I know.
I know.
I am a sinful, blasphemous human being; but my final exams are past tense, and I come to you with a voluptuous, meaty update…
-
Caught up in this house, trapped my very own self in the snare of my mind
What I'd give for a deep breath inside…
-
He had actually gotten out of bed when he gained control of his limbs; the moment they ceased to shake long enough for him to stand, he was running. For no valid reasons other than entertainment blended with habit, he began racing the sun as it came up. If I can make it to this hill before the sun reaches that cloud… if I can make it to that tree…
Before he even stopped to register where he was headed, Sonic was standing in front of her door. He stared at the familiar door in a haze for a moment, then seized in horror, as if an evil face had revealed itself in the wooden lines of the structure. What was he doing here?!
Then he zipped into a nearby tree.
Then at her door again.
Then he hurriedly rushed back up the trail the way he had come, nearly striking the wooden sign decreeing Amy Rose; he almost made it over the hills, her house all but disappearing over the crests. Then he stopped harshly enough to nearly knock himself off balance, sprinkling brown specks along the pristine face of his shoes. He growled lowly in annoyance to himself.
As quick as he had retreated, he was back at her door again.
He huffed noisily, kicking at the dirt path and disturbing the gravel into a drifting cloud.
He risked his life for a living, for Christ's sakes.
What was hard about this? He wanted to leave out of embarrassment. He was here because the dream had shaken him, made him feel anxious; and even worse than that. lonely. Abandoned. Left behind. It was a stupid feeling; it wasn't real, yet was it not? Was he not in some small way being left in the dust by Amy, who was on her own quest, her own thrills, her own life that left him just outside the perimeter? How far would she go? Or perhaps she would decide to go her own way…
More importantly, why couldn't he just do what he wanted, which was leave right now, and let her do whatever it was she wanted in peace? A part of him was anchored here due to the unresolved. As much as he did not want to be affected by her absence, clearly some portion of him was – or he would already be running by now. It was like an invisible cord had attached itself to him from Amy's doorstep, permitting him to get far enough away to nearly lose sight of it; the cord went taut when the peak of her roof threatened to disappear. He just wanted to see her, even to knock on the door and run when she came to open it… if he was feeling that lame. Just to know she hadn't left under cover of night, no goodbyes, no reparations; left him behind, because maybe he was scared he did not matter enough to be given those niceties anymore…
He was suddenly startled by a loud, high pitched stream of laughter, sending him running headfirst into a nearby bush. She was awake this early?! Why?! (Almost givin' him a heart attack…) After a few heaves of breath to steady the initial startling he stepped out of the bush and began picking out embedded twigs with his left hand; he was shielding his vision with the right as the sun accosted his eyes. That's when he heard it. It felt as though a spell of ice was cast along his spine; his body went rigidly tense. In those few seconds between realization and action, a voice broke the quiet before he could react to the sound of movement:
"Camping outside her house in a bush again, are we? Very distinguished for the alleged hero of Mobius." Ever moan out in malcontent, throw a shameful childish tantrum, then scream at the ocean and scare off wildlife… on the inside? Sonic just stood there, his exterior revealing none of his inner frustration. Well, it really couldn't get any worse than this. With the sun now effectively removed by his forearm, Sonic was treated to the unpleasant visage of Shadow's smug arrival. Instantly, Sonic felt a heated sensation in his head, in his chest. He was angry Shadow was here, that Shadow had seen him here, and he didn't care whether it made sense or not. He knew it was unreasonable. What about emotion is reasonable?
"What are you doing here so early?" Sonic asked sharply, as though he had been patrolling the area for creeps like Shadow. The darker hedgehog tried his damnest to keep his smug grin from growing into an exposed tooth beam of gluttony. Life was just too good to him lately…
"Oh I was invited here this early, though I highly doubt that the same offer was extended to you. I believe the more fitting inquiry at this juncture would be, why have you found yourself outside of this girl's house in secrecy, in her Bruxus bush, at quarter to six in the morning for perhaps the fifth… sixth… seventh, time this month?"
"Enough of this, Shadow-"
"I had assumed you did not have a valid answer for that. Now if you'll excuse me-"
"You'll find that I won't." Sonic said firmly, letting Shadow bump into him instead of moving out of the way. Shadow's carmine eyes cut a threatening stab into Sonic's gaze.
"I can be very persuasive…" The darker hedgehog hissed, sharply punctuating his s's.
"I want to talk about this." Sonic held one hand between himself and Shadow; it was a promise of defense if provoked.
