Okay, it's been a while, I'll admit. I'm really sorry that this one took so long to come together, I just got really busy right around midterms and it never let up after that. Between essays, two part time jobs, tests, more essays, and a new X-Box 360, I just couldn't find the time (Don't worry, I'm kidding about the 360...sort of). Also, a number of you were understandably upset at the lack of a lemon in the last chapter. Admittedly, I was probably being a tad overzealous, but I think I found a way that's classy enough to keep me happy while giving you savages what you want. ;)

A Brief History of Life

Now you're talkin' double team

Supreme!

-Tenacious D, Double Team

Chapter 12: Teamwork

The first few hours of the trek had been spent in a relatively awkward silence. He had gotten… personal… with Ayaka (or at least that's how he preferred to phrase it) the night before. Having to then spend extended amounts of time alone with his father and grandfather, the perverts that they are, only made it harder for Naruto to think about.

They had spent the time in between bombarding him with personal questions, each getting more and more so as they progressed. He didn't want to know the details of their sex lives, why the hell did they want to know his?

In all fairness, he could almost deal with a few of them, and maybe a few of them he could chalk up to just basic hazing, but they crossed a line when they stopped asking if he enjoyed it and began asking things like if she had shaved a little leaf symbol into her – 'No!' he forced it out of his head, he didn't want to think about it.

"So did she shave a little leaf into her hair or not?" Minato and Jiraiya were grinning like a pair of eight year olds at the state fair.

"No goddammit!" Naruto snapped back at them, "And what the hell do you want to know for?"

"Er…" Neither of them had a good answer.

"Well, with some information, we can tell you about uh… how she thinks?" Jiraiya piqued up.

He was infuriated, what they had done together was… Special? Magical? No, that didn't sound right. It was wild, it was crazy, but yet, he had never felt so… close to someone. Who the hell were they to try and sully what they had together? 'Wait, what do we have? We didn't have anything, did we? We had… relations… but did we actually have something?'

"So, are you going to tell us the details or not?"

"Fine! If I walk you through it, will you let it drop!?" He shouted back over his shoulder, not sure who it was he was supposed to shout at.

Jiraiya and Minato glanced briefly at each other before replying together.

"Sure!" "Yeah!"

Fucking perverts, they were like vultures to a fresh corpse. He sighed, "After this, we drop it, alright?" He couldn't see them behind him but he knew they were nodding in silent, greedy agreement.

"It started off simply enough. She wanted to get her part of the bet out of the way, so after we spent some time sitting together on a bench, she took me back to her place and…er, led me into her bedroom." This was already uncomfortable enough, the juicier parts 'No! No! Out! I didn't mean it like that!' were going to be tantamount to a sightseeing trip through hell.

"Well there's your first oversight," Jiraiya piqued in, "She wouldn't have taken you into her bedroom if—"

"Dammit, just let me finish, would you?" Naruto paused, waiting for Jiraiya to respond, but when he didn't, he continued on with his tale, "Once she took her top off, she had me touch her …breast, as she… um, t-took my pants… off."

Minato could see where this was going, he had to say something, "We're not asking you this just because we want to torment you, we're just trying to help you make the most of learning from your experience."

Naruto rolled his eyes, 'Bullshit,' he took a deep breath and continued on as he leapt to the next branch, "So, my pants are off, and her shirt is off, she guides my hands… around her and then works on my shirt. So now we're both naked, embarrassed as hell, stealing glances at each other. I try to take a step back, slip on something, and end up on the bed."

"Smooth," Jiraiya smiled.

"Classy," Minato agreed.

Naruto hung his head, every time they interrupted him it was as hard as starting fresh, "Well, she sits beside me, and we do a little… um… touching, and…er…"

Minato furrowed his brow, "Do you mean touching as in 'cop-a-feel' touching, or did you-"

"It started like that and progressed," he cut his father off, trying to keep the intimate details to a minimum, 'Heh, intimate details. I'll never think of that phrase the same way again!' He coughed, "She did a little…" 'I don't want to say it there has to be a better way than to say…' "…experimenting… with her mouth."

