I didn't start writing this on a Thursday and the chances are only 1/7 that you're reading it on a Thursday but whatever. The title fits the sentiment of the piece.
Anyway, we're switching gears here and doing an Aiden-centric! Except it's Aiden as a kid, when he was less of a big stinking jerk. Yep. Let's turn back time a few years…
Itty bitty 7-year-old Aiden is brought to daycare while his parents are at work. Today he decides that he will build a castle out of cardboard boxes and make himself the king of the daycare center. His line of logic is that if he's king, he gets to boss around the other kids. After all, Aiden loves being bossy. Yeah. Let's see how this turns out.
This was inspired by a Kids Next Door episode (do you remember that? Awesome cartoon.) wherein there's a goofy kid on the beach who builds a huge sandcastle and declares himself king of the beach. Then he tries to get Numbuh Three to be his queen. Much funny drama ensues as the other KND members try to rescue her from King Sandy's clutches.
Once upon a time in 2006…
Little Sprouts Daycare Centre promised "care day in and day out for each little sprout." Sprouts, of course, being small children. It was an obnoxiously cute place, a small pink building with flower beds in the front yard and kid's drawings in the windows. One little sprout, however, was upset about his visit to the daycare center. His mom had to practically drag him along to the daycare. He was babbling about how he didn't want to go and begged mom to let him come with her.
"Mo-om! I don't wanna go! I hate that place," he complained.
"Don't drag your feet on the ground like that, Aiden," his mom scolded. "Don't wear out your sneakers. Besides, you like Little Sprouts! You had fun the last time you were here."
"Why can't I come with you?" He stopped dragging his feet on the ground, but he was still resisting.
"I have to work, sweetheart, and there's no-one at home to watch you."
"What's that gotta do with it?"
"You're too young to be at home by yourself." She bent down and ruffled his hair.
Aiden pouted. "I'm big enough."
"No, you're not. Besides, you'll have more fun here than at home. Think of all the friends you get to make!"
"What if the kids are mean to me?"
"The grown-ups will look out for you," she reassured.
"But you'll be gone forever!"
"You're just here for one day a week. And it's only for the afternoon. I'll be back at four to pick you up." Her work schedule forced Aiden's mom to bring him to daycare on Tuesday afternoons. Otherwise it just didn't work out. She held open the door for her son and shooed him inside. He begrudgingly went where he was directed. Aiden's mom checked him in at the counter and then walked him into the playroom where the other kids were.
At the sight of a gaggle of other children, Aiden yelped and hid behind his mom's legs. She sighed and pushed him into view again.
"Look, Aiden. Those kids are having a good time. You can, too." She knelt down and pointed across the room at a girl. "And, oh wow! Your friend Maya is here, too! Isn't that cool?"
Aiden gasped a little when he saw the little blue-eyed, brown-haired girl playing with stuffed animals by the building block box. Her hair was up in pigtails and she had some paint smeared on her cheeks.
"What 'bout Gill? Is he here, too?"
"I don't know. Maybe." Aiden's mom checked her watch. "Oop! I have to go. Have fun, sweetie!"
She gave him a hug and kissed him on the forehead before standing up and turning to leave. Aiden looked upset, but the daycare director intercepted and caught him before he could make a getaway.
"I don't want Mom to leave!" he complained as the director shooed him into the playroom.
"She'll be back, Aiden. Go play with the other kids. Make some new friends."
Aiden shuffled into the thick of the playroom. He was assaulted with the sight of brightly colored kid furniture, the smell of tempera paint, and the sound of talking, laughing kiddos. There was plenty of activity today...
A nerdy girl with big glasses huddled in a quiet corner by the bookshelf, reading a storybook about fairies. She cuddled her stuffed unicorn close to her as she read.
Two boys smeared finger paint on a giant sheet of white paper. Then they tried smearing finger paint on each other, until the director stepped in and scolded them.
One kid with brown hair, a striped sweater, and squinting eyes sat on top of a beanbag, telling an involved story about climbing up a mountain and falling into a world full of monsters.