"Yes I have taken note of how fond you are of hearing yourself speak, I must confess I do not share the same love of it-"
"What do you think you're doing with her." Sonic asked directly, his eyes posing more force than Shadow assumed he could wield. He was stunned that Sonic's glare managed to stir anxiety within him. He gathered himself under the power of the stare, maintaining his usual poker face.
"What I am doing with her?" Shadow began to smile again. "Or what she is doing with me? As far as I am concerned, she is acting within the confines of free will, is she not?"
"What do you get from this, is what I want to know. What interest do you have in Amy? You've never shown interest in her before-"
"How strange… up until the moment I showed interest in her, neither have you."
"That's not true." Sonic said quietly, fumbling a little internally. Shit. Was it?
"I believe that you know it is, Sonic. I have often wondered the same thing about you. In all the years I have known you, you have shown a certain penchant for rejecting and belittling the girl in any and every occasion you have the opportunity to. Yet when her life is in danger, you save her. For what? For pity? Glory? If she has repetitively proven herself to be a nuisance to you, why not simply let Eggman do what he will with her and save yourself the burden of her company?"
Sonic's brows lunged downward, his green eyes burning in white hot rage. His jaw locked tightly, and Shadow watched the muscles of his face jump in an effort to contain the savageness that so often leapt from his own fingertips. That was the defining difference between himself and Sonic as fighters; willingness to show mercy. Control. He could see that Sonic's was gradually slipping from him.
"That's low of you to say, Shadow. Even for you."
"You do not exactly paint a more flattering portrait for me to derive ulterior conclusions from, do you? I am not concocting wild inventions out of thin air. You know your actions toward her have hardly been distinctly warm or assuring. She has made as much evident with her own words."
A stab of insecurity ricocheted inside the confines of Sonic's cool exterior. What exactly had she said about him? He was always so sure of Amy's faith and adoration of him… he had never stopped to think about who she was alone, but only in proximity to himself. Was that even fair? He closed his eyes for composure for a moment, his patience slipping away. Hold it together, don't get angry…
"I know I'm not perfect in how I do things. But I'm not askin' for an evaluation. I'm askin' what you get out of this. Plain and simple."
Shadow looked at Sonic with humor, yet it was tinged with a kind of manic darkness. He looked happy; happy at a cost. Dangerous.
"Whatever it is that Amy desires of me. I grow confident it is what I desire of her."
"And what is that exactly?" Sonic egged with a darkened voice. It sounded rough and dry leaving his lips.
"For starters, the means to defend herself, which your group has neglected to provide her with. I deem that cruel, considering the lifestyles you lead. I have provided her a kindness. If anything more derives from that, I shall not be apt to reject it."
"Oh so you start training her because you don't wanna see her gettin' hurt. Well ain't that virtuous."
"I find it highly more feasible than your reasons; to deny her the capacity to defend herself for fear of her injury is illogical. I believe the correct action to take would be to endow her with the means to avoid injury."
"Look. I never said that the way I run things are flawless. I'm aware of that fact."
"This is certainly news to me. It has always appeared to me that you run around this planet presuming you are the creators gift to it..."
"…And I'm certainly not logical in the way I deal with Amy, alright?" Sonic spat, ignoring the jibe and continuing on the conversation. He could not; he refused to let Shadow get what he wanted out of him, which was a fight. He had to keep it together, remain civil… "Believe me, I know that. But really, you're doin' all this for the same reason I have. You just don't wanna see her gettin' hurt. In some freakin' twisted way, you're just like me. You're just a hero wrapped up in a villain costume, aren't ya?"
"Get out of here, Sonic. Before I make you get out of here." Shadow said sharply, his eyes suddenly aflame. Sonic was surprised that he had managed to somehow chink the cold exterior of Shadow's armor with the suggestion that Shadow was good. Or was it the fact that Shadow disliked seeing himself in Sonic? Either way, Sonic was startled by the sudden threat in Shadow's voice, and he was not one to be intimidated by anybody. Ever.
"Shadow, I don't think you could make me do anything." Sonic was grinning in his usual manner as he said this, but his eyes were hard and threatening. "You don't own Amy, now lemme talk to her for a moment. Alone."
"Perhaps you are unaware of this, but you do not own her either. Where do you derive this haughty assumption that she would concede to see you? Do you honestly believe you are that unforgettable, hedgehog? You have never done anything for her that has made you worthy of remembrance. She has not wished to speak of you, never mind to you."
"Oh, I don't know - She's been pretty grateful ever since I saved her from Metal and Eggman. Have ya noticed? Anyway… so you're speakin' for her now? I'd rather speak to her, thanks. Now step aside!"
