Fast update, neh? I had an epic, hilarious day yesterday, so I was inspired xD

Disclaimer: No owny RE. No owny song 'Windmill'. Helloween does!

Inspired by:I was singing... Or more, playing singstar with my friend. It was sheer brilliance.

A/N: Okay, first weed, now windmills, and next time whores and wardrobe in one chapter.

Warnings: Crackfic. (Though I swear to Wesker, it's a sugarhigh.)

Thanks to: Ultimolu, michaellover, Spark Of Insanity, slouchingtyger, Zombiegirl2007, The Famous Fire Lady M, RedHell, CarrieChaos and resident evil fangirl for reviewing... Thanks strangahs, I appreciate it big time. ^^

Ready for some more? In that case; Please, enjoy.

Wesker has a way with windmills?

Or perhaps he doesn't...

The grass appeared to go on forever. It felt like they had been walking for hours now, and still there weren't any signs of any windmills nearby. While cursing himself for coming up with the lamest idea ever, Krauser just kept on walking. He had to keep walking, or else the sky would fall down.

HUNK was cursing Krauser too, because now they had to walk. And they weren't walking very fast, which he blamed Wesker for. HUNK should've known better than to go out for a walk with a turtle. Turtles were slow, and HUNK wondered why he never noticed that before. Of course Wesker didn't do any hard work himself, he would never get it done in time. That's why he had HUNK and Krauser, because they weren't turtles, they were actually human.

Wesker didn't see HUNK glaring daggers at him. Wesker didn't see a pissy Krauser. Wesker didn't see the grass that went on forever. Wesker had become completely obsessed with his handy hands. Despite the fact they were very heavy, he was very pleased to have them. Every once in a while he would light his joint again, only to admire his handy hand using the lighter.
Then he would wonder about Chris Redfield, only to have his thoughts replaced by thoughts about windmills, and especially about tieing Krauser to one. Yeah, Wesker was lost in his thoughts.

"Ahem..." HUNK groaned. "How about you speed up a little?" He started walking behind his boss, trying to push him a little.

Wesker turned around with the speed of a... turtle, and frowned. "Don't interrupt my thoughts, I am about to have an epiphany." He stated slowly. Very slowly.

"Then have one soon, before I start carrying you!" The special agent replied, while cursing the weed, Krauser, Wesker and the sky, which wasn't going to fall down.

"That's an excellent idea!" Wesker exclaimed, waving his lighter in front of HUNK's face. "How about piggyback."

HUNK slowly shook his head and took his boss on his back. The fact that Wesker was actually taller than HUNK made it look rather ridiculous, but for some reason none of them gave a damn about how they looked at that point. Perhaps it was the weed, perhaps it was the country, or perhaps they were just losing it.

"According to my map there should be a windmill there!" Krauser butted in on the slow conversation. "But I don't see it!"

"Jack..." HUNK sighed. "That's not a map, that's a postcard."

"Isn't that the same thing?" Jack asked confused. "I mean, this is a picture of a windmill standing near the grass. We are on the grass, therefore there should be a windmill." Jack nodded to add some strength to his logical words.

HUNK cocked an eyebrow. "There's grass everywhere, remember?"

Wesker, suddenly remembering his experiences with grass, nodded. "I saw blue grass once, it cured poison..." He whispered in HUNK's ear.

"You already told us sir, they're blue herbs and they are normal." HUNK scratched his ear. "And don't whisper in my ear, man... It itches."

"But they're not allowed to hear us..." Wesker whispered back.

"Who?"

"The smurfs..."

"Hey, it's a mill! Or at least I think it is." HUNK suddenly changed the subject, afraid of what else Wesker would end up saying. "Jack, I'm telling you, the sky won't fall down."

Krauser quietly walked up to the mill and hummed a little tune that popped into his head. Happily he gave himself a big hug and sang the windmill a song it would appreciate for sure.

