-------------(12)---------------

Akira found his thoughts in disarray. Hikaru as a pro, and his rival. Akira felt lightheaded at the feeling of rightness: this was what Hikaru was supposed to be. Nonetheless, he asked, "Why?" If years of association with professional Go, not to mention Akira himself, had not made Hikaru consider taking the pro exam, what had made him change his mind?

"Your game," Hikaru said.

"My game?" Akira made it a question. After all, Hikaru had seen his games before. "What do you mean?" Akira asked, but his gaze turned to the Go board in spite of himself, where his game with Kurata had been re-created.

Hikaru's hand reached towards the Go board, as though to touch the stones of the game, but only curved his fingers around a go-ke, tilting it one way, then the other, so that the white glass stones inside clinked with sharp sounds. Kurata had played as White. "I thought about what you said," Hikaru said, his voice softer now. "About me, playing for a dead man. Caring more about Sai's Go rather than my own."

"Hikaru, I was-"

"Playing for Sai, rather than for myself," Hikaru went on. He was facing the Go board, but his eyes were unfocused. He seemed to have forgotten that they were in public. His fingers left the go-ke and he held up a white Go stone between thumb and forefinger.

A memory came to Akira then, of Hikaru holding stones like that, the first two times he had played with Akira. The behaviour of a beginner and the skill of a master.

"Sometimes, I feel as though a 19 by 19 territory is too small for me." For a moment, the stone almost seemed to glow between Hikaru's tanned fingers.

Akira stood still, frozen by the radiance.

"But then I saw your game with Kurata. I saw the exact moment when you read the exact way out of that impasse. I could feel the intensity between you and Kurata, and I realized: it's the same kind of intensity that produces great games." He finally looked up, the Go stone still firmly held between his fingers.

Akira was shocked to find himself taking a half-step backwards.

Hikaru didn't seemed to notice, but continued talking. "I'm starting to realize that if I really want to reach the Hand of God, I have to play for myself. I have to make sure that you see only me, Shindou Hikaru." With that, he placed the stone on the Go board.

Akira stared down at the Go board, seeing the way Hikaru's white stone had devastated all of Black's defenses in a single hand. Hikaru had read even further than either of them. "Hikaru, you-" he began, and saw Hikaru push the go-ke to one side.

"I want to play a game like that," Hikaru said to him.

Akira's breath caught in his throat, staring at him. What about Sai, Akira wanted to ask, but stopped himself when Hikaru took a step forward, and stood right in front of him.

"And I want to play like that with you," Hikaru said, so close that Akira could feel the heat from his body.

Uppermost in Akira's mind was the impulse to grab Hikaru and kiss him--to find an empty classroom and do more--and it was a long time before he finally said, "So do I."

-----

"Why did you come today, Hikaru?" Akira asked, when they were seated in a corner of the nearby fast food restaurant. There was so much more he wanted to say to Hikaru--but he didn't know where to start.

"What, you don't think it was to watch you play with Kurata-san?" Hikaru teased. He seemed to have regained his good humour, but Akira could see in the little gestures--that Hikaru had chosen to come to this very public place, and seated himself directly opposite him--that Hikaru was still hesitant because of the words they had exchanged the last time.

"You were late," Akira said, falling into his usual serious stance. "I bet that when you got to the Go Institute, you had no idea that I was playing an official game."

Hikaru looked abashed. "I didn't distract you, did I?" he asked.

Akira couldn't help a sniff at that notion. He, let Shindou Hikaru distract him from an official game? "No," he said, and asked, "What was it you came to see me about?"

Instead of answering, Hikaru bent down towards his school bag on the floor. There was a rustling that sounded like paper, and Hikaru straightened again to face him, holding out something to him. It was a sheaf of papers, dog-eared and smudged. It looked familiar. "I came today because I wanted to show you these."

"Those are-" Akira glanced up at Hikaru for confirmation. "The kifu you showed me the last time?"

