Chapter 12

For once, John was glad that he woke up before his alarm. It gave him the chance to snuggle closer to Mary, enjoy the warmth and think back to the previous night. It had been so intense. A few times he'd been afraid he'd come just from the sight of her. Or the thought that he might do the same with Sherlock one day…

He sighed happily, nuzzling her shoulder.

"Morning…" she muttered and then yawned.

"Hey." John smiled. "Are you okay?"

Mary nodded and turned over to face him, wincing a little.

"Are you sure?" John asked, frowning.

"Yes," she said, giving him a quick kiss. "Just a bit… sore…"

"I'm sorry." Now John felt a little guilty that he had enjoyed it so much.

"Don't be." Mary smiled. "It felt really good. It was definitely worth a little… ache… now."

John stroked her cheek. "Okay. So… If I'd like to do that again sometime… Would that be a pain in the arse?"

Mary stared at him for a second, then grabbed his pillow, pulled it out from under his head and tried to smother him with it.

…

John did want to follow Mary's advice and give Sherlock some space, but still he felt he had to try and reach out. In the end he decided on a short text as he sat waiting for Mike by the bar of a pub close to the video store. Just to remind Sherlock of his appointment the next day. There was no immediate answer, but John hadn't really expected one. At least they'd talk tomorrow.

"John!" Mike's greeting startled him, and a moment later his shoulder received a slap. "Glad you could make it."

"I promised I would, didn't I?" John chuckled and fished the flash drive out of his pocket. "Here, before I forget to give you that."

"Seen it already?" Mike grinned. "What did you think?"

John winced. "Are we really going to talk about this?"

"Hey, it used to be my work. Getting those guys from the right angle." Mike snorted. "Well, you know what I mean. I'm only happy that people still want to watch it."

"Well," John said seriously, "the camerawork was excellent."

Laughing, they ordered their beers and then found a quiet place to sit.

"How did you get to work for Angelo?" John asked. "I mean, I imagine it's not the most obvious career move."

"Oh, you know Angelo?" Mike looked surprised.

"Not well," John said. "I've eaten at his restaurant."

Mike smiled a little. "Good choice. Well… You know I've tried different things before I discovered I really had an eye for this. Shooting pictures, I mean. But finding work wasn't so easy, and then I discovered Angelo was looking for someone… I knew his magazines, so I wasn't going to pass up on the chance to prove myself to him. And then it turned out he was going to make more films, and I could stay if I wanted. We made a pretty good team there. Well… Except for Sherlock, of course. I've always sort of liked him. The way he was really driven. But I guess that was also the reason why he could be such an impossible diva." He chuckled.

"Still can, I think," John said, smiling.

"So you have met him?" Mike grinned. "Who'd have thought he'd listen to my advice on doctors."

John rolled his eyes. "It was just evil sending him to a… fan…"

Mike only looked more smug. "Some people'd say he deserved that. He could be a real dick to everyone he worked with."

"Then again, I am a good doctor," John pointed out.

"Well, as I said, I do like him." Mike took a sip of his beer. "I worked with him for a pretty long time. A lot of the crew sort of shied away from him, but I was just really eager to keep working for Angelo. He was just a good employer, you know. Paid us better than most would. And well, if you've talked to Sherlock you probably know what he's like, but it wasn't impossible to work with him either. I learned a lot. You just had to set your pride aside and listen to him." He took another sip and frowned a little. "I must say, if he'd delivered his instructions in a slightly more polite way, I think a lot more people would have wanted to listen. Most reacted by trying to bully him into working in more conventional ways and… he really didn't take well to that. If they were lucky, he'd walk out on them, but if he made the effort of inventing an insult… Damn, he could be mean."

John smiled. "He's pretty observant and people usually don't like the truth."

"Something like that." Mike nodded. "In the end it was so bad that I was the only one he wanted to work with. Which was really flattering, but not always convenient. Getting a few more days off would've been nice."

"What about the other actors?" John asked as they'd both sipped their beers again. "Is he as bad to them?"