"Maybe I won't. Maybe she does not wish to see you again…" Shadow got up in Sonic's face, his eyes afire with challenge. "Maybe she has found someone to replace you in her ardor. Now go home, hedgehog. Or are you still in denial?"
"Excuse me?" Sonic merely looked agitated that Shadow was in his personal space, but he dreaded whatever unknown information Shadow might stir up to the surface next. If anything happened between those two… well, he'd never really thought ahead that far, or prepared for it, and he honestly had no idea how to react if something did.
"She does not care for you anymore." Shadow said in a low hiss, eyes narrowing. "Can you not identify when you are unwanted?"
The last word was heavy; it dropped through Sonic and left him feeling light and shaky. Sonic felt anger leap up like a threatened cobra; those words were a silent fear, but hearing them brought about a completely uncontrolled, unplanned reaction. There is a risk involved in every new situation; Sonic had not built himself up for this kind of mind game today, and Shadow had crossed the line and left it far behind in this conversation…
Beyond the anger, Shadow had managed to do worse that piss him off.
He had managed to hurt him; hurt him within, where the wound could not be tended.
-
The chaos has me captive, but there's no exit sign;
Going to fuel this stupid fire with these feelings of mine…
He did not mean to do what he did next, but it happened.
Before his mind could rationalize the situation and bring him back down to Mobius, before he could stop and think "hey, perhaps this might be a bad idea" or "this isn't what a hero should be doing right now", his body acted upon animal instinct first; his ears rang, he was seeing red.
Fist met face.
When he came back from the rage, Shadow was lying on the ground – why? He never, ever went down with a punch, never mind stay down. He knew he was being tricked; he hovered over Shadow's still form, waiting for the surprise attack, fist suspended over the darker hog's head in preparation for the blow. It never came; from Shadow. He didn't even have time to let worry or regret set in completely when he was suddenly knocked off his feet. It wasn't that the blow hurt- and it kind of did- but the shock of its unexpectedness is what prevented him from righting himself immediately. He knew what he'd been hit by, he just couldn't believe it. Head in hand, his stunned eyes found her heaving, furious form.
"Amy… that… hurt." He said wide eyed, rubbing the afflicted spot, appearing awestruck. It wasn't that it had really hurt that much physically… but he was sure that any smack from her or Tails would hurt a hell of a lot worse than being crushed by one of Eggman's bots any day. He was offended, a little dumbstruck, and worst of all, impressed by her precision and skill increase.
"Is this your idea of diplomacy?" She barked, tossing her hammer angrily to the ground. "Why would you put me in this kind of situation?" Her voice was high pitched and angry, quivering from adrenaline and the impact of what had just happened. "Are you out of your mind? How long have you been out here beating each other before you managed to get him on the ground? Aren't you supposed to have sense?! You don't hit someone on the ground!" She snapped, her fingers brushing the area she had clouted him worriedly. He looked at her quickly, acknowledging with bitterly humorous irony that this was the kindest she'd been to him in weeks. She whipped her hand back as if he was scalding hot, concealing her concern with a furrowed brow. She turned from him swiftly, helping Shadow sit up; it seemed to be a task for him. Sonic was so frazzled, confused; had he kept striking Shadow? He couldn't have… had he hit him with the kind of force that would disorient an ultimate life form? No, it didn't make sense. He couldn't have. But he had been so very angry, so angry… he was sure he had struck him once, hovered over him a moment before Amy intervened… the darker hedgehog held a hand to his face, letting out a low grunt as Amy helped him to his feet.
"Shadow, did you start this?" She asked wearily, her face seeming stricken and scared. She was still shocked that she'd hit Sonic; she was just startled by the unexpected violence outside her house. She had also never, not in her most forceful of blows on the dark hedgehog, ever knocked him off his feet. She could only imagine the kind of force it would take to disorient or still him…
She was sure he had to have done something, initiated some kind of evil to warrant such a forceful attack from Sonic. He just didn't attack without a valid reason…
"We were having a conversation up until this blue fool attempted to push my face to the back of my skull."
"Sonic!" Her voice was comically high with appalled tension, throwing her arms down at her sides in frustration as she whipped around to stare at him appalled.
"But look, listen, you didn't hear what Shadow was saying before-" Sonic stammered, feeling like an idiot already as he tried to find some way to explain this situation in a way that didn't sound childish or as outlandish as it really was… he hurt my feelings. Sonic was sure he would rather run full speed into Eggman naked before he'd utter those words.
