3/9/12020 – The Sorels (and the story of Lily and Gulliver)

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Well, well, well. We have special visitors as expected.

And no, it's not the mail lady dropping off those awesome free corgi calendars (love those) or the delivery guy dropping off the nitro motor doohickey for Ao's RC car that he won't shut up about.

It's the entire Sorel clan, fresh off some slick rental they got from the nearby airport. And man, is it me or do high-ranking military officers have it all when it comes to rental cars? Like, seriously… that baby is PACKED. Four-wheel steering, 10-speaker system, heated seats for your pizza!? Mom, dad, gramps. If you get a chance, please blow some money for a ride like that. That old minivan is getting cramped, and it's no thanks to Maeter stuffing herself in the backseat with me.

Damn it, I'm getting sidetracked.

Okay, anyways. Back to the Sorels. Uncle Dom comes in with his typical high-brow military wear, saluting mom and dad like they just won the Republic Medal of Honor (and for the record, they did, but that's old news). Mom and dad both gave him a look like he was crazy, and dad just offered a handshake. I love Uncle Dom, but sometimes I just don't understand him... he's uptight and always thinking about the job, even when he's free. I'm sorry, but isn't the idea of a vacation to not think about your job? He's off and the dude is still living, breathing, and wearing his job! Come on, at least wear a sleeveless shirt and some short shorts to show us you don't give a crap (wait, actually… never mind).

But yeah, Aunt Anemone gets the idea! Look at her: high heels, pink sundress, sunglasses, and a big floppy sunhat. She's ready to relax on a picnic mat at the hillside park… if there weren't any refboarders like myself. She'd throw a big tantrum otherwise.

Lily's also here, and wow she's adorable. Matter of fact, she's the exact spitting image of her mom. Lily's wearing the smaller dress Aunt Anemone used to wear during the Human-Coralian War (no, not that weird skintight suit for combat. That would be the most uncomfortable onesie ever), and she even has the pink hair hanging down. I would gush over how cute she looked hadn't she given me the stink face again, flipped me off, and called me smelly. What four-year old knows how to flip off someone!? And come on, I don't smell that bad! Yeah, I wear the same purple hoodie every day, but I shower… once a day... that's, uh, that's how you're supposed to do it, right?

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[RANDOM SCRIBBLES]

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Uh, okay. I'm gonna make a confession here… you know that last journal entry where I say Lily exempts me from her little circle of friends? I'm not gonna sugarcoat this one any further so might as well spill the beans on the truth.

Two years ago, I was asked to babysit Lily because I felt like staying in the house to play this retro video game console Maurice fixed up at the time. It was something he picked up in our local thrift shop. He and dad like to swing by there to see if there's anything they could fix up and call their own… really nice piece of tech too. Touchscreen display, detachable side controllers, and you can switch between your TV and playing it on-the-go too…

Agh, damn it! Sidetracked again. But man… had a lot of good memories with that thing.

Anyways, Uncle Dom and Aunt Anemone went out with mom and dad for couples' night out, Maurice was teaching Ao how to play Dungeons and Dragons, and I was stuck babysitting Lily and her pet… thing, Gulliver. It was the first time I met her, and for the most part she was a really nice kid. Very adorable. Loves to read. Spoke really well for a 2-year old. Frightening to think she can read classic novels at her age, while all I did at her age was apparently eat chocolate cake frosting straight out the bucket.

I was two and I loved sweets. Sue me.

After playing games on Maurice's game console, a few rounds of patty cake, and Jenga for about like an hour, I was starting to get hungry. I went to the kitchen to grab some food and I saw some leftover fried chicken from the other day at the table. I grabbed a piece, and suddenly I saw Gulliver behind me and he looked like he was asking for a piece. I thought to myself "eh, why not? No harm in sharing, right?" I mean, at the time, I didn't know what his diet was, and come on… everyone loves dad's fried chicken. Right?

Hoo boy, I was so stupid.

I got back, heated some food on the oven, and Lily and I were playing some checkers. Then suddenly I heard something falling on the kitchen. We went back and found Gulliver devouring the rest of the fried chicken that he knocked on the ground. Lily began to freak out because apparently Dohan Sloths aren't supposed to eat meat. I tried to pick up whatever leftover fried chicken was on the ground as fast as possible, but the thing ate them all so quickly that I didn't even get a chance. Idiot.

After Gulliver ate all the chicken, he passed out for a bit and I thought he caught the itis from eating all that food quickly. I told Lily he might be alright and all the chicken he ate might eventually go out. Fifteen minutes and a defeated checkers match later, Gulliver started farting like crazy and stunk up the entire living room. Lily and I grabbed all the air fresheners and sprayed everywhere, and Maurice, Gramps, and Ao went down to help because the smell apparently went upstairs too. After that was done, Gulliver started whining and groaning, and looked like he was having it bad. He started pooping diarrhea all over the damn carpet and… ugh… this time it stank so bad we actually had to get out of the house.

Maurice drove us to the nearest convenience store and we bought all the air fresheners and anything we could use to clean up the poop. And yes, we even bought the scented candles there, because apparently the place sold scented candles for some reason. How convenient. We came back into the house as quickly as possible only to find mom, dad, Aunt Anemone, and Uncle Dom in front of our house looking like they were ready to kill us. Aunt Anemone and mom were especially furious when they found out Gulliver ate all the chicken and pooped the entire house. Worst of all, we found out he passed out from all that explosive diarrhea and needed critical medical attention.

A trip to the vet later, we found out that the chicken really messed Gulliver's stomach up. The good news is he wasn't going to die and all he needed was strict medications and probably some surgery to fix him up good. The bad news is that Lily blamed me for what I did to the poor thing and hated me that night. The visit ended early, and the Sorels didn't come back for a good while… mostly because they had busy schedules. They still visit occasionally, but Lily still didn't want to talk to me since I guess she still holding a grudge about what happened. Yep… can't play with the cool kids if you're stupid enough to feed a Dohan Sloth fried chicken.

That night, mom and dad got me, Maurice, and Ao fixing up the mess and blessing the house with air freshener and scented candles. And mom had me on bathroom duty for a week as punishment. Yay.

So, uh, yep. That's what happened with me and Lily. I know somewhere in my last entry I wrote something around the lines where Lily hated me for some reason… it's that I almost killed their pet sloth. I dunno, man, I try to forget what happened before and move on with my life, but Lily's here and… yeah.

Hopefully I'll try to mend the wounds and do something nice for her. In the meantime… I'm slacking off. Gotta help Uncle Dom move their shit to the guest room before mom kills me.

Peace.

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