Stateside
Disclaimer: All recognizable characters are the property of Wataru Watanabe and Shonen Champion. I don't own them; I just examine all their possibilities.
Chapter 11: Processing
His eyes were closed tight, stinging from the almost endless stream of tears that poured down. The pillow felt nice against his face and his shivering body. He wanted to crawl up inside it, just disappear from everything.
He concentrated on the sound of the TV. Some thuggish-sounding man was complaining about "the bosses;" there were gaps in the sound where an obscenity would likely go. Tadokoro probably changed the channel from the news. Toudou concentrated on the tough guy voices and classic rock music playing in the background; it held off a flood of awful thoughts for a second.
He gradually opened his eyes and stared at the black and white picture that hung on the wall, rows and rows of big, plump grapes. They were in Wine Country after all; best to appeal to the tourists. He would rather hold the image in his mind of these succulent looking grapes than the bodies lying in the road; it kept him from wondering which one of those riders was Edgar Visek. Then the image would come through of that green hair and white jersey prone on the pavement, Toudou flinched and tried to think of something else.
The words went through his mind, perhaps to torment himself or rather to try to fully realize what had actually happened: I just watched someone die. Toudou tried to control his breathing, his muscles were tight and a hot ache radiated from his injured shoulder. I really just watched someone die.
The soft sound of yelling and gunfire on the TV was broken by the creak of a chair and heavy shuffling across the carpet in his direction. Toudou took a few deep breaths and kept his focus on those grapes. He wouldn't mind a nice glass of wine right now, maybe with some rich cheese with it. How he wanted to be at some winery with Maki-chan and Tadokoro; he pictured the three of them in nice clothes sampling a few vintages while chatting. That's how this weekend was supposed to go: no one was supposed to die, no one was supposed to be hospitalized.
The mattress creaked and shifted as a heavy form rested on the other end of the bed.
"Toudou," a deep, careful voice said.
Toudou's eyes shut tight and he let out a few hard breaths. He was so sick of crying, that's all he had done all day. A large hand rubbed his bare foot and up his shin. Toudou opened his eyes slightly, then looked over to see Tadokoro sitting on the bed, his expression grave but somewhat soft. They made eye contact; Toudou managed a small smile and patted his hand.
Tadokoro was speechless and his hand shook slightly. What could he say right now? What could he do? They sat for a moment without a word, the soft sounds from the TV buffering the silence. Toudou took a few deep breaths.
"Have you ever watched someone die before?" Toudou asked in a shaky voice.
Tadokoro grimaced and slowly shook his head. Toudou sighed hard and cleared some tears off his cheek with his hand. Tadokoro got up for a moment, then handed Toudou a box of tissues from the nightstand. Toudou took one and dabbed his eyes.
"Have you ever really thought about it? We're in a sport that's killed people," Toudou continued through a sob. "It's just like what that lady on TV said; you always know but you forget it's possible."
"I guess it's easy to do," Tadokoro said carefully with a shrug. "I've had moments where I've ridden like a maniac, ignored every flag and obstacle."
"All that matters is the finish line, who cares what stupid things you have to do to get there," Toudou finished, nodding his head. "You might have a spill that's your dose of reality for a second…"
"But then you're right back where you were. Usually it's a bruise, hell even if you break something you're right back up again."
Toudou nodded again. He thought to ask Tadokoro about the worst injury he ever had, but somehow that didn't seem fair. Tadokoro crossed the finish line; Toudou guessed he wasn't feeling great about that.
"How is it that three guys can walk away from this, two others…How is it that…"
Toudou let out breathy sobs and let the tears flow. Tadokoro rubbed Toudou's good shoulder; Toudou's hand grasped Tadokoro's and squeezed it.
Tadokoro knew what Toudou was saying, how many similar words had gone through his head?
"Makishima's going to walk away from this," Tadokoro asserted. "If nothing else we need to keep thinking that."
Toudou nodded, though somehow the words were hollow to him. How good were all these pep talks really? Tadokoro was right, he at least had to give him that.
The thought went through Toudou's mind again, this time he allowed it. Somehow he had to figure this out, he had to know who it was.
It wasn't the cyclist he crashed into; he rode in the van to the med tent with that guy. Toudou remembered he introduced himself as Matt, he might have replied with his own name but that was the only conversation any of them had. Toudou recalled Matt was hurting in a few places, but he was still sitting up.
He didn't know what happened to the other cyclist, the one Maki-chan crashed into. He did remember that rider had much darker skin. According to the news that guy must have been relatively okay, though didn't "non-life-threatening" just mean you won't die from your injuries? There still was room for a lot of bad there.
That only left one other; Toudou never saw his face, but he was the only one it could have been.
"It was the one who spilled first," Toudou sobbed. "The one who…the one who started the whole thing."
It was the one he saw wobbling, why was he wobbling? Toudou really didn't want to think on this anymore.
Tadokoro closed his eyes and let out a pained sigh. He clutched Toudou's hand a little harder.
Tadokoro suddenly remembered those teenagers he saw in the race field right before he got the first bit of bad news. Two of them were holding each other, it looked like one was crying. They were all high school kids in the same uniform, but he never saw the lettering. Were those members of Eddie's team? The realization chilled him. He was tempted to say something but didn't, now was not the time. He didn't even know if they were his students.
They sat in silence for a moment, Toudou's tears gradually stopped falling. He thought of one thing he felt he had to do right then.
"Can I ask you a weird question?" Toudou said.
"Sure," Tadokoro said.
"Do you ever pray?"
Tadokoro looked at him for a moment, then gave a small smile.
"Haven't in long time, not properly at least," Tadokoro replied. "Maybe a mental callout to whoever could help me win."
Toudou nodded, he knew that feeling well.
"My family does tend to be pretty spiritual, but of course the kids drifted off from that," Tadokoro continued.
"Same here on both accounts," Toudou answered. "It's a big thing in my family; we've prospered from the earth, we've always given thanks and honor for that. I think want to do something right now."
"Good, that's a great idea."
"Would you join me?"
Tadokoro brought his leg up and sat in a cross-legged position on the bed and both of them bowed their heads and closed their eyes. Tadokoro put his hands together in front of his face; Toudou folded both his hands in front of him as high as he could without causing any pain. Toudou said a short, basic prayer his family had used on many occasions for many purposes. He recalled saying this norito with his sister or his parents when he was younger, but he hadn't said it in too long.
