Kenny's POV:

Craig Tucker grew up really nicely. Most people hit puberty, but I'm convinced that Craig Tucker completely beat the crap out of it. Craig is now 185 cm tall and very muscular but still fairly lean and slim. He has very angular and typically manly facial features but they're just right, and his face is just flawless. Especially his eyes. They're a strange, bright, golden color that just draws you in and captures you. His messy black hair shows from under that stupid blue hat that he still wears for some reason. Craig stands here in front of me in a navy blue hoodie and a pair of black skinny jeans, and he just looks completely stunning. It makes me feel even more ugly and gross... I understand why so many girls are pining over Craig Tucker. He's damn good looking. Heck, I wouldn't mind fucking him myself if he felt like it. But well... I wouldn't really mind fucking basically anyone at the moment... Craig Tucker stands there grinning at me with his middle finger raised in mockery, and then I speak cause I want to for the first time in long...

"Craig..." I say in a raspy voice I barely recognize. I sound tired and annoyed, which is exactly how I feel. Craig rolls his eyes.

"Geez Kenny... I've been out of town for over half a year and this is how you welcome me back?" He makes a forced little pout, trying to mock me.

"Sorry... Good to see you again and all that crap..." I answer in a very monotone voice. He rolls his eyes once again and then starts to grin.

"You look like shit Kenny... And you smell like a dead cat..." He tells me.

"Don't point out the obvious, dumbass..." I answer. He must've heard the hurt in my voice, not because of him, but because of how shit I feel. He gives me a sympathetic smile.

"So... Can I come in or are you gonna make me stay out here in the cold?" Craig asks. I take a step to the side and let him in before I talk again.

"Are you sure you wanna be in the McCormick house? Might not be safe..." I say somewhat jokingly, even though I hate it. When I was a kid people started to suspect me getting beat up at home, just cause I had a lot of bruises and scars from REPEATEDLY DYING OVER AND OVER. Can't blame them though... My family has a shitty reputation after all. But they wouldn't do that. Instead they've just ignored me most of the time, except when I was needed. Now they barely ever talk to me. They know that I pay their fucking rent so they don't have to ask for fucking money and then they just don't give a shit about me.

"Are your parents home?" Craig asks in a somewhat serious tone, even though he got the joke. Craig knows that my parents wouldn't do that. I simply shake my head. They left town last weekend and I have no fucking idea where they went. Not like they tell me anything...

"Nothing to worry about then." Craig says with a grin.

Craig Tucker is a player. He likes to flirt with girls, fuck them once and then move on to the next one. Craig Tucker is the hottest guy in South Park, without much competition. Some people say that I'm very good looking too, almost as good looking as him. I just laugh at it. No way in hell. I always look like shit. Half the town must be blind or something. I'm lucky that I'm pretty good at seducing people or I'd probably still be a virgin. It's pretty surprising how many people actually want me... I don't understand why they do...

Once upon a time Craig was worse than me, when it comes to sleeping around. It might have even been that Craig was doing it that made me start considering it myself when that first girl approached me and wanted to fuck.

We end up sitting in my bedroom drinking coffee, cause Craig Tucker loves his damn coffee, and I just silently sit there waiting for him to get to the point so he can leave and I can continue being miserable in my loneliness.

"Can I smoke inside?" Craig asks, waving a cigarette in front of my face. I simply nod. My parents have done that on occasions anyway so it doesn't matter if Craig does it too. He grabs his lighter out of his pocket and lights the cigarette between his lips. He inhales deeply and then blows out the air again.

"Want one?" He asks me but he already knows what I'll answer.

"No way in hell, moron." I tell him. He grins at me. I take a sip from my cup of coffee and it tastes like ass. Craig hasn't commented on it though so he either likes this garbage or he's being polite. I'm pretty damn sure it's the former since Craig is Craig and he really likes being rude to me when he has the chance.

"Same as always Kenny... Most people wouldn't believe me if I told them that the McCormick's kid doesn't smoke, drink or do drugs whatsoever. They'd laugh at me even..." Craig explains.

"Yeah... Instead I just fuck for money and ruin my own life for no good fucking reason..." I say. Even though I just want Craig to go away, even though I desperately want to be alone, it's still nice. With Craig I can be honest. I guess it's just cause I know that he won't judge me for it. And I know my fair share of shitty things he's done too so...

"Kenny..." He says, looking at me with somewhat sad eyes. "What happened while I was gone?"

"Well you know... Got friends with Kyle again, he kinda kissed me, he broke up with Stan, he found out that I'm a prostitute, and then I confessed to him before leaving and now I'm avoiding him." Craig just sits there with his eyebrows raised.

"Is he mad at you?" Craig simply asks. I shake my head. He sighs and inhales some more smoke before he starts to speak again. "Then why the fuck are you avoiding him?"

I decide to tell him everything that happened, cause who the fuck cares. It's Craig Tucker. Even though we mock each other a lot and I can barely call him my friend I can still count on him to keep his mouth shut. So I just tell him. Cause I don't give a shit about if Craig Tucker knows that I'm a prostitute. I don't give a shit about if Craig Tucker knows that I love Kyle Broflovski with all my heart. And I certainly don't give a shit about if Craig Tucker knows that my current mental state is pretty fucked up.

Craig sits there with his mouth shut until I've finished rambling about all the crap that decided to happen to me these past few months. He's finished his coffee and smoked 3 cigarettes during the time I talked. His lungs are probably completely ruined from all the smoking... Then he tells me exactly what he thinks, the way Craig always does. I respect that about him. He's one of the most honest people I've ever met, except for those times when he's extremely sarcastic.

