Chapter XII. Burdens of a different sort

Two tendays later, Ilire led her group of adventurers to the Government District in search of a magic license for Aerie, their newest companion. When they arrived at the square in front of the building housing the city administration, Ilire surprised a longing look on Keldorn's face while he looked down to their right at a well-kept and spacious estate. Ilire wondered curiously if she should ask what was on his mind or risked prying. He spared her the need to make a decision when he sighed and spoke.

"It has been some time since I visited my family. Perhaps we could go and I could introduce you, I live just over there."

Ilire stopped dead in her tracks and stared blankly at Keldorn.

"Your family," she repeated flatly.

Keldorn blinked a few times in puzzlement at her strange manner, and explained, "Yes, there are my wife Maria and my two daughters, Leona and Vesper."

Ilire stared back at him without reaction for a long time, before she declared slowly, "Yes, I think it would be best if we visited your family as soon as possible. Since we're presentable for the government clerks, I would think we're clean enough to pay a visit to your wife. Just over there, you say? Is there any history to the Firecam estate, as there is for your armour?"

The old paladin smiled enthusiastically and recounted the glorious history of the Firecams while he guided his new adventuring companions towards his estate. When they arrived, Keldorn opened the door and gestured them all in.

Peony stuck her head out of the kitchen at the sound of the door and smiled at the visitors, though Keldorn noted she clearly forced the smile.

"Ah, Lord Keldorn, it is good to see you again. And sooner, too, this time!" She stepped back from the table where she was washing the breakfast's dishes, and quickly wiped her soapy hands and arms on her apron.

"Yes, my duty allows me to spend more time in the city," Keldorn explained. "Peony, I would like you to meet my new travel companions. We have already eradicated an evil cult together, and now I assist them on their quest to liberate one of their members. This is Ilire Ilvastarr of Candlekeep, their leader. With us are Anomen Delryn, Squire of the Order of the Radiant Heart, Minsc – and Boo – of Rashemen, Yoshimo of Kara-Tur, Aerie and Jaheira."

"A pleasure to make your acquaintance, m'ladies, m'lords." The servant curtsied politely.

"Please, Peony, is your mistress home?" Keldorn asked.

The servant nodded with obvious nervousness. "Yes, my Lord. Let me go get her." She disappeared upstairs and came back a few seconds later, followed by an imperial noble lady who could be no one but Maria Firecam. The cook disappeared deftly back into the kitchen.

"Who are these vagrants, Keldorn? Peasants out of Calimport?"

Ilire had preciously little tolerance for Amn's strict enforcement of the nobility system, and Maria's diminutive commentary alone would have been enough to make her blood boil, but the adventurer could feel sympathetic to a paladin's wife, so she schooled her features and kept her peace.

"Maria," Keldorn tried valiantly, "these are the worthy companions with whom I have fought and eradicated the cult of which –"

"I don't care!", his wife snapped. "Why should I care for the vagabonds you run away with! When you free yourself from your duty, you do not even have the care to stay long enough to leave your scent around this place! This is supposed to be your home, Keldorn!"

"But… but, Maria, you knew that my duty to my god and the Order would always be the most demanding… You knew this when we wed."

Maria looked at Keldorn and for the first time since her appearance something seemed to mollify in her expression, but only briefly.

"Yes, I was aware, but I failed to realize the scope of the sacrifice it would demand. Keldorn, this is not enough anymore. I… I am seeing someone."

Maria fell silent at the paleness betraying her husband's fury.

"Who is… who is this person?"

Maria was strangely collected. "His name is Sir William of Thorpe. He is from Trademeet, but stays for a few weeks at the Mithrest for business. He… he took the girls to the circus, Keldorn."

There was a long, taut silence.

"Leave me, my lady. To look at you now… to look at you now is madness."

Maria nodded slightly and turned away, regal as a queen, to walk back up the stairs. When she had disappeared from view, Keldorn tore his eyes away from the top of the stairs.

"I must… I must see this Sir William," he declared.

"Alright, Keldorn," Ilire agreed smoothly, putting a hand on his arm, "but we will go tomorrow."

"Tomorrow!?"

