For all the answers those interview tapes gave, they also left me with more unanswered questions.
Why me?
What was wrong with me for letting it go on so long?
Why didn't I try to speak to a teacher or someone sooner?
Did I do something to make my uncle think I wanted him to touch me like that?
Why couldn't my father love me enough to want to protect me when I was being hurt?
Why didn't my father love me enough to not hurt me himself?
What did going through all of this mean about me…did it make me gay?
When will I stop feeling so dirty?
Maybe dad was right when he told me I was worthless and unlovable…maybe I did something somewhere along the line to deserve everything that had happened.
So many overwhelming thoughts swirled in my head.
Mom kept me out of school for a week after everything came out, she told the school I had come down with some sort of virus.
When I went back to school I hoped and prayed that no one had found out what had happened.
There wasn't much news coverage, and since I was a minor, they kept much of the proceedings that were going on closed to protect my privacy.
For all the hoping and wishing I did though…it only took two minutes that first day back to realize that once again, my prayers went unheard and unanswered.