"A blowjob," Jiraiya pointed out,

"Could you stop interrupting please?! It's already hard enough to share the details of my first…encounter, with a girl-"

"Sex-capades."

Minato shot Jiraiya a nasty look, "Would you cut that shit out?"

Naruto smiled, at least his dad was looking out for him. Well, sort of, anyway, "After that, we moved on to some… actual stuff. She had already, um… taken care of herself a while ago, she said, so we didn't have trouble starting out or to, uh to deal with, er… that," He chuckled nervously, maybe if he could just speed through the rest of it…"We started off in the basic position, then she took top, then we tried a sideways thing, and we 'finished?' ended with her on top again."

"Did you both-"

"Yes," Naruto cut his father off.

"And the condom?" Jiraiya asked.

"Used it."

Silence from both of them, as they seemed to mull it over in their minds. The silence was almost as painful as the retelling had been. Naruto tried to count the leaves and branches as they whizzed past his head to fill the silent void.

"Not bad for a first time, I'd say," Jiraiya chuckled under his breath.

Minato nodded in silent agreement, "Yeah. There's plenty we can help you with for next time."

"N-Next time?"

"Don't worry," He smiled, "Hard part's over. From here on, there's more enjoyment in it. You've got nothing to sweat."

If it was supposed to be easier from here on out, why was there a chilling sense of foreboding running down his spine?

"So, Let's take it from the top! Jiraiya?"

"Number one," Jiraiya started counting off on his fingers, "She sought you out in the dead of night and invited you back to her place."

"But she…"

"Ah Ah! No! We let you have your time, you give us ours."

Naruto grimaced, bracing for the worst. He touched down briefly, and just as quickly leapt to the next branch.

"The fact that she went looking for you means she wanted to see you. Ergo, she likes you. The fact that she took you back to her place is proof that she had planned something and was trying to force herself to continue along on that plan."

"Number two!" Jiraiya cut in, "She takes you into the bedroom,"

"Why the bedroom?" Minato asked with a grin, "I'll tell you why. She could have just as easily gotten naked in the living room and been done with it. There is only one reason a woman invites a man into her bedroom."

Naruto thought for a moment, "Couldn't she just have…"

"No," Jiraiya cut him off, "Bedroom always means she wants you. Be it sympathy sex, angry sex, or whatever, being led by her into a bedroom always means sex."

"What if there was some legitimate reason for her to take me to her bedroom?"

"Like what? Give me a scenario."

"Well," Naruto hesitated, trying to think of something good, "What if she just needs a hand lifting something heavy or fixing something?"

"Even the most innocuous reasons can lead to sex if you play your cards right," Jiraiya cut a smile at him.

"But I thought you said it would be because she wanted it, not because I'd get lucky."

Jiraiya brushed the comments aside, "Never mind the specifics, it's all just a matter of how hard she makes you work for it."

'Perverted bastard…'

"On to number three! She not only got partially naked for you, she pulled you along with her."

"I don't care how you twist this one," Minato said with a guilty grin, "When she's taking your pants off, It's on. I can't put this any plainer than to just say it. She planned, and actively sought to have sex with you. Now, when a girl is the aggressor this can only mean one thing."

Jiraiya cut in, "Spontaneous sex does not just happen. She had a thing for you. A big thing."

"Is…is that supposed to be a good thing or a bad thing?"

He shrugged, "Depends how you look at it. You've almost guaranteed yourself a semi-long term relationship with this girl which, with work, means a steady supply of good times."

"Do you think I should go for it?" he pondered over it for a moment, watching the countless memories that could be flash past in his mind. Sharing ramen, showing her around Konoha, watching the sun rise from the hokage monument, getting a place together, asking her to…

"Eh," Minato's voice snapped him out of his daze, "At your age, it probably wouldn't lead to anything lasting. A few months tops, but it could still be useful to get some experience with women. What did she say when you told her you had to leave?"