"Yes, tomorrow. You are not capable of being reasonable this morning and, while it is entirely understandable, you should be calmer when you go looking for a resolution to the present conflict."

The paladin protested, but when it became clear that Ilire would not let him go to the Promenade right away, he bent to her will. They spent the morning filling paperwork in the government building to obtain a magic license for Aerie, and then moved to the Bridge District to investigate the murders there. When they reached the Copper Coronet, dusk was falling.

That night, Ilire sat down in front of a brooding Keldorn with her usual glass of water.

"I figured you might come to the point of feeling like talking about now," she said.

The paladin shrugged unhappily. "It seems there is very little to speak about. My wife is breaking the vows of our marriage with another man. While my duty is clear, it would tear my heart to call my own wife before a tribunal. This Sir William… I must speak with him, try to understand…"

Ilire took a steadying breath. "I know that, Keldorn, but for the sake of your marriage, I think I must say something on Maria's behalf."

The older man looked up at her.

"I had trouble believing you were married. You've been with us for two tendays already and you never mentioned your family or asked to go sleep at your own estate while we're in the city." She chortled. "And here I was thinking I was the only woman foolish enough to marry the duty of a paladin of the Order."

Keldorn, at first baffled, suddenly grew angry. "Maria did not marry my duty to the Order! She married me, and she was well aware of my responsibilities when we did."

Ilire considered him coolly. "Yes, I am sure she was. And when you go home, do you find it empty?"

"No, there is Peony, Stail and Reold taking care of the household, and the girls are there if Maria is not."

"And do you sometimes arrive late from the Order only to find no food left over so you can eat something?"

"No, there is always…"

"And do you have to complain about Maria's administration of the Firecam affairs?"

"No! Maria is well…"

"And do you sometimes feel neglected by the other nobles because of your frequent absences?"

"No, I don't…"

"Then why do you feel like your duty to the Order is more important and demanding than all those duties your wife takes care of?" Keldorn looked at her in displeased anger. "Keldorn… when your daughters were born, were they warned that their father would always be away? You have to realize that the sacrifices you make are not only paid by you and by Maria, who once willing accepted such a price, but also by your daughters."

Keldorn sighed and looked away, obviously fighting off tears. "Did I fail them so completely, then? Do I have to fail the duty to my family to fulfil my duty to my god?"

Ilire shook her head. "No. I think no one in this city or in the Order considers that you have failed Torm in your years of service. Perhaps… perhaps you should consider that it is time to shift the focus of your duty from the Order back to your family… before it is too late."

Keldorn nodded slowly. "I cannot relinquish my duty to help you free Imoen, but I see your point… but I still must see this Sir William, hear it from his lips that he dishonoured a woman he knew was married, and why he did so…"

"I understand that, Keldorn, but please… just give Maria the benefit of the doubt until you've heard the whole story… until you're ready to hear the whole story."

"Aye… I will do so."

ooooo

When they did go see Sir William the next day, Keldorn made an effort to remember Ilire's council, and found with a mix of relief and frustration that William had done nothing but take innocent walks with his wife. And the man spoke words surprisingly similar to Ilire's: Maria was to be forgiven the weight of her loneliness.

Keldorn went to his estate alone, afterwards, and when he came back, it was to announce that he had settled things positively with Maria and he would stay with his family for a few days, but would travel with them again afterwards if they were willing, until he had acquitted his duty by freeing Imoen.

Ilire cheered for him but, later, once alone in her room, she found herself thinking back of Ajantis, leaving her alone in his family's estate that morning long ago. How she wished she had known how to phrase her own needs at that moment, and make him stay. However, she knew it was just childish wishful thinking, because she had had a very good reason to let him go. She had taken the logical decision to stay in Waterdeep with her party, but he had needed to report to the Order.

Still, she understood Maria's reaction only too well. Sighing in her pillow, she thought back of Ajantis and of all the time he had spent being with her instead of fulfilling his duty. She reminded herself for the hundredth time that, despite the hardship of being the second priority in his life, every moment had been worth it. And she would have him back, with all his forgivable human failings, any instant he came back alive to her.

She cried herself to sleep that night.