"Well, not always. Just when he thinks they're not doing a good enough job. And that was pretty often. He's even sent people off the set." Mike smirked at the memory. "Angelo accepted a lot from him, but one time he got really angry. He gave Sherlock a right telling-off that he had no right to be like that to people Angelo had hired. I think we all expected Sherlock to shout back, but he just went quiet. For a couple of days he looked like a beaten dog."

"Well, an angry Angelo must be frightening," John said, smiling a little.

Mike nodded. "Very. But only a few weeks after that, he brought Sherlock a treat. I doubt he saw it like that at the time, but… This new actor was a complete novice. He'd done a couple of photo shoots, but that was it. The poor thing was so eager to get started. And cute as a button… Well, you've seen young Jim."

"Yeah," John said. "Mary likes him a lot. He looks a bit young for me, but… I can imagine they were interested to get him in their films."

"He looked much younger than he was for a long time," Mike said. "First time I met him I was joking around a bit, saying I wondered if it was actually legal what we were doing there. Turned out he was 25! Bit awkward, but he just laughed it off. Still… We didn't know what possessed Angelo to decide that Jim's first project should be with Sherlock. A couple of other crew members and me actually made bets on how long it'd be before Sherlock had the poor kid reduced to tears. And then they did their first scene together and… Hell, I'd never seen anything like that. Instant chemistry, you know?"

John hummed vaguely in acknowledgement. This was starting to sound all too much like some love-at-first-sight story from one of Sherwood's films. "So back then they also got along off screen?"

"Quite well, I'd say." Mike pushed his glasses up. "They spent that first afternoon together on set. Sherlock talked Jim through the action, showed him all the different positions he'd be putting him in, and you should have seen Jim. All eyes and ears, nodding to everything Sherlock said, doing his best to follow his exact orders. And his best was very good. That kid could act. I think even Sherlock must have been impressed, but of course he wouldn't say as much."

John finished his beer and ordered another for both of them, then turned back to Mike to hear more.

"Our next worry was how he would handle actually having sex in front of the camera," Mike continued. "But that also went better than we'd dared hope. He was a natural. Though it may have had something to do with Sherlock, too. He was so… gentle. More patient and sensual than I'd seen him with anyone else. I think there must have been some kind of attraction between them that crossed the borders of the professional, or Sherlock would never have changed like that."

John nodded, trying not to frown.

"We all reaped the benefits, of course." Mike smiled. "Angelo immediately declared Mind the Gap UMQRA's best film to date and proceeded to set up a whole series of films for Sherlock and Jim to do together. The two of them looked amazing on screen and although bits of the old Sherlock kept showing up at times, Jim had a subtle way of handling him. He just made him easier to work with. It was incredible. In the next year, their films brought in a lot of money, so we could make bigger productions, with ever more challenging and interesting camerawork too. To good times." He raised his new pint and drank, winking at John, who smiled.

"But they're not exactly on friendly terms now, are they?" John asked when he had taken a sip of his own. "Any idea what happened?"

Mike shrugged. "Not for sure, but… Around the time we started working on Relevé, pretty much everyone was convinced those two were a couple off screen. Except for Angelo, maybe. I don't think anyone had actually walked in on them, but yeah, those rumours were strong."

John almost wished he hadn't asked. He couldn't tell Mike that he didn't like to think of Sherlock being in a relationship with Jim. It was ridiculous to feel uncomfortable about something that happened so long ago, anyway, and yet something about the idea felt so wrong.

"While they were writing and planning that film, they were practically inseparable," Mike recalled. "Sherlock kept going on and on about how it would revolutionise the industry. Show everybody that porn didn't have to be just sex. That it could have a real plot. Real characters. And that viewers would get even more enjoyment from it by caring about the people they were watching having sex." He nodded slowly. "I wasn't so convinced at the time. I thought a small group of people might indeed enjoy that kind of film, but you know, most just want to use porn to get off and then move on, wouldn't you think? Then again, we could afford a little risk by then, and it was an interesting set-up. And once it was on the way, there was no denying that it was going to be spectacular. Those two guys were on fire. Their performances were worthy of a Hollywood hit… And then suddenly it was all over." He shook his head sadly. "We'd been shooting that big fight in New York. Not that we actually went to New York, of course, it was just a studio in Cardiff. Sherlock and Jim stayed on set to plan the sex scene for the next day. No surprises there - I mean, that's a really tricky one. All that anger and aggression… Bit of a leap from how those two usually worked, too." He cleared his throat and drank again.

