A/N: Hey guys. I know it hasn't been that long since my last update. I was planning on this taking much longer, but a friend of mine and I came up with this idea and began writing immediately. After finishing in a matter of two days, we decided to post this right away. Also, we added a reference to Teamfourstar's Hellsing Abridged. Props to whoever can spot it.

"Hiyah!" Lizbeth yelled as she bashed another tree demon's face in with her mace. The wooden enemy shattered into a flurry of blue fragments as it's health depleted to zero. The blacksmith smiled as she wiped some sweat from her brow as a list of gained materials appeared before her. It wasn't often when Liz found herself on the fields like this but she had been falling behind on some of her weapon orders and the items her friends traded her wasn't enough to help. So being the handy girl that she was, Liz rolled up her sleeves, picked up her mace and decided to go bash some monster face in. And she was actually having a fun time with it.

"Hey! Get your ass moving! I don't have all day!"

…And the good feeling was quickly dashed by having that jackass Helios along.

The blacksmith turned around and glared at the axe wielding player. "Then why the hell did you come along!? You knew what this was!"

Helios picked at his ear with one hand, showing that he really did not give a crap about what Liz had to say. "The only reason I am here is because Asuna threatened me. She said that if I did not make sure you were safe on this little trip that she would shove her rapier in a place that I should not tell to another woman... No matter how manish she looks." He muttered that last part under his breath.

LIz gave a laugh at that. Leave it to her best friend to worry about her when she should be more concerned with herself on the front lines. "Out of everyone though, why did it have to be you? She know just how much we hate each other."

"I think she was going on about some crap like bonding or whatever. I started to tune her out after her threat. All I heard was blah, blah, blah." Helios then looked around the clear field. "So are we done here? Cause we've been at this since noon and it's already half past three!"

"For the last time you insufferable jackass!" Liz yelled at him. "I need all these materials for my shop! If I don't get this stuff by week's end I won't make a profit."

"Well considering how crappy you are at fighting your blacksmith skills must suck even more by comparison! I'm surprised you aren't homeless with all those shoddy weapons you put out on the market. No wonder you're so useless on the front lines, unlike me who can actually do something!" Helios bit back rather viciously.

And that was the last straw for the pink haired blacksmith. She had put up with Helios and all his crap that he had been throwing her way ever since they first met. But both insulting her skills as a player AND her livelihood? This bastard was going to pay for all the anger she had regressed up to this point.

"YOU ARE SO FREAKING DEAD!" Liz yelled at the top of her lungs as she held her mace in a death grip and charged at the axe wielding player.

Helios couldn't even react in time as the weapon made swift contact with his face with a speed so fast and brutal it would make Kirito look like a noob in comparison. Liz didn't even care that her player marker had turned orange when she had assaulted Helios, seeing that jerk fly through a dead tree flailing around like a ragdoll was soooo worth it. After her rage had subsided she was shocked to see that her attack had brought him down all the way to half of his HP with one swing. He was a freaking tank player and she had done that to him.

"Man, if only I had this sort of power in boss raids. I'd make everyone seem useless." She said to herself with a laugh before walking over to the fallen form of Helios. "Alright jackass get up. You can't be that much of a wimp that one hit from me knocks you out."

"..." There was no response as drool slowly trickled from his mouth in an unsavory way.

"...Alright come on the joke's over. Get up!"

"..."

Liz started to get a bit nervous at this point. The rest of her friends would probably be a tiny bit understanding of her situation but if Dagger got wind of this there is no telling what lengths she would go to for revenge. The girl was just as crazy if not more so than Helios. "Crap! Crap, crap, crap! Alright, alright it's no problem! I can fix this!" Reaching into her pocket, Liz pulled out a blue teleport crystal and grabbed the unconscious teen and lifted the crystal over her head. "Teleport! Arc Sophia!"

Bathed in blue light, the two players teleported away from the floor and back to town.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Seriously though. Of all the people in Aincrad, why would you pick HELIOS?!" Ren asked Asuna as they sat in Agil's bar.

Ren and his guild were sitting at the bar owned by the muscular player and chatted away the time with Kirito and the rest of their friends. The only ones not present were Helios and Liz, who were out collecting materials, and Dagger who was busy trying to scam people with her rip-off deals. When Ren and the others had heard about Asuna forcing Helios to tag along with Lis, they were more than a little surprised.

"I did it because I can't stand those two fighting all the time. It's driving me nuts" Asuna explained. "I thought this would be a good chance for the two of them to bond and stuff."