"I don't care whathe said, you know better than this!"
"I know I do. I know! But Amy, I didn't come here to fight."
"Well what did you come here for? Because a fight is what you got! I mean when is this going to stop?" She asked, shaking her head. "Is this what things have come to now? You two having fist fights on my front lawn? Why don't you both grow up? And try letting me do the same, while you're at it." She directed this at Sonic as Shadow remained silent and mostly absent from the conversation, staring off in the distance with a hand still held to his head. Amy stared at Sonic for a long time, trying desperately to read some answers on his face. She knew there was more to this, she willed him to speak, but she knew he was being stubborn; perhaps too proud to confess what had really taken place out here. Was Sonic as worried about her as Tails had said? He just doesn't trust him, Amy… not with someone as important as you…
The silence between them was unbearable. She feared she might let this adrenaline push tears to the forefront, and she didn't want either of them to see how shaken they had made her. She couldn't stand there looking at Sonic who just stood there, unwilling to explain or defend himself, just staring at her hopelessly, guiltily. Why wouldn't he talk to her? After how she'd been acting lately, could she blame him? But this whole thing wasn't her fault; she didn't start this, he did… why did he always have to make her feel for him so much?
"I'll be inside…" Shadow stated wearily. Evidently this was not turning out the way he'd planned it.
"No, I think you should stay righthere. What the hell happened? Why were you two fighting?" Amy demanded, her fiery eyes turning on Shadow now. He felt nervous under that gaze, but he would not show it. He had assumed he was out of hot water, hoping Sonic would be scapegoated.
"I have explained what occurred. Sonic and I were having a conversation up until he struck me. I cannot speak for his actions." Shadow rumbled, effectively turning the heat of her gaze back to Sonic.
"Why were you on top of Shadow when I came out?" Shadow was standing behind Amy, looking amused at Sonic over her shoulder. He knew exactly what Sonic was thinking, and Sonic hated it; he knew Sonic would be too humiliated to tell her that he'd punched Shadow in anger at the suggestion that Amy didn't want him around anymore. It would be the worst way for her to find out…
"Because…" Sonic's throat suddenly felt like sand paper. He tried swallowing; he desperately wanted to clear his throat, but his muscles were locked with anxiety. He couldn't remember ever feeling this nervous; not even in the most life threatening of his endeavors. His eyes stared at her shoes, at either side of himself; what if Shadow exposed him before he had a chance to explain himself?! What if Shadow lied? Or worse, what if he told the truth, and she found out through that jerk that he… oh God. Anything but that.Words shot out of his mouth, automatic and quick, his voice regaining its typical attitude: "Because I have a habit of dealin' with creeps that way." Sonic grinned, closing his eyes as he adjusted his gloves. Shadow was grinning behind Amy now; it had all gone as he had predicted.
"Oh it's just like you to try to turn an awful situation into a joke, isn't it?!" She howled in frustration, turning abruptly to storm back into the house. "I'm so angry I can't look at you right now!"
"Says the girl who just clouted me up the side of the head with a hammer? Shouldn't I be the one who's angry?!"
"Oh leave me alone, Sonic! Again the day hasn't even begun and you're already causing trouble!"
"Hey I never beat youover the head with anything!"
"Go home out of it, I can't talk to you right now!"
"You're talking to me RIGHT NOW!"
"WELL - WELL I DON'T WANT TO BE!" She shrieked in frustration, slamming her front door behind her abruptly. Shadow quietly turned toward the door without another word, taking the short journey across the lawn to her front door. Sonic just stood there dumbfounded, enraged by his lack of control over himself and the situation. He had done exactly every wrong thing he could have possibly done; every single thing he had told himself on the run there he would not permit to happen in all the crazy scenarios one can foresee before an event. What the hell had happened just now? How did checking up on her turn into him getting clocked by her hammer for punching Shadow's lights out? Was he losing it? Was everyone else? Or was the world officially on crazy pills?!
Shadow took a discrete moment to glance back at Sonic before he passed through the front door, and in that brief expression, within those few spare seconds in time, Sonic recognized that look; the entirety of the puzzle that was the enigma that had just happened fell into place abruptly.
Shadow had gone down so easily because he knew Amy was watching.