"Not just those," Hikaru said. "I received more, later on. Take a look at the rest."

Curious, Akira took them, noticing at once that it was indeed a thicker pile. He thumbed slowly through them, noting that like the previously seen kifu, they were all computer-printed, without name or identifying marks. There was one of his, which caught his attention--it took a while to remember--one of the first games he played as a pro. The rest were mostly games played by Sai, he realized, but not all. "When did you get all these?" he asked, turning to the adjacent table to spread the kifu out..

"In the past two weeks. They were in my shoe locker. I still haven't figure out who is sending them," Hikaru said, a hint of his usual puzzlement entering his voice, "and at first I kept wondering what the messages in them were."

"I don't think they are messages." Akira had thought that with the first six kifu Hikaru showed them then, and now he was sure. He wondered why Hikaru had not shown them to him before. The other kifu--fifteen in all--varied in playing styles and all stopped in various stages of chuban and yose. All were by advanced players, Akira judged with an experienced eye: almost certainly pros, all of them, by the level of the games.

"I think there is," Hikaru said, "but I still haven't figured it." He chuckled, without humour. "But you're right, I don't think it's messages such as 'corner under threat' or 'ko fight leads to mutual loss'."

Akira studied the kifu again, remembering what Hikaru had also noticed the last time. "You said that in all the games, Black is threatened by White."

"Yeah," Hikaru's frown was reserved for the kifu now. "And it's the same with these. I got to thinking," he said, "after that last batch. I thought it was strange that whoever sent the kifu would go to the trouble of sending me one of Touya-sensei's old games, from the time before his retirement. I mean, there were no computerized records at the time, so he had to create a soft copy from other sources... erm, I don't know how-"

Hikaru's uncertainty was achingly familiar. "Probably from old copies of Go Weekly," Akira said, longing to smile at him but did not dare. Hikaru had always tried to ignore the existence of that publication, saying that it was marketed only towards pros. It didn't stop him from poring over the kifu that Akira had collected from it over the years, though.

"Oh," Hikaru said. "Anyway, it still means that the sender had to find the copy, and scan the kifu, or something. Seemed like a lot of trouble, when you can easily find Touya-sensei's games online now."

"So?" Akira asked, more sharply than he intended. His father had retired soon after that game with Sai. Many people thought it was his health, but the fact was, he played far better Go now. It was Sai--and it was Hikaru--who had caused that. It came to his mind then, the way Hikaru had pointed out Sai's mistake in that game later, a hand that even Akira's father had not seen.

Hikaru's brilliance was there, he realized belatedly, if one thought to search for it.

"You know, Touya-sensei does play much better Go after he retired," Hikaru said, inadvertently echoing Akira's train of thought. "If the sender had wanted to impress me with high-level games, Touya-sensei's recent games would have been much better. More challenging."

"But the sender chose to send you my father's kifu from the time he was a pro."

"Yeah," Hikaru looked down at the kifu. "I wouldn't have thought much of it, but then I got this one yesterday." He jabbed a finger at a kifu. "This was one of your games, wasn't it?"

Akira saw that he was pointing to the kifu that had caught his attention a moment ago. "Yes."

Hikaru frowned. "I had to be sure," he said slowly.

"What do you mean?" Akira said.

"I remember your games," Hikaru said. "But I don't remember you showing me this one. It's only because I know your Go that I knew it was yours, even though it's so old."

"It was a game with-" Akira paused for thought. It was a long time ago. Turning pro had been a dizzying experience, and methodical as always, he had recorded that game in his personal record. "Katagi 2-dan, at that time. You're right, I never showed you this game," he said. Hikaru was still learning Go at his school Go club then, and it had been years by the time they felt comfortable enough to talk about Go again. By then, he had so many other games to show Hikaru.

"I thought so," Hikaru said.

