Chapter twelve
Jessica moved along the street in a daze. She'd just watched Billie drive off. She'd been too shocked to even think about finding a bus home, so she'd just started walking home, not really thinking about how long it would take. She wasn't really sure if she even knew the way, she just hoped she was heading vaguely in the right direction. She still couldn't believe what she'd just seen. She had trusted Billie! How could she have been so stupid to let Billie make her believe it was a one off? It must have been going on for months, if not longer! After all it had been a long while since she'd first caught them kissing. What exactly had been going on between them? Had they slept together? Had they just kissed? That was all she'd ever seen happen, she conceded to herself. Even when she had seen them together just now they hadn't kissed or touched. All they had done was hug and even that had looked awkward and uncomfortable. Not exactly a true lovers hug. Not the way she would hug Mike. At least not the way she'd hug him when he didn't insist on being at least ten feet away from her. Not the way Liz would hug Todd or even the way Billie would hug Steven. But then if Billie wasn't cheating on Steven what was she doing talking to Chas anyway? She'd promised her that she wouldn't go anywhere near him. Well Billie hadn't exactly promised that, she admitted truthfully, Billie had promised it wouldn't happen again and she didn't really have any proper evidence that it had happened again. But she had to tell Steven anyway, didn't she? And if she did, what did she tell him exactly? That she'd seen Billie talking to Chas? That wouldn't exactly be news to him. She'd have to tell him about what had happened at the coffee house as well and that would make her look like the world's worst sister. She'd made a bad decision that day. She should have just told Steven then and let him decide how best to handle it. Maybe she should talk to someone before she rushed into making a decision about what she was going to do. But who? Liz was acting so strangely that she didn't seem like an option anymore. Mike would just tell her it wasn't her problem, which didn't help her at all. She couldn't accept that it wasn't her problem. Steven was her brother and she didn't want him to get anymore hurt than he had to. Isabella was probably doing something with Danny, so she was out. Lila was house hunting with Tisiano, so she was out too. Lila was a quick mover! Jessica thought enviously. With Mike she'd probably have to wait until she looked like a house before he finally sorted one out for them. No, she was definitely on her own with this one. She suddenly desperately wished she could talk to her twin. Liz knew exactly the best way to break bad news to people and how to make them feel better. For the first time since they'd got to college she realised just how much she missed the closeness they'd shared before. True, she had found a new type of closeness with someone else but sometimes Mike was a pretty poor substitute. She and Liz would argue and then do each others hair, whereas she and Mike would argue and then slam doors. Mike was as stubborn and determined to get his own way as she was. She'd started to realise how Liz must have felt when they got to college and everyone started moving on without her. But then when everyone had been brought back down to earth with a thump rather than turning her back on everyone Liz had helped them all out. Jessica couldn't believe that she suddenly had all this responsibility on her shoulders. She was responsible for making the right decision about what to tell Steven, she was responsible for her relationship with Mike and for this baby. The worst of it all was that she couldn't rely on Liz to be there to pick up the pieces for her. Which was hard to accept when everything around her seemed to be falling to pieces and she didn't know how to stop it.
"Liz," Alex called, seeing her sat on a bench in the quad. She sat down next to her and Liz didn't say anything, looking away from her. "Where did you go last night?" Alex queried in a gentle voice. Liz hadn't come back for hours after their fight and had left early in the morning. Alex only knew she'd come back at all because she'd woken up in the night and seen her asleep in her bed and she hadn't wanted to wake her up just to have another argument. Alex had done a lot of thinking and she'd realised that maybe the problems in their friendship were just as much her fault as Liz's. Liz was clearly going through some serious issues and she hadn't been there for her when she'd needed her. Liz still didn't say anything, she couldn't bring herself to talk to Alex. Alex sighed and got up, sensing Liz wasn't going to talk her. She couldn't handle Liz's moods anymore. She wanted to be as supportive as she could but you couldn't force someone to confide in you.
"Hi, Alex," a pleasant female voice said, walking up to her. Alex looked across to see Isabella standing nearby. "What are you two up to?" Isabella was relieved to see Liz wasn't locking herself away completely.
"I'm going," Alex said truthfully. "I don't think I'm welcome here." She glanced down at Liz and then headed off.
"Hi, Liz," Isabella said nervously, sitting down next to her. "How are you?" Isabella asked gently. "I feel like you've been avoiding me lately"
"I'm fine," Liz told her simply, looking away again, ignoring Isabella's other comment. In truth she had been avoiding Isabella. She knew Isabella would try to talk to her about what had happened and she wasn't ready for that.
"Alex seemed a little upset," Isabella prompted, trying to find out what was going on. Her relief had been short lived.
"They all just keep having a go at me," Liz snapped harshly, turning to face Isabella. She felt like she was being attacked from all sides. "Then they have the nerve to complain about the way I'm treating them." Isabella examined Liz's face and waited a moment before answering her.
"Liz, when I saw you with Jessica you weren't acting like yourself," Isabella told her honestly.
"I'm just trying to get on with my life," Liz told her flatly. That was all she wanted. Just to get on with her life.
"Liz, I don't think you can just get on with your life," Isabella tried to convince her. "I think - "
"I don't care what you think," Liz interrupted bitterly. Why couldn't Isabella just let sleeping dogs lie? She'd made her decision, why couldn't Isabella just accept it?
"You need to speak to someone," Isabella told her. "Everyone just wants to help you, Liz. They don't understand what's going on. If they did they could help you"
"No, they couldn't," Liz informed her bitterly. She was certain no one would be able to help her. "I'm doing fine on my own."
"It's not just about you, Liz," Isabella tried to persuade her. "He could do it to someone else." Liz couldn't let herself think about that. She'd drown in her own guilt if she did.
"I wouldn't be able to tell anyone," Liz admitted, looking at the floor, her voice a whisper. "I brought it on myself. Nothing would have happened if I'd just left when I was supposed to. That's what I should have done, then none of this would have happened"
"You did not bring this on yourself," Isabella spat out, her voice strong and firm. "The only person who caused this was the guy who did this to you." It made Isabella sick to think he was still wondering around like nothing had happened.
