Just a quick warning that this chapter mentions and describes panic attacks and violence.
As Vanessa arrived home just after dark from her Wednesday shift, she couldn't help but notice the silver Saturn that had been sitting in the parking lot of her apartment building. She had noticed it sitting there only at night, but for the last two nights in a row, ever since she had opened the letter. Her paranoia raged through her as she quickly jogged up the stairs to her apartment and locked the door with the new deadbolt she had installed and the chain.
She grabbed her purse off of her shoulder, searching for the gun that she had been carrying for the past two days as she tried to even out her breathing. She jumped as her phone started going off, practically causing her to shriek at it. Looking down at the screen she noticed that Jax was calling her, causing her to feel slightly more at ease and thankful.
"Hey." She answered.
"What's up, babe? I didn't know if you were gonna be back from work yet, but I just got some good news."
"Oh yeah? What news would that be?"
"Abel, he's getting outta the toaster on Saturday afternoon." She could hear the relief and the smile in his voice, causing her to smile too.
"That's great, Jax. I'm so happy for you. You're finally gonna be able to hold your son. You scared?"
"Would it be wrong to say that I'm fuckin' terrified?"
"Aw, the big bad biker's afraid of his tiny little baby?" She joked causing him to laugh over the speaker.
"Shut up. It's just scary to think that I have a son, y'know? Thinking about finally being able to hold him, it just makes it more real."
"You're gonna make a great dad." She told him.
"I hope so. I wanted to see you this weekend, but I'm not gonna be able to go on the Reno run. So, I was thinking that next weekend I can go and we can meet up. Fix the shit between us."
"There's nothing to fix, Jax. We're good. But I'd still like to see you though, if you… if you do decide to come up."
"I'd like that too, babe. Everything good with you?" She wanted to tell him the truth, she wanted to scream and cry and tell him that nothing was good and that she was scared.
"Of course, everything's fine." She lied.
"Alright, just checking in. I'll send you some pictures of the kid when he gets out of the toaster."
"Yeah, I'd really like that." She whispered out, feeling happy for him but a twinge of sadness knowing that they were never able to hold their little girl. "Congratulations, Jax."
They both hung up after saying their goodbyes as Vanessa looked out her window seeing the same car still parked at the far end of the lot. She couldn't see if anyone was inside, causing her to feel even more anxious. She couldn't shake the feeling of him being here. Of him watching her.
Vanessa usually loved having Thursdays off but the fact that he knew where she lived and worked had been causing her to stress out about being alone for too long. Instead of doing her grocery shopping or going to the laundromat across the street, Vanessa sat in her living room all day, gun by her side and her hand itching towards it anytime she heard any slight noise from outside.
Should I pack my shit and leave? Should I call someone for help? The thoughts ran through her head. She thought about bailing from Reno. Packing the very little number of things she had, getting a bus ticket, and going halfway across the country like she did a few months ago. She thought about calling Jax or Opie or David, or even someone back from New York. She didn't know what to do.
If she stayed, she could get hurt. If she ran, he could still follow her and hurt her. If she called someone else, they could get hurt. It was a lose-lose situation, and she couldn't handle the stress of it anymore.
After spending all of yesterday stuck inside her small apartment, Vanessa was more than ready to go to work again. It was a Friday, the busiest night at the club, so she knew that it would be a late night. Vanessa was just glad to be out of her apartment and with other people that she knew could protect her. Just having other people being around her had her feeling slightly more at ease.
It was a normal shift filled with lots of drunk and disgusting guys trying to 'relax' after a long day at their boring jobs by flirting with her. But she was used to it and it was better than the alternative of waiting for something to happen at her apartment. As it came closer to last call, the men started to file out of the club, and she was glad that the night was almost over.
Vanessa cleaned behind the bar as Casey went to the back room to make sure that all of the inventory was accounted for. After cleaning, she checked her phone and noticed that it was already past 3am and that all of the girls had already left.
She was in the backstage area and getting her things together when she heard the door open, just as she was putting on her jacket.
"Casey, you think you can give me a lift home?" She asked. She waited for the response but heard none. When she looked back towards the door, her heart fell, and the bile rose up in her throat. She reached over to her purse to search for the gun, but was not quick enough to it. He grabbed her wrist harshly and pulled her in for a hug.
"I've missed you, Nessie." She wanted to scream at the horrible nickname. The nickname that had nightmares attached to it.
"What are you doing here? You can't be here; you need to leave." She began to yell. Before she could scream for Mikey or Casey to help her, he pulled the gun from his holster and covered her mouth with his hand tightly.