As Toudou said the norito, they both silently but intensely prayed in their thoughts for Makishima's full recovery. They imagined him well again, walking out of that hospital by their sides, riding a bike again after this, standing with his brother.
They both gave their prayers for Edgar Visek. Toudou thought on that photo of him they showed on the news. It was hard not to imagine the moment he spilled, though Toudou tried to keep his focus on the photo of that man in a happier time. He prayed for his eternal rest, that his loved ones would have comfort and protection. It took some of the sting away from that one horrible image. Tadokoro also imagined his students, adding some extra blessings for them too.
They prayed for Ren and the Makishima family, Tadokoro hoped there was peace in their family. They prayed for everyone hurt by the day's events; all the other injured riders and their families. They prayed for Makishima's friends and for everyone back in Japan. Tadokoro added a few extra thoughts for Toudou's recovery, Toudou did the same for Tadokoro's well being. In their minds they gave thanks to have the other by his side right now.
Toudou said the prayer three times, after the third time he stopped and everything went quiet. Gradually they separated their hands and took a few clearing breaths.
"That felt good," Toudou said.
Tadokoro nodded in response.
"Are you gonna be okay?" he asked.
Toudou paused and sighed.
"I don't know," Toudou replied. "All I want to think on now is Maki-chan getting better."
"That's all any of us want, that's all we can ask for I guess," Tadokoro replied.
Toudou nodded again.
They gradually settled back into their respective seats, but neither of them spoke. Tadokoro gave Toudou the remote and Toudou flipped through the channels. Toudou then stopped on a channel that was playing anime, Tadokoro chuckled when he saw this and Toudou smirked a little back at him.
"Something Glasses-kun would like?" Toudou said. Just thinking of Onoda gave him a joy that cleared some of the fog from his heart.
Tadokoro cackled in response and nodded. Normally he'd change the channel on things like this, but maybe it was something nice and light for them to watch now.
The show was about some kind of warring factions in some fantasy universe. A young man with blue hair led one army, a young woman with pink hair led the other. There was a lot of sword raising and talk of preparing spells, all the voices were in English.
"Wait, isn't this the show Glasses-kun was cosplaying from?" Toudou said. "Maki-chan showed us the photo, I swear that's the same outfits he and his girlfriend were wearing."
"Probably was, yeah I'm certain of it now," Tadokoro chuckled back.
They watched the first ten minutes in curiosity. Both of them chortled in a few places at the hokey dialogue, Toudou didn't realize how hoarse his voice was. Tadokoro audibly counted off how many times this heroine said "By my oath to the Crimson Knights," Toudou snickering each time.
Finally the show broke for commercial.
"You want to watch any more?" Toudou asked.
"Oh please change it," Tadokoro responded.
Toudou gladly clicked the button and continued channel surfing, sometimes stopping on one and going to the other: Tadokoro wasn't saying anything. By now Toudou's eyes were growing heavy and the back of his head was leaning more against the pillow. He was so exhausted, he didn't know if he would be able to sleep tonight but he was ready to attempt it.
"You take this from me, I'm going to try this whole sleep thing again," Toudou said.
Tadokoro got up for a second and took the remote from him.
"Good luck," Tadokoro replied.
Toudou managed to pull himself up a little, then pulled the covers over himself and gently peeled off his sling.
"Did you want the light off?" Tadokoro asked.
Toudou shook his head.
"You do whatever you want with it," Toudou answered, settling into bed.
"Sure thing, night."
"Night."
Tadokoro punched the volume down on the TV. He looked back and saw Toudou's head on the pillow and his eyes closed. Tadokoro pried his eyes off Toudou and channel surfed a little longer. Soon he heard those cute little snores and smiled. Hopefully Toudou was really conked out for the night; he really needed some sleep.
Tadokoro stopped on a sports channel; a few guys in suits were talking about football and he paid attention, if only for some background noise. Tadokoro had gotten a tiny bit more interested in American football since he came to this country. A few of his coworkers brought him to a Seahawks game last year. Back then he had only a basic command of English and was happy to understand most of what the announcers were saying. Over a year and a half later he understood every nuance and detail being discussed by this panel of sports "experts." He only now realized how many medical details had been thrown at him that he understood every word of. Obviously his time here hadn't been wasted.
The next topic was baseball; they talked about a Japanese player on one team. They interviewed the man through a translator; Tadokoro listened to every word in both languages. The translator was decent but Tadokoro just wished he would shut up. The player looked like the proverbial deer in the headlights. Here was this ballplayer who had made big strides in Japan, now he was traded to a team in a country where he didn't speak the language and had few friends. Tadokoro felt a little pang of sympathy for the guy.
Tadokoro got up from his seat then grabbed a keycard from the side table. Maybe now was a good time to give Kinjou a quick update, though now he wouldn't mind hearing a familiar voice. He made sure his phone was still in his pocket, then he left the room and made his way down to the lobby. Soon he was out the door and back outside to that little patio area by the main entrance, no one else was out here. According to his phone it was around midnight, it was probably close to dinnertime in Japan right now.
He sat down in the bench, then pulled up Kinjou's number and pressed the green button. Kinjou answered pretty quickly.
"Tadokoro, everything okay?" Kinjou answered.
"Yeah everything's as good as it can be," Tadokoro said. "No updates on Makishima, but we did get a bit of other news from the crash."
"What's going on?"
"A rider was killed."
Kinjou let out a hard breath on the other end.
"We heard about it on the evening news," Tadokoro continued. "He was a former pro apparently, I'm not familiar with the name personally. They said he was a high school cycling coach, I'm pretty sure I passed his kids at one point."
"This just gets more and more awful," Kinjou replied.
Tadokoro heard an exasperated voice in the background say, "What the fuck happened this time?" Tadokoro smirked a little.
"Someone was killed in that crash," Kinjou said, his voice slightly fainter as he moved the phone away from his mouth."
"Fuck, seriously?" Arakita said in the background.
"Is that Arakita?" Tadokoro said.
"Yeah we're out for a walk, going to get some food," Kinjou said. "Any news on anyone else in that crash?"
"The term they used for three of the riders, Toudou included I'm assuming, was 'non-life-threatening injuries.' I guess that can mean anything except for something that can kill you, like they have anything other than what Makishima has. Hopefully it's a fancy way of saying minor injuries. They did mention Makishima too."
"They mentioned him on TV?"
"Oh fucking lovely!" Arakita said in the background.