"Isabella, just leave me alone," Liz pleaded.
"What about Jess?" She asked, hoping she'd hit a nerve.
"What about her?" Liz demanded. Isabella had succeeded.
"What about when she goes back to work? You said it was at the bookstore. What if the guy comes back again?"
"She won't go back there. I won't let her," Liz said with determination.
"What about the person who replaces her. Who is going to protect them?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.
"That's not my problem," Liz choked out, struggling to convince herself, fiddling with her bag. Isabella grabbed her bag, forcing Liz to look at her.
"You know that's not true," Isabella told her bluntly.
"What if I tell someone and no one believes me? Then he'd just be free to do it again anyway," Liz stated, her voice a whisper again.
"At least you'd have tried," Isabella pleaded. "At least you'd have done all you can." Liz couldn't handle this anymore. She was tired of feeling all these horrible emotions. She didn't want to relive it all again.
"I just want to forget this ever happened," she told Isabella truthfully, getting up to leave. All this just hurt too much.
Jessica knocked determinedly on the door of Steven and Billie's apartment. She knew exactly what she had to do. She'd walked towards home for what seemed like hours, asking herself the same questions time and time again. Would Steven want to know the truth? If it was Mike would she want to know? Was Billie telling the truth that the kiss had just been a mistake? Then eventually the answer had come to her as clear as day. She had to tell Steven what she knew and how he handled it was his own choice. Ultimately, she'd convinced herself, she'd be doing Steven and Billie a favour. It might give them a chance to sort out whatever issues they had in their relationship. They might even grow closer together.
"Hi, Jess," Steven said brightly. He was relieved that Jessica still felt welcome enough to come and knock on his door.
"Steven," Jessica said flatly, unable to muster up much enthusiasm.
"Hi, Jess. Do you want a drink or anything?" A familiar female voice called from behind the couch. Jessica swallowed a lump in her throat. She wasn't sure she could do this with Billie there. She'd always liked Billie and hated the thought that she was taking sides against her. That was what had made her keep her secret the first time. Besides Billie had been the only person who had shown any support for her relationship with Mike. But this wasn't about that, she told herself sternly.
"No, I'm not here for that," Jessica informed them, summoning up some courage. She'd been left with no choice.
"Then what are you here for?" Steven prompted nervously, fearing a slanging match with his sister.
"I'm here to tell you the truth," she said simply, trying to sound more confident than she felt. She didn't know exactly what the truth was but she knew what she had seen.
"Truth?" Steven questioned, confused by his sister's behaviour. It didn't normally take Jessica this long to tell him something. Billie looked as confused as him.
"The truth about Billie," she explained. Billie looked shocked and horrified. She'd thought Jessica had decided she wasn't going to tell Steven about the kiss. Why had she suddenly changed her mind? Did she know something else? Steven looked increasingly anxious and confused.
"Ok," he told her, keeping his voice neutral, glancing over at Billie. "What about Billie"
"She has been seeing someone else," Jessica confirmed his fears. "Awhile back I was at the coffee house and when I went to the rest room I saw Billie and Chas kissing." Steven looked horrified but not completely shocked. He'd suspected something was going on between Billie and Chas for a long time now. "I didn't say anything because I believed Billie when she said it was just one mistake"
"Then why are you telling me now?" Steven demanded bitterly. He was too hurt to be understanding with his sister. He couldn't believe his sister had let him be humiliated this way. He'd thought he could at least trust his sister to be honest with him. Was she more loyal to Billie than him?
"Because I saw them together again today," Jessica told him nervously, she could tell he was angry with her. Billie, who had been remarkably quiet, finally spoke up.
"Steven, I just went to pick up my car and he came over. I couldn't ignore him," Billie defended herself.
"So, are you denying what Jessica saw?" He demanded, turning to face her. His face looked almost hopeful. Billie hesitated a second.
"No," she admitted. She didn't see the point in lying anymore, she was tired of lying. "What Jessica is saying is true but it's not like she makes it sound"
"I'm not making it sound any different from-," Jessica started to defend herself. She couldn't believe Billie was accusing her of twisting things. That was exactly the way it had happened.
"Both of you shut up," Steven screamed suddenly. He needed to think and he couldn't do that with them stood there blaming each other. "You're both as bad as each other"
"Steven, I-," Jessica began to defend herself again.
"You should have told me straight away!" He snapped, pointing at her angrily.
"I know," she admitted. "But Mike-." She knew it wasn't really fair to pass the buck to Mike but it wasn't like he cared what Steven thought about him and he had told her it wasn't her problem.
"I should have known McAllery would have something to do with this," Steven said in exasperation, rolling his eyes.
"Jessica, this is mine and Steven's business," Billie said pointedly, seizing the opportunity to get her to leave. She needed to talk to Steven on her own. Jessica was absolutely fuming. Billie had no right to talk to her like that. Steven just ignored her, turning to go into the bedroom.
"Steven, just listen to me," Billie pleaded, following him. Jessica followed them as well.
"Give me one good reason why I should even have anything to do with you?" He demanded, throwing some of her clothes in a bag. He'd had enough of hearing Billie's lies. Jessica couldn't help feeling a little smug. Billie must have thought she'd got the upper hand when Steven shouted at Jessica.
"Because - because-," Billie stammered, trying to find the right words. She couldn't believe it was all coming out in the open like this.
"Because what?" Steven prompted, disinterestedly. He just wanted her to get out of his life.
"Because I'm - I'm pregnant," she finally told him, bursting into tears.
"What?" Steven and Jessica cried in unison. The room went quiet with shock.
"You're making this up," Steven finally said, shaking his head.
"No, I'm not," Billie told him quietly, wiping some of her tears on her sleeve.
"Yes, you are," Jessica retorted in the same tone as Steven. "Why are you suddenly coming out with it now"
"I didn't even know until yesterday," Billie tried to explain. "I had no idea"
"No idea?" Jessica questioned, pulling a disbelieving face. "You must have had some idea. There are signs! I mean I should know"
"If there were, I missed them!" Billie snapped, becoming even more irritated with Jessica. Why she was making this so much harder for her?
