Chapter 11-

Daryl unzipped the tent to let the air in, falling back on his butt and looking at Ariel sleeping. He smiled, one of his small ones, because it cost him too much to give away one of his full teethed smiles. Even though she was asleep, he thought of his smiles as rare things that people had to work to get. Unfortunately he had already given her too much of himself, a lot that he couldn't take back. It's not that he wished he was able to, because he figured that if he had to give himself away to someone why shouldn't it be her? They were good for each other, he made her stronger and she made him...happy.

Happy.

That was such a foreign word to him. Happy. Love. Sex−no, not sex, making love. It sounded so weird when he thought it to himself, because Merle never taught him anything about it. Merle taught him about sex, about things like what Ariel did to him yesterday, with her hand down his pants. But it was different, she made him feel things, she made him want to feel things.

Love though, that was a big thing to say. She had said it to him once, that night when Sophia was...

But Ariel just said anything she felt. Not Daryl though, he let it sit in his stomach until it came bursting through to the surface. He thought about saying it to her, but he wasn't sure he meant it yet. How do you know if you're in love? He had never felt it before so he had nothing to compare it to. Who was he supposed to ask? He couldn't ask Merle even if he was here. He wasn't going to ask Glenn, him and Maggie were...well, Daryl didn't really know, he didn't like to stick his nose where it didn't belong. Hershel, definitely not, T-Dog and Shane, no way, Dale? He could always ask Dale.

Then it hit him like a brick in the face.

"Damn." he snapped, getting out of the tent. He slipped on his boots and went up the way to the farm, nothing but his clothes and his hunting knife.

Rick and Shane had loaded their hostage Randall into the car, Shane looking annoyed as usual, and Rick looking annoyed with Shane.

Just another day.

"Rick." Daryl called, walking up with his arms swinging.

"Daryl." Rick nodded, smiling lightly.

"Talk to you?" he mumbled, chewing on his thumb. "Private?"

"Sure," he gave Shane a look but he seemed unresponsive. He walked away, following Daryl a few meters away from Shane. "What's up?"

Daryl sighed, walking up and down in front of him in a horizontal line, still chewing his thumb. He looked at Rick from the side, then got close to him, lowering his voice, feeling like a complete child. "I got a stupid question for you." he mumbled.

"How can I help?"

Good ol' Rick Grimes, always ready to lend a helpin' hand, he thought but only half bitterly. If he was more like Rick, he probably wouldn't be having this problem in the first place.

"I gotta problem." he muttered.

"I figured that." he was still smiling.

"You and Lori." he stared at him. "How did you...when did you...jeez man are you goin' to help me out?" he threw his hands up.

Rick smiled bigger now. "Is this about Ariel?" When Daryl didn't respond, Rick only chuckled. "She's a patient girl, she'll wait for you."

"Ain't about waitin', it's about knowing."

"Whether or not you love her?" he laughed. "You and Glenn seem to be having the same problem."

Daryl rolled his eyes. "Great."

"You'll know when you do, Daryl. Don't rush it."

"You didn't answer any of my questions!" Daryl called out as Rick walked away.

"See you later, Daryl!" Rick called.

Daryl frowned and clicked his tongue, turning around and walking back up to the tent. He watched as Ariel came out from it, grabbing one of his shirts and slipping it on. He came up, in a pissy mood because he had wanted answers and not riddles.

"Hey," she smiled at him.

"Gonna keep usin' my shirts, I'm gonna run out of stuff to wear." he mumbled, snatching his vest from the tent and slipping it on.

"Take it off me then." she kept smiling, his gut twisting.

"Take it off yourself." he mumbled, sighing and going back inside the tent.

"Hey." she said again, ducking and going in the tent. Her concern made him feel bad, he never meant to be rude to her, and he just didn't know what else to do, most of the time. "Where are you?"

"Right here."

"No, you're not." she frowned, sitting down next to him while he lay back. "You're miles away."

"Just tired." he shrugged, his hands behind his bed.

"You should sleep today, I promised I'd go help out around the house, I've been wandering off with you boys all the time."

"You cooked the other night, you did laundry." he looked at her. "Wanna just...stay here today? Got the squirrels outside, don't gotta move until someone comes look for us."

"A romantic day with Daryl Dixon?" she brought her legs up to her chest. "How exciting."

"Ain't romantic, just relaxin'." he looked at her. "You told me you're a writer, tell me somethin'."

"Like what?"

"Dunno."

"Helpful." she muttered. "Okay, well, I would write about this, about being here with you."

He didn't look at her. "What would you say?"