"Yup, they mentioned him by name, just said he was badly hurt," Tadokoro sighed. "It was so fucking bizarre, Kinjou. You watch the news or read the paper and hear of someone getting seriously injured somehow, they're just names, you know? You don't ever think of who's behind those names."
"This just gives you a whole new perspective," Kinjou replied.
"It sure does, let me tell you. Behind every one of those names are a lot of scared people just standing right by, waiting for any piece of information. You never think you'll hear your best friend's name on evening news with the words 'critical condition' by it."
"Well I'm sorry you heard that, I don't even know how I'd react."
Arakita said something on the other end that Tadokoro couldn't make out.
"Tadokoro, is it okay if I out this call on speaker?" Kinjou asked.
"Go right ahead," Tadokoro replied with a smirk, hearing more background noise. "Hey Arakita."
"Hey yourself," Arakita answered, his voice clearer over the phone. "I just had a thought; they said his name on the news in America, what are the chances we'll start hearing about it over here?"
"Well it wasn't national or anything, just a dippy local news station," Tadokoro replied, though the ideas sunk in. "You do have a point, if this starts making it into sporting news over here it would probably spread over there."
"He's been out of high school for five years, though, do you think any news outlet is going to care?" Kinjou said.
"Who knows, he was pretty well known back then; you remember how many reporters and editors got in touch with both our teams," Arakita said.
"Crap how can I forget," Tadokoro said. Another realization suddenly hit Tadokoro that made him groan. "It's not just that either; he's making a name for himself as a fashion designer too, apparently he's getting pretty big."
"That's right, last I heard he was traveling quite a bit and doing a few big events," Kinjou said.
"Right after we got here Toudou showed us a video of some fashion review show that talked about him," Tadokoro continued. "One of his dresses was on MTV this past week."
"Seriously?" Arakita shouted.
"Seriously, this pop star or something was wearing it at the Video Music Awards."
"Oh wow, who was it?" Kinjou asked.
"Tia Doria I think?"
"Are you shitting me?" Arakita yelled. "Are you fucking kidding me? My sister listens to her! I have to hear that stuff every time I come home."
"What you guys know her in Japan?" Tadokoro yelped.
"No, she's huge over here, even I've heard of her and I'm not into pop music either," Kinjou replied.
"Okay let me see if I understand; Yusuke Makishima, the guy we rode with, designed a huge pop star's dress for the Video Music Awards?" Arakita sputtered.
"That's the gist of it," Tadokoro replied.
"Fucking hell. Don't get me wrong; I couldn't care less about pop stars or fashion, but even I know that's huge."
Tadokoro could hear Kinjou chuckling in the background.
"And we're hearing about all of his now," Kinjou added. "But we know how Makishima is."
"Uh huh, we know exactly," Tadokoro groaned.
"Still this is going to get press attention, get ready for it," Arakita added.
"Oh lovely, just what we fucking need," Tadokoro spat.
The last thing they needed to add to this mess was a bunch of reporters hanging around shoving cameras in their faces.
"I doubt it would be anything huge, but don't be surprised if you see a couple media people hanging around or someone approaches you," Kinjou added. "Maybe you should talk to Ren about this, I'm sure he's ready for the possibility too."
That was a little more reassuring thought.
"Yeah, if anyone knows about dealing with this sort of thing it's him," Tadokoro sighed.
"Regardless both of us follow cycling news over here, I'll let you know if he's mentioned anywhere," Kinjou said.
"That would be great, let me know if you see anything."
"Speaking of which, did they say the name of the guy who was killed?' Arakita asked. "Maybe it's someone I recognize."
"The guy's name was Edgar Visek," Tadokoro answered. "No one I've heard of personally, but apparently I don't know shit about who's popular."
There was a pause on the other end, both of them repeated the name.
"I think I heard that name somewhere, can't remember," Arakita said. "Maybe he was in the Tour de France a million years ago or something, I don't know?"
"I don't recognize that name personally; I could ask Mr. Pierre if it's anyone he knew of when he was a reporter," Kinjou replied. "Still that's terrible."
"Toudou's sure he was the one who spilled in the first place," Tadokoro said.
Arakita and Kinjou let out respective sighs, Arakita let out a few curses.
"I know," Tadokoro replied.
"And Toudou saw that too. Shit," Aralita replied.
"It's bad enough he watches Makishima get badly hurt, now this," Kinjou sighed.
"The poor guy's gotta be a basket case right now," Arakita said.
"Yeah that sums it up, he took it pretty hard. We talked a little bit and he started calming down. I'll be honest I'm worried about him. I have no idea how he is with coping. I just hope he's going to be okay."
"Well, Tadokoro, let me tell you something about Toudou; he's a lot tougher than a lot of people give him credit for. He's vain, whiny, a complete drama queen, but that's just what you see. When it gets rough he's all business and he can yell and snarl with the best of them, I'm sure you are well aware of this."
Somehow this took Tadokoro aback a little, but it had to come up sometime.
"Oh yeah, I'm more than aware," Tadokoro chuckled.
"Don't worry about him too much," Arakita said. "Yeah he's going through hell right now, that's a given, but he can take care of himself. Just watch your own ass, he can get nasty when he's really cornered."
"I don't doubt that at all."
"It sounds like you're really sticking together, I am very happy to hear that," Kinjou said.
"Well just because you're sticking together now doesn't mean you're not going to rip each other's throats out at some point," Arakita declared. "It's not if but when, and that's okay. Just don't let egos and history get in the way again, that's not going to do the both of you any favors and it's sure as hell not going to help Makishima."
Tadokoro gritted his teeth and scowled hearing this. Just who the hell was he to say anything? He resisted the urge to start snarling back, Tadokoro knew everything Arakita said was true. Arakita essentially yanked Toudou away five years ago; Tadokoro always wondered if he would ever say anything about that. Shinkai or even Kinjou could have filled him in on a few more details; how many was a moot point. Arakita was dispensing some necessary advice now; Tadokoro knew he needed to hear this.
"I can't argue with that," Tadokoro sighed. "At this point egos are out the door, but I guess it's a matter of keeping them there."
"Just remember you two need each other right now and Makishima needs both of you even more," Kinjou said. "No matter what happens, keep that in mind."
"There's no question at all, Toudou's helped me enough already. I'd like to think maybe I've done the same for him."
"That's good to hear," Kinjou answered. "I'm going to send you an email when I get back so we can coordinate some lists. In the meantime if you have any updates just call me; like I said I don't care what time it is."
"Sure thing. It's pretty late over here; I'll probably get back to you in the morning. Toudou managed to get to sleep and I'm going to make the attempt pretty soon."