"No one knew what happened that night. And the next day… God." Mike actually shivered. "They went at each other as if they really wanted to kill and devour each other. Which was what we were aiming for, of course, and the sex got pretty amazing, but… It was the hardest job I'd ever done to get the shots I needed. And when I asked to stop and change positions, it was as if they'd gone deaf. They just ignored me and went at it like there was no one else in the room. It wasn't exactly the best experience of my career."

"I can imagine," John said, pulling a face.

Mike took a large swig of his beer, then wiped his mouth. "Still got a worse one, though… After that scene, Sherlock went back home to London for a couple of days, while Jim shot the scenes that were supposed to take place in London. Earlier, Sherlock had promised to return in time to plan and rehearse the final scene, but the night before that shoot, I found Jim alone on the set, sitting in the middle of the large bed. He looked completely lost. Obviously I asked where Sherlock was, but he just shrugged. I talked him into taking some rest and the next morning Sherlock was there, so we started filming… But something was off. Their kissing was forced, sometimes even awkward to look at. And they moved on so quickly that in the end there was hardly any footage I could use. Sherlock's performance during the actual sex was flawless as always - maybe just a bit too flawless. But Jim… He didn't even try. He just lay there. Glaring at Sherlock as if he wanted to kill him or just glancing off into the distance as though it was all happening to someone else." Mike shook his head again. "Eventually it looked like he had started crying. I called cut and Jim just got up and left. Wouldn't even accept the robe he was offered. Sherlock got dressed and went off to talk to Angelo. A couple of days later they brought in this other kid. Richard, I think he was called. He had the right hair and build, but he was no Jim. We did manage to finish the scene with him, though, shooting around his face and other parts that would be too obviously not Jim…"

So Mary was right. The camera had been more focused on Sherwood, as they actually did have something to hide.

Mike emptied his pint. "They never worked together again after that. And not long after, a new actor joined the company… Sebastian Moran. Within a week, he and Jim were a couple. Case of rebound if you ever saw one, but then again I've heard they're still together now. But hell, they were bad. Snogging and more, all over the studio, as long as they could get away with it. They were hot together, but their films were often more messy and involved a lot more kink than Angelo had approved of before. It was as if he just let Jim have things his way. Sherlock, on the other hand, stopped acting altogether and decided he wanted to direct instead. You can imagine how that went…"

John snorted. "I'm sure he made for a popular director."

"You're guessing right." Mike chuckled. "Well, he soon gave it up and announced that he was going to take a break from work. By the time he got back, Angelo had announced that he was quitting the business and opening that restaurant he'd been talking about for years. Called it his semi-retirement. Sherlock figured he could as easily produce his own films and somehow talked me into joining him, but... It never really took off." He shrugged. "I can't help but wonder how things would have gone if the Sherwood and Jim collaboration hadn't gone awry."

John nodded. "Quite the story."

"Yeah…" Mike stared at his empty glass for a moment and then smiled. "Now, on to more interesting things. The adventures of Three Continents Watson… There should be enough to fill a couple of films there, eh?"

...

They had talked about all kinds of things and John was happy to have caught up with his old friend, but on the way home his thoughts returned to that first subject. Sherlock. Everything had pointed to some kind of involvement between Sherlock and Jim in the past, so it really shouldn't be a shock. And yet, actually hearing about it... John had to admit he felt a little upset. He didn't quite know why. Was it just that he didn't like Sherlock in a romantic relationship with someone else? He'd seen him with plenty of guys on screen, but that was Sherwood, not the man himself. And Sherlock had actually told him that he'd never had anything like he had with John. But perhaps he had wanted it. With Jim.

No, John decided. The thought just bothered him because he'd met Jim the way he was now. A hateful, angry little man seeking cover behind his bodyguard of a boyfriend. The thought that Sherlock had been with someone who was now able to treat him like that... That was why John had almost physically shuddered at Mike's story.

