Kami: WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!

Author: waaah~! Gomen gomen!! School started TT________TT

Ayako: does that mean the updates will be slow?

Author: I'll try my best, I promise!

Saiko: Ah, you shouldn't overwork yourself...

Kami: *evil grin* you'd better update as much as possible.

Author: ... -______-; haaaii..

A Monster Like Me.

(Frosted Heart.)

It'd been a month since Kami had joined the ju-bantai. It'd also been 28 days since I'd begun to sleep on the floor. Things were different. Things were...happy? I didn't know how to describe it. Kami hadn't had any more "accidents", Ayako (I'd begun to call her that for the sake of the squad's inner peace) had been forgiven by both her friends, apparently Saiko (Kami and Ayako convinced me that she'd feel left out if I didn't use her first name as well. Sigh.) was well liked in the roku-bantai. Although Matsumoto was, as usual, nowhere to be found, the pictures she'd taken hadn't surfaced so far. I was...content.

"Taicho, I brought tea," Kami stated and set the cup down on my desk.

"Arigatou," I muttered but remained focused on my paperwork. But when she huffed I looked up. "Nanda?"

"Is that all you do?" she asked with a frown.

I raised an eyebrow. "What are you talking about?"

"Work. I mean, don't you have a life outside of the office?" she pressed irritably.

"Iie."

"Jeeze, no wonder you're always in sucha bad mood," she grumbled and I glared at her. I'd given her a break from paperwork seeing as she'd gotten up with me at my, as Kami had dubbed it, "insane" hour and had worked hard since then.

She sat on the couch and turned to face me, leaning over the back. I'd grown used to her eyes not being directed at me but I always knew she was talking to me by her reiatsu. "What was it like before you were a shinigami?" she asked. I glanced up. Normally she had no concern about other people's past and this was the first time she'd ever questioned me about my personal life.

"It's none of your concern," I said coldly. She pouted.

"That's not nice, Taicho," she muttered but said nothing after that. I would've liked to say that she'd given up on the subject except I could feel her reiatsu's hum as it focused directly on me. I sighed.

"I lived with Granny and Hinamori," I said softly, still writing. She perked up and a small smile teased her lips.

"Hinamori?" she asked, surprisingly, shy. I glanced up.

"She's the go-bantai fukutaicho. She's been on a mission since you graduated into the Gotei 13 which is why you haven't met her," I said slowly.

She smiled lazily. "You're good friends," she said happily.

"What makes you say that?" I grumbled and she chuckled.

"Your tone. It's softer than usual," she said softly and I glanced up at her. She had a strange look on her face. It seemed dreamy and for a split second her focus slipped off of me.

I snorted. "She's a bedwetter and a crybaby," I scoffed and felt her focus return to me. I felt...warm when I was the center of her attention.

She laughed. "Hidoi yo, Taicho," she giggled.

"Why did you start calling me that?" I asked, suddenly serious and she blinked.

"Calling you what?" She asked, confused.

"Why did you start calling me 'taicho'?"

"Haven't I always called you taicho?" she asked innocently and I frowned.

"You started...after the fire," I said softly and she flinched slightly before looking away.

"Don't you like being called that?" she asked and I could tell she was avoiding the question.

"That didn't stop you before," I grunted and I saw her smirk slightly.

"There's always a time...after events like that...when you realize that certain people deserve the respect they work so hard for," she said quietly before facing me and smiling.

I felt my cheeks glow slightly and I stared at her in slight awe.

The room fell into silence as I studied her silently and she began to get fidgety under my gaze. A thought entered my mind and I reached into my desk drawer. She became still at my sudden movement and I could feel her reiatsu wash over me. I felt a slight twitch of reluctance when I pulled out the thin stack of papers and held it out. Nimbly she hopped over the back of the desk and took it from me. I leaned back in my chair and I felt her reiatsu retreat. Those papers, I eyed them with uncharacteristic spite, were transfer papers. I hadn't wanted to sign them, but I'd promised myself that'd I'd send her back after a month. I felt a vibration, that'd I'd grown accustomed to, ring out from her sword and her eyes lifted to me in disbelief.

"Nani...kore wa?" she whispered.

