Chapter 12

Warning: This chapter contains physical abuse. May be a trigger.

Carol could hear Daryl giving Hershel some explanation for Carol's need for fresh air, and from the silence that followed, they seemed to understand whatever it was he'd told them, so she took a moment to walk across the patio and look up at the sky. It was a clear night, not a cloud to be seen, and the moon was big and bright. The stars twinkled like millions of tiny little fireflies caught in a black net.

With a smile, she thought back to one night in the back of Daryl's truck, hands slick with sweat, slipping against each other, laughing and kissing and basking in the cool breeze as the stars hung over their heads, an infinite number of possibilities out there, just for them, waiting.

She heard what she thought was a giggle, and that snapped her attention back to the presence. Then she heard it again. Oh, young love, she thought, remembering that Beth had gone outside to meet her beau. But the next sound didn't sound quite like a giggle. In fact, it sounded painted, and Carol quickly moved off of the patio and walked along the back of the house toward the truck that was parked all the way up the drive by the large oak tree.

"Jimmy! Stop! That hurts!" Carol could hear her heart pounding in her ears, and she swallowed thickly, a sweat breaking out at her brow. "I told you, no! My daddy would have my hide!" Carol rounded the side of the house, just in time to see Jimmy pressing Beth up against the truck, one hand gripped firmly around her wrist, the other tugging harshly at the hair at the nape of her neck.

"You your daddy's girl, or are you mine?" he asked, face pressing close to hears. Even in the darkness, Carol could see Beth flinch, trying her best to wrench her arm free of his grasp. Carol thought back to the first time Ed had handled her that way, and she felt her stomach turn at the memory.

"I'm yours," Beth squeaked out, "but, Jimmy, you don't…"

"It matters what I think. You gonna grow up, or you gonna be a little girl the rest of your life?" he asked, letting go of her hair and gently stroking her cheek. "Baby, I'm sorry. You know how I get. I don't like doin' this to you. Don't like makin' you cry."

"I'm sorry," she choked out. "I'm sorry, Jimmy." He pressed a kiss to her lips, and that was when Carol stepped into sight. Beth gently pushed on his chest and nodded toward Carol with wide eyes. Jimmy quickly let go of Beth and moved at least two feet away from her.

"Evenin', ma'am," he said with a nod, tipping his hat to her.

"I think you should leave, Jimmy," Carol said quietly.

"He doesn't have to leave," Beth insisted. "We were just talkin'."

"Yeah, I see how he talks," Carol said boldly, stepping closer. "Jimmy? What's your last name, Jimmy?"

"Sanders, ma'am." He swallowed hard, looking every bit like a little boy caught doing something bad.

"Jimmy Sanders, you better just get in that truck and be on your before I get Beth's daddy out here. Because I will get him out here, and I will tell him just exactly what I saw."

"What?!" Beth asked, horrified, tears streaming down her face. "Please, don't! Please, don't tell my dad."

"Why don't you get in that truck and leave, Jimmy, before her daddy comes out here with one of his nice, big, hunting rifles?" Jimmy swallowed hard in that moment, fumbling for the door handle on the truck. He didn't even pass one glance toward Beth before he hopped in and started the truck, peeling out and hurrying off down the gravel drive, leaving Beth and Carol standing in a whirlwind of dust.

"Why'd you do that?!" Beth whimpered, wiping at her face. "It wasn't your business! He's gone. Now he won't come back." She wiped at her face, and Carol reached out, gently touching the red marks on Beth's wrist where Jimmy had grabbed her.

"Honey, that's going to bruise. You need to let your father look at it." Beth withdrew her hand quickly.

"No! It's fine. It's no big deal. I can handle it." Carol knew that rush of anxiety. She knew that cover up. She knew that dismissal. Beth had been here before, and the thought of it made her feel absolutely sick.

"Oh, sweetheart," Carol murmured.

"It's nothing. It just…it's nothing. We were just arguin', and he got upset. That's all. It's fine."

"Let me guess," Carol murmured, "you made him upset."

"That's right."

"You make him upset a lot, right?" Beth flinched, looking away, and Carol sniffled, raising her eyebrows.

