to think those thoughts. Even as he lost himself in recriminations, Mac knew that doing also served no purpose. If Stella knew he was out here now blaming himself, she would be dragging him right back indoors again and telling him not to be so foolish. That was a certainty, no 'if' about that at all. Mac smiled despite himself, and at the thought of his wife in a passion, his mood lightened. He sighed again, but this time it was an exhalation of some of his darker thoughts. Stella had that ability, even in her absence, to take away what troubled him. He loved her for it, more than he could say.
It was for her he had chosen to come out West, to leave where he knew and all the people he knew. For her. And there was not a moment of regret or recrimination he had suffered about that decision. They were making their home out here, creating a family already with their two employees who they had taken straight to their hearts.

The smile continued to tug at the corners of Mac's mouth as he thought about all they had achieved since they had been out here. Difficulties had been faced, of course, not least the blizzard, but that made their successes even sweeter. For a moment more, his mind lingered on the guilt he had been suffering over his illness, but it let it go as the sun caught the meadows in front of him and brushed them with gold. His heart lifted. It was a sight he would never get tired of. He inhaled the scents of evening, the still perfume of the air and the foliage around them. There was new life blooming all around and he breathed out in contentment.

New life... Family... Mac stilled for a moment. His thoughts turned again to Stella, and to the image of her lying asleep having appeared to be worn out straight after dinner. She seemed to have been tired recently, more tired than he would expect and it had begun whispering possibilities to him. He had suggested gently to her, right after they had eaten, that she have a rest. Of course, she had protested, but not with her usual vociferousness at any suggestion that she was in less than fine condition and then to his mild surprise, she had agreed. Not ten minutes after settling on the couch she had fallen asleep. Mac wondered at that; to have conceded that much, she must have been exhausted. She was not ill, as far as he could tell, so maybe it was something else. Was it possible that a child was on its way? He felt his heart begin to thud deeply in his chest as a tingle of excitement at the thought spread through him. They wanted their family to grow with children of their own. A new little life for their family...

At that moment though, a rush of guilt swept his smile away, and he grew dark once again thinking that he had allowed Stella into such danger as riding through a blizzard when she was possibly expecting their child. Rationality told him he couldn't possibly have known, that she might not have been at that time, but the guilt refused to leave him again so easily. With lowered brows, Mac looked out again at the meadow and saw that the gold of the sun had changed, and was now a lustreless light on the grass.
His heart felt heavier. Taking his hands out of his pockets, he clamped them on the rail of the fence, needing the feel of something solid under his hands, torn now with emotions. Battling for supremacy was hope and happiness, that the dearest wish of both Stella and himself could be a reality soon, but fighting against that was fear. He was afraid that if his wife was expecting a child, that there would be difficulties and dangers for her. Even as a man, he knew how dangerous bearing a child could be - a cousin of his had died giving birth to her son not five years ago, and that memory suddenly terrified him. That the very thing they most wanted, a new life, could be such a danger to life.

But he was getting too far ahead, and being far too dark in his thoughts. Raising his eyes, Mac saw the last rays of the sinking sun setting the meadows ablaze with crimsons and ambers. Hope soared in his heart then; they would be fine, all of them would be. He would make sure of that.
As he lifted his hands from the fence and prepared to go back indoors, he heard light footsteps behind him. It was not Stella, instead to his slight surprise as he turned, he saw Lindsay walking towards him.

"Mac," she smiled. "I didn't expect to see you out here. Are you enjoying the sunset?"

"I was. " He returned her smile; it was difficult not to, there was something so generous and warm in her features. It made Mac open up a little more than he had intended to. "I was just taking time for some thinking."

Lindsay's smile softened. "A walk and a view of the sunset is always a good opportunity for thinking. I do that myself oftentimes."

"You do?" Mac raised his eyebrows as she nodded, a little self-consciously.

"I always have done. Used to do it when I was living with my parents. Even if I'd had just the worst day, I'd come out to watch the sun set. Always made me feel a whole lot better. A walk always does that too, I guess it kind of clears your head." She looked a little shy as she continued, as if she was sharing something she thought he might find amusing. "Sometimes I'd go walking in the rain as well because I loved it, and then when I came back to the house soaking wet, Ma would get real mad with me."

Mac smiled at her. "I guess I can understand you doing that. There's something about a rainstorm. I know Stella loves them, she can watch them for hours, and she's even been known to run out into the rain herself for no other reason than to get soaking wet." He grinned at the sudden memory of his wife, not long before they had left for Montana, darting across the streets of the city in the pouring rain and returning laughing, waiting for him to warm and dry her again. Something he was never loath to do.

"I think me and Stella enjoy some things the same," Lindsay said with bright eyes, looking relieved that he had understood her.

"I think you do, and if I may say so, Lindsay, I know Stella appreciates your company and your friendship as well as all the hard work you do for us." Mac felt unsure how Lindsay would accept his compliment, having realised her shyness over such matters a little while ago when he had praised a dinner she had prepared. However, he was determined that praise needed to be given where it was due, and he was pleased to see the smile on Lindsay's face at his words, even if it was accompanied by a faint blush.

"That's nice to hear," she said shyly. "Thank you. I'm happy to know that..." She paused for a moment and seemed to be considering something. "I'm happy that she thinks of me as a friend. I'd like to think of her the same." her voice had quietened a little and as she spoke she twisted her hands in the folds of her skirt. He could see she was a little uncomfortable talking to him about this, so he decided to change the subject.

"I think it's getting kind of chilly standing out here, how about we go back indoors, now the sun's set?"

Lindsay gave him a quick smile. "If you don't mind, I'm going to go for a walk, just till it gets dark. Guess this is one of my favourite times of day so it's good to be outside to enjoy it."

"Sure, that's fine by me. Just take care of yourself and don't go wandering too far," Mac said, and she gave him a quick nod of thanks and walked away towards the path leading away from the farmhouse.

Mac watched her on her way before savouring another lungful of evening air and turning to go back inside. As he walked towards the door of the farmhouse, he hoped that Stella would be awake; at that moment, he needed to feel her arms safe round him, feel the beat of her heart against his. Knowing that maybe there was the beat of another heart accompanying them.
His wish was fulfilled; entering the kitchen, he saw Stella just waking up, her smile as she saw him an even more beautiful sight than the sunset. A moment later she was in his embrace and he could find nothing wrong with the world.

A/N: Thanks for reading! Please let us know what you think :) Rose and Brina xxx