It was their third night at the Puckerman house, and so far, every night Kurt and Matt had been woken up to what could only have been interpreted as sex noises. And that night had been no exception.
"Yeah, that's right," Kurt could make out, "It's time for a tune up!"
"Thirty-six point inspection?" Puck was saying.
"Matt and Kurt are in the next room!" Leah protested.
"I kinda think it's kinky," Puck said.
"Eew. That's my brother."
"Ok, just pretend it's Britt and Santana staying over instead."
"Like that's supposed to make it sexy?"
"Oh come on, you know you wanna crank that engine up," Puck was saying. Kurt rolled his eyes, knowing what was no doubt in store.
"Oh, that's it, Mr. Goodwrench," Leah was almost-yelling within a couple of seconds. "Rotate those tires."
"Ohhhhh yeah, baby, get ready for the spare…" Puck was saying
"Work that crankshaft, baby!" Leah yelled out.
"Ohhhh yeah, make that carburater purr," Leah replied.
The first night it happened, Matt and Kurt both had to stuff their heads in the pillows.
"Oh my GOD," Kurt had said that first night. "I don't think I'm going to be able to pass a Mr. Goodwrench anymore without busting out laughing," Kurt said through giggles.
"Oh GOD that'll be an awkward conversation with BJ," Matt replied.
"Nooooo kidding…." Kurt said
"And if I can get an oil change with a straight face from here on out, be very proud of me," Matt said finding it hard not to laugh loud enough for Puck and Leah to hear them.
Which of course only made them laugh harder.
But by the second night, it had gotten old, fast.
"Happyplacehappyhappyplace!" Kurt squeaked in the guest room next door.
"Make it stop! Make it stop! Make it stop!" Matt muttered with his head stuffed under the pillow next to him.
"Please, can we see if 'Cedes will let us crash on her couch tomorrow?" Kurt pleaded.
"And crush Leah?" Matt countered. "No way! Besides…Puck's not exactly a long-distance runner. It'll stop…" Matt breathed a sigh of relief as silence filled the room. "…there."
"I'm calling my therapist first thing in the morning," Kurt said. "I'm not kidding. I'm scarred for life here."
"You're scarred? That's MY sister," Matt said. "And…PUCK. Seriously…I know Puck's not a bad guy, but still he's…"
"TRUST me…I know…" Kurt finished, resting his hand on Matt's bare chest, nestling his head on its usual spot on Matt's shoulder.
"Kurt…" Matt said in an almost-whisper, pulling Kurt close to him. "I know you gave up your dream for me, and I see how homesick you get…and well…you know if it weren't for BJ…"
Kurt propped his head up with his elbow on the pillow so he could lock eyes with Matt. "The way I see it, I didn't give up anything. I have a job I love. I have BJ. I have you. I think I made the right decision."
"You wouldn't have even considered Chicago if it weren't for me."
"And if I hadn't made that choice," Kurt replied, cupping Matt's face in his hands, "I wouldn't have anything that makes life worth living,"
Matt couldn't help it. Sister's house or no, Matt was reminded once again just how amazing his partner was, and needed to tell him in a way that words could not. Matt's lips collided with Kurt's and their tongues fought for dominance as Matt's hands ran through Kurt's hair and Kurt's fingertip traced Matt's spine just before he teased at the drawstring of Matt's pajamas…
"It's time for a Three Thousand Mile Check-up," Puck's voice came from the other side of the wall.
And Kurt and Matt hadn't separated that fast since their teenage days in Kurt's old basement.
"What time does BJ's flight get in again?" Matt asked as he was getting ready the next morning.
"Not until 2:30, I think," Kurt said, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, and although he knew she would drive him crazy the minute she landed, he was ridiculously excited to see his daughter again. The first time she went off to Volleyball Camp when she was ten, he'd been too depressed to get out of bed for three days, and spending more than a couple of nights away from her never got easier.
"You know the minute she lands we're never going to get so much as a hello," Matt said with a sigh. "Especially if everyone comes with us. Because you know Puck's going to kick our asses if we don't let him come along."
"I think you and I can take him. I feel like I haven't seen you at all since we've gotten here. And I know she's going to want to see everyone, but…"
"You've missed her…I know," Matt said, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Me too."
"Which is why I suggest we keep the fact that we're picking her up to ourselves," Kurt said. "And plus, if it's just us, it gives me a chance to pick up a few things for Tina."
"Why do I suddenly feel sorry for Tina?" Matt said with a wicked grin.
"Oh come on, like I was going to let this die. They're going to pull out all the stops. Why shouldn't we? Oh hey," Kurt said, eyes lighting up, "think BJ would get in on the act?"
"I'm glad we're on the same side," Matt said, putting his arms around him. "Because sometimes I forget how evil you can be."
"What else do you want to do today before rehearsal tonight?" Kurt asked.
Matt put his hands around Kurt's neck and pulled him in for a kiss, running his hands through Kurt's hair, hands moving around to cup his face. It was urgent and hungry, and Kurt returned it in kind. Last night was the first time in DAYS they'd done anything in that department, and it had been abruptly cut off.
"I feel like I've just found an oasis in the desert," Kurt said breathlessly, before kissing Matt again.
Matt nibbled on Kurt's earlobe and whispered, "We should find someplace quiet. You know…get out of here," Kurt's breath hitched as Matt's lips moved lower.
"Funny," Kurt said as he directed them in the direction onto the bed. "I was thinking we should just stay in."
"Oh my GOD," Kurt said as he watched the passengers of Flight 423 from Chicago file into the airport. "The amount of fashion disasters on this plane makes me cranky."
