Chapter 11

—Bill Kaulitz Memory—

It started out as any normal day; the band was lazing around the house, enjoying their time off from touring. Tom was tuning his guitar, Georg was sleeping in his bedroom, and I was playing Xbox games with Gustav in the living room. But right when the level had ended and I had won—again!—the phone rang.

"I'll get it," I announced, making my way to the landline in the kitchen. I saw the caller ID was Tom's and my mom, and I quickly picked it up. "Hello?"

"Bill?"

I jolted when I heard my mom on the other end; she sounded like she was crying. "Mom, is everything alright?"

"I'm afraid not, Billa," she replied. "I just got a phone call that your father died."

My eyes widened, and I felt an incredible pain in my chest, as if my heart had been ripped out. Everything suddenly felt so unreal; she couldn't be serious!

I froze, dropping the phone. The loud clang of plastic against linoleum brought Tom rushing in.

"Bill, what happened?" he asked. When he looked down and saw the receiver on the floor, he quickly picked it up. "Hello? Hey, Mom…What's wrong?" After a few seconds, my brother's eyes grew wide. "What? No!" He shook his head in disbelief, and his eyes sparkled with welling tears. "No!" He sniffled. "Okay, see you then." He hung up.

"Tommy…" My chest was heaving, and tears were running down my cheeks on all sides.

Tom, whose tears had also spilled over, hugged me tightly. "It's okay, Billa. Everything will be fine…"

"What happened?" Gustav asked as he came in to see us crying in each other's arms.

"Our dad is dead," Tom replied. "The funeral is this Saturday."

The blond boy's eyes widened in disbelief. He turned away and shouted for Georg, as if he was having as much trouble as I was making sense of the situation.

...

The funeral was brief and concealed, but the news reached David, who gave us extended vacation from concerts and touring. I spent many hours alone in my room, singing to myself. At first, it was just some of our old songs, but soon I came up with new lyrics. When this happened, I quickly grabbed the yellow notepad and pen from under my pillow and scribbled the words down.

Once I got something going, I started reading the song to myself, trying to find a good melody to go with it. Even half-finished, the song carried me away, the lyrics enveloping me in a soothing manner. I must have underestimated how loud I was singing, because halfway through Tom appeared in my doorway.

I didn't have to explain anything; Tom took one look at me and ran off, returning with his acoustic guitar in hand. "What song are you working on, bruder?"

I nearly choked as I explained: "It's for Dad."

Tom nodded sympathetically and let me start singing. Once he got a feel for the tune, he tried to match it with his instrument. Before I knew it, Tom was tossing his head back and forth as he hit the strings of his guitar. We had worked out a melody, and I sang:

I scream into the night for you

Don't make it true, don't jump

The lights will not guide you through

They're deceiving you, don't jump

Don't let memories go of me and you

The world is down there out of view

The line Please don't jump is where I got stuck. I choked back a sob, and the bittersweet memories that came with my song were too much. I lost my voice as emotions blocked my throat; my twin brother sensed this, and soon his guitar grew quiet.

When I could no longer hold my sobbing back, Tom set his acoustic guitar against the wall and extended his arms out to me. "Billa, come here."

I practically fell into my brother's arms, sobbing pitifully and ruining his shirt with my makeup-stained tears, which left tiny black splotches on his shoulder. Tom shushed me and rocked me back and forth, similar to how our mom did when we had nightmares as little kids. I realized then just how much I relied on my twin for comfort; he was like a father figure to me when we were away from home.

"I miss Dad too," Tom whispered in my ear. "But things will get better, I'm sure they will."

I sniffled. "How do you know that?"

My twin looked down at me and smiled. "Because we have each other."