"How do I even know it's mine?" Steven questioned harshly, not allowing himself to be completely walked over. He believed she was telling the truth that she was pregnant but how could he just accept it was his when she had even admitted she'd had some kind of relationship with someone else.
"I- I haven't been with anyone else," she lied, her voice breaking slightly. It had to be Steven's! It just had to be! Jessica and Steven's eyes were glued to her face. Examining her. Steven sank to the bed, accepting what Billie had said. Completely floored.
"I'm going to be a father," he whispered to himself in disbelief.
"Steven, can't you see she's lying!" Jessica demanded, her voice rising. After years of practice she had a pretty good idea when people were lying and Billie was lying. She'd believed her at the coffee house and she still believed that nothing had happened with Chas before then but it had happened now, she could see it in Billie's face.
"Jess, me and Billie need to talk," Steven told her quietly. Suddenly what Jessica had just told him didn't seem so important.
"Steven -," Jessica tried to argue. She knew what a sap her brother could be and she was scared if she left him alone with Billie then he'd believe anything.
"Jessica, you're not in a position to call the shots here," Steven told her bitterly with a pointed look. Jessica felt tears well up in her eyes and left the apartment feeling humiliated. This was the second time recently she'd been chucked out by a member of her family. Some family, she thought bitterly.
Isabella berated herself as she watched Liz walk off. She'd just had a chance to finally try and talk Liz around and she'd blown it altogether. Maybe if she'd just tried the Jessica tactic for a bit longer she might have been able to get through to her. If there was one person Liz would never allow to get hurt it was her twin. She should have realised that Liz wouldn't be able to handle being made responsible for what he might do to other people. She couldn't even accept what he'd done to her. And maybe Liz did have a point. What if she spoke up and no one did believe her? Then what would it have achieved? Liz would be humiliated and the guy would still be on the loose to do it to someone else. Even so Isabella knew they still at least had to try and she knew that deep down Liz believed that to. Isabella wouldn't be able to forgive herself if he struck again and Liz wouldn't either. Besides all this was clearly driving Liz crazy and she was going to end up driving everyone who cared about her away. Maybe she'd been wrong in thinking the best approach was to wait for Liz to be ready to tell someone. Maybe she never would be ready. Maybe it was up to Isabella to be her voice. Suddenly for the first time in a long while Isabella felt a new sense of hopefulness. She'd tell someone what had happened and maybe at first Liz would be angry with her but she'd come to see it was for the best and then she'd finally be able to open up to someone. Of course Liz would never be able to forget it but she could put it in the past and try to rebuild her life. Truly rebuild her life. But who could she tell? The police? No, they needed to hear it from Liz herself. Jessica? No, she'd go in like a bull in a china shop. That would just send Liz even more into her shell. Liz's parents? No, she didn't really know them. Todd? He must have noticed a change in Liz and he'd been with her for years. With a new found sense of determination she headed over to Todd's dorm. Her nerves overwhelmed her as she knocked on the door. How did she tell him this? She stood there for a minutes but after a while it became clear he wasn't in. She suddenly felt stupid. She couldn't break Liz's confidence like this. Liz had chosen to confide in her and she couldn't abuse it. With a sigh she turned and walked back down the corridor.
Jessica hung up the phone in frustration. She'd been trying to get hold of Liz for what seemed like forever and she still wasn't picking up. She'd had enough time to do two coats of nail polish and a gloss. Even nerdy Enid wasn't picking up the phone. What had she found to do with her time? Obviously something more interesting than me, Jessica thought unhappily. She needed to tell Liz about what had happened with Steven. Liz would be able to talk some sense into their thick-headed brother. Just as she flicked the volume back on the television she heard a knock on the door. Her heart did a hopeful flutter. Maybe it was Liz, or maybe Mike had forgotten his key or maybe it was even her mother. She went to the door as quickly as she could. She snatched it open.
"Todd," she groaned with an unhappy sigh. Disappointment filled her face. She'd wanted someone she could talk to and instead she'd got her sister's boring as toast boyfriend. "What are you here for?"
"I'm here to sort out about this place. You did say to come over when I was ready," Todd reminded her. Jessica let out another sigh. She did remember saying something like that to Todd when she'd been trying to suck up to him.
"Not right now, Todd," she snapped, grumpily. Her resolve to bite her tongue and be as nice as possible to Todd was slipping. She wasn't in the mood to sort out anything with him right at that moment. All that could wait. Todd sighed and walked past her into the apartment, refusing to be ignored. He'd known she was acting nice to him all along anyway. He knew one of her schemes when he saw it. "Look, Todd, you'll have to speak to Mike. It's his place really."
"Then why are you the one trying to get rid of it?" Todd questioned in frustration. He wouldn't put it past Jessica to sell Mike's apartment without bothering to tell him.
"We're both trying to get rid of it," Jessica explained honestly. "Like I said it's not going to be big enough anymore." Todd nodded.
"Well, you could show me around," Todd prompted. He didn't want to have a completely wasted journey.
"You've seen Steven and Billie's place, it's exactly the same," she informed him awkwardly. She couldn't show Todd around now. The place was a complete tip. There were magazines all over the place, clothes thrown about and bowls and glasses on tables.
"I'd like to have a look," he said truthfully. Jessica sighed. Todd was a man so he probably wouldn't even notice the mess, she reassured herself. She closed the door and led Todd through the hall into the living room.
"It's very nice," Todd admitted, somehow managing to see past the mess.
"Well, it's not my decorating," Jessica admitted, for once not accepting the credit whenever the opportunity arrived. Jessica had to admit that Mike had made the place very stylish and attractive but she was looking forward to stamping some of her own style on wherever they moved to.
"I could tell," Todd told her truthfully, thinking back to Jessica's mud brown walls at the Wakefield house.
"If you want the place it's yours. We just need to transfer over the lease," she explained truthfully, with a shrug. She would be extremely grateful just to get one of her worries sorted and having somewhere to live was definitely a big worry. Part of her felt guilty about what she might be getting her sister into but if she didn't take this opportunity she could be waiting forever for Mike to sort something out.
