She wakes up crying.
It's no different from any other morning, but whatever dreams brought her to tears leave a lingering feeling of despair and hopelessness. It sits heavy on her chest, pushing down on her lungs, forcing her ribcage tighter around her heart, and all Chloe can do is gasp out sobs and desperately try to wipe away the tears.
She cries for a long time. Longer than any other time dreams have left her crying in the mornings. Something in her aches, a feeling of hollowness, and it hurts so much she doesn't know how she'll ever get better.
She doesn't know how long she lies in bed, curled up on her side trying to muffle her sobs and hide her tears in her pillow, but she's able to calm herself down eventually. Her breath still hitches in her throat, but the tears stop. Her eyes feel heavy and swollen and she hates it. Out of all the days, she had to fall apart on the day Sabrina's to see her.
Sunlight is already beginning to stretch across the room when Chloe finally manages to push herself out of bed. It's still early, the sun just barely peeking over rooftops and the streets aren't yet filled with people.
Despite the sore, empty feeling in her stomach, Chloe doesn't move to get dressed and go down for breakfast. Instead, she makes her way to the window seat and settling down on the soft cushions. The sunlight is soft and warm where it hits her skin. The world's just beginning to warm up.
Chloe drops her head to rest against the glass of the window and stares at the streets below her. Few people in suits hold cups of coffee and hurry to wherever they need to go. The morning rush hour is just beginning to fill the streets. Above them, a small flock of birds swoop through the air without any apparent intent, chirping and dancing in the morning light.
The longing hits her like a bus; to be free, and to be happy, dancing through the air like those birds. To be alive and feel every second of it. To know there's a home waiting for her and others who care for her. To mean something.
Her eyes well up again.
Chloe presses her palms against her eyes and breathes until the burning sensation of tears disappears again. She takes one last look outside, then rises from the window seat and goes to the bathroom, walking away from the warm sunlight.
Her eyes are red and puffy when she looks into the mirror. She's done this enough times to know what to do: cup her hands and fill them with cold water and gently press it against her face, until the water spills from her palms and she can press cold fingertips to the skin underneath her eyes. The water cools her eyes until the puffiness has gone away. The redness starts to fade as well, but the bruises under her eyes remain. Chloe ignores them and washes her face properly, then lets her mind wander as her hands go through the familiar motions of putting on makeup.
She doesn't look too pale, but she's still so thin. One day of attempting to eat wasn't going to fix anything. It would take time. Chloe knows this, but she can't help but wish everything wrong with her could be fixed instantaneously.
There are so many things she could fix. So many ways she could be better.
But she's still broken, has been broken for years. There's no changing the very core of her personality. No matter how much she wants to be anyone but herself.
Chloe doesn't look at her reflection when she puts away her makeup. Doesn't look up when she leaves the bathroom either.
She grabs her usual outfit and pulls it on, then heads downstairs with her phone in her hands. She can't help but look through her old text conversations with Adrien, and only stops when the guilt is too much for her to endure.
She doesn't look at Sabrina's old messages. Looking for signs and meanings in her old texts would only hurt Chloe.
Somehow, she manages to force down everything on her plate for breakfast, along with coffee. It settles heavy in her stomach, making Chloe grimace, but she ignores it in favor of going going through all her social media as she heads back up to her room.
That's when she gets the text that has her choking on her own heart.
From Sabrina: Hey I'm here!
From Sabrina: Sorry if I'm too early, my dad had to go to work and he didn't want me to come here alone.
Chloe swallows heavily, frozen in place. She wants to go down and greet Sabrina, but the mere thought of being alone with her in the elevator for so long has her terrified. 'Oh god,' she thinks, 'I can't do this.'
Her hands are already shaking a little.
To Sabrina: It's fine. Just come up to my room.
Taking deep breaths, Chloe forces herself to start moving again and go down the last stretch of hallway until she can reach her room. She collapses against the door when she makes it, and relishes in the last moments of being alone before she has to put on an act for the next three days.
The room is clean, bed made, clothes completely put away. It looks like the room of someone who had everything they could ever need. It looks like the room of someone who isn't falling apart.