When she started speaking, it came from her so easily that Daryl wondered if she had thought about these words before this moment. It scared him a little that she might have.

"I am looking at him," she began slowly. "My little fallen angel, and wondering how on earth, God could have let him go. He is beautiful and dangerous, my fallen prince. When he is awake, he is fire, the sun that burns everything that gets close to it, sometimes even too beautiful to look at. It's in the night when I soak him in, his hair, his eyes, his taste, his entire existence. He is a galaxy; he is all my answers, the boy with the angel wing vest. I am looking at him, and thinking that he is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen."

For a very long time, Daryl was quiet. He stared at the top of the tent, her words ringing in his head like some kind of disturbing warning sign. What the hell was he supposed to do with all of that? He wasn't beautiful, he wasn't special. He was just Daryl, Daryl Dixon, the redneck from the poor house in the middle of nowhere. He lived with his drug dealing brother, a father who couldn't give two shits about him and a mother who barely knew he was there. People didn't fall in love with Daryl, people left him.

"Fallen angel." he muttered. "That what I am? Aren't they the bad ones?"

"Not always," she said softly. "People do bad things; it doesn't mean that they are bad people."

"How do you know I'm not bad?"

"Because someone like you could never be bad. Shane is...Shane is getting down that road. You're like Rick."

Daryl snorted, getting up and turning away from her. "I ain't nothin' like Rick."

"That's true, you're more complex." but she sounded agitated. "Every time you and I take a step forward we go a thousand steps back."

"S'what I'm good at." he mumbled.

"Daryl, come on, what's wrong?" she moved forward, pressing herself to his back, leaning her face against his vest.

He sighed. "I don't know what I'm supposed to say to you. How to say...the things that you need me to say."

"I don't need you to say anything. You say whatever you want to say." she told him, wrapping her arms around his stomach. "I'm not going to force you to do anything. I know it's hard for you."

"You don't know nothin'." he muttered, undoing himself from her.

"I saw your scars." she said, and he stopped in his tracks. "I saw them at the C.D.C and I saw them when Hershel was cleaning you up."

"Shut up." he snapped.

"I don't know what happened."

"Ain't none of your damn business!"

"Right now, no, it's not." she agreed. "But one day, you're going to want to tell me what happened to you."

He whipped around, glaring at her. "Yeah? Think again." he got up in fit and walked out of the tent, but Ariel went after him. "Leave me be!" he yelled.

"No, we are not starting that again." she yelled back. "We are not going to get close just so you could pull yourself away from me."

"Why don't you go stick your nose somewhere else? I don't want you here."

But his words had no effect on her, she just stared at him like the way she always did, like she loved him. "I don't believe you."

"Maybe you should."

"Hey," she walked up to him. She didn't touch him, which he was happy for because he thought he might have accidentally hurt her. "If you want me to leave, say it. Say it right now, but remember this. If you tell me to go, I'm not coming back Daryl."

It frightened him, the look in her eyes. The hardness, the determination, when did she get like this? When did she get so unafraid, with no tears in her eyes. Was it losing Sophia that was making her change, or was it being around him? There was just too much, and he didn't want to deal with any of it. This wasn't for him, this was not what he did.

"You told me you needed time." she said to him. "I've been giving it to you. If you're having a bad day, just tell me, just talk about things. It's better than making the people you love feel like shit. You care about this group, despite having your tent all the way out where you don't want anyone to talk to you. You care about these people, about Rick."

"Rick looks to Shane." Daryl growled. "Let him."

"He respects you Daryl, and I know you respect him. He values you. I value you." when she saw him soften she walked up to him slowly, kissing his lips gently. It wasn't like before, all animal and urgent. It was ridiculously soft, full of affection. It still had the same effect on him, it went from his lips all the way down to the tip of his toes.

"Come on hot stuff." she said gently. "I thought you wanted a day of no worries."

He nodded, getting back inside the tent with her. They both lay down, Daryl with his arms behind his head, Ariel lying sideways so her head was on his stomach.

"My parents were really cool people." she started suddenly, surprising him. "My dad was a fighter, a champion and my mother worked in a school part time, as a lunch lady. It was a little weird for them that I became a nurse, especially considering my personality."

"What do you mean?"

"Well I loved reading and writing, they thought I would become a teacher or a writer. I just always wanted to help people though, more than anything. After what I went through, I thought it was the most important thing to do, to help people."

"Was it real bad?" he asked, trying to sound as gentle as possible.

"My school life? At the beginning, yeah, it was. I got beat up all the time, I was overweight. I got slimmer with the years, became anorexic and then had to gain the weight back. Now I lost some of it again, but through no fault of my own."