"I do," he answered. "Maybe this will stop her acting so strange," he added under his breath.
"You think she's been acting strange?" Jessica gasped, managing to hear his comment. Todd nodded. Maybe Jessica was more sensible than he gave her credit for.
"Do you?" Todd asked bluntly. Jessica hesitated. They were both being stupid, she tried to convince herself, Liz was just stressed from having to interview the dean.
"No," she lied to herself, shaking her head. "She's the same as ever. Maybe a little stressed but that's not surprising given how hard she's working on that story. Interviewing the dean is bound to be worrying her"
"Oh," Todd said flatly. He'd almost felt like he had someone to confide in for a second. He couldn't help feeling disappointed, even if that person was Jessica Wakefield.
"Look, I'll tell Mike tonight and if you come around tomorrow you can sort it out," she told him, changing the conversation back. "I mean it might take us a bit of time to find somewhere else but we want to get out as soon as possible. I want to get out as soon as possible," she corrected. If Todd thought a new place might help him and Liz, then maybe a new place would help her and Mike too. Todd nodded.
"I want to get moved out of my place as soon as possible. It's horrible," he admitted. He didn't bother to add that the sooner he had a chance to get Liz back to normal the better.
"Steven, are we going to talk about this?" Billie questioned anxiously, leaning over the back of the couch. It almost sounded strange to hear her own voice, she'd been too scared to really say anything. Scared he was going to tell her to get lost.
"Not at the moment," Steven told her shortly. He wasn't sure he was ready for this conversation. "I need to think"
"Steven, we need to talk about this together," she argued, finally finding some assertiveness. She knew she was in the wrong but sweeping it under the carpet wouldn't help anyone. She moved around the couch and kneeled down at his feet. Steven looked down at her.
"Do you promise me it was just one kiss? Nothing more?" He questioned, gazing into her eyes. Billie swallowed hard. How could she tell him the truth? He'd hate her.
"I promise," Billie lied, forcing herself to keep looking in his eyes.
"Why did you go to see him today?" He wondered. He needed to know all the facts.
"It's like I said I just went to pick up my car and he was there. He knows I'm not interested in him," she told him truthfully. She was grateful to be saying something that wasn't a lie.
"And you're not interested?" Steven demanded flatly. There wasn't any point trying to save their relationship if it was Chas she really wanted.
"No, I'm not!" Billie answered with certainty, taking hold of his hands.
"And you weren't there last night?" Steven queried with a raised eyebrow.
"No," Billie said simply. That was the truth, she convinced herself, she'd only spoke to Chas for a few minutes and then she'd gone to Clarissa's. Steven didn't respond for a while, reading her face.
"Well, then I guess we know what we have to do," he finally spoke.
"What?" She questioned, feeling nervous about his response. She didn't see any straightforward options in all of this.
"We'll get married as soon as possible," he told her with a shrug, not sounding very enthusiastic about the prospect. Billie sat there in shock, feeling numb. She'd always thought that when Steven asked her to marry him it would be the most romantic moment of her life, not like a pledge of duty. And a pledge of begrudged duty at that.
"What?" She repeated herself again. She couldn't believe this was real life.
"It's the most sensible thing," Steven said, his voice was still flat. He knew she'd heard what he had said first time. Billie just sat there still in shock. One of the biggest decisions of her life and it had just been made like that.
"What are you doing back so late?" Jessica demanded in a rushed voice, glaring at Mike as he came through the door. Mike paused for a second and looked at her with surprise before he returned her glare.
"Firstly I told you when you moved in here not to expect me to sign in and out," Mike reminded her sharply. He'd had enough of being Jessica's punch bag. This was scary for him too. "Secondly if you'd been listening I told you this morning that I was going to be late." Jessica blushed slightly, she did remember he had told her something like that this morning but she'd been too upset with him to really listen. She decided to move the conversation along, resolving that they weren't going to fight for once.
"Mike," she said, moving closer to him. "I've got a problem." She took another step closer to him. He looked slightly confused and waited for her to go on. "Billie's pregnant." Mike looked bemused.
"And that's your problem because -," Mike queried, gesturing with his hands.
"It isn't Steven's," she told Mike with certainty. Not bothering to explain the whole story to him yet.
"Well, that's Steven's problem isn't it," he told her firmly, giving her a pointed look. The last thing his wife needed was to stress herself out about Billie's pregnancy, she needed to concentrate on her own.
"He won't believe it. I caught her talking to Chas again this morning," she continued, ignoring his comment. "You remember I caught Billie kissing someone? It was him." Mike looked confused for a second and then realisation spread across his face.
"Well, that doesn't mean they've been together," Mike argued with a shrug. Hoping he'd be able to persuade her to leave this situation well alone.
"She's been with him," Jessica told him firmly. "I can tell." Mike gave her a disbelieving look. He'd never believed in this women's intuition stuff.
"Oh right. So you're saying whenever we walk down the street people can tell that we've had sex?" Mike questioned sarcastically.
"You know what, I think they might just have a little bit of a clue," she told him, her voice as sarcastic as his, looking down at her small bump.
"Look, Jessica, it strikes me that maybe you're just a little bit jealous that your limelight has been stolen," he told her bluntly. It seemed to him that Jessica might dislike certain aspects of being pregnant but she definitely loved the attention it got her. Everyone tried to cater to her wishes and she made the most of it.
"What do you mean?" She demanded defensively.
"Well, now you're not the only one who's pregnant you don't feel so special anymore," he pointed out.
"Don't be stupid!" She hated it when he hit on her true feelings. He knew her too well. She turned and headed into the living room and sat on the couch. Suddenly she felt really sad about everything. She'd really liked Billie and now their friendship was ruined. Steven was being used and he couldn't see it. Her parents hated her. She started to sob, she'd never felt so alone. Mike forced himself to walk over to her, he couldn't just listen to her cry. He stood in front her.
