YEP! I need constructive critisum in my life, lol.
" Icepaw! Fernpaw! Icepaw! Fernpaw!" Foxpaw cheered. Brokenpaw shifted beside her, looking displaced. ' Next will be my warrior cermony.' she thought, moving her gaze towards Tigerblaze and her friend Rubyblaze watched the apprentices as they cheered. Fernpaw shifted. " Meeting dismissed." Swiftstar said, leaping off the branch. Foxpaw walked towards the medicine den to get mouse bile. ' I just do it quickly. Hope the med cat doesn't get mad.' she thoght. She narrowed her eyes, anger pulsing through her pelt. ' I didn't ask to be a fox! Why should I have to sneak around the den?' she thought, flattening her ears. She grabbed the mousebile and fled. Icepaw was walking in her direction and froze. She could see anger blazing through his eyes. " So on my first day I have to do Mouse Bile?!" he hissed, his pelt fluffing up as he paused next to her. " Well it's not my fault." she growled, dropping the moss. Icepaw glared at jer, his white pelt bristling. " Shut it, Fox!" he growled and stormed into the medicine cat den. Foxpaw stared at him, confusion sparking in her pelt. She felt something brush against her paw. Shatteredkit was standing infront of her, her eyes in a daze. She was muttering to herself and not paying attention to anything. She grabbed the mouse bile and walked toward the elders den.
o0oPeril burn my enemies o0o
Foxpaw sniffed the air. A day had passed since Icepaw had started acting differently. He used to be nice to her. What happened? she thought. " My first hunting trip! I hope I catch something! Wouldn't that make Icepaw jelouse. " Fernpaw said. She suddenly looked sad. " You okay...?" Brokenpaw asked, staring at Fernpaw. She jumped and stared at Brokenpaw for a second. " Yeah... Icepaw is just acting different." she said, sneezing. " Iceclan, attack!" a cat yowled, launching at her. " Fernpaw get help!" her mentor, Rubyblaze, yowled, pushing her out of the way of the cat. Foxpaw flung herself at a dark ginger tom. The tom blinked in confusion and slashed her. " I knew it! Birchclan is so weak they need foxes!" a white cat crowed. She spun around and flung the tom into a tree. She raced forward and clawed him. The tom whimpered and fled. Suddenly the white she cat attacked her. " Iceymoon!" the ginger cat called. The tom was stuck in a hole and slipping. " Gruffcaw, try to get up." the she cat said, looking worried for a second. " Retreat Iceclan!" the tomwho lead the attack yowled. She didn't like the sound f his voice. I would rather claw my ears out than have to listen to his voice. she thought. " Eeriecall, help!" Iceymoon snapped, flicking her tail at the tom who was slipping. Foxpaw raced forward as the tom lost his grip and fell. The ground was collasping on him. Foxpaw slid into it and slammed into the tom, just as the ground opened up and fell ontop of them.
The ground collasped over top of Gruffcaw and Foxpaw. Iceymoon took a step forward. A streak of brown raced past her, stopping at the hole. A white tom stopped next to her. " Icepaw, help! Do you want them to die?" the cat pleaded. The tom narrowed his eyes and raced forward, joining his sister in her digging. A few others were helping. She took a few more slow steps, confusion burning in her pelt. Why? Why try? Why would she try and save him? She raced forward, helping the cats. Soon a small tunnel appeared. She slid into the tunnel and bumped into a lump of fur. She grabbed it and backed out. " Foxpaw!" Fernpaw wailed, placing a paw on the fox. " Is Gruffcaw in there?" she asked, glaring at the tom as he walked out. The cat shook his head. Foxpaw coughed, getting onto shakey paws. " Is... Is.. is he... okay?" she struggled out, shivering. A tom raced forward. " Are... you ok?" he asked worriedly. " Brokenpaw it's okay. Is he okay?" she asked again, shivering and looking at the tunnel. Iceymoon took a step forward. " Why?" she asked. Foxpaw gave her a weird look. " Why? " she asked and sat down.
What does she mean? Why what? Foxpaw thought, shivering. She coughed again. " Is he okay? Tell me!" she said, staring at the cats surrounding her. Brokenpaw was letting her lean on his side. A white pelt came out of the tunnel. " I found fur!" Icepaw crowed. Iceymoon darted into the tunnel. He better be okay. He better. Starclan let him be okay! she thought. Oakleaf raced towards the clearing, herbs in tow. Foxpaw got to her paws and fell. Dark ginger and white appeared at the entrance. Why? she poundered on Iceymoon's question. I'm not heartless. she thought. Fernpaw was next to her. Foxpaw got to her paws. " Is he okay?" she asked. The dark ginger lump wasn't moving. She stumbled forward, staring at him. He gave a shallow cough amd opened his eyes. " Thank you." he said softly.