'Okay,' Chloe thinks, 'I can do this.' But she doesn't move away from the door, just stays there, letting it take all her weight, and breathes. Inhale, exhale, repeat. It's a simple enough process, but Chloe can never get enough air in and her breaths shutter on each exhale, turning it into a shaky, unsteady sound.
There's a soft knock on the door, and Chloe almost jumps in the air. She doesn't though, just flinches violently at the noise, then forces her shoulders to relax away from her ears and turns around.
She doesn't open the door immediately. She stares at it, tightens her ponytail, and tries to ignore the frantic beating of her heart.
When she opens the door three deep breaths later, Sabrina's face breaks into a wide sunlit grin. "Chloe!" she says, voice lively and bright, "It feels like I haven't see you in forever!" She leaps forward and crashes into Chloe, who stumbles back from the impact as Sabrina wraps her arms around her shoulders.
"How have you been?" she asks, right into Chloe's ear, thankfully oblivious to the panic Chloe's feeling because Sabrina's too close. Every inch of her wants to wrap her arms around Sabrina's waist, tug her closer until there's no space between them. She wants to rest her head on Sabrina's shoulder, mouth along the curve of her neck - No. She can't. Chloe remains still, stiff in the effort of holding herself back.
It's only a few moments later than Sabrina pulls back, her smile falling. "Oh, I'm so sorry," she says, "I know you're not very big on hugs, I was just so excited to see you."
Chloe swallows heavily and shrugs, careful not to look into Sabrina's eyes. "It's fine," she says, "I'm fine. How have you been?"
"I've been great! I can finally sleep as much as I want, now that school's out!"
"Yeah, that is pretty nice," Chloe agrees, stepping to the side so that Sabrina can actually come into the room. "Any exciting plans for the summer?"
Sabrina walks away from Chloe to place her bag on the floor besides the drawer. "Nothing too exciting," she says, "just going to visit my grandparents out in Le Cheylard." Her voice has dimmed, losing the spark of life that made all her words sound so full of energy. Something about her answer has Chloe worried; Sabrina loves her grandparents, loves visiting them, so what's changed that's made her so subdued?
Chloe wishes she never asked.
"What about you, Chloe?" Sabrina asks, perking up some as she turns to face Chloe.
"Just the usual public events. I might even be going to an evening ball sometime next month, but I'm not too sure about that yet."
"You're not traveling anywhere?"
Chloe shrugs. "Papa's too busy. He wants to be reelected so he's working hard this summer. And I've already gone everywhere I want to go, so there's really no point in going somewhere on my own."
"Guess you'll be having a Parisian summer for once, huh?" Sabrina giggles and Chloe wants to clutch her chest and sink too her knees; her laugh is so cute it's causing physical pain.
She kind of wants to stab herself for thinking that, but that would ruin Sabrina's day, so she holds off.
"So!" Sabrina claps her hands together. "What do you want to do?
"I got a couple of new movies. We can watch them if you want."
"Do you have Mr. and Mrs. Adelman?" Chloe blinks, then goes to the pile of movies one of the hotel staff left on her desk while she ate breakfast. It takes a moment to look through all the titles, and her heart sighs with relief when she spots the movie.
"Right here," she answers, holding up the movie.
Sabrina grins, excited and pleased. "I've been wanting to see that one all year! Come on, come on, let's watch!" She jumps onto the bed and sets up the pillows so they lean against the wall enough that she can lean back comfortably.
She makes such a pretty sight, laying back on the bed with her ankles crossed and a hand tucking her hair behind her ear. Chloe has to look away, take a moment to compose herself, because Sabrina's so close, and Chloe wants her so badly, but she knows she can't act on any of her desires. The one thing she wants more than anything in the world, close enough to touch, and she can't reach out.
It makes something in her ache, and she kinda wants to cry again, but she moves to pop the DVD into the movie player and set everything up instead.