"Kids beat you up because you were fat?"

"No, kids beat me up because I stood up to them and helped out others. Kids are not always so nice." she sighed.

"Neither are adults."

"Well adults tried to help me. My dad trained me, my mom was great with me."

"What happened to them?"

Ariel sighed. "My dad got bit, I don't know how it happened...we were being so careful. Then a few days later, my mom just had no faith, killed herself and left me alone."

Daryl touched her hair. "That's not being great with you."

"I don't blame her." she said quietly. "She thought she was slowing me down, thought I would be better without her. I hate saying it, I do, more than anything, but, she was right. I started moving faster, got better with hunting and tracking, not as well as you of course, but good enough to keep me alive. Then, I found you guys."

"Yeah," Daryl huffed. "And all we've done for you is what, get you into trouble?"

"You've given me a home, Daryl. You are my home."

"You set too much by me." he mumbled.

"You don't set enough by yourself." she got up and looked down at him. "You are one of the kindest people I have ever met, and you act like people think you are the biggest asshole. You aren't Merle."

"You didn't even know Merle."

"Well from what I heard, you're the better of the two." she went on her stomach, her hand playing with his hair. "Do you want to tell me about your family?"

Daryl shook his head but on the inside, he was dying. He wanted to do what she just did, open up and tell her things so that she could accept him. She saw the scars and was still with him, which meant something, didn't it? It had to, it had to mean something. If she thought he was a sack of shit she would not have stuck around, not when she could have gotten close to Rick. Hell, even though he was married, if Lori could sleep with Shane, maybe Rick would sleep with Ariel.

Don't be stupid, Rick ain't like that.

"I see the wheels turning in there." Ariel tapped his forehead.

He sighed. "What do you wanna know?"

"You can tell me about your parents, about Merle."

"Won't be a long story, don't have much to tell." he looked at her, trying to make himself brave. "Was closest to my brother, whenever he decided to stick around, but uh, dunno, sometimes, he just wasn't very good at bein' the brother I needed. My mom, she tried, I think, to do what she had to do for us, but just kinda gave up as time passed. Burned the whole damn house down, fallin' asleep with a cigarette in her hands but I wonder if maybe it was done on purpose you know? My dad, my dad was a son of a bitch."

"Is he the one who..."

"Yeah." he said quietly. "Did it to all of us, when he wasn't out screwing some waitress."

"I'm sorry that happened to you." she said, kissing his cheek, lying on her side. Daryl found himself turning to face her so they were bare centimeters away. "I wish I could change that."

He grabbed her hands and held them to his mouth, feeling braver with her skin touching his. "He was an old drunk, who didn't care about any of us. Not for as long as I can remember...and Merle, just took off one day, leavin' me behind."

"Oh Daryl, you are too good to be left behind."

"Cept I was," he muttered. "Was left behind, and...sometimes I thought, him and Merle, they're one in the same. Merle was...he never did what my dad did to me, but he made me do things I never wanted to do." It was important for Daryl to say these things, to make her understand why he had trouble being with her. Why he had trouble taking off his shirt or saying three words to her. He had to make her understand that he wanted to say so many things but just had to find the words, and it would take him longer than most people, even if he would die tomorrow, he would leave so much unsaid. That was just the way he was.

"You can tell me." she said gently. "I won't judge you."

He closed his eyes, talking into her hand. "First time I had sex with a girl, Merle paid for her. I was sixteen, said I had to learn to be a man. He had one for him and one for me, and...and he forced me to be in the same room while we..." he breathed out. "I'm afraid to hurt you, because Merle showed me what he liked and what I should do, but I don't think...there's more to that than me taking what I want."

"You knowing that makes all the difference Daryl." she whispered. "But there's another reason." she said knowingly, and he sighed because she read him like one of her books.

"My parents didn't care for me, my dad didn't love me at all, and Merle, I think, in his own way he did, but it wasn't enough to keep him with me. I got the scars on my body to prove it."

"Do you think I'll love you less when I see them?"

"I know you will."

"I'm not that shallow, Daryl. I love you because of who you are, your astonishing good looks aside." it made him laugh so he opened his eyes a bit and found her smiling. His heart swelled, how the fuck did I get so lucky? "Tell you what," she said. "Whenever you do decide to show me, I'll kiss all your scars, and I will still think you are the most beautiful person in this whole world."

"Sure it counts?" he half smiled. "Now that half the world is dead?"

"Course it counts." she kissed his lips, in that soft, gentle, loving way of hers. "You, Daryl Dixon, will always count."

hope you guys liked this filler chapter :) you all know i own nothing, feel free to review
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