Sorry, everyone!! My laptop, which had all of my stories, contracted a virus. Not to mention classes…so I couldn't update.
Disclaimer: Why would I own Bleach? All that money from it would be gone in an instant anyway. Probably spent on manga. Or shiny things. Yes, THE SHINY THINGS.
(Kneeling, staring down at the ground.) I'm beat. I don't have much time to update anymore, since school started up again. Having two history classes in the early morning really isn't helping matters either…sulk…
Kasumi: Who is she talking to?
Datenshi: The bugs on the ground.
Kasumi: What, again?!
Datenshi: Yes. Again.
Kasumi: Well, at least it isn't a wooden post this time.
Datenshi: So true. The metal ones are worse though.
Kasumi: Why is that?
Datenshi: The wooden ones at least talk back.
Kasumi: …
Anonymous Reviews Replies Time!! Also known as A.R.T. (Yes, I'm ignoring the second R. I can do that. I'm that amazing.)
Lordsesshoumarusgf: Thank you, thank you!! I'm glad that you think so.
Lauren: Don't worry! I have no plans to abandon this! Thanks for the encouragement!
TO EVERYONE ELSE: I FRICKIN LOVE YOU ALL!!!
--
Around noon, everyone was exhausted. This wasn't really a shock to any of them, considering the epic mud war had lasted three hours.
Kasumi stretched and tried not to yawn, lest she end up with a twig in her esophagus like Matsumoto. Glancing around, she raised an eyebrow at everyone's appearance. They looked more like the golems made of mud that she had seen in a movie when she was a child. (Strange how THOSE are the memories that stick through with you your entire life. And death.)
Shuuhei sneezed violently, as it was still drizzling and he was soaked with mud. "Alright," he yelled, "all of you should go home, take a shower, and eat something before going back to work. Because that's what I plan to do."
There were murmurs of assent throughout the crowd.
"Kasumi!" Matsumoto cried happily, plastering herself onto the object of her 'affection.' She was made happier by the choking noise she got in response. Really, human beings were the best toys! Their limbs could be made to move in almost any direction (and if you were determined, some that weren't normally possible), they come completely assembled and they make sounds when you jump on them. The perfect playthings. "What's for lunch?"
"Mmrglflerfin."
"Hmm?"
"I don't think she can breathe, Rangiku," Shuuhei provided helpfully. Matsumoto released her friend obediently.
Kasumi leaned over, supporting her upper half by placing her palms on her thighs. Wheezing, she tried to regain both air and blood flow to her brain. "Your breasts," she gasped, eyes slightly swirly, "cut off my carotid artery. I thought I was going to die. Is that their only purpose? To strangle people?"
Luckily, Matsumoto could hear the teasing tone in Kasumi's voice, so she didn't take any offense at the last couple of sentences. Instead, she decided to playfully go along with the idea. "But of course! My captain can attest to that! They don't really have any other use besides getting in my way."
'And I bet Toushiro is eternally grateful for Kasumi's arrival,' Shuuhei's zanpakuto added. Shuuhei sort of agreed. As much as the young Hitsugaya liked his lieutenant, there was only so much abuse the boy would be able to take before suffering from a burst blood vessel, an aneurism, or an ulcer. Frankly, it was shocking he'd never been hospitalized for any of those things—although Matsumoto still found ways to put him in Fourth Division one way or another. (Shuuhei could distinctly remember an instance where Matsumoto had collaborated with Yachiru and Nemu—forming the Unholy Alliance—for an experiment whose purpose was unclear to begin with. And no one was willing to ask afterwards…)
"Now, Kasumi…" Matsumoto's eyes gleamed dangerously. "About that lunch you promised me…"
The lieutenant in question acquired a deer-in-the-headlights look. "Lunch?" she asked tentatively. "What lunch?"
Matsumoto flapped her hand at Kasumi. "Don't you remember? On the way here you promised!"
Shuuhei raised an eyebrow at this. Kasumi mouthed, 'I don't remember anything like that.'
"What do you mean you don't remember?!" Matsumoto caught Kasumi in a headlock, being able to read lips well enough to understand the point. "Bad Kasumi! Bad!"
"Rangiku, she can't breathe."
Glancing at Kasumi, Matsumoto observed the flailing limbs of her suffocating friend. "Well this should be a lesson to not forget promises to friends, then!" Starting to walk off, she waved with her free hand at Shuuhei. "See you later! I swear I won't kill her!"
--
"So, what's for lunch?" Matsumoto asked her neighbor again, once they arrived.
"Leftovers," Kasumi grouched.
Matsumoto crossed her arms. "That's so boring!"
"Well, I don't feel very creative right now!" Kasumi's eye had developed a dangerous tic.
"STINGY!"
"GAAHH!! Quit tracking mud all over the floor!"
"But how else am I supposed to get inside?"
"Use your own shower! You know, in your apartment?!"
"But you're going to track mud in too, I mean…"
"That's different!"
"You still need a table."
"GET OUT!!"
--
Two showers and one…eventful…lunch later, Kasumi and Matsumoto made their way back to their offices.
"See you later!" Kasumi called, parting ways with her friend. Opening the door, she greeted her captain.
"Hey," he replied, not looking up from his paperwork. He gestured vaguely in the direction of her desk. "If you get started now, you might finish up by six," he joked.
Kasumi nodded. "Sure, thanks." She walked over to her piles, wondering how in the world her captain had managed to get back to the office before her. Sitting down, she stared blankly at the paperwork for a minute.
Kill the paperwork…kill the paperwork…kill the paperwork… Datenshi chanted in her mind.