A group of girls strutted around in silly-looking dresses and skirts from the giant box of dress-up clothes. They were playing House, and they argued about who was going to be the mom and who would be the sister or the aunt or whatever. The girl playing the little sister stole an unfortunate boy's Gabriel action figure and taunted him with it.
"Gimme that back! That's mine!" the boy complained. Aiden recognized his voice: it was Gill!
"Oh, yeah? I'm gonna keep your doll until you do what I want." She turned to her friend. "I saw it in a play once. They kidnapped this one guy's girlfriend and made him do stuff for them so he could have her back."
"It's not a doll!" Gill protested. "It's an action figure!"
"Well, if you want your action figure back, you have to be dad when we play House. We need a dad."
Gill looked flabbergasted. "I don't want to be your dad!"
"Uh oh!" Aiden said. "I'm gonna help Gill."
He vaulted over a toy box and confronted the mean girls. "Give him his action figure back!"
"Oh, yeah?"
"Yeah!" Aiden flexed his nonexistent biceps. "Give it back and stop being mean to Gill or...or...or else!"
"Or else what?" She waved the toy in his face.
"Or…" Aiden looked around for inspiration. He saw a toy sheriff's badge sitting on the dress-up clothes pile. "Or...you're under arrest! Sheriff Aiden is gonna arrest you!"
"No! He's a cop!" Aiden was in character now, so the girls bought the act. "Okay, okay! Here's your dumb doll! Just don't arrest us, policeman."
They tossed the action figure at him and he caught it. He gave it back to Gill. He grabbed Gill by the arm and pulled him away from the girls.
"Good one, Aiden." Gill hugged his Gabriel action figure to his chest. "You're good with the pretending stuff."
"Thanks. Wanna play something with me and Maya?"
"Like what?"
Aiden shrugged. "I dunno. I kind of want to build something. I like building stuff."
"Ya. I like building stuff too."
Aiden glanced around the room and spotted a stack of cardboard boxes left out for the kids (after all, kids love cardboard boxes.) "Hey, look at those boxes! We could build something out of those."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah!" Gill cheered. "Like, uh, a fort. Or a house."
"Or a castle!" Aiden's mouth was wide open in a big, goofy smile. "Castles are sooo cool! Oh man. Mom took me to see a play at my school's theater last month, and it was about a king and a princess and stuff, and oh man! You shoulda seen the awesome-sauce castle the king had. I wanted it! I want a castle."
"Yeah, let's build a castle."
So they did. The two boys rolled out the boxes and started building a splendid castle. They had a talent for building. Aiden ran over to the bins of craft stuff, got a scissors and some markers, and then walked back (no running with scissors.) He split apart one box and made the top part of the castle, cutting it into a balcony shape with windows and battlements. Then, he and Gill decorated the rest with the markers. They drew dragons, stars, comets, broadswords, and fire on the castle, as well as lots of random splotches of color. They stepped back to admire their handiwork when they were done, feeling really good about themselves.
"Wowie, Aiden! It looks so cool," Gill gushed.
"Yeah, and check this out! I can go inside." Aiden pushed through the "gate" of the castle (it was actually a pillow case draped over the "door.") He stood on a stool behind the castle so he could look out from the "balcony." He had a wonderful view of the playroom and surveyed it proudly.
Aiden thrust out his arms grandly. "I can be king!"
"How come you get to be king? I wanna be king."
"No, it was my idea."
"But I helped you build it."
"You can be my servant."
"No, that's dumb. I wanna be king, too."
"You can't have two kings, Gill. It doesn't work that way."
"Yeah huh. I want to be king, too."
"What about prince? Or duke? Those are pretty cool, too."
"But you have the most power."
"That's not true. I read in a book once that even the king had to listen to the bosses at church. The church was the boss of everyone in the Middle Ages."
"Can I be a priest, then?" Gill pleaded.
"Yeah, sure."
"Yay! I'm gonna put on a robe and preach at people!"
"Uh-huh, yeah, you do that." Aiden watched Gill leave to fulfill his priestly duties, then sighed in relief. "Cool. I get to be king, and I don't got to share it with nobody."
Then he was stumped, because he didn't know what to do. What does a king do all day? He needed to figure out what he wanted to tell people to do. Oh, but first he had to let them know he was king, right?