Sabrina beckons her over the moment the movie begins. Chloe snags the remote on her way over and tries to put some space between them when she climbs onto the bed. But Sabrina pats the space right next to her and Chloe doesn't have a strong enough will to resist, so she goes and lets herself indulge the warmth that comes with being pressed against her side. Sabrina rests her head on Chloe's shoulder, and Chloe forgets how to breathe for a solid minute.
The movie is over quickly, like it happened between one blink and another. Chloe can't remember anything about it, but she can remember the soft smiles and laughter from Sabrina, as well as the tears that clung to her eyelashes when she blinked rapid to keep herself from crying.
Chloe doesn't remember much of the movie. She doesn't remember much of anything at all, really. All she focuses on is the beating of her heart and the forced steady breaths she takes.
It shouldn't be this hard. It's just Sabrina. She's done this a thousand times before. But, for some reason, it feels more intimate this time, a little quieter, a little closer.
"What did you think?" Sabrina asks, turning to face her with a grin, all bright and excited. She's still pressed against her, leaning into Chloe just enough for it to be felt, and Chloe feels her breath get knocked out of her lungs.
"It was pretty good," she says, voice flat and bored in a way she hopes covers up the lack of an actual answer. "Not my favorite movie ever, but still okay."
"I guess," Sabrina shrugs, looking away. "It was still fun though! There was so much drama! And romance! And the scene where he forgets her and asks who she is? That made me cry, honestly."
"Kinda bittersweet, the end," Chloe says. "There was so much going on, it was too much effort to keep track of it. I prefer my romances more sweet and slow."
Sabrina hums thoughtfully. "Like honey."
She turns back to Chloe, eyes searching for something. "Yeah," Chloe manages to breathe out, "Like honey."
"Okay! You pick the next movie then!"
They spend the rest of the day watching movies, taking breaks for lunch and dinner. Throughout it all, Sabrina stayed at Chloe's side, no matter how they shifted and changed position to be more comfortable. Even laying down on their stomachs, Sabrina had pressed up close against her side. At least with the movies playing, they didn't have to talk. Chloe wasn't sure she could keep her voice steady and feared the rough, breathless sounds she was sure would come out of her mouth.
She doesn't remember much of getting ready for bed, just that it was late and Sabrina's eyes kept fluttering close with exhaustion and she'd have to shake herself into wakefulness.
Chloe slept in silk pajamas. Sabrina wore a Ladybug shirt and shorts. They look out of place together, almost like a sign from the universe telling Chloe, See? You could never work together the way you want.
"Where will I sleep?" Sabrina asks, as she always does when she sleeps over.
"With me," Chloe says, too weak and selfish to send her away, or call for a second mattress to be brought into the room. "My bed's big enough for the both of us."
"And more," Sabrina giggles, but climbs onto the bed anyways. Chloe's heart hammers in her chest, and she pointedly turns away from Sabrina when they crawl under the covers and curl up to sleep.
Within a few minutes, Chloe's eyes adjust to the dark. She stares at the wall across the room, listening as Sabrina's breathing slows and settles. She always falls asleep quickly; Chloe knows from countless trips where she'd nod off in the car and rest her head against Chloe's shoulder. A few minutes pass, Chloe counting each second, before she gathers her courage and turns around slowly.
Sabrina sleeps curled on her side, a hand resting between her and Chloe as though she had been reaching out. Her face is soft in sleep, open and relaxed, a few strands of her hair on her cheek. Slowly, Chloe reaches out, gently brushing a fingertip against her cheekbone. When Sabrina doesn't react, she tucks the loose hair behind her ear, then traced the lines of her jaw.
Chloe moves closer, just a little, and lets herself hold Sabrina's hand.
It's the fastest she's ever fallen asleep.
When she wakes up, it's slow and hazy. No lingering remnants of nightmares cling to her consciousness. Instead the world is soft and golden and warm. Letting out a slow breath, Chloe blinks her eyes open and finds herself just a few inches away from Sabrina's face.
She's still asleep, mouth slightly parted, breaths soft and slow. Chloe can't look away; she wants to reach out and cup her jaw, let herself feel the softness of those pink lips against her own, wake up Sabrina gently.