"You're such an idiot. Kyle clearly doesn't think having you in his life is making it worse, in fact you probably make it way better, and that's why he is trying to talk to you. Did you ever even try to hear him out about what he thinks?! It's selfish of you to just stay away cause you don't wanna feel guilty about making him hurt or whatever. And in fact, I'm pretty damn sure that Kyle Broflovski is really into you." Craig has his so damn annoying "I know better than you" smirk on his lips when he says all that.

"I'm not selfish Craig! I'm doing it for him you idiot... And what the hell do you mean when you say Kyle is into me?! Are you stupid or something?" I say and just stare at him. I'm not sure if Craig is just fucking with me or if he's serious.

"It sure seems like he is, judging by what you've told me..." Craig says in such a tone that it confirms it, he's giving me his true opinion. I'm suddenly hit by the feeling of needing to be alone again, and I want him to leave cause I just can't deal with anything now. He's lying. Craig is lying. Kyle doesn't love me. Liar. Liar. Liar. The completely honest Craig Tucker is lying. It's irrational and stupid of me to think so, but there is no way that Kyle could ever...

My heart aches as I think of Kyle again and there is no way that Craig could be telling the truth. No way. No way. No way. It feels as if I'm starting to hyperventilate, as I sit here gasping for air, while my head spins. It starts to worsen rapidly. And when I feel like it's getting way too much for me to bear, I feel a hand resting on my shoulder. It kinda calms me down and I just sit there staring at Craig's dumb hand that helped me so much just now.

Even though it might be really fucking stupid, I need to get Craig to leave, I can't fucking stand it. I can't stand being next to anyone at all except Kyle at the moment, yet Kyle is the only person I can't be next to. I just can't. I'm making myself go under, I'm losing it completely, just cause I don't want to fucking hurt Kyle. It feels so damn stupid now, after what Craig said, to keep staying away from Kyle, but I can't do anything else really. I feel like there is no options. I'm making myself go completely insane cause I'm too stubborn and stupid to get my shit together.

"Why did you decide to come here today?" I ask Craig with my shaky voice, my lungs are still having it somewhat difficult to do their job properly. I'm secretly just trying to get him to finish his business here so he can leave. It's best to stay away from everyone if I'm gonna go insane anyway. It'd be better if no one's around when I finally snap completely.

"Heard some rumors about Kenny McCormick becoming a big train wreck and I had to come see for myself..." He says somewhat mockingly. "And also cause I was gonna invite you to a party on Friday..."

"Whose party? And why would you want this train wreck to go?" I ask, sounding really monotone for some reason.

"Bebe decided to throw a "Welcome Home" party for me... Isn't it sweet of her? I want you to go cause we're buddies, and it isn't really a party in South Park if Kenny McCormick isn't there to bang some chick with big knockers..." After the last part he chuckles a little. I raise an eyebrow.

"Why would Bebe even throw a party for your sake?" I ask, feeling dumb. A grin appears on Craig's face.

"Just cause you know... I'm fucking her." He states proudly.

"Good job." I tell him genuinely.

"So, will you go?" Craig asks me, expectantly.

"Will Kyle be there?" I ask suspiciously.

"I'm pretty sure he won't be... Kyle isn't much for parties, right? So please go... I know a girl who is really interested in some fun with the infamous Kenny McCormick... Come on... She's a solid 8 1/2."

"Fine then..." I say with a sigh. "I'll go to the party, but if I see Kyle I'm leaving right away."

"Awesome! Oh, and... Try to pull your shit together and look a bit more presentable then..."

"Shut up, you fucker..." I tell him harshly.

"Ehm... Kenny... My name is Tucker... Not fucker... Idiot." He answers mockingly, before he stands up and starts to walk towards the door.

"Leaving already, asshat?" I ask him a little teasingly. Craig simply nods and neither of us says anything more as he goes. I can hear the front door close behind him and then Craig Fucker is gone. Tucker... Fucker... Same thing really...

I fall back onto my bed and lay there for a while, just staring at the ceiling. I feel so empty now for some strange reason. So I decide to think about Kyle again. At least I don't feel empty when I do that. I just feel this horrible pain in my chest. What did I do wrong? Why did my life have to become like this? My life has always just been filled with pain.

When I was a kid I died in strange ways, while feeling immense pain, almost daily. And now, so fucking many years later it still happens on almost a weekly basis. Got hit be a truck this Monday. Died from getting trapped in a freezer in the grocery store sometime last week, don't ask me how. It just happened. Fell down from a building the week before that... This never ending cycle just continues...

My parents have never loved me at all. They care more about drugs than anything else and their son isn't important to them whatsoever. I've been ignored and neglected by them for so long.

I'm the poorest kid in town, which forces me to fuck for money... Yeah... No more explaining needed there.

And worst of all. I can't do anything right when it comes to the person I love. I keep fucking up and ruining things, yet Kyle is still there and trying to reach out to me. I wish, I wish that I didn't feel so guilty. I wish that I could face him and actually do something. But I can't cause Kenny McCormick is useless and worthless and filthy. Kenny McCormick is probably disowned and hated by any and every god out there as well. I'm a failure.

I crawl into a fetal position and hug my legs close to my body. I remember how warm it was, when Kyle still laid close to me. I feel my eyes water and I try not to cry. I really do. The last time I cried was when I ran away. When I left Kyle. But it's all too much now. I start to cry and the tears won't stop.

I cry because I'm simply Kenny McCormick and my life is horrible. I cry because I can't die and get rid of this, I cry because I love Kyle and I don't know what to do, but most of all I cry because if I'm this sad and devastated and lonely I can at least feel something, anything. And that makes it a nice feeling, even though it hurts and it's almost too much for me to bear.