"Shh, shh. It's okay, Nessie. It's okay. I just want to talk. Can we do that? Can we talk?" He said in a sickeningly sweet voice and she just nodded her head, angry and frightful tears falling from her eyes. "Okay, good. Good. I'm gonna let go, but you have to promise me you won't scream, can you do that? I don't want to have to hurt you." She slammed her eyes shut as she nodded again, feeling the weight of his hand off of her mouth, but his body was still pressed up against hers causing her to tremble with disgust.
"Please don't hurt me." She whispered out, the tears falling more now. "Just… Just let me go, Joshua."
"Vanessa, I don't want to hurt you. I want to help you. Get you away from here and away from that criminal of a biker." He holstered the gun and pulled her in for a hug, she tried to push away as he tightened his hold on her. "I waited for you in New York, I searched Charming. Now that I know you're here, we can be together. I think it's time we go back to New York." He pulled away to look at her and she refused to keep eye contact with him. All of the fear that has built up inside of her causing her to feel weak. But still her mind actively searched for something that she can protect herself with. "What do you think?"
"T-this, this is my home now. I can't go back." She tried to rationalize with him.
"Then I can move here, I'll request a transfer and we can find a place. Whatever happened between us in the past, is in the past, sweetie. I don't hold a grudge against you for the restraining order or for you leaving. We can work this out."
"There's nothing to work out, Joshua. There has never been anything between us." She spat angrily as she pushed him away from her. She saw the rage rise up in his face, the throbbing vein in his forehead that caused her to back away from him even more. He roughly pulled at her wrists, squeezing them before pushing her back against the makeup table causing all of the objects to crash around, many of them falling to the ground. The sharp edge of the table pushed harshly into the small of her back, causing a yelp to rush out of her.
"How could you say that? I love you! I've always loved you!" He yelled in her face before pulling her closer to him and pushing her back into the edge of the table again. She bellowed at the pain in her lower back, already feeling a bruise forming.
"Stop, stop! Please!" She begged him as she began crying even harder now. He looked deep into her eyes and his face fell, seeming less angry, like seeing her cry harder caused a switch in his head.
"I'm sorry, Vanessa. I told you I didn't want to hurt you, it's just that sometimes you just make me so angry. Why do you make me hurt you like that?" He asked as he puts his hand up to her face and gently tried to kiss her. She attempted to pull away but the grip that he had on her was too tight. He placed his lips on hers and she reached her hand over to the table, searching for any item that could potentially protect her. She whimpered when she felt the sharp blade of a single razor cut her hand. The tears continued falling as she tightened her grip on the razor, her hand now dripping blood. When he pulled away, she kept her hand hidden behind her back. "Let me take you home and we can talk about it there."
"N-no. No." She screamed at him as he grabbed a tight hold on her upper arm and began pulling her to the side door that led to the outside employee parking lot. "Stop!" She swiped her hand up quickly, the razor blade cut into the skin on his cheek bone and leading over to his eye. He threw her down to the ground while he screamed in pain, the blood dripping down his face like falling tears.
"You stupid bitch!" He howled, clearly in distress. As he was distracted by the now gushing cut on his face, she continued scooting herself further and further away from him as he grasped his face. She went to get up to get to her purse when he pulled his gun out again, pointing it at her head. She closed her eyes, ready for her end. Ready for the pain, the suffering, the loss to end. Ready to be with her daughter again.
"You get the fuck away from her!" A distinctly southern accent shrieked, causing her to open her eyes, seeing Casey holding the shotgun that they keep behind the bar in case of emergencies. She cocked the gun back when she saw Joshua move a little closer to Vanessa. "Give me a reason, asshole."
Joshua looked up, seeing the very enraged woman pointing the gun at him still, just waiting for him to make one move towards either of them. Both women could see him weighing his options, but neither had anticipated him abruptly running for the door leading outside to the employee parking lot while he fired three shots back at the women who were trying to duck for cover.
Vanessa's was on the ground, ducking behind the couch in the center of the room, her arms covering her head. As soon as the shooting stopped, Casey rushed over to Vanessa who seemed to be in shock. Casey gently shook her shoulder, muttering words that Vanessa couldn't perceive. When she looks into the eyes of the other woman, tears began to fall even harder. Her breathing was shallow and rushed, her heart feeling like it was ready to pound out of her chest while the walls felt like they were caving in. Her body was trembling but she couldn't make it stop as her vision became fuzzy.
"Are you okay, Vanessa?" Casey sat down next to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulder, trying her hardest to comfort the broken girl in front of her. "Are you having a panic attack?" She asked worriedly.