"... Have you even MET Helios?" Mai asked. "That guy bonding with anyone other than a complete psycho defies logic itself."

"Come on, what's the worst that could happen?" Asuna shrugged.

As if to mock the chestnut haired girl's last statement Leafa made a wager. "Five hundred col says Lis bashes him in the face"

"I'll take that bet" Sinon said. "Hell, I'd probably do even worse to that jackass if I was paired up with him." The rest of the group was nodding their heads in agreement.

Asuna gave a frown to the group "Don't you think you're overreacting just a little bit everybo-"

The rest of the statement died on Asuna's tongue as she and everyone else looked at two new arrivals into the bar. The first was Liz. The other one was an unconscious Helios that the pink haired blacksmith was struggling to carry over his shoulder. Nobody made a sound or a move except for Sinon, who reached out her hand to Leafa. "Pay up."

"Damn it" Leafa muttered as she took out five hundred col and handed it over to the archer.

"Okay. Before you start-" Liz started before she was cut off from a yell from a bar patron.

"Holy crap!"

"Okay! Before! You! Start-!"

"Oh my god!" Silica yelled as she came downstairs.

"Would you care for me to explain why he is like this!?" Liz yelled over the din.

"Oh yes Lizbeth!" Ren said as he got up and pointed an accusing finger at her. "I would love to know why one of my guildmates is at half health, unconscious, and drooling while you struggle to hold him up right!"

Liz groaned as she let the heavier player go and watched him slam to the ground face-first. "He pushed me too far this time! Bad enough he harasses me on a regular basis but he had the gall to insult my livelihood, my skills as a player and my general worth on the front lines. It did not feel good!"

"I know he's had this coming for a long time but don't you think beating him to half his HP was going a bit too far." Alice asked at Ren's side.

"I'm actually kinda proud of this fact. I did that with one hit." The blacksmith said with a puff of her chest.

Mai walked to the knocked out teen and started to poke him in the face with the sheath of her rapier. "Well either way what are we gonna do about him? It doesn't look like he's gonna be waking up anytime soon."

As though wanting to prove her wrong, Helios started to groan as his eyes slowly opened. All his guild members and friends gathered around to see if there was any lasting damage. Lizbeth backed away a bit from fear of being attacked by the axe wielding player. As his eyes opened fully, he found himself at Agil's bar surrounded by his friends. Looking around he found the person he was looking for as she was hiding behind Asuna who for some reason had her rapier drawn. He got up from his slumped position and smiled at the blacksmith. "Liz, did you bring me back all the way here from the fields by yourself? Thanks for that, I'm glad to have such a trustworthy friend like you!"

The sound of glass breaking echoed through the bar as everyone grew deathly silent at what he said. Not even a mouse dared to make any noise at the utter strangeness of what came out of Helios's mouth. Even Asuna dropped her weapon in shock.

"Um… Helios buddy are you okay?" Ren asked slowly as he approached his friend, not sure if this was a trap or not.

"Well now thanks to Liz I'm safe and sound." Helios said as he stretched his arms over his head. "Anyone got a healing crystal I can borrow? Kinda took a beating out there."

Mai pulled up her inventory and materialized said healing crystal and crushed it around her fellow guildmate, healing him to full HP. Helios smiled and gave a pat to her head, not in the condescending way she was accustomed to but rather a brother showing familial affection for another.

"Thanks Mai, I knew I could depend on you. You're like the little sister I never had."

Klein himself started choking on his drink as these words were uttered while Kirito was picking at his ear to see if he had something in them to make it so he had misheard what was just said. Many of the other bar patrons were shocked as well and Strea was just looking at this like it was some sort of entertaining sitcom.

"What a shocking development!" Now Strea seemed to be in the mood to be a news announcer. "It seems my fellow axe-mate Helios has suffered a complete 180 in personality! What could have caused this? Why is he acting like this? All the questions and more will hopefully be answered soon as this story develops!"

"Strea! Now is so not the time for this!" Ren yelled at the purple haired girl. "Look man I think you should lie down for a bit. Rest your body you know?"

Helios nodded his head and began walking upstairs to the bedrooms. "Good idea Ren I'll be taking a quick nap. Wake me up if you guys need any help." with a small wave of his head Helios went upstairs to rest as they heard an audible closing of a door.

Leafa turned to her friends quickly. "Okay this has got to be some sort of elaborate prank! If it is he is seriously doing some convincing work to fool me."