The events of the past came back slowly to Akira. "In fact, I don't think I ever showed anyone else this game," he said. "It was one of first ones I played when I turned pro, but I didn't play as well as I hoped, so I always showed you other games-" He stopped and stared at Hikaru. "How did the sender get hold of this game?"

Hikaru raised both hands in a gesture of helplessness. "I thought you might know."

Akira shook his head, and was about to speak when someone called "Touya-san!" Akira looked up, suddenly aware of Hikaru starting to retreat, and saw a group of young pros coming towards them, staring at them curiously. "Saeki-san," he said, greeting the person who had called out to him.

Beside him, Hikaru squeaked, "Waya?" He stood up as though to run, and a few pieces of kifu floated to the floor. No doubt he had recalled Waya's show of temper from the last time.

Akira placed his hand on Hikaru's arm. "Hikaru, sit down," he said. "It's all right."

"This is your friend?" Saeki asked, and looked at Hikaru, who had retreated to Akira's side, still holding his kifu. Waya was standing beside him, frowning at Hikaru.

"This is Shindou Hikaru," Akira said. "He's a friend-"

"Your boyfriend," Waya stated, his gaze never leaving Hikaru. "You should introduce him to us."

Akira glanced at Hikaru without comment. Inwardly, his uncertainty grew--what if Hikaru denied it? After all, the fight about Sai was still a rift between them. "Y-yes," he said. "He's my boyfriend." He swallowed, half-wishing Hikaru would stop holding up the kifu in front of him like a shield. "Hikaru, you know Waya-san. This is Saeki Kouji, 4-dan. He and Waya-san have the same teacher, Morishita-sensei 9-dan?" He had shown Hikaru a lot of kifu of Morishita's games in the past.

Hikaru nodded. "Morishita..." he murmured almost to himself, distracted. "'Tanker'!" he exclaimed.

"Excuse me?" Waya asked.

Hikaru flushed. "Er... nothing."

Hoping that Hikaru was not about to blurt out anything else, Akira dug an elbow into Hikaru's side--so familiar, this action--and continued his introduction. "These are Kadowaki Tatsuhiko, and Honda Toshinori," he nodded to them politely. "And this is Nase Asumi."

"Pleased to meet you all," Hikaru said, sounding only a little apprehensive. He nudged Akira. "Akira, they are all pros!" he said in a voice that was meant to be a whisper, but wasn't.

It was second nature to Hikaru by now, Akira reflected, to always be hypersensitive about pros. "And this is Yashirou Kiyoharu," he said hurriedly. "You remember, he was on the same team with me for the Hokuto Cup games. Hello, Yashirou. I didn't know you'd be in Tokyo today."

"I have a game tomorrow. You had a game today, Touya?"

"Yes," Akira said, "with Kurata-san. Remember when I told you that I was seeing someone? It's Hikaru."

Hikaru glanced at Akira uncertainly, as though for guidance. "Pleased to meet you," he said to Yashirou.

"Pleased to meet you," Yashirou said. "I remember Akira saying that you play a whole lot of Netgo, right?" He nodded at the sheets of kifu. "Are these your games?"

Kadowaki spoke at that point. "Oh, you've brought them to show Touya-san? So Touya-san tutors you in Go?" he asked.

"No, I-" Hikaru looked as though he would have loved to take back that 'No' when Yashirou's look of interest grew. "Er, they're just games that I saw on NetGo, and I wanted to discuss them with Akira. I'm making a mess, I-" he started to straighten the kifu in his arms, accepting the ones Akira gave him and tried to look busy.

"This is a game between Sai and a Korean pro," Waya said, standing up from where he had just picked up another kifu, and showing it to the other pros. "I think his NetGo name is 'Prince of Baduk'."

"How do you know that?" Nase asked, frowning at it.

"I watched this game only last week," Waya said. "The other guy lost by two-and-a-half moku, and afterwards he challenged Sai to another one, only to be ignored."