"Jess," he said softly. "Why don't you go do some shopping tomorrow? That's always cheered you up." He got his wallet out of his pocket and got out some cash, offering it to her. Jessica peered up at him. She was crying in front of him and he couldn't even bring himself to hold her, let alone touch her. He was just trying to bribe her with money. She snatched the money out of his hands. She might as well have some new outfits for her wardrobe even if she couldn't have her husband.
"Alex," Liz said, finally giving in and looking over at her. "I'm sorry." They'd been sat in bed, blatantly ignoring each other. Liz had been pretending to read a newspaper and Alex had been flicking through all the TV channels. Alex looked back over at her, surprised that she'd spoken.
"What?" She questioned.
"I'm sorry," Liz repeated. "You were right last night. I have been rude and horrible to everyone." She felt a few tears run down her cheeks. Ever since Isabella had spoken to her, her mind had been torturing her, thinking about how she'd acted since that night. She'd taken her hurt out on everyone else. She'd said the things to them that she'd really wanted to say to James.
"Don't worry about it, Liz," Alex said, walking over to her and taking her hands. She hoped Liz was finally ready to open up to her. "Liz, this isn't like you. Has something happened?"
"No," Liz answered quickly. She was trying to make up for the way she'd acted but she couldn't tell anyone about what had happened. "I've just been really anxious about the story and everything. It's a big deal to interview the dean. If I mess up I'd have no chance of breaking into the journalism industry"
"Liz, you've never messed up anything in your life," Alex reassured her, with a laugh.
"I've messed up plenty," she said in a quiet voice, that night playing back in her head again, even though she tried to stop it. Why had she been dumb enough to stay? To let herself be alone with him?
"No," Alex told her with a smile, shaking her head. "Your other half has messed up plenty and you've taken the flack for her." Alex hoped a little joke might lighten the atmosphere. Liz didn't smile though and Alex wondered if she'd overstepped the mark. Liz could be incredibly sensitive about her twin. "Liz, if you're really worried about doing this story maybe you should ask Tom to step in for you"
"No, this is too good an opportunity to miss," Liz told her, shaking her head. To have a story like this in her resume would look extremely impressive.
"They'll be other opportunities," Alex comforted her, worried about what this story was doing to her friend. "Nothing is worth making yourself ill over"
"I'm not making myself ill," Liz assured her. "I couldn't pass it over anyway. The dean said he would only be interviewed by me"
"If there's anything I can do to help feel free to ask," Alex offered, unsure of what else to say. She didn't expect Liz would take her up on her offer, she was always so determined to do things by herself.
"There is something you could for me," Liz said with a impish smile. "Go fetch me a sandwich from one of the machines down the corridor. Then I can get some more interview questions sketched out." Alex rolled her eyes.
"Ok, what filling do you want?" She asked with a genuine smile, glad Liz was finally lightening up.
"So, what time do you want to head back?" Lila queried as the waitress brought over their food. Jessica had called Lila last night to see if she was interested in coming along to help her spend Mike's money and Lila had obviously jumped at the chance of a shopping spree. They'd decided to take a brief break before heading back to the shops. Jessica knew she was probably overworking herself but she couldn't help getting carried away where shopping was concerned.
"I don't mind," Jessica said, looking down at her overflowing bags. "I think we've done well already."
"Except none of those clothes fit you," Lila commented. Jessica gave her a suspicious look. She couldn't help thinking Lila was gloating rather than just telling the truth. If Lila ever got pregnant she'd make sure to be chucking out all the latest fashions that she'd never worn. All in size six of course.
"They will after the baby's born," Jessica answered with a shrug. She knew Mike would be annoyed. He probably expected her to buy sensible clothes that fitted her pregnancy altered figure rather than clothes if she was honest with herself she knew she'd never wear but buying those bigger clothes would just have depressed her even more.
"They'll be out of fashion by then," Lila pointed out. Jessica didn't respond, she didn't want to get into a fight with Lila, she'd had enough of fighting with everyone. "So, what time do you want to head back?" Lila repeated.
"I don't care. I'm in no rush to go home believe me," Jessica told her truthfully. Lila examined Jessica's face, it didn't sound like she was just talking about making the most of their opportunity to go shopping.
"Why?" Lila enquired, still confused by Jessica's remark. Jessica shrugged.
"Mike and I haven't been getting on that well lately," she said simply. She was glad she could finally talk to someone about her problems. Lila looked slightly awkward, she wasn't sure how to respond. She didn't know if Jessica had just meant it as a passing remark and she didn't want to intrude.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Lila asked simply, she figured the best way to find out was to ask.
"I don't think he's really interested in me anymore, Lila," Jessica admitted unhappily, tears welling up in her eyes. Now she'd opened her mouth it was all coming out.
"I'm sure that's not true, Jess," Lila comforted her, reaching across the table and squeezing her hands. Jessica dabbed her eyes with one of the serviettes. She couldn't believe she was acting so uncomposed around Lila. Jessica hesitated a moment, trying to figure out if she could ask Lila the question she wanted to.
"Lila," Jessica began, feeling incredibly embarrassed. "Does Tisiano ever, you know, ever not want -want to," her voice trailed off, she felt her face burning bright red. She decided just to spit it out. "Ever not want to have sex with you?" Lila looked shocked at the question. She decided she should just give an honest answer even if it wasn't what her friend probably wanted to hear.
"Not really," Lila told her bluntly. "You know what they say about Italian lovers and all," she kidded, trying to cheer Jessica up. Jessica sighed, she'd been hoping Lila might say it was normal. After all you couldn't have the same sex drive all the time could you? "Why are you and Mike having problems in that department?" Lila asked gently, sensing how upset Jessica was. She hadn't expected their shopping trip to turn into a full confessional but she wasn't going to ignore her friend when she was so clearly upset.
"Well, we didn't," Jessica said sadly. That just made it worse. If they'd had problems before at least she could have convinced herself that he wasn't completely turned off her now that she was pregnant. "But since my pregnancy started showing he's been really cold." Lila looked thoughtful.
"He just needs to be reminded that your his wife and not just the mother of his unborn child," Lila told her confidently, returning to her usual self assured self, trying to help her friend. "I'm sure I read something similar in a problem page once"
"How am I supposed to do that?" Jessica asked hopelessly, spreading her arms.