He set Sonic up to look bad, and Sonic had given him exactly what he needed to come out on top of the situation. Shadow had not only manipulated him, he had also manipulated Amy; and that upset Sonic more than anything else that had happened (aside from his poor, crippled pride). If Shadow was willing to manipulate Amy for his own benefit, what else would he do for his own benefit at her expense? He was more frightened for her than ever before, and he couldn't have pushed her further away if he'd made a genuine effort to. He had pushed her closer to Shadow, and now he knew with full certainty that Shadow had something planned; and he didn't care what or who he had to use to get what he wanted. A great, heavy sadness began to weigh on Sonic's chest in the quiet moment that followed; in another genuine attempt to try to come clean to Amy and begin reparations with her, Sonic found himself even further from her than ever. It was one thing to have Eggman put distance between himself and someone he cared about; it was another to find himself the culprit of creating that distance.
He felt an anxiety for her well-being; he abruptly felt that he had to tell her. What else could he do? She would know he wasn't lying if he told her what had really happened; she'd know full well he would never be so cruel as to make that up… or confess to something like that for the hell of it. That was a very specific reason to begin a fist fight. He told me you didn't care for me anymore...
He cringed hard. Ahhh God. Was that what he was going to have to say? How embarrassing, stupid, stupid – whole situation stupid. And he was only making it more stupid; letting it get stupider by standing there saying nothing, being stupid, looking stupid. He had to undo the stupidity of what had just happened and come clean. He zipped up to her door and quickly knocked. He heard approaching footsteps, but the sound became drowned out by the pounding of his heart.
Oh God… how could he tell her? Years and years and years of not saying a word, just watching, enjoying, being playful, carefree… every part of his life, carefree; what happens when something stops being that? It was always his fear. What if getting serious about something changes who he is, how he lives? Was he just going to throw that to the wind like everything else now, because for once the alternative was worse? Not to mention this would give his enemies a very vulnerable target… but was she really vulnerable now? To come out with it after all this time in such a shitty situation was… he couldn't do it.The doorknob clicked, began to turn, and his heart tried to leap out of his ribcage. I- shit, I cannot do this.
He panicked.
By the time the door had opened, all that could be seen was the mild swaying of the trees and the cloud trail of dust Sonic left behind. Amy stared at the dust with a sense of foreboding… something was terribly, poignantly wrong. She had known it the moment she intervened, that something was not right with Sonic. Not that there was something wrong with him, but that he knew something she didn't. He was scared about something, and that terrified her. Not only was that not like him, but whatever it was, if Sonic was scared, there was a damn good reason to be.
"Is everything alright?" Shadow's voice was low and gentle behind her, startling her from her reverie of thought. She still stared at the dust cloud, dissipating into the air… she merely shook her head no.
"I am sorry that the morning has already been unkind to you. Please, come finish your breakfast. Perhaps ridding some of that anxiety in training will improve your well-being." She nodded in silence, eyes still straining to see the last of the cloud. Shadow's unusual politeness only increased her certainty that there was far more at play here than was readily evident. But what could she say? If Sonic refused to tell her what had happened, how could she be made to understand? She trailed after Shadow into the kitchen, but her heart was still out on the doorstep, waiting for Sonic; as it always had.
Sonic would not return to her home that day; nor anyone's. He missed his meeting with Tails and Knuckles. He ran, ran, ran; all the familiar landscapes of Mobius, leaping pulse pounding gorges in his reckless manner; cliff top to tree top.
Eggman was silently observing Sonic's manic exercise, brooding and quietly concerned by the unusual aggression in his movements. Sonic was not himself… he decided to postpone the release of his latest mecha of mass destruction. He had never quite seen Sonic so careless and agitated before, but whatever had caused him to be so vengeful, Eggman certainly did not want that wrath unleashed upon him.
If he had never managed to piss Sonic off that much with his trouble making, he'd hate to see what had managed to provoke that rage in the typically cheery hero. It was one thing to have a machine destroyed, but something about that look in Sonic's eyes… that absence of warmth warned Eggman that it might not just be the machine Sonic would mangle if provoked. For the first time in the endless span of years that had melted into one long tirade of insanity for Eggman, the good Doctor took his first day off in years for genuine fear for his life.
Sonic knew he had responsibilities. He knew he should be looking for emeralds with Tails and Knuckles right now. But he just could not devote the energy it would take to act like himself today. How could he turn up, spend time with two of his closest friends, and not rouse their suspicions? They would know something was not right with him. Technically they already did; he hadn't shown up when they had agreed to meet today. But he would rather be absent physically than mentally; to be forced to explain the humiliation of what had happened earlier. He could not remember a time he felt more disheartened than this, or more out of his element in a situation. He could deal with a villain, but not one that dwelled within.
O_O… Oah no he di'ant!
Hope you guys liked this chapter, give a little r&r to let me know. ^-^ Thanks for reading, next chap is go!