He pounded on the side of his castle and yelled at the other kids. "Hey everyone! Listen to me!"
Most of the kids turned and looked at him quizzically.
"My name is Aiden and I'm the king of the daycare now! See my awesome castle? That means I'm king! And the rest of you guys aren't king. That means you have to do what I say."
"Boo!" most of the other kids yelled. Someone threw a bean bag at Aiden.
He dodged it. "Uh...If you be my loyal subjects, I'll share my cookies with you at snack time!"
"Yay!" the kids cheered. "Okay!"
He figured that his snacktime cookies were a worthy sacrifice in order to have the other kids accept him as king of the daycare center. He put on a crown he snatched out of the dress-up box to seal the deal and mark his authority.
"For my first degree as king...uh...um…" He tried to think of what he wanted; he hadn't expected to get this far. "Um...Everyone who is mean to me or my friends has to go to the dungeon!"
"Where's the dungeon?" a girl asked, cuddling her fairy doll. "Is it a scary place?"
"The dungeon is where all the bad people have to go," Aiden said, and then he pointed at the daycare's time-out chair. "There. That's the dungeon. And I decree that the girls who stole Gill's action figure have to go to the dungeon for being mean to my friend."
"Oh, no!" the offending girls squealed. "Not the time-out!"
"I'm king!" Aiden beat his fist against the castle wall. "What I say goes! Guards! Take them to the dungeon."
Nobody actually knew who the guards were supposed to be, but some sporty boys decided to take up the role. They grabbed the offending girls by the arms and dragged them over to the time-out place, then sat them down on the little time-out bench.
"And stay there," they said. "Uh, please."
Meanwhile, Aiden watched it with delight, pleased that people were listening to him. And so far, the director hadn't come by and told him to knock it off, so that was another plus. He rubbed his hands together, trying to think of what else he wanted.
"And...And...Um...If I say I want someone's toy, they have to give it! I like stuffed ocelots. Someone bring me a stuffed ocelot!"
A boy and a girl, who had been playing with the stuffed animals, looked at each other and shrugged. Not wanting to make King Aiden angry, they wandered off to where the stuffed animals were, retrieved an ocelot, and brought it back to Aiden. He took it from them and happily hugged it to his chest.
"Aha! Perfect! I'm so happy. I have everything I want for now. Thanks."
"You're welcome," they said, doing awkward bows.
"Now shoo. I want to play with my ocelot." Aiden sent them away. He hunkered down inside his castle and played with the toys he'd hoarded inside. He built a house for his ocelot out of blocks and read it stories from his favorite storybook. After a little while, he realized that he was feeling very lonely. It was lonely at the top of the daycare hierarchy! Wondering how to solve this issue, he climbed to the "balcony" of his cardboard castle again and surveyed his kingdom. Most of the kids were playing exactly as they had been before he decreed himself king.
"How dare they ignore their king!" He shook his little fist. "I need to find a way to get their attention so I don't feel lonely again."
He twiddled his thumbs, thinking. He glanced over his domain again. He noticed a group of girls painting dragons on big sheets of paper. It gave him a splendid idea.
"I've got it," he said to himself. "I'm lonely because I need someone in the castle with me. Maybe I should have a queen to help me rule. Yeah. That could be cool. We could talk to each other and pretend my ocelot is the prince and stuff. And I'll have everyone's attention when I officially make her queen. I can make everyone attend! Ha!"
Just then, Gill came prancing back. He'd raided the dress-up clothes, so now he wore a too-big princess dress as his priestly robe. He held a large book under his arm. He'd even made one of those big cross necklaces that priests wear...out of paper and yarn. The other kids were giving him weird looks. Gill was all smiles as he looked up at Aiden.
"Gill?" Aiden scratched the back of his head. "What are you…You're taking it too far, Gill."
"You said to play the part. I'm playing the part! Look at my costume!"
"It's very...nice, Gill."
"So the priest can tell the king what to do, right?" Gill asked. "You promised that I could."
"Uh...Yeah, sure," Aiden stammered. "Anyway, shoo. I'm doing something important."
"What?"