She pulls away instead, slowly scooting out of Sabrina's arms - she wants to stay, warm and safe in a way she hasn't felt since her mother died - and sits up. It's been so long since she felt this well rested. Chloe doesn't know what to do without exhaustion constantly pulling at her body.
The sun is well past the horizon, bathing the room in golden light. Chloe stretches, then gets out of bed as quietly as possible.
For once, she doesn't put on makeup after she washes her face. For once, she didn't feel like she needs it. She gets dressed in something simple and puts her hair up, then slips on a pair of flats and leaves the room. She'd call the staff is she wasn't afraid of the call waking up Sabrina.
The kitchen is busy as it always it, but Chef Cesaire has a look of surprise on her face when Chloe quietly asks for breakfast to be sent up to her room. Breakfast for two. With a bowl of raspberries and kiwis.
Chef Cesaire smiles and assures her that it'll be up in half an hour. Chloe nods her thanks and leave, feeling vulnerable and exposed without her spoilt rich girl persona to hide her. But it feels good too, refreshing almost.
She kind of wants to do it again, but manages to convince herself it's a stupid idea before she can think on it any further.
Sabrina's still asleep when Chloe gets back to the room, but she's shifting slightly, twisting up the sheets in a way that means she's slowly waking up. Slowly, Chloe grabs her phone from her desk and gets back on the bed, sitting with her back against the headboard.
From Adrien: Chloe?
Her heart stutters in her chest and she stops breathing for a moment. Adrien sent another text a few hours earlier. Chloe stares as it, stares at the one word it consists of, before going to a different app to try to ignore the dull ache in her chest.
It's so quiet. Everything is quiet. Everything in her is quiet; not heartbeat thunders in her ears, no breath comes gasping out of her throat, no thoughts run circles in her head until she feels like she'll be sick. Everything is quiet and Chloe can feel some of the tension she's been carrying for the past months begin to slip away.
"Mmm," Sabrina groans, face smushed into the pillow. She turns her head and squints at the light. "Chloe?"
"Morning," she says, staring down at her phone instead of Sabrina, because there's a lot of things she can handle, but sleep-soft Sabrina in the morning is not one of them. "Breakfast will come up in a bit."
She turns her head back into the pillow and sighs before pushing herself up and stretching her arms high above her head. Her shirt pulls up a little at the movement, and Chloe can't help but stare from the corner of her eye.
"I'm gonna wash my face," Sabrina mumbles, clumsily pushing herself out the bed. Chloe doesn't respond beyond a nod she's sure Sabrina didn't see.
One of the kitchen staff brings a cart full of food into the room just as Sabrina stumbles out of the bathroom, looking more awake but still yawning and tired. The carts wheeled besides the bed, easily in reaching distance. The staff walks out without a word as Sabrina finally processes what she's seeing and brightens.
"Oh! Raspberries!" She throws herself onto the bed, laughing as she bounces them both, and crawls to the cart to grab the bowl.
"They're still your favorite fruit, right?"
Sabrina nods enthusiastically, already eating. "Always and forever!" she laughs, then pops another into her mouth.
Chloe nudges her with her shoulder, looking at her fondly. "Eat your actual breakfast first."
"Right!" she giggles and sets the bowl down. Chloe passes her a plate of chocolate chip pancakes, already covered in syrup, because no matter it seems Chloe doesn't care, she does know Sabrina's tastes. Chloe takes her own syrup-less pancakes and forgoes the utensils to simply pick up a pancake and bite into it.
They eat in comfortable silence, working their way through as many pancakes as they can before they give up on eating all of them. The hotel always makes the fluffiest pancakes that fill them up quickly. Despite their many attempts, Chloe and Sabrina have yet to eat a full stack - usually twelve pancakes - they have yet to succeed in eating all of them in one go. They stack the four pancakes left on Chloe's plate, then set it aside on the cart in favor of fruit.
Chloe bites into a kiwi slice, humming at the pleasant taste, feeling content for the first time in years. Sabrina picks up her bowl of raspberries again, but she doesn't immediately start popping them into her mouth.
That's the first sign that something's wrong.