"Good, you both need some rest."
"You take care of yourself, Tadokoro," Arakita said.
"Will do," Tadokoro replied. "Hey Arakita thanks for all you've done today, it means a lot to me and I know it means a lot to Toudou."
"Whatever, I was just doing what needed to be done," Arakita grumbled.
Tadokoro smiled, so typical.
"You two enjoy your dinner," Tadokoro said.
"Thanks, you two get some sleep," Kinjou answered. "Bye, Tadokoro."
"Bye guys."
Tadokoro pressed the red button and put his phone back in his pocket. He sat for a little while, taking in the moist air and looking at the glow of the streetlights against the dark sky. His elbows rested on his knees and he buried his face in his hands, letting out a low groan. Tadokoro let his tense muscles twitch a little and he took deep breaths. He needed to relax right now; he wasn't going to have any hope of sleeping unless that happened.
His hands wiped down his face and rubbed his beard for a moment, then dropped in his lap. Tadokoro leaned back against the back of the bench. It was nice and quiet right now, all he could hear was the occasional passing car and a light breeze through the trees. It was the first moment of comfortable quiet he had all day; he needed this right now.
Everything on his end was done; it was time to start watching out for himself. Back in Japan everyone in the old Sohoku and Hakogaku teams were processing the news they heard. Tadokoro knew there were a lot of people praying and rooting for Makishima right now.
He had to be there for Toudou, though Tadokoro knew Toudou had to work through this himself. Across town Makishima was fighting hard, but Tadokoro was confident he was in good hands. It was time to finally relax a little and keep himself from falling apart.
Tadokoro felt his lids growing heavier and his head drooping down, but caught himself. He was completely exhausted right now. He forced his legs to sit up, after some effort he walked for the main door of the hotel and went back in the lobby. He threw a nod at the lady behind the desk then walked to the elevators.
The text tone on his phone went off, he leaned on the wall next to the elevator and took his phone out. He read the name on the text and smiled wide, a few more texts followed.
[Shinkai] Jin-kun, I got an email from Yasutomo about the crash. I am so sorry this happened.
[Shinkai]. I give my absolute best to Yusuke and hope he gets better.
[Shinkai] Tell Jinpachi I'm thinking of him too and I hope he recovers soon.
[Shinkai] Call me if you need to talk at all.
Tadokoro looked at the message for a moment, feeling a little warmer. He replied right away.
That means a lot Hayato, thank you.
I'll be sure to pass along your wishes to Makishima and Toudou
Tadokoro pressed the call button for the elevator and put his phone back in his pocket. He should call Hayato tomorrow. In the meantime he was practically falling asleep against this wall. For a brief moment he wondered if Hayato had called Toudou like Arakita had. Had Toudou really talked to anyone from Hakogaku at all during this whole thing? The thought struck him hard.
Kinjou was helping keep Tadokoro level; hopefully someone from Hakogaku could be there for Toudou like that. He only knew Toudou received a voicemail and email from Arakita, though he could have been texting back and forth with someone else. Then again Toudou was going through a lot right now, different people deal with things in different ways.
Tadokoro knew he should have asked Arakita if he had been talking with Toudou, though it never occurred to him then to ask. He was too busy getting aggravated by what he said; Tadokoro rolled his eyes and mentally kicked himself. That had been too much of a routine, especially where Toudou was concerned. He had to watch that, not let old bad instincts rear their ugly head. Now there was a little turnaround, wasn't there? Tadokoro smiled a little; here he was now watching out for Toudou.
A ding went off on the elevator and the doors opened. Tadokoro walked in and pressed the button for his floor, looking forward to crawling into bed.
A hum of voices broke through the quiet. Their tone was even, he couldn't make out what they were saying; everything was hazy. This was a dream wasn't it, or maybe a memory? Gradually they would fade out, then they came back again sounding a little louder. He made out a few words in English though the rest sounded like gibberish.
The voices were suddenly louder, frantic. There was piercing noise in the background, it sounded like an alarm of some kind. Gradually the sounds gradually faded, then everything was silent.
Now he was falling, his eyes shot open as his body dropped though the air.
He knew what was to come next: the hard surface and the searing ache. Instead his back landed on softness, a mattress? He was now staring at a plain white ceiling, was he awake now? Had that been a dream? Then he saw the faces leaning in.
"We have a rhythm," a voice called. The words "pulse" and "blood pressure" followed with a few numbers.
"Is he awake?" another said.
Someone leaned in his face and shined a light in his eyes, a man in rectangular glasses.
"Yusuke can you hear me? Nod if you can understand me," the man said.
Makishima gave a shallow nod, something shifted down his throat and he gagged. Oh God what was this? Something huge was sticking down his throat! He tried to breathe only he gagged more in whatever was there. He then realized he took a breath without his own effort to do so. Why wasn't he controlling his own breathing?
"Just relax, I know that tube isn't pleasant but it's helping you right now," the man said. "You were in an accident, you took a bad fall from your bike. You're in the hospital now; you had a lot of internal injuries including some injuries on your lung. We have you on a machine helping you breathe right now."
There was a beeping noise in the background that seemed to match the rhythm of his heart. He saw the blue hose out of the corner of his eye leading to his face. Makishima looked around the room; there were other people in similar blue outfits around him. One woman had these white handles in her hand with a curly wire going to a red machine. He knew what those were; he had seen enough TV shows to know what they were used for.
So many realizations came flooding in, though the haze in his mind kept him from processing them all.
"I need you to do a few favors for me," the man, the doctor, said. "Can you follow the tip of my finger with your eyes?"
The doctor passed his index finger across his face, Makishima kept his gaze on his fingertip as it passed back and forth.
"Good," he said, dropping his finger. "Now I want you to squeeze my hand."
The man took hold of his left hand; he squeezed it as he was asked. The back of his hand ached slightly; he looked down to see a few thin tubes taped to his hand, a few more running down his arm and in the crook of his elbow.
"Harder," the man said. Makishima obliged. "As hard as you can," he said again, Makishima squeezed his large, gloved hand with a good amount of force.
The doctor let go of his hand and nodded, then moved to the foot of the bed and slightly lifted up the sheet, exposing his feet. The man lightly pinched his right big toe with his thumb and forefinger.
"I want you to wiggle this toe for me," he said, Makishima did so. "Now all of them."
