NOTE: Time to see Taichi's response...mwa-ha-ha!

Holy fast update! Yeah. Now that my show is over and before my Thanksgiving break, I wanted to treat you all to a little something (especially since I will be leaving for my Thanksgiving break). :) I actually wrote this chapter a while ago...it was during a bad day that I wrote this. Since then, I came back and pretty much re-wrote the whole thing! ...Well, not really. I just added more to it and changed a few things (it went from three pages to five pages). Then there was the difficulty of finding the right song to fit the mood of the chapter...and actually, I do feel like this song works. If you just go listen to it and read the lyrics, you may see what I mean. :)

WARNINGS: Slash and language.

DISCLAIMER: If I owned Digimon, the pairing of Sorato would be non-existant! I also do not own any of the songs in this story...at all...

CHAPTER 11. So Close

"And now you know the whole story," I concluded. I held myself tighter and didn't dare look into his eyes quite yet. "And now you know why I needed time to think things out." Taichi still didn't say anything. I glanced up and saw that he was staring at the ground. His face was expressionless and it worried me. "Please, Taichi…say something?" When he finally looked up at me, he looked angry.

"Well what do you want me to say?" he said harshly. I shrank a little. "You want me to say that it's ok and there's nothing wrong with that? You want me to say that I'll keep waiting around forever?" I lowered my gaze to the floor again and tried to hold in tears that were about to fall. "You want me to lie to you like that? I can't do that Yamato! How…how could you let this happen to yourself Yamato?"

"Because I'm weak!" I spat at him. "I'm weak and stupid ok? I deserved every single thing that happened to me! I shouldn't be complaining because it doesn't matter what happens to me!" I'm crying now…shit. I quickly stood and made my way to the door. I opened the door and stopped. "Peter was right…if I had told anyone…they would have agreed that it was my fault and leave me..." I looked back at him. His face was blank and I could feel my lip starting to quiver. I turned away and bolted out the door.

I didn't care where I was going; I just knew that I wanted to get away from Taichi. Large snowflakes blew fell gently down to earth and I gritted my teeth as more tears fell freely down my face. I am so weak! Why couldn't I stand strong like Taichi and brush this whole thing off? I had to let it hurt me and get to me, and now here I was crying, again, and screwing everything up. I slowed down to a walk once I felt I was far away enough. The whole place had a thick covering of new fallen snow and more flakes traveled downward to the ground. The wind blew gently to the north and shifted the destination of the snowflakes. Watching the large snow fall calmed the pain and misery in my heart enough so that I had stopped crying. I wandered around this new area I was in, soaking in the tranquility and solitude. Looking around me once again, I realized…that I had no clue where I was.

Maybe I should turn back. I thought to myself. I turned and started to follow my tracks but then stopped. No. That would mean facing Taichi again. I sighed and started to walk in the middle of the road. Peter was right about everything. I should have kept my mouth shut…then maybe I still would have Taichi. Well, since I have managed to yet again screw everything up, what should I do now? I replayed the last scene in my head. I should have known…I should have known… I looked back up at the sky, forcing myself to not cry anymore and closed my eyes. Another wind blew, and I shivered as a few flakes landed on my face. A low humming noise came from a distance behind me. Must be a car, I thought and kept my eyes closed. Once it get's closer I'll move out of the way. The humming got louder and louder very quickly. Is it supposed to be that loud by now? My eyes shot open when I could hear the car's engine roaring.

I turned and saw two bright lights speeding towards me. The loud machinery had disrupted my safe haven and now came charging down the street. It did not slow down, or honk for me to move. The car threatened to take away my life. Run. I froze. Run! The engine echoed loudly in my ears as it continued to race toward the motionless pedestrian. RUN! The driver and passengers were probably drunk. Too drunk to stop or take notice. That right there gave me another reason to hate alcohol. DAMMIT YAMATO! RUN! I did the exact opposite and stood still. I shut my eyes tightly and waited. RUN!

A force knocked me down. I expected severe pain at that moment and the car's metal, cold snow and hard asphalt to scrape and cut my skin. Instead I landed on something a little softer than cement and it let out loud grunt. I heard the car speed away and the engine noise was cut off in a matter of seconds. I opened my eyes and saw that Taichi was under me. He was panting and had his arms tightly around me. I immediately tried to get off of him, but he had a strong grip. Just showing once again how weak I am… Feeling like it was useless to get away, I buried my face in his chest.

"Let me go," I whimpered. He slowly sat us up but still held me close to him.

"No," he simply said. I clutched his shirt and closed my eyes again.