'Kill the paperwork, kill the paperwork, kill the paperwork,' Kasumi agreed.
"No killing the paperwork." Kasumi's head whipped around faster than was humanly possible—Shuuhei was surprised it didn't snap. "I know that look," he explained. "I'm friends with Rangiku."
Kasumi gave him a reluctant nod; her neighbor didn't strike her as the diligent desk jockey type. Turning back to her work (that was just begging to be set on fire) she was surprised by the sheet on top. It was an official request from Sixth Division to design a similar training exercise to the one she had unknowingly used—minus the mess. Apparently mud was not included in Byakuya's sense of aesthetics.
Looking at the signature, she got another small surprise. For someone who looked like he should be in the mafia, Renji had fairly good handwriting. Goes to show that you can't judge a book by its cover.
She thought about the situation. What would give the same kind of evasion training and not be as messy? It hit her. Not only was it perfect for the situation, Renji and Byakuya would get a kick out using it. Writing carefully (since writing in a different language was a whole different thing than understanding it via a chip in the brain), she explained her idea.
—Lieutenant Abarai,
Try putting some plastic balls in a pitching machine and shooting them at the squad members. You could also use one of those machines that look like a leaf blower without the narrow end. Ask Lieutenant Kusajishi—who knows, she might actually have one.
—Lieutenant Chimamire
Smiling, she moved it to one corner of her desk and took all of the piles off of it so that she would have more room to work. The paper wouldn't be overly damaged if it had to sit on the floor for a few minutes.
Where the paperwork had been, Kasumi discovered a large desk calendar. Judging by its presence, she assumed that she was supposed to schedule her own obligations and her captain would tell her anything important that she needed to know.
Opening the top right drawer in her desk, she pulled out some tacks. Picking up the calendar, she stuck it to the wall behind her. "It's just going to get buried under paperwork, otherwise," she explained when Shuuhei gave her an odd look. He made an 'ah-ha' face and went back to his own mountains.
They worked quietly for about an hour. The only sounds were the few questions Kasumi asked, the swish of papers and brushes, and the clicking of staplers (an object Kasumi thought that she would never see in this branch of Soul Society, actually). However, they were interrupted by the appearance of a hell butterfly.
"How in the world do those creatures get in and out of here without any open doors or windows?" Kasumi asked, giving the butterfly a skeptical look.
Shuuhei shrugged and held out his finger for the creature to sit upon while it relayed its message to him. He smiled at Kasumi. "It looks like you're having a busy week."
"I don't like the sound of that. Let me guess: I'm going to be here late tonight trying to finish all of this." She gestured to her slightly diminished work load, but Shuuhei's continued smile did not make her feel better. With a sinking heart, she fixed her statement. "I'm going to be behind on my first official day here, aren't I?"
Her captain withheld his laughter at her dismayed expression. After all, this was a serious matter. "A recon group discovered a nest of Hollows in the North Rukon District 49. Lieutenant Matsumoto has been dispatched along with some other Tenth Division members, but they're requesting assistance from another Lieutenant."
"That's a lot of Hollows if they're requesting help from another Division."
He nodded. "Ninth Division is closer to Tenth than Eleventh. Can you go?"
"Immediately, sir."
Turning back to the insect, he gave it a new order. "Find Lieutenant Matsumoto of Tenth Division. Inform her that Lieutenant Chimamire will meet up with the detachment from Tenth as soon as possible." The butterfly flew off Shuuhei's finger, and Kasumi opened the door for both of them to leave.
"Wait a second, Kasumi." She looked over her shoulder at her captain. "Good luck, and come back safe. I don't feel like searching for another lieutenant so soon!"
A smile tugged at the girl's lips. "I'll keep that in mind, sir." Shutting the door behind her, she used shunpo to get to the northern gate as soon as possible. She figured that since she didn't know her way around very well, she wouldn't try to intercept Matsumoto—that is, if Matsumoto wasn't already on site. Instead, Kasumi decided to head to the district in question. She probably had a greater chance of encountering the Hollows before Matsumoto, anyway.
Seeing the gate, she slowed to a normal run, not wanting to task her legs too much before the actual fight to come.
"Halt!" a voice boomed. Skidding a little bit, Kasumi did so. That's when the guardian of the gate appeared before her. She had no idea that there were people that large. "I am the guardian of the Black Ridge Gate, Danzoumaru!" the dark-skinned giant announced. "State your purpose!"
Kasumi blinked. The gate wasn't automatic? "I am Lieutenant Chimamire of Ninth Division. Lieutenant Matsumoto requested my aid in eliminating a Hollow nest."
A relieved expression appeared on the man's face. "That's a bit of good news! I've already had to open the gate for some injured from that very mission. Here, let me open it for you."
Turning away, he huffed and puffed while lifting the heavy gate.
"Don't bother opening it all the way!" Kasumi shouted, sliding underneath the narrow space. "It seems to be pretty heavy! Thanks a lot, Danzoumaru!"
"Don't mention it! Just help them out!"
Sensing her neighbor's battling reiatsu, Kasumi shunpoed over there as fast as she could.
--
Yes, I AM going to leave you there. I am evil.
I actually had to look back at older chapters of Bleach in order to get the name for the guardian of the northern gate! (Don't worry; Jidanbou will be the guard that Kasumi deals with most of the time. I like the axe-nut too much not to include him!)
Unfortunately, my laptop's internet still isn't working, so I'll be using my mother's crappy computer to update. So that will also add some delay…I'll try to update within a few weeks! Sorry!