Makishima wiggled his toes, then looked down at his prone body, immediately seeing the wires running from his chest. There were bandages all around; his whole abdomen was covered in gauze, though he was able to make out a few bruises and scrapes over other parts of his torso.
"Fully responsive," the man said to one of his companions. "No need for any other treatments right now, but this could happen again."
"This is one lucky guy," someone else sighed with the hint of a snicker.
Makishima looked back up at the ceiling, listening to the doctor give out a few orders. His heart was pumping hard through his ears, marked by the beeping noise off to the side. He tried to find the new rhythm of his breathing, trying to relax every time air went through his lungs.
He had been looking up at the trees before, the hard ground underneath his body. Now he was looking at a pristine white ceiling and feeling a soft mattress underneath him. His body ached all over. The center of his chest was especially tight; somehow he knew the reason why.
The words played through his head again: "You were in an accident, you took a bad fall from your bike."
He felt the handlebars ripped from his hands, his body plummeting through the air, that crushing landing. He remembered pain everywhere, hugging his arm to his chest to try to stop the fire. Makishima looked down again and saw that same arm in a cast.
The memory of Toudou's screaming pierced through his mind, but he also remembered Toudou's voice sounding a lot softer. Had he heard Jinpachi again, Tadokorocchi too?
"You had a problem with your heart, but we resolved it for the time being," the doctor said to him.
The problem being that it stopped right? The guy didn't say it but Makishima knew.
"You are in a good place right now, we're going to take care of you."
That's what Tadokorocchi said; both of them had visited him. They were with him and spoke to him. They weren't here right now, tomorrow though. So many thoughts made the corner of his lips quirked up, despite the sticking feeling of something covering his mouth.
He wasn't on that hard ground anymore, there was no uncertainty about his fate. This was the aftermath, this was the next step. How much happened to him between then and now? What difference did that make? He was here anyway. Maybe this weekend wasn't hopeless after all.
"I'm going to give you something to relax, you should go right back to sleep," the doctor said, then called out another set of words that were probably some sort of drug.
The doctor lifted one of the tubes in his arm and stuck a syringe through a flat port. Soon Makishima's lids grew heavier and his body relaxed, the sounds in the room became quieter. He felt a few more breaths pass through his lungs as he drifted from consciousness.
A ringtone cut through the air and woke them both right up. Toudou jumped from the mattress, a hot ache going through his injured shoulder. Tadokoro sprang to a sit, still half awake and slowly making himself aware a phone was ringing. The phone rang again, Tadokoro reached over to the end table and turned on the lamp, briefly looking at the clock next to it as he did so: 3:18 a.m.
The ring went off again, Toudou looked on his own end table and saw his phone vibrating: "Incoming call: Ren."
Toudou snatched the phone up and answered it, looking at Tadokoro and mouthing "Ren." Tadokoro's jaw dropped and he went numb, mouthing an obscenity. This wasn't good.
"Ren-kun," Toudou answered, his throat tightening up.
Tadokoro sprang up from his bed and practically leapt next to Toudou. Toudou pressed the speaker button.
"Hey guys," Ren replied, his voice audibly tense. "I know how late it is over there, but I figured you should hear this now. Yusuke had a complication, a pretty big one."
Toudou's lower lip started shaking, he felt sick. Tadokoro closed his eyes, getting ready for what he might hear next.
"He's fine now, I'll just get that out of the way," Ren assured them.
Both of them let out a few relaxed breaths, but they were still tense.
"In fact I called the hospital just a few minutes ago and they said he's stable now," Ren continued. "However that wasn't the case a couple hours ago."
"What happened?" Toudou gasped.
Ren paused; Tadokoro's stomach turned and Toudou was shaking.
"He went into cardiac arrest."
Toudou yelped, Tadokoro buried his face in his hands and grunted hard.
"His heart stopped for about two minutes, however they were able to get it started again. In fact the doctor said he woke up right afterward."
Tadokoro raised his head and his jaw dropped.
"Whoa wait, his heart stopped and he woke right up afterward?" Tadokoro gasped.
"That's exactly what he said. There's a technical term for it, but the heart starts right back up to normal," Ren said. "Basically what happened was Yusuke's blood pressure was dropping on and off for a few hours, the same shit that was happening during surgery. They would bring it back up and it would drop off an hour later. Then it took a pretty hard drop and his heart stopped."
Ren sounded like he was trying to be calm and matter-of-fact about everything, but his voice was shaking. What would it be like to describe to someone how your little brother almost died? Tadokoro shivered at the thought of it.
"They were right there to do CPR and there was a defibrillator right in the room so someone was there immediately to help him, which they said made all the difference," Ren went on. "They shocked him twice, the second time the doctor said his eyes were open and then he was responding to everything he said. He wasn't talking of course thanks to the breathing tube, but, you know, making gestures, moving his toes when he was asked, stuff like that. They said the sedation wore off plus they'd been giving him a bunch of drugs before that must have counteracted it."
Tadokoro's head dropped back, he was having a hard time grasping everything that was being said. Toudou just stared at the phone, his hand clasped over his mouth.
"Is he going to be okay after this?" Tadokoro asked.
"The good news is waking up like that and responding to commands means he doesn't have any brain damage," Ren answered.
Toudou flinched at the mention of it.
"The bad news is going into cardiac arrest once puts him at pretty decent risk of it happening again and if it happens again he might not be as lucky."
Tadokoro winced, rested his forehead in his hand.
"The other good news is it's been a couple hours since that happened, like I said the nurse I spoke to a few minutes ago said he has been stable the whole time. They are probably going to keep him on the respirator a little longer than they planned, maybe through the afternoon where you are. They told me to tell you that you might have to wait a little longer to see him, but that does depend on his condition."
"Yeah I understand that, whatever he needs," Tadokoro answered, then paused for a second. "You said it's been a few hours since that happened?"
"Yeah," Ren said, followed by a long sigh. "I got the call I think it was around 1 a.m. your time maybe. I'm sorry I just couldn't bring myself you call you guys then. I think I wanted to make sure he was really going to be stable for a while before saying anything. That and all of us needed some fresh air after that, well as much as we could with this fucking weather."
"Hey you don't need to explain anything, Ren; your end comes first, no question," Tadokoro assured him.
"But like I said I called the hospital right before I called you, I wanted to make sure I had the best information for you," Ren continued.
"It's really appreciated, Ren-kun, thanks," Toudou said through weak sob.
"It's kind of messed up, isn't it; you guys are right there and I'm the one getting the calls ten thousand kilometers away," Ren sighed.