"Well, I apologized for having to leave so suddenly, and said that I'd visit her as soon as I could. I just tried to keep the note short, you know? To the point."

Minato and Jiraiya exchanged worried glances.

"You left a note?" Jiraiya asked.

"Yeah,"

"For a girl you hope to see again?" Minato held his breath.

"Er… I hope so," Naruto was starting to realize he mightn't have taken the best course of action back in the room.

"Naruto," Jiraiya bit his lip, "Notes are for hookers and one night stands."

"…What? Then why the hell did you tell me I should just leave her a note!?"

"I didn't know you wanted to see her again! That's what the whole note strategy is for! It's a way to say thanks for a good time, but I don't care about you! The whole point of leaving a note is to make an escape while she's unable to stop you!"

"Well," Naruto dipped his head a bit, "Maybe if I apologize to her, she'll…"

"No!" Minato stepped in, "It's too late. By now she's woken up, found the note, and stewed for at least a few hours. She thinks you just used her for sex and left her. To go back now would be welcoming death!"

"But I only have to let her get one hit in before I can defend myself, right?"

"Actually," Jiraiya corrected him, "the one hit rule is for minor infractions like groping. Using a girl like this carries a stricter punishment."

Naruto gulped, nervousness tying his throat in a knot, "…Which is?"

Minato shook his head, "Cover your head and pray for mercy. I hate to say it, but you have to forget her. Any chance you had at anything is gone."

Naruto slumped his head, knowing he had ruined any potential he had with her, 'but… maybe… somehow…'

There it was, the village gate. They were about five hundred yards out and the entrance to the village had just come in to view.

Minato held up his hand, "Wait a minute,"

"What's wrong?" Naruto came to a stop beside him, Jiraiya to the other side.

"The disguise, of course!" he grinned as he brought his hands together, "Can't go parading through the streets of Konoha like I am, right? Henge no-jutsu!"

As the smoke cleared, a new man emerged, hardly distinguishable from the one who had just been there. His shoulder length, spiky blond hair was now straitened out (though still just as disheveled) and about half as long, not to mention a shade of fiery red. His long face shortened into a more rounded shape and his eyes had sunken in. The only resemblance this man had to his father was the piercing blue gaze, lingering deep in the back of his sockets. He smiled.

"I still think we're taking far too big of a risk, bringing you back here." Jiraiya sighed as he crossed his arms.

Tsunade looked up at the sound of a brief knock on her door.

"Come in," she looked back down at her work, quickly getting lost in the shuffle of papers that lined her desk.

There was a creak as the door opened followed by a soft click as it closed behind the visitors.

"You ordered us back, Tsunade?"

She glanced up, catching sight of the two figures ahead of her, "Ah, Jiraiya, Naruto! Excellent timing! Did you complete your mission?"

Naruto cracked a grin, "Complete success!" He puffed out his chest with pride.

She snickered, "Well, that's certainly a welcome change," The smile melted back into her business composure, "So, I take that to mean you found…" she hesitated, "him?" There was a slight look of worrisome anticipation on her face.

Jiraiya nodded silently.

"I see," she folded her hands, propping her weary head up on her elbows, "and why exactly is he standing out in my hallway?"

The smile melted off of Naruto's face. She hadn't even needed to meet him to see through the disguise. Any chance of him being able to stay was…

"He had some …business… he needed to discuss with you." Jiraiya answered, cutting off Naruto, "he insisted it had to be in person."

Naruto shot a quick grin at Jiraiya before returning his attention to the Hokage.

Tsunade furrowed her brow, 'Idiot, he should know better.' She exhaled, "Fine, after we're done here, he and I will settle our business." She reached into her desk and removed a scroll, not bothering to shut the drawer, "Here, your new assignment."

Naruto took it from her outstretched hand as she returned her tired head to her palms,

"So," he turned it over a few times in his hands, "What is it?"

"Well, at this point it's more of a formality, but you technically haven't passed a chunin exam yet, and it would make my paperwork that much easier if you could finally get it out of the way."

"Wh-what?"