"Windmill, windmill, keep on turning;
show me the way, take me today
Windmill, windmill, hearts are yearning,
longing for love and a chance to be free"

"Did Jack just... sing?" Wesker whispered in HUNK's ear.

HUNK shrugged wildly in order get Wesker's face away from his own. "Yes, he did."

"Why?" Weary Wesker whispered.

"Cause he's stupid, as are you, sir."

Wesker just chuckled and raised his hand in order to study it again. His handy hand was now Wesker's most beloved possession, even more than his sunglasses.

"It's time." Krauser stated seriously. "I must go up and prevent the sky from falling down." He saluted his comrades and went up the ladder that led him to one of the sails. "Please come up and tie me to this thing."

"I'm not climbing up, man... I might injure my handy hand." Wesker's eyes grew large behind his sunglasses. "And if I hurt my handy hand, all hope will be lost."

HUNK was about to lose his patience and dropped Wesker on the grass, not caring about the poor man's behind. "Sir, I think all hope is lost already!"

Very annoyed the quiet TMP-abuser climbed up aswell and grabbed the rope Krauser handed him. He decided not to ask where the rope came from, and started to tie Jack to the sail. Quietly HUNK thanked the weather-gods for not making it a windy day, so the mill obviously wouldn't turn.

After tieing Krauser to the windmill HUNK jumped down and sat down next to his boss, who was trying to have a conversation with a white kitten that had somehow shown up.

"Kitteh kitteh in the grass, I'm high." Wesker petted the cat. "I'm high, and soon Krauser will be even higher!"

"Meow." HUNK mumbled under his breath.

"I know, kitteh." Wesker thought the kitten was talking back. "Have you heard about the blue grass yet?"

"Argh!"

In the meanwhile Jack was thinking very hard, because something didn't make a lot of sense to him... "So if I go up while standing like this, I will end up upside-down, right?" He mused, scratching the back of his head. "And if I'm upside down, my hands will not reach the sky, therefore... Therefore it will still fall down." He gasped. "And then, rather than having a blue hat, I will have blue shoes!"

Back in the grass Wesker was starting to feel a little sick. Suddenly a bit scared he reached for HUNK's hand and grabbed a hold of it. "HUNK man, I feel... bad."

"That's nice, sir." HUNK said absent-mindedly, caressing Wesker's hand with his thumb. He was staring at Jack, who appeared to be talking to himself. A bit worried HUNK questioned his comrade's safety and sanity.

"I'm feeling sick and tired." Wesker sighed annoyed. "A minute ago I was perfectly fine." He reached for his sunglasses and took them off, revealing a pair of freaky-looking eyes. "Maybe it's because it's always so dark in my life."

HUNK turned his attention back to his boss and cocked an eyebrow again. HUNK's doing a lot of cocking, isn't he? "Dude.. Put those back on before the smurfs see your eyes!" He said, mocking the man.

Wesker shrugged. "Whatever." He rolled over on his stomach and rested his head on his arms.

HUNK knew what this meant. This meant the weed would lose its effect soon, and Wesker would finally return to normal. HUNK himself wasn't affected by it anymore already, his body was getting used to it, so he needed more to stay high for longer periods of time.
A bit amused he wondered how Krauser was doing, and hoped it would stay windstill until Krauser would be sober again aswell.

"Windmill, windmill, keep on turning." Krauser stated annoyed. "I should be tied to here upside-down, but then, if you don't turn, all blood usually going to my ding-dong will go to my head." Jack frowned. "That's a lot of blood, lemme tell ya that." He sighed, suddenly his plan didn't seem that good anymore.

Wesker in the meanwhile had started snoring like a truck, chasing away every living creature around him except for HUNK. Even the white kitten, which was deaf, had fled in fear, startled by the sudden movements in the air the snoring created.

"Hey HUNK! Help me down pronto!" Krauser's voice echoed over the grass. "I think we won't be turning today!"