Tadokoro wanted to reassure him, "You'll be over soon," but he kept his mouth shut. Ren was working on that already. Then there was the oh so pleasant idea that he would be too late anyway. Tadokoro knew he couldn't dwell on that, though maybe it was at the forefront of Ren's mind. Tadokoro suddenly wanted to hear his own brother's voice right now, he would have to call Shusei later on.
"Just hang in there, buddy, all we have right now is hoping for the best," Tadokoro said.
Toudou threw his head back and took a hard breath accompanied by a quiet, derisive chuckle. Tadokoro made no reaction.
"Yeah believe me we're counting every single blessing we've gotten," Ren replied. "We just keep saying he's going to be okay, that's all we can do right now. No matter what happens, we just have to keep believing it."
"Just remember we're here for you," Tadokoro said.
Toudou turned away and rubbed his face.
"I know, you guys have been the best," Ren answered. "I need to get going for now, I'll call later hopefully under happier circumstances."
"Take care, pal," Tadokoro said.
"Yeah you too, guys. Try to get some sleep."
"Bye, Ren-kun," Toudou said.
The call disconnected, but Toudou stared at his phone. He saw a few new text messages, but his hand was shaking too hard to do anything. The phone fell from his hand and dropped to the floor with a thud. Toudou clutched his hair and buried his face in his hands; he let out a few whimpers then wailing sobs. He moved his right shoulder then cried in pain for a moment, dropping his right hand and grabbing at his hair with his left.
Tadokoro put a hand on his back, Toudou cried harder.
"He's going to be okay," Tadokoro said.
"Shut up, just shut up!" Toudou yelled.
Tadokoro rubbed his face with his hand and closed his eyes.
"They told us that when we left the hospital," Toudou whimpered. "They just needed to stop the bleeding, they just needed to leave him for a few hours and he would be stable. They just needed to keep an eye on him, they told us. God…fuck! They…they're saying the same fucking thing! They never said he was going to die…they never said…"
"Hey, stop it with that," Tadokoro snapped, pulling back and coming to his feet. "He didn't fucking die."
"His heart stopped, what else happened?" Toudou yelled back. "He was dead for two minutes! We almost lost him!"
"That's not fucking dying, I don't even want to hear that!" Tadokoro barked, sobs threatening to break through his voice. He took a few breaths; Toudou's sobbing made him feel awful for yelling. "It was just a setback, a complication, this is why he's in there. He's going to be…"
"He's going to be fine, yeah just say that again!" Toudou hopped off the bed and leaned up in Tadokoro's face. "Say that over and over and maybe you'll believe it! He's not fucking fine, Tadokoro! Just…just stop being the goddamned tough guy! You're scared out of your mind just like I am!"
Tadokoro stared hard at him, feeling the tears welling up in his eyes.
"We almost lost him!" Toudou screamed. "Debate semantics all you want, but it's the truth. We've been this close to losing him all day and it almost happened."
Toudou turned away, clutching his face and sobbing hard. Tears fell down Tadokoro's cheeks and he let out a few of his own sobs. Toudou sat back down on the bed and cried.
"Yeah, I know we did," Tadokoro said in a shaking voice. "But I refuse to think it's going to happen, or maybe I just won't think about it. I just…I just can't think about losing him."
Tadokoro leaned against the end table and cried into his arm. Toudou looked up at him and managed a small smile as more tears ran down his face.
"We both love him so much," Toudou sobbed. "I always have, I know you do too."
Tadokoro heaved down on his bed and buried his face in his hands, letting loose some more shaky sobs, then he nodded.
One precious memory came into Tadokoro's head. He wanted to keep this to himself, but he was tired of being quiet. It was time for them to get everything out; both of them knew it. Nothing should be held back, not even from themselves.
"I told him that, the last night before he left," Tadokoro said through tears. "The last time we…"
He paused. Why did it feel so weird saying it now? This had been his life five years ago, was it now a regret? A distant memory? Had he and Makishima been dancing around this for the past five years? It made him sick to think about it.
"The last time you made love?" Toudou said with a smile.
The thought was so natural to Toudou now, so…beautiful maybe? Why wasn't it five years ago? There were a hundred ridiculous reasons for that; he couldn't believe how much time had changed his perspective.
Tadokoro smiled a little and nodded.
"After we finished, we held each other for a little while; both of us were bawling," Tadokoro said. "I said to him, 'If I tell you I love you, you know what I mean?'"
Toudou closed his eyes tighter; Tadokoro sniffed and shook his head.
"Just why the hell did I say it to him like that?" Tadokoro added.
"You said more than I ever did," Toudou whispered. "I guess I never even thought about it like that."
Tadokoro looked up at him, seeing his eyes downcast. It felt so good to be talking about this.
"We were all just a bunch of horny kids, a bunch of idiots," Tadokoro said with the hint of a chuckle.
Toudou nodded in return.
"We never appreciated what we had, did we?" Tadokoro continued
"No we didn't. I just…I just can't help but think maybe we drove him away," Toudou said softly.
"You don't know how many times I've thought that. I know he was happy…" Tadokoro looked straight at Toudou and smiled "…with both of us."
Toudou sobbed and nodded.
"What I wouldn't give to go back to that time and try it again," Toduou replied. "Just put my own stupid teenage ego aside."
"You and me both, pal. Fucking ridiculous; what do they say about hindsight?"
Toudou nodded emphatically.
They sat in silence for a moment, letting themselves breathe and try to calm down. Toudou got up from his bed then sat beside Tadokoro, putting is left arm across his back. Tadokoro relaxed and let his head fall back a little. Toudou leaned his head against Tadokoro's arm; his eyes widened a little when he realized how muscley he was.
"Maki-chan needs to hear all this," Toudou whispered. "We'll tell him when he's a lot better."
Tadokoro chuckled through a sob and nodded his head.
"Now that's what I wanted to hear," he said.
Tadokoro put an arm around Toudou, watching for his injured shoulder.
"I think today is the first time we've been closer than a few meters to each other," Toudou said.
Tadokoro snickered.
"Wasn't there a handshake involved at one point, that last Inter-High four years ago maybe?"
"Yeah when we both apologized for being jerks. That was it though."
"Uh huh, I remember Makishima still sat between us at dinner that night."
"That was pretty funny if you think about it."
There was another pause, Tadokoro gently rubbed Toudou's back.
"Sorry for snapping at you like that," Tadokoro said. "That wasn't okay, especially then."