"A king can't rule on his own. I want a queen to rule by my side. I'm trying to decide which girl to take as my queen."
Gill smirked.
"Don't look at me like that!"
"I know who you're gonna pick. You want Maya as your queen. You like Maya."
Aiden's face turned cherry red. "Nuh-uh!"
"Yeah huh!"
"No!"
"Yeah!"
"Noooo!"
"Yeaaaaaah!" Gill started prancing and shouting. "Aiden loves Maya! Aiden loves Maya! Aiden and Maya, sittin' in a tree-Owwie!"
Aiden threw a beanbag at Gill and whacked him right in the back of the head. Gill scampered away, whimpering. Aiden went back to surveying his kingdom to figure out which girl he wanted for his queen. He didn't want to admit it, but he really did like Maya.
"I gotta impress her," he said, pacing inside his castle. "How do I do that? Think, Aiden, think. Uh...Oh, I've got it. I gotta look my best. Put on some good clothes, uh, bring her a flower...yeah! That'll do! Perfect."
He raided the dress-up clothes again, putting on a goofy fake-fur cape, and then adjusted his crown. He practiced winsome smiles in the mirror and flexed his tiny biceps. He made cat growl noises at his reflection.
"Oh, yeah. Looking good."
Now for the flower. He glanced around the room, hoping to find potted plants he could pick flowers from, but there weren't any. Apparently potted plants were too much of a liability in a daycare center. There weren't even any fake flowers he could use! So he grabbed some paper and markers and drew a flower for Maya instead. Once he had his "best look" and his flowers, he sauntered over to where Maya was.
Maya played checkers with a friend. Her pigtails bounced as she reached across the big checkerboard to move her piece.
"King me!" she declared, thumping the piece on the floor.
"Aw man!" her friend whined. "That's the third time you've won! I wanna win!"
"Ahem," Aiden said. He didn't clear his throat. He actually said the word "ahem" out loud. Maya looked up at him, annoyed that he was interrupting their game.
"You said 'king me!'" the friend gasped. "I bet you made King Aiden mad for saying that! He's the king!"
"No, I'm not mad at all," Aiden drawled. He suddenly bowed low in front of Maya. "Especially not to such a beautiful girl as you, Maya."
"I'm beautiful?" Maya's pudgy cheeks reddened.
"The most beautiful!" Aiden took her by the hand. "And the most charming and intelligent girl. That is why...well, would you honor me by being my queen?"
"Oh! You want me to be queen?"
"Yes! Do you accept, my fair lady?"
"Maya, Aiden's being weird," her friend complained. "Don't listen to him."
"She has to listen to me!" Aiden snapped. "I'm the king, remember? I do what I want!"
Maya giggled. "Do I get to wear a crown?"
"Yes! The biggest, most beautiful crown you want!" He kept holding onto her hand. If he remembered right from the boring romantic scenes in the plays he watched, the lead couple always held hands. "Be my queen, my darling! Uh!"
"I'm gonna be queen!" Maya gushed to her friend. "I'm gonna be queen!"
She and Aiden pranced away to the castle, hand in hand. They stood across from each other in front of it, still holding hands.
"Hey, everyone!" Aiden yelled at the other kids. "Come over here! I have something important to tell everyone!"
The kids begrudgingly left their toys and gathered in front of the castle.
"Okay, everybody, I'm king, and a king's gotta have a queen to help him rule, 'kay? So I'm gonna have Maya be queen. Maya's your queen, guys."
"Queen Maya," they said unenthusiastically. A little girl raised her hand.
"Yes?" He called on her.
"Does dis mean you're gonna mawwy her?" the little girl asked. "'Cuz don't da king and queen get mawwied?"
"Did someone say 'marry?'" Gill was on the scene in a second, standing before Aiden and Maya like the priest he was pretending to be. "I can wed this couple."
"Yay!" Aiden cheeered. "Okay, everyone has to watch this!"
A bunch of kids groaned in disappointment.
"It better not be a long wedding," one boy complained.
"Are you sure the priest guy has da legal qualifications to mawwy them?" the same little girl asked.
"Hold on a second," said an older girl. "Why is Gill wearing a dress."