"Do you…. Do you think that when Liz bashed him in the face, she did it so hard that he pretty much forgot what an asshole he was?" Klein asked from his seat. "I mean I remember a few weeks ago he threw a glass in my face and now he's all…. nice. It's sooo freaky, like something out of a cheesy comedy flick."

Liz sighed as she sat down in a seat. "I don't know! All I know is that he isn't trying to throw me over the edge of Aincrad so that's a win I guess."

Suddenly she felt someone grab her by the hands. Turning to her side, she saw Mai grasping her hands as she shook with tears of joy in her eyes. "Thank you so much! You've *hic* You've made me so happy! Now I will never be picked on again!"

"Now hold on!" Kirito said. "Shouldn't we be trying to find a way to turn him back to normal? I mean I know the guy's a jerk-"

"That's a funny way of saying utter jackass." Sinon said from her seat.

"As I was saying! He might be a jerk but he's one of our strongest in the front lines. If this personality change affects the way he fights then that could be a problem for us as not many player like to be the tank in a boss raid."

Riku stomped his foot in rage. "No way! Do you have ANY idea what it's like to be with him in a party 24/7!? It's inhumane!"

"Did someone just talk or did a fly just fart or something?" Strea asked out loud. Not that anyone noticed but Riku started to sulk in the corner as he gave off the aura of depression.

"Look let's just see where this goes." Mai said. "No need to jump to any conclusions here if it isn't hurting anyone."

"You mean you and Liz." Asuna stated. "Sure he's an ass to us but you two seem to be the main punching bags with him. A very abusive relationship if I've ever seen one."

"Ugh gross you make that sound like I actually care about him or something!"

Ren sighed as he gave a look to Agil. "What do you think about this? Do you have any words of sage wisdom you can provide?"

"Can't tell if your serious or just making fun of an old man." Agil joked as he dusted up the shattered glass that fell moments before. "But for now let's just see where this goes. Like Mai said, it isn't hurting anybody."

"I can't say that I'm opposed to keeping him how he is now." Liz confessed as she slumped in her seat. "Who knows maybe this might be beneficial to everyone."

"Honey I'm home!" Dagger's voice called from behind the door of the bar before she threw it open to gain the attention of everyone. Everyone looked curiously at her as she struggled to fit a huge bag of col through the front door.

"I take it you made bank today." Alice said dryly as she watched for what felt like the tenth time as Dagger tried to get her money through.

"Yep! Agil you seriously have to consider getting bigger doors. It's getting harder and harder to for me to get my loot through this skinny passageway."

Agil rolled his eyes at the merchant girl. "Well my doors aren't meant for people shove huge wads of cash through them."

"Consider it a saving grace for fat people who struggle everyday with normal sized doors."

"No one in SAO is really fat." Silica said as Pina rested on her head. "Not that I've seen anyways."

"And are you gonna pay for this door if I get it?"

"Pfft ha! That's funny!" Dagger laughed. "Me paying for something that won't profit me! Never took you as a comedian Agil, you should really turn your bar into a comedy club." FInally managing to fit her insane bag of money through the door, she lifted it over her shoulder. "So where's my favorite little psycho Helios? I've had a long day of work and I want to be comforted by his crazy aura. It soothes me so."

"Um… Dagger, we need to talk." Ren said slowly.

Dagger started to make her way upstairs. "Can it wait? I saw that he's upstairs on my friend locator so I'm just gonna put my money down upstairs and relax with him." Not bothering to listen to anyone else, the merchant made her way upstairs as the group once again heard a door open and close.

"So… how do you think she's gonna react?" Leafa started.

Sinon smiled at the blonde swordswoman. "Someone in the market to lose another bet?"

"Eh…. Nevermind then."

Liz felt a cold sweat go down her back. Something told her that she just jumped out of the lion's den with Helios and landed in the shark tank with Dagger. She honestly couldn't tell which one was worse at this point.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dagger sighed in relaxation as she placed down her sack of cold hard cash and looked around the room for her boyfriend. She smiled as she saw that he was sleeping on the bed with a content smile on his face. 'He must be having a good dream. Eh I'll shower first and let him rest a bit more.'

Entering the bathroom, Dagger whistled a small tune as she took her clothes off and showered her day's sweat and workload from her body. After around ten minutes of feeling the blissful feeling of hot water washing against her she got out from the tub, dried herself off and put on a pair of casual clothes for sleeping. Exiting the bathroom she saw that Helios was now wide awake and smiling at her.

"Hey there my princess." He greeted as he got up from the bed and hugged her. "How was the shop today?"