Matt just shook his head as he anxiously scanned the passengers coming off the plane. "Putting up with Puck and Leah noises every night was making ME cranky. Oh damn, the therapy we're going to have to put BJ in after that is NOT going to be cheap."
"Send Puck the bill," Kurt said. His face lit up and he pointed in the direction of the terminal. "There she…" and then his expression turned into one of horror. "Oh my GOD."
"So didjya miss me?" Their daughter chirped as she came bounding up to them, and Matt finally realized what Kurt was freaking out about: streaks of purple running through her hair.
"What. Did. You. Do?" Kurt demanded. "It looks like you soaked some of your air in Koolaid!" he said, taking her backpack from her and digging around for her baseball cap. "Here. Put this on. I will NOT have you walking around in public like that. It's just…wrong…on sooooo many levels."
"What he means, Bumblebee, is that he's insanely glad to see you," Matt said grinning down at her. She took the cap from Kurt and put it on her head., and hugged him around the neck.
"Funny, Papa, I just thought Daddy was insane," she said laughing.
"Missed you too," she said hugging Kurt.
"Are you TRYING to send me to an early grave?" Kurt asked, but is eyes were dancing with amusement.
"Yes. That is my goal in life because you know all I'm after here is the inheritance money so I can drop out of school and open up my own chain of toe sock stores."
Kurt just shook his head. "Come on, Baby-girl, let's go get your luggage and go home." Matt shot Kurt a questioning look. "Oh, you know what I meant," Kurt insisted.
"Well, I don't. Wanna clue me in?"
"It seems that your aunts and uncles have launched a conspiracy involving us moving to Lima," Matt explained. "Our old teacher's got a new gig in Washington State. They're trying to convince us to buy the Schue place."
"Oh NO!" BJ shrieked. "I mean, I love everyone and all…but oh my GOD I'd die of boredom."
"Don't worry, BJ. We're not taking them UP on the suggestion," Kurt said quickly. "But they didn't even TRY to stop me from believing that your Aunt Tina is preggers, and I fully intend to let them keep believing that, so we have to make a stop at Babies 'R' Us on the way ho…" Kurt stopped himself. "Back."
"So do you want to stay at Aunt Leah and Uncle Puck's during the rehearsal, or would you rather come with?"
"Yeah, like I'd let the last rehearsal for Uncle Will's concert go without my valuable insight," BJ said as Matt got her suitcase off belt.
"Alright people, listen up!" Santana said to the group. "I hate making speeches. So I'm just going to say two words to you guys. Don't suck."
"I think what she's trying to say here," Rachel piped up, "is that we want to give the best teacher in the world the best send-off possible. I mean, I think it's safe to say for all the adults in the room that we wouldn't know where we'd be without Mr. Schue's guidance. Some of us," she said, smiling at Artie and Tina and then at Matt and Kurt, "found true love. For all of us, we found a place where we all belong and people we can count on no matter what. We truly are a family in every sense of the word."
"I can attest to that," BJ piped up.
"Thank you for that input, Bethany," BJ rolled her eyes. "Now, we all know it's been a long week, and we've put our hearts and souls into this performance, and although at times Kurt, you've gone a little flat, and at times, Finn, your rhythm is off and I don't know who it is of you guys," she said pointing to the kids, "but someone is always missing the cue in the all-important final number, but tomorrow night's going to be…AMAZING.. Just keep your eyes on the ball tonight guys. And I just have to say that…"
"Rachel," Santana interrupted. "It's only a two-hour rehearsal. Shut the hell up. PLACES EVERYONE!"
"Ok, let's begin here with the first group number."
A waifish-looking Asian kid began the first verse. "It's so…and the rest of the group joined in, "hard…to say goodbye…"
BJ thought he was a freak of nature. A little bitty kid like him? With a deep voice like that? It was insane.
"Chase, can we pick up the tempo on Everybody Fits?" Santana asked the accompanist. Chase was a tall boy with coffee-colored skin. He sat at the piano like he was born on the bench, and had large hands and broad shoulders. BJ thought he might've been handsome if it hadn't been for the thick glasses and the afro he sported.
Chase just grinned. "Ms. Lopez, if I can play the third movement of Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata in my sleep, I think I can pick up the tempo on a piece from an old, cheesey off-Broadway show."
"Next time, kid, just say yes ma'am."
"Yes Ma'am," Chase said with a grin.
BJ instantly hated him.
"Alright, people, let's not screw up the rhythms, please."
"Yuumm Yum" Rachel clapped, singing to the tune of Don't Stop Believin' "Cheeesebuuurger, frosted donuts and a fryyyy"
"Wait, when did we start talking about dinner?" Finn asked.
"It's a pedagogical method," Rachel explained, and everyone looked at her as though she were speaking a foreign language.
"Still lost on the whole dinner thing…" Artie said.
"It's a way to teach rhythm. Each division of the beat is a different food item," she said as though it was supposed to make perfect since. "Allow me to demonstrate. Pianist, give me a Middle C please." She inhaled and clapped with each syllable. "Blueberry cobbler blueberry cobbler, cheeseburger cheeseburger and-a fry yuuuuum." Now, Chase, play the rhythm I just sang. She smiled, which he did flawlessly. "See?"
"Damn, now I'm hungry," Puck said.
"Wait," Brittany said, "why are notes yummy? I thought they were printed on paper. I tried eating paper once in first grade. It was gross."
"Rachel, so help me if you open your mouth one more time if it's not to sing your parts, I'm cutting your solo," Santana said.
"You wouldn't!"
"Just get it right, people!"
Two hours later, everyone was ready to go, and famished thanks to Rachel's teaching method.
"Dinner tonight is at the Hummel house, everyone," Kurt announced at the end. "If anyone needs directions, just ask Santana."