"No man can resist a little gentle persuasion or obvious flaunting," Lila told her pointedly, with a knowing smile.
"I've tried everything," Jessica said, shaking her head. She'd thrown herself at him the other night and he hadn't been the least bit interested even before Val had arrived, he'd just pretended.
"Look, I've still got those passes to that health spa place they let me change them for another date," Lila informed her. "Why don't you take them? There in a beautiful location and you get your own cabin. I mean they're pretty basic and it's only for the day but they could be made really romantic." Jessica nodded, starting to feel a little bit more hopeful. Maybe Lila's suggestion could work. "So, what now"
"We finish our lunch and then we go and find one sexy piece of lingerie," Jessica said with a smile matching Lila's. Mike wouldn't know what had hit him.
"So, are you ready for tomorrow?" Tom asked, turning to face Liz. They were sat in chairs at the computer tables in the television station's office.
"Yes," Liz said, taking a deep breath. "I'm as ready as I'll ever be." She couldn't be anymore prepared than she was. If she debated anymore what questions she was going to ask then she'd be exhausted by the time the actual interview came around and she wouldn't be able to think to ask them.
"That's all you can ever ask of yourself," Tom assured her, sensing that she was starting to feel nervous about the whole thing. "Whatever happens in the actual interview can't be helped. You can't control what the dean's going to do." Liz nodded in agreement.
"I just feel like everyone is relying on me," Liz admitted.
"You've done more than anyone could ever expect of you, Liz," Tom told her sternly. His words were heartfelt.
"It's not just Todd and Alex," she tried to explain. "I want to see the right thing done. I don't want the university to get-." She stopped mid-sentence. Those words sounded awfully familiar. Hadn't that been what Isabella had said to her yesterday? This was entirely different, she told herself, not wanting to think about it.
"It's noble trying to spread truth and justice, Liz, but you can't change the world by yourself. You can only do your little bit," he offered sympathetically, not noticing her hesitation. Liz felt relieved, she'd forgotten how wise Tom could be sometimes. It seemed like forever since they'd worked on a story together.
"It's not purely altruistic motives," Liz said with an embarrassed smile. "I'm thinking of me as well. If I mess this up I'll be finished in journalism before I've even started." Tom chuckled out loud.
"There have been journalists who have got away with much worse than a messy interview," Tom informed her knowingly.
"In that case maybe I should get Jessica to fill in for me. She's owes me a favour anyway," Liz kidded. She was surprised at herself. That was one of the few times she'd genuinely joked lately. She felt so relaxed in this office. Not necessarily because of Tom but it reminded her of a simpler time after she'd got over the initial move to college and was finally settling down. Simpler? She had to laugh at herself. At the time she'd been chasing after a secret society, dating a psycho, worried about Jessica getting involved with Mike and confused over her feelings for Tom. How on earth had that been simpler?
"What are you laughing at?" Tom questioned confused.
"Nothing," Liz said, shaking her head. "Maybe we should have just one more run through of the interview."
"Jess," an all too familiar voice called as Jessica reached into her car. She turned around to see Todd's face. "Let me get them for you. You shouldn't be carrying all those bags." He'd decided he wasn't going to lose his temper with Jessica for not doing what she'd promised to do. That was just Jessica. He figured that the best tactic would be to hang around her until she got so fed up of it that she'd finally start chasing things up for him. He knew it hadn't really been that long since they'd first discussed it all but he couldn't handle having a psycho girlfriend much longer, it had been bad enough when he'd just had a girlfriend with a psycho sister.
"Whatever you want," Jessica replied, stepping away from the car and opening her arms. She had a feeling she was being played but she didn't really relish the idea of dragging those bags up to her apartment and Todd was probably right that it wouldn't do her any good. Todd looked in the car and regretted his decision. It would probably take at least three trips for him to carry all this stuff, he didn't know how Jessica had planned to carry it all. Actually, he suddenly realised, she'd probably had no intention of carrying it herself. She probably just wanted to try on the best top and she'd get Mike to bring up all the other stuff later. He picked up as much as he could manage and started making the trek up to Jessica's apartment.
"So, Jess," he began, trying to sound causal. "Did you get around to speaking to Mike about the apartment"
"Not yet," Jessica replied disinterestedly. She couldn't believe how selfish Todd was being. Did he not understand how difficult it was for her to talk to Mike at the moment? Actually he probably didn't but that wasn't the point. "Why don't you talk to him yourself"
"He's your husband, Jessica," Todd pointed out shortly. He still didn't feel like he knew Mike well enough to just go and talk him.
"Yeah," Jessica said flatly. She didn't understand why Todd was being so hesitant. He'd probably get more of a welcome from Mike than she would. Todd struggled with the bags as Jessica opened the door. Todd put the bags down in the hall and waited for Jessica to say something. Jessica sighed. What did Todd expect her to do? Invite him in? There she'd been thinking she might actually get a little bit of peace and time to relax after her shopping trip and he'd turned up.
"Do you want a coffee or something?" She asked, deciding she'd better be polite, after all she still needed him.
"Yeah a coffee would be great," he said truthfully.
"Here you go." She forced a smile, handing him a cup after she returned a few minutes later. They sat in silence for a few moments.
"Jess, look I really want to get this sorted out," he blurted out. He knew honesty didn't usually work with Jessica but this was too awkward for words.
"Todd, does it really matter if it takes a little while?" Jessica questioned with a sigh. She did want to get moved as quickly as possible but she felt like she was being pressured.
"Yes," he said simply. He'd really convinced himself it was the answer to all of his problems and the sooner it happened the better. "I just want to help Liz"
"Help Liz?" Jessica wondered confused, raising her eyebrows. She didn't understand how moving quickly would help Liz.
"You must have noticed a change in her," he told her with certainty. He needed to confide in somebody, anybody at all.
"No, I haven't -," Jessica tried to argue. Todd decided to try another tactic. It was clear Jessica was living in denial.