'Princess?' She thought with a raised eyebrow. 'That's new.' Dagger pecked him on the cheek and hugged him back. "Another day, another bag full of col! As if it would go any different."

"What're you gonna do with that money? Give it to the poorer players so they can do work on the fields?"

Dagger abruptly stopped hugging her boyfriend and look him in the eyes before laughing hysterically. "Hahahahahahahaha! Oh man that's funny! Me giving to noobs, a real joke if i've heard one!"

Helios frowned at her words. "I was being serious."

A dreadful feeling draped over Dagger as she started Helios in the eyes. He wasn't kidding when he said this. Was he trying to separate her from her other true love, money!? "What's gotten into you!?" She yelled as she shoved him away.

"D-Dagger!?"

"I didn't know that shapeshifting monsters were allowed in safe zones!"

"I'm not a monster Dagger! I'm your Helios and you my princess!"

"WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HELIOS!?"

XXXXXXXXXXXX

The sounds of furniture being tossed and loud thumps echoed from the roof above the bar. Many people decided to leave with red faces as they thought the worse and perverted claiming they wanted to give the couple privacy.

"Hmm… Is that what it sounds like when Mommy and Daddy are alone together in a room?" Yui asked innocently.

Asuna had a small spasm of shock as Kirito covered his daughter's ears. "Okay everyone I think it's time for Yui to go have some fun outside."

"But it's 5 P.M and I want to know what's going on up there. Couples shouldn't do loud things, it could be bad for other people to hear this." Yui argued.

"Do you even know what this is Yui?" Leafa asked the little girl.

The daughter of the Black Swordsman and the Lightning Flash tilted her head in a curious and admittedly adorable manner. "Aren't they practicing moves upstairs? It would disturb the customers here because they are being too loud."

Sinon coughed into her hand to avoid laughing and Klein placed his hands over his mouth to not make a smart comeback at Yui's words. Mostly because Asuna was giving him a death glare.

But that didn't stop Strea from saying it.

"Oh they're practicing some moves alright!" She joked with a laugh. "They'll be all sweaty and tired afterwards but they should be just fine Yui."

"Daddy what does she mean by that?" Yui asked Kirito.

"We are leaving!" Ignoring his daughter's complaints at being carried away from the noise and her wanting to know the reason behind it, Kirito could not leave the bar any quicker than they he was one of the fastest players in all of SAO. Asuna on the other hand stayed behind ready to give those two a piece of her mind and maybe a slap for putting her and her husband in that awkward situation.

Soon the thumping upstairs stopped and a stomping sound soon followed it as Dagger stomped down them fuming like crazy as she looked at her friends. "Alright you bunch of idiots! Which one of you had the smart idea of hypnotizing my boyfriend?!" She then brandished her infamous Rip-off weapon and started pointing it at everyone. "Speak up now and I will only half kill you!"

All fingers in the bar immediately pointed to the pink haired blacksmith Lizbeth.

"You all suck!" she yelled at them.

"I might be a lot of things but I am not a liar." Sinon said with a slightly amused smirk. "Don't worry, she said she'd only half kill you, you know."

"Not helping!"

Making her weapon disappear into her inventory, Dagger gave a chillingly cold smile to Liz who shivered in response. "Lizbeth, my favorite gal pal, wanna step outside with me for a bit?"

"O-oh no you see I'm uh… I'm quite busy and-"

She was cut off as she felt her shoulder being gripped tightly by the merchant's hand.

"I insist, let's go to a place where no one can hear or see us."

Mai slowly approached their guild's money maker and open arms to show no hostility. "Now Dagger let's all calm down here and talk this out like level headed people."

"Oh easy for you to say shrimp!" Dagger yelled at the girl, Mai herself flinching in shock at hearing Helios's usual insult being uttered from his girlfriend's mouth. "Lizbeth was playing with a fire she shouldn't have been touching. Bad enough she was trying to sink her claws into Kirito-"

"What did she just say Liz?" Asuna said with a similar smile as her hand reached for her rapier.

Lizbeth suddenly felt like she was stuck between a rock and a hard place.

"-And then there was that thing she had for Ren!"

"Say what now?" Again Alice appears to the blacksmith's other side, her hands toying with the handle of her weapon.

Forgot being stuck between a rock and a hard place, Liz felt as though she was a rabbit trapped in a corner by three larger, deadlier and scarier predators that she couldn't escape from. "I told you that in CONFIDENCE!"