Akira was the only one close enough to hear Hikaru mutter, "Stupid Ko Yong-ha." He managed to stifle the urge to laugh, both at Yong-ha's NetGo name and at Hikaru's disgruntled reaction. Hikaru had been nursing a grudge against Ko Yong-ha ever since he heard about the latter's comments about Shuusaku's status in Japan.

"Wow, Sai went right over him," Kadowaki said admiringly, turning his head to one side so he could see the kifu too. "Look at the way he turned this corner around!"

"Well, some people say Sai is a pro," Nase said, "so that isn't so surprising."

"Even pros have off days, but Sai doesn't," Waya said. "He's been unbeatable so far, and he's been online for more than six years! He even beat Touya, remember?" He gave Touya a pointed look.

Why had he never guessed that Waya was a fan of Sai? Touya thought, ignoring Waya.

"He can't be an amateur, though, he's too good. I think he's a pro," Yashirou offered.

Saeki shrugged. "I know Morishita-sensei's played with him a few times. Pro or not, he's good."

"I think he's a pro, too," Honda said.

Hikaru was watching them discuss the kifu, his eyes darting from one to the other as though he was at a tennis match. "Wait a minute. P-people think S-Sai is a pro?" he asked.

"Well, yes," Nase said after a moment. She glanced at her fellow pros before meeting Hikaru's eyes. "He's been playing at such a high level ever since he appeared, and plenty of pros make it a point to play with him or follow his games. Not just the Japanese pros, but also those from Korea, China and other countries. Most people just assume that he's a pro who is hiding his identity for some reason."

"I mean, it's obvious, isn't it?" Waya said. He sounded almost annoyed that Hikaru had dared to question this. "Everyone is following Sai."

Saeki protested. "Waya, you're over-generalizing-"

Waya ploughed on. "Sai is probably one of the most famous players in recent years. You know, I can't imagine what will happen if Sai's real identity is revealed one day. Or maybe I can," he said, looking steadily at Hikaru.

Hikaru swallowed. "W-what will happen?" His fingers tightened on the kifu he had collected.

"Dozens... no, hundreds of players will be clamoring to play with him. They'd want to know where he comes from and how he learnt to play so well. And especially the high-dan players, they'd want to know everything about him."

"Oh, shit," Hikaru muttered.

"What?" Saeki asked. Waya echoed him, his eyes studying Hikaru all the while.

Hikaru turned away. "Oh, shit," he repeated. He slumped down, staring sightlessly into nothing.

"Hikaru!" Akira said, turning to him and shaking him gently on the shoulder, to no avail. He glared at Waya, and at the other pros. Hikaru suddenly turned with a muttered "Akira" and clung to him with both hands.

As though suddenly aware that they had intruded on something private, the other pros made their excuses and quickly left, with Saeki making Waya return the kifu he had taken and physically dragging him away.

Yashirou lingered behind. "Is he all right?" he asked Akira in an undertone. "Your boyfriend is a bit-" He was too polite to complete the sentence, but made a vague gesture.

Akira swallowed. "He'll be all right," he said. At least, he hoped so. "I just need to take him out for some air," he said.

"Ah. Need any help?"

"I can manage. Thanks," Akira said, privately reflecting that he got on much better with Yashirou than the other young Tokyo pros.

"Okay. See you, Touya."

After Yashirou had finally left, Akira turned his attention to Hikaru. "Hikaru?" he said softly.

No reply.

"Hikaru, let's get out of here," Akira said. Despite Hikaru's clenched fists on his shirt, Akira managed to collect all the kifu. He stuffed them into Hikaru's bag. "Come on, stand up," he said. "We're leaving, all right?" He managed to bite his tongue before he said "Away from the bad people, okay?" but he felt like he was dealing with a five-year-old just the same.

After a while, Hikaru managed to focus on Akira, and stood up.

"Good. Come on, this way." Taking Hikaru's arm, Akira led him all the way out of the fast food restaurant.

--------to be continued--------