He glanced at his phone. Nothing from Sherlock, of course. Only a little over 12 hours before he'd see him again. Maybe he should just ask him then. How things had been with Jim. Explain that he knew it was none of his business, but that he kept hearing things that might give him the wrong idea, so he'd rather hear the story from Sherlock. Because they were together, even if things were complicated.

...

"John?" Mary said, softly, hesitating in the door to his office. "He's here…"

John looked up. It was a relief that Sherlock hadn't decided to ignore their appointment, but at the same time he felt a little nervous about how this would go. "Tell him he can come in," he said, smiling at Mary.

She nodded, whispered "Good luck," and left.

A moment later, Sherlock appeared. He was still wearing both his coat and scarf. His collar was up and his hands buried deep in his pockets.

"John…" he said, not coming any closer.

"Sherlock." John tried for a smile, but he was getting more worried by the second. "Please, come in and close the door."

With a curt nod, Sherlock stepped forward, then turned his back to John, as he seemed to put a great deal of focus into the simple task. When the door had clicked shut, he stood for a moment, his head down. Then he took a deep breath and turned to face John.

Frowning at how miserable he looked, John got to his feet and walked round his desk. "Sherlock… Are you okay?"

"Of course," Sherlock said, shrugging. "I'm fine. Perfect health, though…" He tried to chuckle. "We'll be trying to change that… right?"

"Of course," John echoed, "but… I think we need to talk. I've… I've missed you this week. After we spoke on the phone."

"We do," Sherlock muttered, looking down at his feet. "Is… Is Mary okay? Now?"

"Yeah. But… You know, she never intended for us to stop seeing each other. Just not…" He smiled a little. "Well, what we were about to do by that tree. Out in the open."

"I understand," Sherlock said, still not looking at him. "I…" His voice broke and he gasped. "It's fine."

John shook his head and stepped closer, until he could take his hand. "Sherlock, look at me. Please."

It seemed to take a great deal of effort, but Sherlock finally raised his head enough enough that John could see his eyes were a little red.

John bit his lip and reached out to touch Sherlock's cheek. "Sherlock…"

Sherlock's eyes fluttered shut and he leaned into John's touch. When he began speaking, the words came pouring out as if he couldn't control them. Couldn't stop:

"It's like... I've always been able to keep myself distant. All the things I did with partners. In movies or for other reasons... All the kisses... the looks... and touches... It was just mechanics. A means to an end. But then you happened and... John... For the first time I do these things because I really, really want to. Because I need them. It's like my body's betraying me. Or my... my heart? Every time I see you all I can think about is being as close to you as possible. The times we spent together... I've never felt anything like that." He gasped for breath and then put his hand over John's as if to keep it there. "It felt so good. Really, really good. I wasn't prepared for it. I had no techniques. No defences. You made me surrender and I didn't realise how vulnerable that made me until… until I thought that maybe I couldn't have it. That it had all been some horrible mistake. I mean… Who would want to be with me? Like that?"

For a moment John stood staring at him, his eyes wide. Then he put his other hand on Sherlock's shoulder. "God, Sherlock… I do. I'm sorry if I didn't make it clear enough… But I do." He looked into Sherlock's eyes and wanted to pull him in for a kiss, but he had to make sure that Sherlock understood. That it wasn't just about the kisses and caresses, but about him.

"Why?" Sherlock whispered.

John blinked. "Why?"

"I'm a pretty horrible person," Sherlock said, this time managing a small, crooked smile.

John nodded. "Oh yes. I've heard all that. But I also know how amazing you make me feel. How many times you've made me laugh and how kind you can be when you're not paying attention." He smiled a little. "You are the most brilliant man I've ever met. Who happens to be extremely attractive, too. Is that enough of a reason?"

Completely lost for words, Sherlock bit his lip and nodded. "Good… good reason…"

John grinned. "Thanks." He pulled his hand loose from Sherlock's and wrapped both his arms around him.

Sherlock practically sagged into the hug, breathing a shaky sigh. He rested his head on John's shoulder and just held him for a long time. Finally he pulled back. "Is it okay… Can I kiss you?" he asked.

"No one around here to see us, is there?" John said, smiling, before he stretched towards Sherlock's lips.

Sherlock bent down to meet him, whimpering as their lips met.