"- But now she has the utter NERVE to try to steal MY boyfriend from me!" Dagger seethed as she pointed a finger at Liz's face. "Now you have five seconds to fix this or I'm gonna make every single floor boss that we've fought up until now look like a level 1 boar in comparison!"

"Wh-What!? B-But five seconds?"

"Five."

Seeing as how this was do or die, Lizbeth did the only sensible thing she could do as a woman in her current status.

She jumped out the window behind her.

"Get back here you man stealing bitch!" Dagger yelled at the top of her lungs as she chased after the blacksmith with Asuna and Alice in hot pursuit as well.

"...WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED!?" Ren yelled as he tried to make sense of this entire situation.

"Should we check up on Helios?" Mai asked. "He hasn't made a peep ever since he went up to his room."

"Yeah… let's do that." Silica said as they rushed upstairs to check on their personality deformed friend.

What they saw was Helios lying dazed on the ground with a huge slap mark across his face while he cradled his injury in his hands.

"What just happened?" he asked pitifully as his friends gathered around him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Liz quickly found herself trapped as she reached a dead end in the alleyway she ran into to try and escape her pursuers. No such luck existed however as she turned to see Alice, Dagger, and Asuna slowly walk towards her with weapons in hand.

"Ok, before we do anything we'll regret, let's talk this out like sensible people" Liz said, trying to calm the three enraged female players.

"Oh trust me, I AM calm" Dagger told the blacksmith. "If I was pissed, I'd be holding you off the edge of Aincrad right now. Instead, I'm going to give you a chance to fix this problem you've caused."

"And just HOW do you expect me to do that?!" Liz argued. "I don't even know how I got him like this in the first place!"

"I'm going to contact all of my connections and see if I can dig up any info on this kind of occurrence" Dagger explained. "And YOU are going to look after Helios while I do this to make sure he doesn't do anything to hurt himself or my money. Before he was talking about… charity." It seemed to hurt Dagger to say that last word.

Liz gave a desperate look for help towards the other two girls there. "Alice? Asuna? Aren't you going to help me out here?"

The two girls in question gave death glares at the pink haired girl. Alice was the first to speak. "No way. We still have a lot of questions for you"

"And you're going to answer all of them" Asuna added.

'This cannot be happening right now.' Liz thought desperately at her current situation. 'Did I piss off some sort of God in a past life? Did I kill a gypsy or something? Is this karma? NO, no he deserved that hit to the head AND the pink swimsuit incident! But why me of all people!' She groaned as she nodded her head. "Alright, I'll look after him. He can help me with my shop."

"Oh no, you're not getting off that easy! You have to keep your shop closed while you look after him." Dagger added.

"Oh come on!" Liz whined.

Dagger shook her weapon to Liz's face threateningly. "It's bad enough you completely changed the man I fell in love with but you are NOT using him as a free source of labor. The shop stays closed. Understand."

Liz had the feeling that if she said no, her face and that shortsword would become very close friends. "Okay! Okay! No problem at all! Consider me on worker's strike!"

Satisfied with her answer, Dagger smiled and put her weapon away. "Good, now play nice you three! This might be a safe zone but attacks still hurt like hell!"

Liz watched as the red haired merchant walked away, leaving her alone with Alice and Asuna. At least until another voice spoke up.

"Ladies and gentlemen! Tonight we feature a 2v1 match between the jealous housewives Asuna and Alice versus the skilled blacksmith Lisbeth!"

Liz looked up towards the roof of a nearby building to see Strea looking down at them. "Strea?! What are you doing here?!"

"Did you honestly think I'd miss something as entertaining as this?" Strea said. "I'm betting money that Alice finishes you off before Asuna does."

"You are NOT helping!" Liz shouted back.

"She's right you know" Alice said as she twirled her scythe with one hand. "I'm called the Berserker Lotus for a reason."

"Make sure you save some for me" Asuna told the black haired girl.

Liz shivered in fear as Alice slowly walked closer to her with a murderous glare in her eyes. Asuna approached her as well. "Don't worry. We're not going to kill you. Just teach you a lesson about having your eyes on our men"

Every player in the town made sure to stay far away from that alleyway as they heard the bloodthirsty screams of rage from two girls, the cries of pain from another one, and the cheering from one more as she placed imaginary bets.

A/N: I hope you guys liked the chapter. Please review if you liked it. As I'm sure you can guess, this will be a two chapter arc. Will Helios return to normal? Will Dagger find a cure? Will Lisbeth stop trying to steal other girls' men? Find out next time.