"The chunin exam!" She picked her head up to look Naruto in the eyes, "If you haven't remembered, you're still a genin! I'd have promoted you a year ago, but you're always conveniently off training somewhere when they're being held! Do you know how much red tape I have to go through every time you get yourself involved in a B-rank situation? Much less an A-rank!?"

Jiraiya snickered, this wasn't about red tape, it was about getting an edge over the village elders.

Naruto dipped his head a little bit, "It's not my fault I'm never around."

Tsunade sighed, "I know. Between Orochimaru interrupting your first exam and your training since then, you just haven't had a chance to get it over with." She muttered into her hands, "At least Jounin we can take care of on our own time…"

"You're going to promote me to Jounin!!" Naruto practically shouted, grinning as wide as his face would let him.

"No, no, don't get worked up," she sighed, "I'm only allowed to promote again once you've served as a chunin for a minimum of a year and successfully completed at least twenty missions as a team leader. Then I put you through some tests and what not. It doesn't really matter for now."

There was a silence in the room as they tried to figure out what was to come next.

"So," Tsunade said with a start, "You'll be leaving for Suna first thing tomorrow morning. The exam starts in five days, so that should give you about a day to get settled in before the exam."

Well this was a bit different. He had half expected the exam to be held in Konoha, like it had been when he took it with Sakura and Sasuke. Come to think of it…

"Hey, Baa-chan? Don't I need two teammates to enter with me?"

Tsunade, who had taken back to her paperwork, looked back up at him, "Actually, that reminds me…" her voice trailed off as she went rummaging through her drawer again, before producing another piece of paper, "Rules vary from village to village. In Suna, their rules allow you to compete in groups of two or three. I… had to pull some strings for you."

"So… what does that mean?"

"Well," Tsunade bit her lip, she knew this was going to be a mistake, but maybe… "Moegi and Udon aren't ready for a chunin exam, that much Ebisu and I could agree on…"

Realization spread across Naruto's face, "So I'm–"

"Konohamaru, on the other hand, I think has a shot at it. At the least it will give him a chance to learn something worthwhile from you, instead of just those perverted jutsus…"

"Konohamaru's my teammate!?" Naruto was ecstatic, he couldn't have asked for anyone better, or at least of those who hadn't passed yet.

"Ebisu wasn't happy; he didn't want to break up their team, but he'll get over it." Tsunade anxiously shuffled the papers around on her desk, "Now I guess… your father and I have some business to, uh," she hesitated, "sort out."

Naruto nodded as he turned to head toward the door,

"Would it be okay if he and I discussed this privately?"

Jiraiya said nothing as he turned to follow his grandson out the door. Out in the hallway, Naruto nodded at his father as he passed. That look on his face, that sad frown – was it sorrow? Disappointment?

He hadn't realized just how busy the streets of Konoha could be. After having spent the last few weeks in a small, out of the way town, it was almost surprising how many people came and went along the busy city streets.

He was beginning to get an appreciation for why Shikamaru liked to lay around and watch the clouds drifting about. Clouds moved too slow for him, but crowds, they were a whole lot more interesting. 'Sexier too,' Naruto thought to himself as caught sight of Sakura rounding a corner on to the main street, 'Just a little bit closer…'

He slipped a copy of his seal under the bench as he stood up. He was going to have to play this one carefully, fulfilling his obligation to the one hit rule here could be lethal, but if he did this just right…

"Hey! Sakura!" he waved as he ran over to her.

She turned, catching sight of him as he ran towards her. She waved, "Hey! Did you just get back?"

He caught up to her, "Yeah, actually."

She paused a moment, "Er, where did you go, anyway? I didn't hear any talk from Tsunade about you being on a mission."

He though about it for a second, "Look, if I tell you, can you promise to keep it absolutely secret?"

Hesitantly, she nodded, "Yeah, okay."

He sighed, "I was looking for the Fourth. We found him."

Sakura was looking skeptical, "…What do you mean? Didn't the Yondaime die sealing the Kyuubi?"