The easy, comfortable silence between them disappears. Something heavy rests in the air, weighing them down. Chloe, unsure of what to say, tries to ignore it but keeps stealing concerned glances at Sabrina.
"Chloe." Sabrina's voice is quiet and resigned. The sudden surge of anxiety hits Chloe like a bullet train and she has to force herself to keep breathing.
"Yeah?" She tries to make her voice light and casual but misses the mark.
"I'm leaving. For lychee."
The world stops and falls apart. "What?"
Sabrina won't look up from her raspberry. She puts it into her mouth and chews to avoid answering the question. She swallows heavily. Chloe watches it all, stunned frozen.
"My dad. He's sending me to live with my grandparents in Le Cheylard. He- he's already enrolled me in the public school there, since it's the second best public school in France."
"But- why?"
Sabrina shrugs and eats another raspberry. "It's safer. The akuma are only in Paris. Nowhere else. Have you ever noticed that?"
Chloe hasn't, but now that she thinks about it, she's right: akuma only appear in Paris.
She swallows heavily and looks down to her kiwis. Her stomach's dropped at Sabrina's news. Her appetite is gone. She puts the bowl back on cart. "How long do you have?"
'How much time do I have left with you?' is what she wants to ask, but she doesn't.
She can't.
"I'm leaving in three days. I wanted to spend my last days here with you."
"With me?"
Sabrina laughs, but it comes out a little bitter, a little strained. "Of course. Who else? You're my best friend, Chloe. No one else."
Chloe looks to Sabrina, finally meets her eyes. "We're not going to lychee together." Sabrina shakes her head, small smile on her face that looks so sad Chloe can feel it in her heart. "We're not going to graduate together." Another shake of her head. "These are our last days together." Sabrina nods, and looks down.
Her heart aches. There's a bitter taste in her mouth and she can feel the familiar burn in her eyes that signal oncoming tears. She'll never have another chance to spend time with Sabrina soon. She's going to lose Sabrina.
She can see it easily: the parting of ways, the empty space besides her, the regret crushing her heart as she losing her chance to have Sabrina as she wants because she was afraid.
This is the last chance.
Though she knows it'll end in heartbreak, knows that it'll only hurt, it's her last chance to feel that pain, to let Sabrina ruin her for once rather than the other way around.
Chloe steels herself and straightens her back. She reaches out, cups Sabrina's cheek, and when Sabrina looks up, Chloe tucks her red hair behind her ear. She licks her lips nervously and leans closer, eyes flickering between Sabrina's wide green eyes and her slightly parted lips. Sabrina reaches a hand up slowly and grabs Chloe's wrist, but she doesn't push it off. Just. Holds it.
And Chloe closes the distance between them.
Her first kiss tastes like raspberries.
For a moment, Chloe lets herself get lost in the feeling of Sabrina's soft lips against hers, of how warm Sabrina's hand is on her wrist, of the startled breath Sabrina lets out that ghosts over her lips.
But.
Sabrina isn't kissing back. She's frozen, stunned, and Chloe feels something dark and cold curl up in her chest, wrapping around her lungs. She pulls away slowly, doesn't open her eyes until there's more space between them.
And the look on Sabrina's face, shocked and a little devastated, and Chloe feels her heart shatter in her ribcage.
"Sorry," she manages to choke out. Then she stands, leaves Sabrina on the bed, and flees.
She tears down the hallways like fire nips at her heels and she runs until she stumbles out onto the roof. The world's blurry and dissolves into nothingness as she collapses to her knees and sobs.
Chloe cries for a long time, and is still and silent for even longer. She only gets up when the sun begins to set and the sky begins to turn from blue into hues of orange and purple. Her knees ache and her legs shake when she stands, but she doesn't feel any of it, not really.
When she gets back to her room, she hesitates for a moment before entering.
The room is empty.
Sabrina's gone.
Chloe takes a moment to think of Sabrina's reaction, her wide eyes, how pale she had been. Take a moment burn the image of Sabrina, frozen still as a statue, barely breathing, into the forefront of her mind. Takes a moment to think that she was right, it really does hurt.
It hurts so much.