"Jessica, you've put on Liz enough in your life," Todd reminded her. "Can't you do this one thing for her?" Jessica looked away guiltily. She knew Todd was right. Not having Liz around as much had made Jessica realise how much she relied on her twin and she did owe her a favour. More than just one favour, she admitted. But would this be helping Liz? She knew she'd told Todd it would out of desperation but her twin had never expressed any desire to move out of the dorm room with Alex. However Todd had been with Liz forever and he must know some of what Liz was thinking. He wouldn't force Liz to do anything she didn't want to do. But she couldn't do anything until her and Mike had somewhere to go.
"Ok, I-," she started to agreed. She was interrupted by the phone. "I'd better go answer that"
"Hello," she said into the handset in the kitchen, part of her hoping it would be her mother.
"Hello, Jessica," a vaguely familiar voice answered. Jessica almost choked even though she wasn't eating anything. Mike's mother! Her whole life was one big nightmare. One disaster after another. She'd hoped that after not getting in touch again Mike's mother had lost interest. Mike had said that she did that a lot, especially where he was concerned. "Jessica"
"Yes," she finally managed to force her voice out. Part of her just wanted to hang up but she was frightened that if she did that she might come over to the apartment. How could she have been stupid enough to give her this number? What if Mike had been in? He'd have never have spoken to her again.
"I'm sorry I haven't been back in touch," she apologised, sounding genuine. "It's just that when I mentioned coming to see you I thought you seemed a little anxious at the idea. I wasn't sure I was welcome"
"Oh," Jessica mumbled. What could she say to that? She knew she probably had sounded quite rude but she'd needed to stop her coming over to see them. She couldn't tell Mike what she'd done and she couldn't risk him finding out. She couldn't tell her she was welcome either because she knew in Mike's eyes she wasn't. "I'm sorry about that. It's just that it's kind of awkward at the moment." She didn't want to get off on completely the wrong foot with her mother in law, even if Mike hated her, she was still her husband's mother.
"Awkward?" She repeated, sounding confused.
"Well, we're kind of in the process of moving," Jessica said truthfully. She knew it sounded a little bit fake, it had been ages since they'd spoken and it didn't make that much sense that they would have taken so long to find somewhere. Then again maybe she could just say they were holding out for just the right place.
"Moving? Where?" She demanded, sounding quite authoritarian. That shocked Jessica a little bit. Maybe Mike was right about his mother. He always said she was cold and bossy. Like mother, like son, she couldn't help thinking.
"We're not quite sure yet," Jessica explained, feeling even more unnerved. "We've had a little bit of trouble finding somewhere." That wasn't a complete lie, Jessica told herself, just a slight embellishment.
"Why are you moving?" The voice on the other end softened slightly.
"You know the place we're living in is a little small for three people"
"Then I might just be the answer your looking for," Mike's mother told her. Jessica didn't say anything, she doubted that very much. "When Mike's father and I split up I kept some of the properties we had in my name and I have one not too far way from where you are"
"Really?" This sounded too good to be true.
"Yes," she answered simply. "I was renting it out but the current lease has just come to end and the tenants are planning on moving out anyway. I could make that sooner rather than later." Jessica hesitated, that sounded a little harsh on the current tenants. Then again hadn't she done a lot worse in her time to get her own way?
"And it's not too far?" Jessica asked, her curiosity getting the better of her.
"No," she told her again. "Why don't you meet me there later today? I happen to be in California on business at the moment anyway"
"Business?" That sounded a little too convenient.
"Yes, business," she repeated again, not elaborating anymore. "So, are you interested"
"I'm definitely interested," Jessica heard her own voice say, temptation getting the better of her.
"Ok, meet me around four," she told her. She gave her brief directions and hung up. Jessica stared at the phone in shock, not putting it down even though it was just the dialling tone. She couldn't believe what had just happened. Maybe her worse nightmare had actually been the answer to her prayers.
"Jessica-," Todd started to talk as she came back into the room.
"Todd, you can move in as soon as you want," she interrupted him happily, a little overexcited.
"What?" Todd cried in shock. Earlier she'd made it sound as if he could be waiting forever to get this place.
"I've found a place to move to," she told him simply. She knew she was probably jumping the gun but this really did sound perfect. Well not quite perfect, it would be a whole lot better and simpler if it didn't involve Mike's mother.
"Since when"
"That phone call just sorted all my problems out." She didn't bother to add that it had probably caused her a lot more problems as well. She'd worry about that later. She'd just have to make Mike understand why she'd done it.
"So, what now?" Todd asked, flabbergasted, he hadn't expected this.
"You can bring Liz around tomorrow night if you want and show her. I'm at work anyway and I can get Mike to clear off." Todd began to nod. Now he was definitely getting the place he wanted to surprise Liz as soon as possible.
"Wait," he stopped himself, starting to think more clearly. "It's Liz's big interview with the dean tomorrow night"
"So?" Jessica wondered impatiently. "Bring her around before." Todd nodded again. "Just don't mention to Liz that I'm going to work after her interview, will you? She's got some strange idea in her head that I shouldn't work there anymore and I don't need her lecturing me again."
"I'd really like it if you'd come," Liz told Isabella. They were sat on the couch in Isabella's dorm. "I mean I know it's not the most exciting thing ever but I could really use everyone's support." Liz had decided that she was going to try and make amends with the people she knew she'd hurt. Inviting Isabella to the television station to see her interview the dean might not be the biggest olive branch she could have offered but it was a step in the right direction.
"Seeing news in action seems exciting enough to me," Isabella told her truthfully, with a reassuring smile. Since she'd met the Wakefield twins she felt like she'd had more than enough excitement to last her a lifetime. If it wasn't worrying about Jessica, it was keeping Liz's secret.
"I've been thinking about what you said," Liz admitted in a quiet voice. "You're right about moving on and putting what happened into the past." Isabella could have almost cried with relief.
"I'm so glad, Liz," she said, squeezing her hands. "I know it's going to be hard to tell someone but once -." Liz looked surprised.
"Isabella, I don't mean that," she interrupted. "I meant about not driving people who care about me away." Isabella felt deflated. For a second she'd thought she had got through to Liz.