John had intended to make it a short kiss so they could go about the test, but now he couldn't help humming against Sherlock's lips, opening his mouth and wanting him even closer.

Sherlock all but thrust his tongue into John's mouth, pulling him so close against him that they almost tumbled.

John groaned, kissing him greedily, but Sherlock was so fierce he felt he could hardly keep up with him. It wasn't long before he felt his back hit the wall and then Sherlock's mouth left his, only to latch on to his neck, just below the ear.

Sherlock sucked and nibbled the skin as he moved his hands round so he could start unbuttoning John's shirt with frantic haste. Growling against John's skin, he moved down to bite his collarbone softly.

John moaned, still stroking Sherlock's waist. "We should… The test… Fuck..."

Sherlock just chuckled darkly, licking his way down to John's left nipple.

"Sherlock…" John groaned.

"John…" Sherlock breathed against his skin, pushing his open shirt aside, only to proceed with unbuckling his belt.

"What are you…?"

"What do you think?" As Sherlock pulled down the zipper of John's trousers, he sank gracefully to his knees.

"But I'm supposed to be… working…" John looked down at him and had to close his eyes for a moment. "Oh, hell…"

Sherlock's hands left him for a moment but then returned to pull both trousers and pants down.

John sighed and leaned his head back against the wall. "Are you sure you want… this…?" he asked the ceiling.

Instead of answering, Sherlock wrapped one hand around John's cock, stroking him a few times. Then he leaned forward and took him in his mouth, all the way to the root in one fluid motion.

"Ffffff…" John said, trying to keep his hips still. But then he realised they'd forgotten something. "Shouldn't we… condom…?" He looked down at Sherlock and licked his lips.

Sherlock pulled back slowly, letting him see that the condom was, in fact, already in place. He looked up at John, his eyes sparkling wickedly as he sucked him back in.

"Oh hell," John whimpered, one of his hands tangling in Sherlock's curls out of its own account. "You have to tell me sometime… how you… do that…" He let out another too-loud groan, before he realised he should keep quiet, as there could still be people waiting on the other side of the door.

Sherlock hummed as he began bobbing his head, keeping his eyes on John's.

"You're amazing…" John muttered. "Just… Sherlock…"

Sherlock didn't stop moving, but raised a questioning eyebrow.

John shook his head, his fingernails scratching softly over Sherlock's scalp. "I'm not going to hold out long."

With another hum, Sherlock began moving his head faster, doing something absolutely wicked with his tongue.

John slapped the hand that wasn't in Sherlock's hair over his mouth, but couldn't hold back a few small sounds as his hips jerked. "Fuck, Sherlock…"

Sherlock showed no mercy, but did the thing with his tongue again, sending John over the edge.

Afterwards John was sure he had made a lot more noise than was advisable, and he was slightly surprised to find that the wall was still supporting his weight when he came back to his senses. Sherlock was smugly grinning up at him and John shook his head a little incredulously.

"That was…" he started, but then realised he didn't have a word for it.

"I know," Sherlock said, removing the condom and tucking John back into his pants before pulling up his trousers.

John let out a chuckle. "So… Shall I return the favour?"

"Well.." Sherlock got to his feet. "Have you ever done that before?" He gave John a quick kiss and then began buttoning his shirt.

"No, but… Doesn't mean I don't want to…" John leaned in and stole another kiss.

"I think we should wait," Sherlock said, smiling down at him. "Until we have more time and… privacy…"

John nodded slowly. "There are other options, of course…"

"I think we should do the test." Sherlock stroked John's cheek gently. "We'll have plenty of opportunity later. Right?"

John nodded. "If you're sure."

"John." Sherlock took John's hand and gently moved it down to press against the front of his own trousers. "As much as I enjoyed doing that and… I really enjoyed doing that, I am not in desperate need of release. I can wait."

"Yes, of course." John cleared his throat, his fingers lingering in place just a little too long. He tried not to be disappointed at the fact that Sherlock wasn't even hard. After all he was a porn actor. He could control this kind of thing. But still, John would have liked to touch him…

Well, he still could. As his doctor.

"The test," he said, pulling back his hand and smiling up at Sherlock.

"The test," Sherlock agreed, nodding slowly.