"No, I'm sorry for talking to you like I did," Toudou replied, shaking his head.
"We've been dealing with this our own way I guess," Tadokoro answered. "You've been one way, I've been doing the complete opposite and that hasn't worked well either."
"I just panicked, probably blew things out of proportion. I shouldn't have said he…you know."
Tadokoro paused and thought for a moment. Maybe it was time to share something, let Toudou in a little more.
"There was a reason why I blew up like that," he said. "It wasn't justified, but a nerve got struck."
Toudou realized what it could be and looked up at Tadokoro.
"You're grandpa?" he said. "I'm so sorry, I didn't realize…"
"Oh no, he never went through that. He's had few heart attacks, yes, but never cardiac arrest thankfully. No actually it was kind of an interesting conversation Makishima and I had a long time ago."
Toudou furrowed his brows and looked back up at him.
"I think we were first-years, we were hanging out at my place one night…just hanging out I recall."
Toudou snickered a little, Tadokoro chuckled back.
"Anyway it got to be late at night and we were doing whatever, next thing we know there's this pulp TV show on. It was something about miracles or maybe it was bad missionary program; send us money because Jesus said so. Either way there was a guy on there talking about how he got sick and his heart stopped for ten minutes. They kept talking about it like he died, like he walked around as a ghost for a little while before they shocked him back. Of course this tied into whatever they were touting.
"Makishima had been playing on his laptop or something, but he looked up at the TV and watched the segment with this dirty look. After it was done he essentially said, 'That's completely ridiculous.' Well like I said before I'm pretty open to stuff like that so I asked him how he figured, like did he not believe in the whole near death experience thing? He almost clenched right back up, 'Forget I said anything,' but I did some prying. He eventually said he had some pretty strong beliefs about death and the soul. He believed that death isn't that easy, there's a whole process: the body dying, the soul passing along. The heart is just an organ and can have problems like any other; he said the heart stopping is just a medical condition. Hence, he said, why you hear about people waking up a few hours after being declared dead."
Tadokoro could feel Toudou shiver.
"He said this? First year?" Toudou gasped.
Tadokoro nodded.
"How many first-years are that philosophical?" Toudou continued.
"That's Makishima for you," Tadokoro chuckled. "He told me…no I probably shouldn't be saying this."
"No, if it's okay I want to hear it," Toudou replied. "I promise I won't repeat this to him."
"I'm more worried about what's gone on in the past few hours, namely what we know about that one guy, Eddie."
Toudou's mouth dropped open.
"Maki-chan watched someone die?" he asked.
Tadokoro took a hard breath and nodded.
"His grandfather," Tadokoro said. "He'd been fading for several years, Makishima was a kid at the time, but he said he knew something was going on. Everyone in the family gathered around his grandfather's bedside for his final moments; he and Ren included. I think he was like eight or nine at the time. His grandfather went peacefully, though it really left an impression on Makishima. He has a respect for death; it's a sacred thing for him."
Toudou leaned a little more against Tadokoro and looked across the room, his head heavy with a hundred thoughts.
"He and Ren were there to watch their grandpa die," Toudou said. "I was there to watch Eddie Visek die…oh God Maki-chan was too. Why didn't I even think of that?"
"Because Makishima isn't here for you to talk to him about this, but later's a different story."
Toudou nodded, that was a comforting thought.
"We were there in his last moments, so was everyone else," Toudou continued. "Maybe…I know this is going to sound horrible, but maybe it was Eddie's time. Maybe that's how he was supposed to go."
"Maybe it was his time and not anyone else in that crash," Tadokoro said. "It's not Makishima's time either."
Toudou nodded against Tadokoro's side.
"He's still around after all that, and he's going to be for a long time," Toudou answered.
"Exactly," Tadokoro said, smiling wide.
Toudou managed a small smile, thinking of something else.
"That's why your grandpa is still alive and kicking," Toudou said.
"You've got that right," Tadokoro chuckled.
Toudou rested against Tadokoro, taking in the warmth of his large body; this was so comfortable.
"I can't give up hope, none of us can," Toudou added. "No matter what Maki-chan goes through, he will be okay. Out of everything that's going on that's the one thing we need to hold onto."
Tadokoro squeezed him a little tighter and smiled.
The toilet seat cover wasn't the most comfortable place to sit right now, not to mention these shorts were riding in the wrong places. These cheap pajama sets weren't made for bigger guys no matter what the size on the package said. Regardless this was better than going all the way outside the building.
When he came in here Tadokoro heard Toudou's light snoring, though he doubted he would be in a deep, sound sleep for long. The sounds outside the bathroom stopped the moment Tadokoro closed the door. Hopefully if he talked low Toudou wouldn't hear anything.
It was around 4:30 a.m. by the clock on Tadokoro's phone, by now he was amazed he was still sitting upright. He and Toudou had taken some time to relax. There was no more heavy conversation after that, both of them made idle chitchat or just sat there. Finally Toudou said he was ready to try sleeping, though Tadokoro knew he wasn't going to have an easy time. Tadokoro didn't know if he would be sleeping tonight either, though maybe exhaustion would answer that question.
He semi trusted his ability to keep a coherent conversation, though he was on his second wind by now. His adrenaline was still surging enough to do this, but the crash was on its way.
Tadokoro debated a hundred times if now was the right time to do this. It was clear the best thing was to get this task done rather than stay up all until dawn wondering just what he was going to say. Kinjou did say call at any time with updates, this certainly counted as an update.
He pulled up Kinjou's number and called. Kinjou picked up after a couple rings.
"Tadokoro," Kinjou answered.
"Kinjou, I'm calling with a new update on Makishima," Tadokoro replied, trying to make his voice sound stronger than it did.
"What's going on?"
Every time he called someone with news like this he couldn't believe the words that were coming out of his mouth next.
"His heart stopped for a couple minutes, but they got it started back up again," Tadokoro said.
"Oh no, just…dammit!" Kinjou gasped on the other end.
"There is some good news out of this; it turns out he woke right up after they resuscitated him," Tadokoro continued. "He was conscious for a little while, responding to commands, that's a good sign they said."
There was only silence on the other end, though soon Tadokoro heard Kinjou's hard breathing
"He's really been up and down, hasn't he," Kinjou said.
"I know, it's…it's completely awful."
"So what does this mean for him?" Kinjou's voice was shaky.
"Well what I've heard is being awake like that means there was no brain damage. Yeah, that topic came up, isn't that nice."
"Terrific."