"Please, Taichi…I don't…" We sat there in silence for a long time. Snow continually made its way to the ground, not missing a beat even with the near-death accident. Near-death… I shivered at the thought and due to the cold ground we were kneeling on. Taichi pulled me closer and started to rub my back. My throat tightened and I pushed away slightly so that I could see his face. He looked concerned and I could feel my heart sink. "Why are you doing this? I thought you were angry with me."

"I'm not mad at you Yama," he said. "I mean…I was mad, but not at you."

"Why?" I asked quietly lowering my gaze from his. I could feel him tense up a little.

"Because…I don't understand how someone would—" Taichi paused and let out a loud sigh of frustration. I prepared myself for the new storm of angry words that could possibly come. "I don't understand how someone would dare hurt you like that." I looked up at him and now he was the one looking at the ground. "To lie to you like that…to hurt you…and to just completely destroy you. It makes me want to go and rip out his jugular!" I smiled slightly as his nose scrunched up in anger. He looked up at me once again. My smile vanished when I saw the look of complete helplessness on his face.

A cold wind blew against my back and I shivered again before Taichi started to rub my back again. He was trying desperately trying to warm me up, but felt as though he was failing. Once he heard my teeth chattering, he pulled me into a tight hug and held my head so that it was buried on the side of his neck. I stayed like that for a moment before I hugged him back.

Taichi had a faint smell of apples and cinnamon on his skin, which is due to the fact that the smell was his mother's favorite odor. So of course, the whole house hold would smell like apples and cinnamon. I shivered and closed my eyes while inhaling his scent again. I was grateful for Taichi's warmth...and apples and cinnamon. Taichi turned his face to my ear. "You didn't deserve any of that Yamato…"

"Yes I did," I murmured as I opened my eyes again. He pulled me back so that I would look into his eyes. My teeth chattered immediately from the withdrawal of his warmth.

"No you didn't," Taichi's voice was stern, but not harsh. "No body does and especially not you." He examined my face for a moment before he rested his forehead against mine. "I'm sorry if you thought I was mad at you. I just…wish I could have known sooner so that…I wouldn't have been so…well you know?" I didn't say anything. "I'm sorry Yamato. Please, forgive me?"

"…yeah," I whispered. "I-I'm s-sorry too Taichi…"

"You shouldn't be sorry silly. It's not your fault." I opened my mouth to protest, but he stopped me by kissing the top of my head. I blushed as he looked at me and smiled shyly. He smiled back. "You…still want me to keep you company tonight?" I thought for a moment, and then decided that I really didn't want to be alone tonight.

"Of course."

oXoXoXo

Taichi and I talked about Peter during our walk back to my place and while we drank hot chocolate. He would ask questions and I would answer, depending whether I felt comfortable to do so or not. Shortly afterwards, we talked about a variety of topics. Some were serious, some were light, and most were so bizarre that we would have to back track our conversation to see how we got on that subject on the first place. We would laugh long and hard together while talking about old memories of the digital world, odd experiences of what happened to us, and random fads that we had fallen victim to.

Taichi really isn't the headstrong, airhead people think he is. He has feelings and ideas of his own. He told me what had happened to him once he had found out I had left, how he cried for nights on ends and spiraled quickly downward. He also told me how he desperately tried to fix things but felt like it was no used. I felt guilty while he told me his experience while I was gone, but he must have noticed my face and kissed my hand, reassuring me that he was fine now.

It was about two thirty in the morning by the time we had grown exhausted and decided to go to bed. He changed in my room while I changed in the bathroom. I walked back into my room where Taichi was looking at my guitar. He wore some loose gym shorts and a large grey t-shirt. The radio alarm clock was clicked on and was playing soft relaxing music. He moved his attention from the guitar to me and he smiled.

"So this is the guitar that you're dad gave you for your birthday a while back?" he asked.

"Yep," I said moving closer to him.

"How come you don't play it for the band?"

"Because…" I hesitated whether to tell him or not. After telling Taichi everything about Peter, there didn't seem to be anymore reason to hide from him. "One time, I played the guitar for Peter. He said I had a nice voice but that my guitar playing sucked. He told me to stick with singing."

"…Well screw him," Taichi yawned. "Because you play the guitar beautifully." I smiled and nudged him playfully. He gave me aside hug. "Well…I guess I should let you get some sleep then." He started making his way to the couch in the other room. I panicked a little. I didn't want to be by myself. Especially with what had just happened. "I'll see you—" I grabbed his hand and stopped him. He looked back at me with a mixture of confusion and surprise. I swallowed.

"Taichi," I said quietly. "Can you…just sleep in here with me tonight?" I could tell he was looking for some sort of sign from me that would make him want to say no.

"…Sure Yama," he finally said. "But where am I supposed to sleep?" I looked around my room trying to think of a place. Then I looked at my bed.