"Liz, until people know what happened you're going to keep driving them away," she said with certainty.
"I'm doing fine now," Liz tried to convince her. "I've made up with Alex and I'm going to speak to Jessica later." Isabella looked thoughtful. Liz was acting more normal but she couldn't help wondering how long that would last.
"Liz -," Isabella began, trying to reason with her.
"Look, Isabella," Liz interrupted again, sensing another lecture on the way. "I'd really like it if you came. I'd really like your support." Isabella hesitated a minute.
"No, I can't, Liz," she told her, shaking her head. "I support what your doing with the dean but I can't support you over this"
"I'm sorry about that," Liz said sadly.
Jessica finally found a place to park her car and looked around for some street signs. She wasn't really sure where she was. This place was a little further out than she'd hoped but she could live with that. The houses were a lot nicer than anything she'd been thinking they'd be able to afford. She finally spotted a street sign confirming she was in the right place. She got out off the car and walked along, looking at the doors, trying to read the numbers. She eventually found it and checked the number on the bit of paper she'd scribbled the address on. Normally she wouldn't have been organised enough to remember to bring a copy of the address but this was too important not to take seriously. She saw a woman stood outside, near the doorstep. The woman turned to face her, hearing her come down the path. She didn't have to wonder if it was her. She had such similar features to Mike no one would doubt it.
"Hi," Jessica said nervously. She felt a little traitorous. Mike hated this woman and here she was planning to rent a house from her. Then again Mike had forced her into this predicament. He hadn't taken her worries about moving seriously at all. He seemed to think they could just leave it until the last minute.
"Hello, Jessica," she replied, leaning into give Jessica a kiss on the cheek. She looked her up and down. Jessica felt like she was being examined under a microscope. "Do you want to go in and sit down? You look a little tired"
"No thanks, I'm ok," Jessica assured her. She did feel a little tired but she was eager to see around the house and didn't want to wait. She wished she'd checked her appearance before getting out of the car so she could have freshened herself up a bit. She didn't want to look flustered and exhausted in front of her mother in law. She wanted her to think she was in control of everything. "It's nice of you to ask though"
"Well, you are carrying my grandchild," she commented with an easy smile. "Of course I'm going to worry about you." Jessica was a little surprised for second. Of course Jessica knew that Mike was the father of her child and this woman was Mike's mother but she'd never really thought of her as a relation to her baby. It hadn't occurred to her that her baby had a whole other set of grandparents and family out there. Well, not quite a set, she acknowledged. Mike's mother sounded so different from her own mother who refused to acknowledge she had anything to do with the baby and especially her father who would probably just blatantly deny he was anything to do with it.
"I'd never really thought of it like that," Jessica admitted, following her through the door of the house.
"Well, it was definitely a bit of a shock to find out my son was going to be a father," she told her truthfully, leading her up the stairs to see the bedrooms. Jessica wondered why she wasn't seeing the downstairs first but she didn't want to question her.
"It was a shock to us, too," Jessica replied, as they finally reached the landing. "It wasn't planned or anything," she added. She didn't want Mike's mother to think she'd tried to trap her son or something.
"Accidents happen," Mike's mother commented lightly. Jessica couldn't help thinking she didn't sound like she really believed that but maybe that was just her imagination. "How long have you known each other?" Jessica felt even more awkward. It just made it sound even more suspicious if she told her the truth. Everything had happened so quickly between them.
"Awhile," Jessica said briefly, trying to sound matter of fact.
"Were you pregnant when you got married?" She carried on with the barrage of questions. Jessica felt her heart sink. His mother obviously did think she'd trapped him, she wouldn't have asked that question if she didn't. She wasn't sure how to answer it. She had been pregnant when they got married but she hadn't known she was at the time.
"Not that I knew of," Jessica answered truthfully. She suddenly realised that she hadn't really even been looking around as they walked through the house and now they were heading back down the stairs.
"Well, obviously none of the rooms need much work," Mike's mother pointed out as they eventually reached the hallway. Jessica nodded happily, she hadn't seen that much but she'd seen enough. Why should they buy a run down heap when they could rent somewhere like this? "So, what do you think?" She asked pleasantly.
"It's nice," Jessica admitted. She tried not to sound overly enthusiastic, she didn't want to get pressured into agreeing before she'd even had a chance to think about what she was doing. She'd done that too much in her life already and it had never got her very far.
"Look, I don't mean to be pushy," Mrs McAllery said, actually sounding extremely pushy. "But I don't want to leave this place vacant too long and I really do need a decision." Jessica couldn't hide her shock. She hadn't expected to have to make a decision about her entire future on the spot there and then. But it was either this or she waited to see what Mike could come up with and she couldn't rely on that.
"I do want it," Jessica admitted. She didn't have a clue how she was going to explain this to Mike but she would make it up to him in the long run. It just made too much sense to pass it up.
"I'm glad," she answered, without that much emotion. She never seemed to let her composure slip and she was so cool about everything. Jessica could understand why Mike had found that so disconcerting. Maybe that was part of what had made him the way he was. One minute he could be so affectionate and the next he could just switch it off. "I know I can't make up for what I did or at least what Michael thinks I did but I don't think he really ever understood what it was like living with his father." Jessica nodded sympathetically. She could understand how difficult it would be to just go on if she was in an unhappy marriage whether there was a child involved or not. She knew Mike wouldn't see it that way though. After all he was the one who had been abandoned.
"We can't tell Mike about this," Jessica tried to explain. "I mean not right away. I need a chance to talk to him first." She knew deep down that she'd probably never get around to having that conversation. Mrs McAllery looked slightly disappointed but she nodded in agreement.
"I don't want to rush things," she agreed. "What are you planning to tell him"
"Just that I've sorted out a place for us to live," she told her awkwardly. She didn't want to tell her what lies she was going to have to tell to get around this situation. "He doesn't know about this place does he?" She could hardly just tell Mike it was somewhere she'd just found if he would recognise it.
"He came here as a kid sometimes but I doubt very much he'd remember it," she told her with a shrug. Jessica breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe this plan could work.