"He is probably going to have to stay on the respirator for a while longer, the whole lack of oxygen thing. It also means we might not get to see him right away later tomorrow…today, whatever it is. The bigger, probably scarier thing is this could happen again. However we got that news from Ren a couple hours ago and apparently all hell broke loose a couple hours before that. Ren said his brother was still stable when he called us. Maybe this was a hiccup for lack of a better term."
"Yeah that sounds like a possibility," Kinjou sighed. It sounded like he was trying to reassure himself. "Sounds like he stayed stable for a good amount of time before, maybe this is his body trying to get everything into alignment."
"I really hope so, Kinjou. Goddamnit I'm tired of this."
"Hey it hasn't even been a day; his injuries are still fresh and his body is trying to heal itself. Hopefully it's as you said: a momentary complication and only that. This is exactly why he's in ICU right now."
Tadokoro took a relieved breath, finally someone else who got it.
"I needed to hear that, Kinjou; you have no idea how much I needed to hear that," Tadokoro replied.
"I'm guessing Toudou had a different reaction," Kinjou said.
Tadokoro knew he had to keep this extra quiet; he even got up and ran the faucet to make sure Toudou wouldn't hear.
"Toudou completely broke down," he said in a softer tone. "I tried to reassure him, probably not very well, and he just wasn't going to hear any of it. I can't blame him, we've gotten so many reassurances today and this shit still happened."
"And considering all Toudou's been through, especially with that news you got a few hours ago."
"Exactly. We did get into a pretty big screaming match; Arakita called it, it wasn't if but when. I'm surprised no one complained. It did have some good results though."
"You two worked some things out?"
Tadokoro nodded, he was about to respond but thought of one thing.
"Are you alone, is Arakita with you?" Tadokoro asked.
"He's in his room playing on his computer, I'm alone right now," Kinjou replied. "You two talked over some personal stuff, didn't you?"
Kinjou's tone was lower with those last few words, he was doing the same thing Tadokoro was.
"Let's just say we broke the ice, stuff that was a taboo topic before was right out in the open. It was a rough conversation, but we needed it."
"I'm sure it was long overdue."
"No kidding, fucking sucks it had to be under those circumstances. We were both idiots, we admitted that."
"But now you have a new start, just make sure to keep that going."
"We're going to have to, for Makishima's sake especially."
"For your own sakes as well. Even if that crash never happened, this was something you and Toudou really needed."
Tadokoro sighed hard and rubbed his temples. He took a moment to think, a few more things fell into place.
"I told you Toudou was the one who invited me over here to begin with, right," Tadokoro said.
"I recall that," Kinjou replied.
"Honestly I still have little idea why, but I know Makishima wanted us to have this conversation. Don't ask me why I just figured it out, but I know he always wanted us to hash things out."
"Maybe he would have brought it up himself, it would have been the ideal time. I know that sounds uncharacteristic of him."
Tadokoro stared at the doorknob as the realizations sunk in.
"That was one of the problems, Makishima never liked to talk about anything," Tadokoro sighed. "I feel like shit saying this now…"
"But it's the truth, both of us know how he is," Kinjou finished. "Maybe he wanted to do something to make up for that, speak up at last; he had the perfect opportunity."
Tadokoro closed his eyes and nodded.
"I know he would have," Tadokoro replied. "It was ideal for him; he had us both alone together, he would have plenty of time to relax and get his words in order. Maybe he even rehearsed what he was going to say. He would have said something by the end of the weekend, I know it."
"He'll be happy to know you two got a few steps ahead of him, do what he couldn't," Kinjou answered. "If only one good thing comes from this whole mess, Tadokoro, let this be it."
Tadokoro nodded.
"I'll certainly try, Kinjou," he said.
There was a brief pause; Tadokoro took a moment to let this all sink in.
"This is going to end up being the first update we give everyone, isn't it," Kinjou sighed.
"Yeah no kidding," Tadokoro grunted back. "I think we should hold off a little bit like we did last time. Plus it's almost five in the morning over here, I'd rather attempt sleep before relaying any information. However I know by the time I get up it's going to be really late over there."
"But everyone keeps different hours, or maybe they'll wake up to some better news. You rest and take whatever time you need. I did send you that email a few hours ago. It has all the addresses I have, but I'll leave it up to you to update the ones you got on your end."
"Thanks. I haven't touched my email all day." Tadokoro paused for a moment. "I'd say I guess it's easier we're sending out one email this time, but this is probably going to be the shittiest email I've ever sent anyone."
"Nothing is going to make this any easier, though this time we're reaching more people at once."
Tadokoro remembered that prayer he shared with Toudou earlier. How many more of them were going to be doing the same thing in some form or another? How many spirits would be watching over Makishima now? The thought made him smile.
"I might just wait until we get to the hospital later this morning to send anything out," Tadokoro answered. "We both decided to just go over first thing. Even if we have to wait to see him, we'd much rather hang around there than around here."
"I'd do the same thing. What about Ren, did he mention when he will be able to come over?"
"I didn't ask, but it wasn't a good time. He mentioned the weather's still bad over there, I'm sure we'll get an update when we talk to him under calmer circumstances. I'm going to ask him about his parents and his sister too, though hopefully he'll say something before that."
"Good, under the circumstances that topic needs to come up."
"If they're not part of this picture after he almost died I'm going to know something's seriously wrong."
"Yeah, that's it."
"Kinjou I'm going to try to get some sleep."
"Good, you need it."
"I promise I'm going to call you sometime soon and it's not going to be with awful news."
"Please do, anytime you need to talk. I'm sure we'd both like to talk about happier things."
"It's going to happen soon, maybe later on."
"I'd love that. In the mean time get some rest, Tadokoro."
"I'll sure try. Night, Kinjou."
"Night, Tadokoro."
Tadokoro disconnected the call. He took a moment to let out a few breaths and smiled, then forced his legs to a stand. He turned off the faucet then carefully opened the door. Toudou was in bed with his eyes closed. It would be nice if he were fully asleep, though he shifted a few times and Tadokoro couldn't hear any snoring. Tadokoro flipped off the light and made his way back to his bed.
By now moving required significant effort, his head was hanging down and his thoughts were jumbled. He put the phone on the end table and settled into bed, Kinjou's voice playing through his mind again. He vowed he would see Kinjou in person soon. There had to be a trip back to Japan after this, he needed to see so many people's faces.
For a moment Tadokoro imagined getting off the plane and walking through Narita, Toudou and Makishima walking by his side.