"You could…share the bed with me," I muttered. "If you don't mind." He examined me again to make sure I meant what I was saying. "I just…don't really want to be alone tonight."

"…Ok. I don't mind," he said. I sighed and laid myself down on the side of the bed that was against the wall. He laid next to me and looked at our hands that were still together. I closed my eyes as he started to rub my hand with his thumb. This feels nice… "Can I ask you something? About Peter?"

"Hmm?" I answered lazily.

"…did you love him?" I opened my eyes.

"What?" His soft brown eyes locked onto my blue eyes.

"Did you love Peter?" I thought about it for a moment. I remembered the first time I met Peter and how charming he was. I remembered when we both told each other about our sexualities and our past. How he was there to comfort me when Taichi wrote me that letter about dating Sora. Then I remembered once he asked me to be his boyfriend things started to change.

"I think I did at first," I muttered. He waited for me to continue, hurt in his eyes. I squeezed his hand gently. "But, in the end…I don't think that control is love." I smiled at him but he still looked serious. I frowned. "Are you still thinking about what he said to you? About what I said?" He dropped his gaze to our hands. I sighed quietly and closed my eyes again. Taichi thinks I play the guitar beautifully. Hmm, that makes me happy that he thinks so…I'm surprised that he remembered that my dad gave me that guitar for my birthday though. He tends to forget details quickly. I wonder what he got for his— My eyes snapped open and I sat up.

"Yamato? What's wrong?" I looked down at him sadly.

"I…never did give you a birthday present…" I said. How could I have forgotten…AGAIN! "I'm sorry." Taichi smiled and gently pulled me down again.

"You apologize too much," he chuckled. He caressed my face gently. "Just being with you Yama…that's enough for me." I shivered slightly as his hand then slid down my side and around my waist. Hesitantly, I wrapped my arm around his torso and moved myself closer to him. The radio chimed into a new song, "So Close" by Jon McLaughlin, shortly after…

You're in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I'm with you
So close to feeling alive

For the first time in a very long while, I felt safe. Taichi really cared about me…It felt real. Maybe Peter was wrong…yes. He was definitely wrong. Why would someone who didn't give a shit about you save you from getting hit by a car? Or stand by your side through thick and thin? Or hold you like this and made you feel safe? Yes, Peter was definitely wrong. Taichi loved me.

A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close

"Happy birthday Taichi," I sighed as I buried my face into his shoulder. Taichi pulled me even closer to him.

"Thanks Yamato," he whispered. "I love you." I closed my eyes and listened as to him hum the song quietly to me. I inhaled his smell. The faint smell of apples and cinnamon lingered on his skin. I smiled as he then shifted and I felt his biceps flex.

So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
And now you're beside me and look how far we've come
So far we are so close

Careful Yamato. I warned myself. You might end up falling for him again. The song broke into its instrumental and I heard Taichi sigh. I looked up at him and gave him a questioning look.

"You know Yama," he smiled sadly. "It's…really hard not to…kiss you right now…" I blinked a few times. It made me happy that he was respecting my request concerning kissing. He wasn't going to ruin our trust by going in and satisfying his own desires to kiss me…But I don't think I'd actually mind it though…

"What's stopping you then?" I asked, playfully tilting my face toward his. "I'm here…"

How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?

Taichi looked at me dumbfounded, but then smiled. He moved his face closer to mine and I closed the distance between our lips. This kiss felt like our first kiss. Gentle, sweet and perfect. Once he pulled away we gazed into each other's eyes. Blue in brown, and brown in blue. Taichi smiled, kissed the tip of my nose, and then held me close to him. I smiled and listen to his breath slowly even out and deepen.

We're so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let's go on dreaming for we know we are

So close

I can't really say how I felt about Taichi…I was too excited and happy to think logically. I felt like I could trust him with my emotions. I always feel happy when I am around him. And now I felt safe while he held on to me. Any thoughts of Peter or my past didn't seem to matter when I was with him…

Is this what love is? I feel like I've been avoiding love so much that I can barely recognize it. Is it feeling like your heart is about to explode from sheer happiness? Knowing that someone is close next to you and won't ever let you fall? Being with someone who is willing to forgive you no matter how big the mistakes you make are? ...Wanting to spend the rest of your time and life with that one person? It must be love…or at least something close to it. That is how I felt right now, lying next to him. It felt like that everything will be alright…and just like Taichi had said earlier, just being with him was enough for me tonight.

So close
And still so far

Moral of the chapter is: Having patience eventually pays off. :)

So what do you think? Do you love it? Do you hate it? Do you think the meaning of life is cheese? Let me know what you think. Any type of feed-back is appreciated and helpful. Flames however, are mean and will be used to roast weenies.

Happy hollidays! :D