Naruto grinned, "Long story, but dad survived, went into seclusion."

"Wait, hold on," Sakura threw up her hands, "Who are we talking about here, the Fourth or your…" Realization blossomed across her face, "No, no way, the Fourth was your…"

He grinned, "Yup, and he came back with us, but we have to keep it quiet. It could be trouble if the wrong people found out."

"Alright," as much as she wanted to know more about the return of one of the greatest heroes the village had ever known, if it was as dangerous as Naruto said it was, it would be better to leave it be. Naruto on the other hand…

"Do you want to see the new Jutsu he taught me?"

Something just didn't feel right, but she couldn't put her finger on just what it could be, "Alright, let's see it,"

The echoing crack! could be heard for blocks around as Naruto smacked Sakura hard on the ass. All seemed to go quiet in the aftermath.

"You perverted son of a bitch!!" She swung, but it didn't connect.

"Oi! Sakura! You missed!" he shouted, waving at her from behind the bench, grinning.

"Bastard! I'll teach you to run from me!"

The smile melted off his face as Sakura closed the distance between them in the blink of an eye. A solitary thought went through his mind as Sakura's punch connected squarely with his jaw, or perhaps it was the fist itself. With the extraordinary amount of pain, it certainly would have been a possibility.

Naruto rocketed backwards before slamming full force into a tree and slumping over amongst its roots.

Sakura stormed away as Naruto slowly made his way up on to his wobbly feet. Stealing a quick glance behind him, he saw that the tree he had been hurled against was fractured along the middle and leaning at a sharp angle toward him.

'Heh,' he chuckled to himself, 'so she really did hold back…'

"Naruto!"

He glanced lazily off in the direction of the voice, his senses still slow to recover after the hit; he couldn't quite make out who it was.

"Why'd you let her hit you boss? You could have ducked that!"

His vision was finally coming back in to focus, "Konohamaru?" He steadied himself against the tree, "Long time no see! Where'd you come from?"

Konohamaru rushed over to him, "Why didn't you dodge it, boss?"

Naruto smiled, "Pervert law, I'll explain later. What are you doing here?"

"Tsunade sent for me. Ebisu-Sensei said something about a mission. He didn't look to happy about it for some reason." Konohamaru cracked a grin, "That can only be a good thing, right?"

He laughed, "That depends on the mission, but if it's the one I think it is, Ebisu has a good reason for not being happy about it. You and I are headed to Suna."

His eyes lit up, "I'm going on a mission with you!? No wonder sensei was pissed!"

Naruto nodded, "Baa-chan will tell you the rest, just meet me at the village gate at sunrise."

"Ossu!" Konohamaru snapped a sharp salute and ran off toward the Hokage tower at double speed.

"Are you sure it was him?"

"Yes sir, there's no doubt about it." The ANBU was down on one knee in front of a shadowed figure. The musty air of the cave-like room seemed to seep into everything.

"What confirmation do you have?"

"Sir, #413 saw him transform not far from the village while she was on patrol, and #228 overheard one Naruto Uzumaki confirming to one Sakura Haruna that he is in fact in the village."

"Interesting," The shadowy figure scratched his chin, "It's never wise to have a former hokage as an enemy, much less two, but this information could just be the fuel I need to gather support."

"Do you have any orders, sir?"

He grinned, "In due time. For now though, we wait. The demon fox is scheduled to leave the village tomorrow morning for some time, so we'll have to be sure to take action while he's gone. Inform the village elders that I have need of an urgent meeting with them. See to it that Tsunade knows nothing of this."

"Yes, sir," In a flash, the agent was gone.

Danzo cackled in the darkness of the room. Soon, his time would be coming very soon.

Okay, again, sorry that took so long to come up with. I know the whole "sending Naruto to a Chunnin exam" thing is a bit overplayed in Naruto FF, and really I'm only planning to use it as a bit of a spring board for part two, though perhaps I'm saying too much. All I'll say for now is how this chuunin section of the story goes will be based off of your responses to it.