"So he gets mad? Lots of people get mad." Carol bobbed her head slowly in a nod, understanding exactly what this girl was thinking, because she'd been there before, she'd lived it before. She watched as Beth wiped another tear away, and she smiled sadly at the girl.

"You piss him off, and you bring out the bad in him, and he begs you to stop making him so angry, because he doesn't want to hurt you. He doesn't like to hurt you. But when he's hurting you, you see it in his eyes. You see that this is your life, and this is your man. And then he's soft with you. Gentle. He tells you he loves you, and in that moment, you see that this is how your life will be. Everything will be fine. And it's fine. Until the next time you…piss him off." Beth's eyes were downcast now, and she turned away, unwilling to look at the woman standing before her. "You learn to cover the bruises. It's part of your routine, just like brushing your teeth." Her voice shook, and she could almost feel one hand around her neck and the other clamping over her mouth as he pushed her against the wall and willed her to stop her crying so the neighbors wouldn't hear.

"I love him," Beth sniffled. "He doesn't mean to hurt me. He loves me." Carol took another step forward, and Beth flinched, taking one step backward.

"Sweetheart," Carol murmured, "love isn't supposed to feel like this." She brushed her fingers gently across Beth's forehead, swiping away a loose strand of hair. "And I'm going to tell your father, because you may not know it now, but telling nobody, willing him to change…it's not going to do any bit of good. You'll stay with him, because you think this is your life, and he's the only man that's ever going to want you, and one day, one day, he might go too far. Honey, you're better than that. You deserve better than that. Love hurts, but it isn't supposed to hurt like this." She soothed her fingers over Beth's wrist, and Beth winced. It was swelling, and Carol sighed. "Beth, you need to get that looked at. You could have a bad sprain, or worse, a fracture." Beth whimpered again, shaking her head. "Come on. It's going to be ok. I promise." She started to lead Beth toward the house, but Beth pulled back.

"I can't. He'll…he'll…"

"He's your father. He loves you." Beth shook her head again. Just then, the front porch light flipped on, and the sound of boots thudding against the wooden porch floor had Beth bristling as somebody walked the arc of the wraparound porch.

"I can't. I can't tell him. Please, don't tell him."

"What on Earth is goin' on out here?" Hershel asked, peering out into the yard. Beth's shoulders shook, and she broke down in tears. She bolted, heading straight for the back of the house, avoiding her father and hurrying in through the patio doors. Daryl, Glenn and Maggie stood behind Hershel, all eyes on Carol. She swallowed hard, her thoughts wandering back to that night in the hospital room, panting and crying out in pain as she went through labor, trying to answer the officers' questions, all eyes on her, sympathetic, quizzical, neutral.

She took a deep breath, bringing herself back to the present, taking a step toward the porch.

"Hershel, there's something I think you need to know about Beth."

...

The keys jangled against the doorframe as Daryl unlocked the front door. He flicked the overhead light on, and Carol carried Sophia into the house, immediately taking her back to her room and putting her down in the bassinet. She was exhausted, physically and emotionally, and she honestly felt like she could sleep for two days and not wake up once.

But she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep a wink if she were to lay down. She had too much on her mind, and all she was going to be able to muster would be a series of tosses and turns. So, she made sure that Sophia was comfortable and sleeping soundly before making her way into the kitchen, where Daryl was already working on making a pot of coffee.

He heard her bare feet against the linoleum and turned.

"You ok?" he asked.

"You keep asking me that," she reminded him. "I keep telling you I'm fine."

"Can't be easy, what ya had to do tonight. 'Specially for you." Carol flinched, and shrugged her shoulders.

"I did what I had to do. Hershel needed to know. Beth wasn't going to tell him, so I had to. Maybe it wasn't my place, but…"

"But you didn't have nobody to tell for you," he guessed. She nodded, sniffling then.

"She's just a baby, Daryl. Sixteen with the whole world in front of her, and she thought…she thought that it was her fault. That she made him do it. God, Daryl, I've been there. Only, I wasn't so young."

"That boy'll be lucky if Hershel don't get the hounds after him 'fore morning comes."

"Daryl, did you see his face? Did you see his face when I told him? He…" She sniffled. "God, it was awful."

"He had to know. Ya did the right thing."

"I know," she murmured. "I know." She looked down then, and he crossed the space between them, placing his hands gently on her shoulders. He traced gentle circles along her collarbones, and she finally inched her head up, meeting his gaze.