"Transfer papers," I said trying my best to be nonchalant. I folded my arms and leaned back in my chair, watching her closely. She chewed her lip fervently and her eyes shifted. "Nanda? Didn't you want to go back to the juichi-bantai?" I asked.

"Demo...I thought it'd be too much trouble..." she said, trailing off.

"Iie."

(Marionette.)

Had I become that much of a bother to him? I felt sadness twist my stomach. I'd thought everything had been going good. Maybe it was the beds?

I knew he didn't want to sleep on the floor. I thought miserably.

Didn't you want to return to the juichi-bantai? Hakuryuu asked curious, albeit, mysterious amusement.

Well...not any more...

Then tell him that.

But...I don't want to be in his way. If he wants me to leave then—

Are you even reading what he's feeling? Hakuryuu asked with a sigh. Tentatively I let my reiatsu creep towards him. I heard him tense slightly as my reiatsu overtook him. I could feel his eyes directed at me and a bitter tone in his reiatsu.

He...doesn't want me to leave?

"I...don't want to," I whispered and I knew I sounded pathetically weak.

He grunted. "Don't stay if you think leaving will upset Ayako," I heard him said irritably.

"Iie!" I blurted, unable to stop myself. How could I say, that I didn't want to leave because I liked it how it was. I liked sharing a room with Toushirou. I liked our late night conversations and how, if his mood permitted, he'd tell me stories about the real world. He'd told me about a substitute shinigami and arrancar. And his reiatsu kept my nightmares at bay. I'd wake up in the middle of the night, my nerves bristling, my body burning with the fire in my nightmare and his reiatsu would fluctuate, without a hesitation and the fire would disappear. The nightmares had all but disappeared. And more than anything...I liked working with Toushirou. As much as I hated to admit it...I liked the peaceful silences of the office or when his body would lose some of it's tension when I got some tea for him. I didn't want to leave.

"I...I like it here...Taicho," I said softly and my pride wouldn't permit the outright truth.

He seemed surprised. "Sou desu ka?"

"Hai."

"Hn. Give me the papers then," he grumbled and I handed them back. His reiatsu seemed...uplifted somehow and I felt his reiatsu leak a tiny bit of smugness when he ripped the paper. I listened, savoring the sound. I grinned.

"Taicho?" I asked as innocently as possible.

"Nanda?"

"Can we go out sometime?"

I felt his reiatsu grow hot and I knew he was blushing. "W-what are you talking about?" he growled defensively.

"I want to see what you're like outside of the office," I said honestly. His reiatsu cooled down a bit and he hesitated.

"Che. I'm going out today, you might as well go with me," he grumbled reluctantly.

"Hontou ka?" I asked excitedly.

"H-hai," he seemed unsure but he regained his composure quickly, "get back to work."

My face fell. "Hai," I sang miserably and returned to my desk.

Aw, it's kinda like a date~! Hakuryuu sang and I grimaced.

Iie. It's definitely not a date.

Just because Ayako still likes him doesn't mean you—

It does mean that I can't go for him. It means that he is most definitely out of the question. Not that'd it'd matter...besides...it's not like I'm something he'd want.

Someone.

Something. I'm not a person. Not anymore.

(Frosted Heart.)

"Kami," I said and she blinked her focus coming to attention, "I'm leaving now."

She jumped up from her desk and trailed behind me as I crossed the room to the door. "So where're you going?" she asked.

"Tea shop," I grumbled.

"Huuuuh?"

"The Tea shop," I said flatly.

"Is that your only pastime? Taking naps and drinking tea?" she asked mockingly.

"Is there a problem with that?" I asked coldly.

"Iie...but it makes you look like an old man," she said with a shrug and I glared at her. She smirked and skipped ahead a bit. I watched her as she danced around in front of me, humming something under her breath before returning to my side when we passed a group of shinigami. The shinigami bowed respectively but frowned slightly when they saw her at my side. I tried my best to look dignified and professional as we passed them and I heard Kami snicker.

"Nanda?"

"Nandemonai," she sang and I glared, "so where is this tea shop, jii-sa—taicho?"

I froze. "What did you call me?"