Vanessa nodded, her tears drowning her. She choked on the shallow breaths that were smothering her as all of the memories from New York flooding back.
"What do you want me to do here, V? You want me to call the cops?"
"N-No! No! Not the cops, please. Not the cops!" She yelled through her tears and gripped onto Casey, so she wouldn't move away from her. She tried to control her breathing using the techniques she learned over the past six years.
"What do you want me to do, babe? That guy could come back."
"My phone, it-it's in my bag." She said trying to sniffle and stop her crying, but it feels almost impossible this time.
"Who do you want me to call?"
"J-Jax. I need Jax, please call him."
Vanessa continued sitting on the floor with her knees pulled into her chest as Casey went through all of the contacts in the phone until she finally reached the number that she was looking for. Vanessa just wanted to hear Jax's voice, to feel the safety and security that she always felt when he was around. After pressing the call button, Casey waited for the voice on the other line.
Jax had just laid down in his bed after another long night with the club. He debated on going back to the clubhouse to find a warm body for the night, but instead just went to his own home, alone.
It seemed as though as soon as he shut his eyes his phone started buzzing on the table next to him. He groaned as he moved to pick it up to see who it was. He would never admit it, but his heart fluttered a little when he saw that it was Vanessa.
"Hey, babe. It's late." Jax answered, a small smile on his face.
"Is this Jax?" A voice that he had never heard asked, causing him to sit up in bed, worry etched onto his face. He couldn't help but wonder why some chick was calling him from her phone.
"Yeah, who's this?"
"I'm Casey. I'm one of Vanessa's friends from work."
"Is she alright?" Jax could hear the concern dripping in his own voice but he didn't care. All he cared about was ensuring that his girl was safe and that she was okay.
"Uh, some guy, he just tried to attack her at the club. She's really shaken up about it. She's having a panic attack and wanted me to call you."
"Is she okay? Can you put her on the phone?" Jax begged and waited for a few seconds until he heard sniffles and deep breaths on the other line.
"Jax?" He could hear the tears that were coming through as she spoke. His heart tightened in anger at the thought of someone hurting her.
"It's me, the hell happened?"
"I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry." She hiccupped through the tears. "I… I should have t-told you the truth about New York."
"What are you talking about, Vanessa?"
"He was here. He f-found me. I'm sorry. I don't know w-what to do, Jax." He could hear the fear in her voice as she sniffled through each word.
"Are you hurt? Do you need to go to the hospital?"
"N-no. I don't think so."
"Alright, babe. I got some guys in Reno right now. I'm gonna call one of them to come pick you up and bring you home. He's gonna stay with you until I get there."
"You can't ride out here by yourself, Jax. And w-what about Abel? You're supposed to be there for him tomorrow."
"Don't worry about that. You do not fuckin' leave that bar until someone with a kutte comes and gets you, you got me, Nessa?"
"Y-yes. I'm sorry, Jax."
"I'll see you in a few hours, darlin'."
Jax hung up the phone and ran his fingers through his hair. He quickly got out of his bed and threw on jeans, a t-shirt his SOA hoodie, and his kutte as he dialed the next number.
"What's up, Jax?" Juice asked, Jax could hear the smile in his tone and the chick he had with him laughing through the speaker.
"I need a favor, Juice."
"Yeah, what's up?"
"You know that club, Leather & Lace, it's a few blocks from the Reno clubhouse?" He heard Juice mutter an 'uh-huh' and continued on. "I got a friend who needs help. I need you to pick her up and bring her home, then stay with her until I get out there."
"This about Hale's sister?"
"Yeah, man. You remember how you couldn't get the name back from that restraining order she filed? Looks like I'm about to find out who the fuck it is when I get there."
"Shit man, the guy found her?"
"Yeah, I really need you to get over there as soon as you can."
"Sure, Jax. I'll see you soon."
Jax hung up and thought about what she had said about riding through the middle of Mayan territory alone. He decided it wasn't the best idea, so he picked up the keys to his Dodge Ram and headed out, nothing on his mind except getting his girl back and doing whatever he had to do to protect her.
AN: Thanks so much for almost 3,500 views. That's unreal! I wanted let everyone know that I officially will be posting an update every Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday by 10pm EST. If I stay ahead of my writing schedule, I may update more throughout the week. Also thank you to everyone who favorited and followed this story. Another big shout out to CharmingRaven, amandatate48, and otherworlder81 for reviewing. You guys are awesome and I really appreciate the nice words.