"I remember bein' real little, beggin' my mama to leave my daddy. He'd hit her. He'd hit me'n Merle. And he'd tell us it was for our own good, 'cause we was bad, 'cause we deserved it. And she'd let him, 'cause he'd go and get her her next fix. She'd take whatever he gave her. Broke her jaw once. But I'd still beg her. Beg her to leave him and take us somewhere new and start over." Daryl swallowed hard. "I'll never forget her kneelin' down, lookin' me straight in the eye—and I weren't no more'n five or six-and sayin' 'there ain't no place to go. He's your daddy. You don't pick your family. You just gotta live with 'em.'" He shook his head.

"I thank God every day I got away from Ed before Sophia was born. Still, he found me. He told me I was his, that a divorce didn't mean anything. He said I'm his, and he tried to show me that." She placed her hand over her stomach, feeling a twinge in her ribs as she remembered him kicking her so hard she couldn't breathe.

"He ain't never gonna hurt you again," Daryl swore, bringing one hand up to cup her face. She leaned into his touch, placing her hand over his.

"You say that," she whispers, "but every night, I dream. Sometimes they're happy dreams. And he's gone. Other times, he's here. He's found me. He takes Sophia or worse." She blinked back the tears.

"We got the law on our side. He comes around, you call in that restrainin' order."

"Ed doesn't care about things like that." She shook her head. A tear slipped down her cheek, and Daryl gently brushed it away.

"Wish there was anything I could do to take back the last five years, change things for ya."

"What happened, happened. There's no changing it. And I got a beautiful daughter out of all of that pain. Daryl, I wouldn't give her up for anything. But I'm not looking back anymore. I can't. I just need to keep moving on. And you need to do that, too, because I want…"

"What?" he murmured. She smiled sadly at him, tracing her fingertips down his jaw.

"I want this. I want us. How we were before." She swallowed the lump in her throat, watching as his gaze faltered, as he chewed his lower lip and prayed for words. "I want to be happy, and the only time in my life I was ever happy was when I was with you."

"Me too," he admitted, resting his forehead against hers.

"Do you want that? Do you…want me?"

"Never stopped wantin' you," he said quietly, gaze on her lips now. "Ain't never stopped thinkin' about you." He watched as the tears filled her eyes, and her lip trembled, and a smile spread across her face. And then her arms were wrapped around his shoulders, and she was resting her head against his chest. He put his hand on her back, inhaling the sweet scent of her shampoo.

"Ok," she whispered after a moment, pulling back and pressing a soft kiss to his lips. "No more looking back. No more blaming yourself, because I know you do. I don't want to see pity in your eyes. I just want to see…you. You're my best friend, Daryl." She stood on her tiptoes, pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

"You're mine," he responded in kind. "Don't wanna hurt you."

"So don't hurt me," she replied with a knowing smile, brushing his hair up out of his eyes. "And don't go making stupid decisions because you think it's best for me, ok?" Daryl snorted then, and he couldn't help but smile when she smiled.

"Can't make no promises there."

"Jus…talk to me first. Don't go thinking you're not good enough for me, that I deserve better, because I know what I want, and there's nothing better." Daryl swallowed then, and he leaned in, kissing her softly, never wanting to let go of her. This felt like a dream he never wanted to wake up from. When he pulled back, she blinked sleepily up at him. And then she sighed, feeling the weight of the day resting wearily on her shoulders. "We should get some sleep."

"So much for the coffee."

"Well, it's not wasted," she smirked. "You poured the water in and forgot the grounds."

"Shit," he muttered, running his hand over his face. "Guess I'm more tired than I thought."

"It's ok. Let's go get some sleep, ok?" She turned off the coffee pot and took his hand in hers. When they made it to the hallway, Daryl started to let go of her hand and head for his room. "Daryl?"

"Yeah?"

"Could you stay with me? Tonight? I really don't…I don't want to be alone tonight." Daryl swallowed back the coiling anxiety and nodded.

"I can do that," he promised. She smiled sleepily at him, led him into her room, and they both crawled into the bed, curling up together, just holding one another, and before long, they were both fast asleep, and it was the best night's sleep either of them had had in far too long.