"What are you talking about, taicho, are you losing your hearing too?" she asked politely.

I stared at her, searching for any evidence of her slip up before she began to seep giggles. I glared.

"You almost called me jii-san," I growled.

"Iie, iie," she protested, waving her hands in front of her face defensively.

"You did!" I growled.

"You're hearing things!"

"Iie, I heard it."

"I would never be so rude," she gasped.

"Yes you would."

"To my beloved taicho? Uso da."

I raised an eyebrow. "Beloved?" I asked, slowly, dragging the word out.

"Hai~! My beloved taicho," she said cheekily but looked away slightly and I saw a faint blush paint her cheeks.

"I hope you know," I said casually and began to walk again, "it's not good for subordinates to have crushes on their superiors."

"NANDATO?" she screeched. I smirked.

"Well, 'beloved' is a term of endearment, is it not?" I asked innocently knowing the word held several different uses.

"I was thinking more for like...a little kid," she scoffed.

"You're shorter than me," I retorted icily.

"Yeah, but I don't have a respect-complex," she drawled.

"I don't have a complex," I huffed.

"Obsessive Compulsive Disorder?"

"Iie," I said, growing irritated.

"Hmm...I'm running out of disorders," she mumbled.

"I don't have a disorder," I growled.

"Sure you do. Maybe you should take more naps, you might grow taller," she suggested.

"You can go back to the office if you'd like," I grumbled.

"Aw, Taicho, that's not nice," she teased.

"Turn left," I muttered. She hesitantly turned left and I walked past her into the Tea Shop. The old woman looked at me silently with a smile but it faltered slightly when she saw Kami.

"Another one?" she asked politely and my face reddened.

"They're both subordinates, Kyounaru-baa-san," I said bluntly.

"Ah, sou ka," she said pleasantly.

"Who are you talking about?" Kami whispered and my blush deepened.

"I brought Ayako here after she tried to drag me into some frilly café," I admitted.

"Oh?" I felt her reiatsu scan the stop curiously. Her reiatsu landed on Kyounaru and she smiled.

"Konnichiwa, I'm Kurohime Kami," she said and Kyounaru smiled.

"Kyounaru Tatsu."

"Hajime mashite," Kami said and I eyed her suspiciously. Kami usually wasn't this out front with strangers.

"Do I know you from somewhere?" Kyounaru asked suddenly, her voice soft.

Kami hesitated, her body stiffening. "I-iie," she stammered.

"Ah, forgive me, please, have a seat," she said, ushering us to a table. I continued to study Kami and I knew she could feel my eyes on her. When Kyounaru disappeared to put the tea on, I focused on her intently.

"Do you know her?" I asked suspiciously.

"Iie."

"You do know I know when you're lying right?" I pointed out.

No answer.

I sighed.

"Dozo," Kyounaru murmured and set the cups in front of us.

"Arigatou," we said in unison. She leaned over to whisper something in my ear.

"She's a keeper. I like her better than the last one."

(Marionette.)

I felt Toushirou's face flush and his reiatsu leaked his embarrassment. I hadn't heard what Kyounaru whispered but judging by the blush it must've been something bad. She slipped away and Toushirou struggled to regain his composure.

"Oh, sou danna, Taicho..." I suddenly remembered something and I knew I'd caught his attention.

"Nanda?"

"I have to see Kurotsuchi-taicho tomorrow," I said.

"Why?"

"Check up," I mumbled. I felt him watch me suspiciously.

"I don't want him messing around with you," he said sternly.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't want him experimenting on you," he said coldly and took a sip of tea.

"Oh..." I trailed off, not sure if I should tell him I'd already been experimented on.

"It's illegal—" Toushirou continued.

"I'm not human," I objected softly.

"You're human in my eyes and as your taicho, I won't allow it," he said firmly and my eyes widened.

...in...his eyes?

"...arigatou..." I murmured. He scoffed.

"Don't be stupid. It's common sense."

"Hai."

We finished our tea in silence as I mulled over his words.

A monster like me doesn't deserve to be this lucky.

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Dictionary:

nani...kore wa?- what...is this?

jii-san -old man (grandpa)

baa-san -old woman (granny)

oh, sou danna- oh, that's right