"It's a robe!" Gill protested.
"It's a dress," the girl insisted. "You should take it off. Boys aren't supposed to wear dresses."
"That ain't true!" another boy said. "The preacher guys at church wear dresses like those right in front of everyone in church, and nobody don't yell at them for it."
Aiden was angry about the incidental discussions. "As king, I order everyone to be quiet! This is my wedding!"
"Sorry," said the other kids.
"Now, ahem." Gill opened up the book in his hand. It was actually a picture book about dogs, but he pretended it was a church book. "We are, um, here today to, uh, see the wedding of King Aiden and Queen Maya. Clap, please."
There was some obligatory applause.
"Yeah, thanks. Anyway, I think that now, um, they're supposed to say their vows and stuff. Hey, Aiden?"
"Yeah, Gill?"
"So do you want Maya to be your queen?"
"Uh-huh."
"And Maya?" Gill turned his attention to Maya.
"What is it, Gill?" she asked.
"Do you wanna marry Aiden?"
"Does it mean I get to be queen?"
"Uh-huh. At least I think it does."
"Okay, I'll marry him then."
"There you hear it, guys!" Gill waved his book. "So now that they've said their vows and stuff, oh wait. I think there's another part I have to say first. Um, what was it? ...Oh, yeah, that was it! So if anyone doesn't think these guys should get married, um, he or she gots to say it right now, or else they have to be quiet forever."
Right on cue, someone screamed, "I DON'T THINK THEY SHOULD GET MARRIED!"
Every head in the crowd turned toward the source of the voice. It was another kid marching down the aisle. She wore a blue superhero cape and a fedora from the dress-up box. When she was within arm's reach of Aiden and Maya, she took off her hat to reveal her identity.
Aiden was livid. "Petra?! What are you doing? You're ruining my wedding!"
"Aiden, you're too young to be getting married." Petra looked down at him from her superior stature of nine years to his seven. "You need to call off this 'wedding' and leave Maya alone."
Maya giggled. "Oh, it's okay, Petra. We're just pretending."
Aiden looked livid again. "Pretending? We aren't pretending."
"I thought we were just playing a game of make-believe," Maya said, confused.
"This isn't make believe." Aiden stomped on the ground. "I'm king of the daycare, and you're gonna be my queen. Okay?"
"Whoa, not okay." Maya pulled her hands out of his hold. "That's just weird, Aiden. We can't really get married. At least not yet."
"Why not?" Aiden stomped his foot some more.
"You're too young, dummy," Petra said. "I just told you so. You can't actually marry Maya, and you're not really king of the daycare. Everyone is just playing along."
"It's not a game!" Aiden insisted. "I'm kiiiiiiiing!"
"Fine!" Petra crossed her arms. "In that case, I'm declaring war on your kingdom."
"Whaaaat?" Aiden was flabbergasted that someone would dare oppose him. "You can't do that."
"Yes, I can. While you were busy ordering people around, I gathered an army of kids from the other room in the daycare center. We're going to defeat you in battle and take your kingdom away."
"No!" Aiden wailed. "Why are you being mean to me?"
"Because you're acting like a little power-hungry maniac," Petra responded. "Like, knock it off. It's really annoying."
Aiden looked at Petra, back at the kids, and then at Petra. "They look up to me as king. Hmph."
"So then you'll have to go to war with us." Petra flexed her biceps.
Aiden was so angry that he ripped off his cloak and crown. "Oh yeah?"
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah!"
"Yeah!"
Just then and very anticlimatically, Aiden's mom arrived to pick him up. She calmly wandered into their midst, grabbed her son by the hand, and walked him towards the door. She had no idea of the melodrama that she had waded into (and unintentionally diffused.) Aiden walked in stunned silence for a minute or two. Then, as he and his mom walked down the sidewalk towards home, it sank in what just happened.
"Oh, wow," he said.
"Did you have a good day at daycare, honey?" his mom asked.
"Yep."
"What did you play?"
"Well, we played make believe and built some stuff with cardboard boxes." He left out the weirder bits of the day's events.
"Sounds fun! You were nice to the other kids, right?"
"Uhh...Right."
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