HUNK smirked and got up on his feet, happy Krauser had found his brain back. Or at least what was left of his brain after the events of Resident Evil 4. But before he could start untieing his comrade, Krauser had another epiphany and suddenly spoke up.

"Listen." The scarred man shook his head when HUNK touched the rope. "Maybe if you blow real hard, it will start turning."

"I'm not going to 'blow', Jack." HUNK said with a dry tone in his voice. "You might blow tonight though, if you keep annoying me like that."

"Please HUNK, please."

HUNK shook his head.

"Please, pretty please... I'll give you a new gasmask!"

"Oh dear Lord..." HUNK jumped down from the mill again and started to walk away from his boss and comrade. "I'll be back tonight, when the two of you are sane again." He suddenly realised that would never happen and rephrased that. "I mean, when you're as sane as you'll ever be again, or something."

"Wait, the sky will fall down!" Krauser cried out. "Help me keep it up!" He tried to wave his arms but couldn't, he was still tied to the sail of the windmill. "Come baaaaaaaaack!"

"SHUT UP!" Wesker suddenly roared, annoyed by the fact that Krauser was disturbing his naptime.

Pouting, Jack shut his piehole and decided to wait until someone would take him down from there. Little did he know it would take a while...

Later that night HUNK returned, worried about his comrades' safety and sanity. The first thing he saw when he arrived at the scene was Wesker, who was pointing at Jack.

"Why is Jack tied to a windmill?" Wesker asked with a frown.

"He wanted to, sir." HUNK shrugged. "He made me do it."

"Do you realise how dangerous that is?"

HUNK nodded. "I do sir, but you're the one that agreed with his plan..." He ran a hand through his short, brown hair. "I can tell it's gotten windy..."

Jack Krauser was finally turning. He was turning, and now capable of keeping the sky from falling down. But he didn't want to anymore. He just wanted to get down. What a sad thing it was they had gone to the Netherlands, because whenever the weather would turn bad, it would stay bad for a quite a while.

So after Jack was finally able to get down from all the turning, he was sick. He was tired. He was sober. And most of all, he was wondering... "Why, the fuck, did you tie me to a fucking windmill..." Without hesitation he punched HUNK square in the face, not giving a damn about what Wesker would do.

"Jack, it appears you made him..." Wesker put his sunglasses back on his face and smirked. "I don't even want to know what I told you..."

"Let's just say the grass is always blue in times of need, your handy hands are heavy and it appears the smurfs are coming for us..." HUNK sighed, rubbing his nose after it collided with Krauser's fist. "Let's go to the hotel, okay?"

"Handy hands?" Krauser muttered. "Handy hands... Well, hands are handy, indeed..." Jack was still feeling a little sick, and it took him a while until he was fully balanced again, but in the end they went to the hotel, and they arrived there in one piece. Or perhaps three pieces, it's not like they fused together or anything.

"So... We did have fun eh?" Krauser said before walking into his hotelroom.

Wesker shrugged. "I don't know, but when I woke up I wasn't wearing my sunglasses, so it must've been very... Interesting."

HUNK snickered. "I was actually worried about you two, damnit... But you were hilarious." He cocked his eyebrows, HUNK likes cocking a lot. "Let's do it again tomorrow!"

Krauser and Wesker both nodded and then they all went to bed to get some rest. They needed it, because the next day they were going to get high again.

What will happen? Will Wesker discover his Handy Hand again? Will Jack ever act sane? Will HUNK make sure they don't get into trouble? And what about that kitten? Find out next time!

For now we'll just say...
Well, Wesker doesn't really have a way with windmills. Krauser, however, defintely does.

I keep envsioning Krauser, tied to a windmill, turning, and turning, and turning... -___-' Which is annoying because for some insane reason, I've always been terrified of mills.

Next: Whores and Wardrobe (In one chapter, yes). After that we'll go back to the 'normal' chapters. (Unless you don't want me to, if you like them better high, I'll keep them high for a little while longer... Just tell me.)

Please review :)