Right---this one is kinda long, and gets smooshy, but bear with me. I've been trying to write, do homework, and sing the theme to the Gummi Bears all at the same time… OOOH!!!!! HEY! I have my NBC art posted right now! Go see it! http://www.geocities.com/professor_remus/nbc_art.htm
But read these ones first so you know what the pictures are.
Chapter 29: A Long-Awaited Confession
Since I had never really had use for a door-unlocking spell, I couldn't remember the words to enable myself to leave his room. Not that I would have. Even later on in the night, when I suddenly remembered the word Alohomora, I declined to use it.
Not that Remus seemed to mind my company. I had built a fire (using his wand, seeing how I had forgotten to bring mine) in his fireplace, and it cast the entire room in a dancing, flickering light. From outside his window, the moon was glimmering brightly on the white snow, now marred and broken by the snow fight, but still beautiful.
After my tirade against his self-pity, Remus had become amazingly sweet-tempered, and had curled up next to me on the bed while I read aloud from one of his many books, one on King Arthur. Apparently, we were both addicted to the medieval, Arthurian legends.
At around midnight, I couldn't stop myself from yawning. It was only once, but to Lupin, it was enough. He jumped off the bed, grabbed the book in his teeth, and set it on the floor. Then, front paws perched on the edge of the bed, he used his teeth to pull back the blankets, nodding his head at me.
"I can't take your bed away from you!" I protested sleepily. "I can sleep on the floor. Not a problem."
He gave a very hands-crossed-over-his-chest look of disapproval and pretended to bite my hand. I grinned, clicking off the only lamp that we had been using, and obediently crawled under the heavy blankets.
"Prof-" I started. He growled. "Alright. Remus. May I ask you a question?"
He jumped into the easy chair, resting his paws on the arm and his head on his paws, giving me a gentle nod.
"At the dance… when you left… did I do something wrong?"
Even though he had no vocal abilities, I could have sworn I heard him say "never." But I did register him, jumping next to me on the bed, nuzzling my arm with his nose, before I slipped into sleep.
Dawn was breaking when I woke. For a moment, I was disorientated and alarmed at the unfamiliar scenery. But it all came rushing back to me when I sat up, turning my head. Next to me, mouth slightly open as he breathed deeply and jaggedly, was Remus. No longer the werewolf I had been curled up to during the night—I was sharing a bed with the man I had sworn I would confess my feelings for.
For a moment, I couldn't do anything but stare at his peaceful face, watching him breath. The night had taken it's weary toll, but for now, while he slept, everything was calm and placid.
A sudden urge hit me then, and before I could stop myself, I did the one thing I'd been agonizing over since I had first met him. My fingers moved the brown hair from out of his eyes, smoothing it back against the side of his head, then moved down his cheek. His mouth closed into the barest trace of a smile before he turned he turned his head and slept on.
Pulling myself from under the covers, trying not to wake him, I rearranged the blankets around his thin shoulders. Smiling faintly, I took a seat next to him on the bed, watching his profile as he breathed. Touching his unshaven cheek softly, I leaned closer.
"I promised myself I would do this, Remus, before I left. I wanted to tell you… I fell in love with you the first time I saw you, in Painted Runes. I feel like we're connected somehow. Even when you say nothing, I know what you're feeling. And I know you can feel it, too. I know it sounds stupid—I'm 17, you're my teacher… But if I don't tell you, I'll regret it for the rest of my life."
I took a breath, closing my eyes. "I realize… we could never really be together, but I still dream about it. I dream of the day when I can tell you this when you're awake, and listening to me. To see those beautiful hazel eyes, looking deep into mine, to tell me you feel the same way. Maybe, one day, it'll happen. Maybe it never will-" my voice broke and I realized I was crying. "But there's always that slight glimmer of hope I hold in my heart. And I just want you to know that.
"I love you."
Wiping the tears from my eyes, I kissed his cheek softly.
"Merry Christmas," I whispered brokenly, as he gave a small sigh and turned onto his back, completely oblivious to my words.
I had admitted it. Said what was in my heart for nearly four months. And now I had to leave him.
Using his wand, I whispered "Alohomora," under my breath, and, giving one last look at his sleeping face, left his room.
Chapter Thirty: Likely Excuses
It was too early for anyone to be out in the halls, which lured me into a false sense of security. I didn't even bother to open the portrait hole quietly, just jumped right on in… And ran smack into Professor McGonagall. She glared down at me, hands on her waist, flanked by Dumbledore and Filch.
"Uh oh…"
"Where in God's name have you been!?" she exploded. "We have been worried sick about you!"
"I, uh…"
"Casey, you realize how severe this is… You could've been anywhere," Dumbledore broke in, a bit more kindly than McGonagall. "And under the conditions…" he didn't finish.
"I was just…walking…all night…" I thought fast. "Y'know, cause it's Christmas and everything… I just felt a little homesick."
McGonagall's eyes softened immediately. "Oh, my poor child! How could I have forgotten… Oh dear…" She sniffed. "You missed your family?"
"I just didn't want anyone to see me crying," I went on, trying to look guilty. It worked well—I felt more ashamed of myself for lying in that moment than ever before. "I didn't mean to cause so much trouble."
"Where did you go?" Dumbledore asked, eyes twinkling as if he already knew the answer.
"Erm…around…" I shrugged. "I didn't really pay attention. I'm sorry."
Filch was busily trying to sooth McGonagall, who had obviously taken my words in a motherly fashion. Dumbledore leaned closer to me, a warm hand on my shoulder. "Just make sure you're careful next time."
"Oh, it won't happen again," I promised lightly.
"Not till next month, eh?" he winked.
My mouth dropped open, the shut quickly. "I, uh… heh, heh…" I forced a laugh, my hand rubbing the back of my neck nervously. "I don't know what you're talking about, Professor…"
He nodded, smiling faintly. He put an arm around McGonagall. "I think we need to all retire to our respective rooms and try to enjoy Christmas morning… We'll see you at breakfast, Casey?"
"Yes…breakfast…" I echoed softly as they exited. Then, realizing that everyone would be waking up soon, I hurried upstairs to retrieve their presents.
I sat next to the window in the dormitory, staring out at the falling snow while I waited for everyone to wake up. There were presents stacked at the end of my bed, something that surprised me for a moment, but I didn't want to shake anything until Hermione was up, at least.
It didn't take long. I'm not sure why, but everyone wakes up early on Christmas morning. Maybe it was a biological clock that went off to make sure we didn't oversleep. Maybe it was just the knowledge that there would be presents that did it. I don't think I'll ever know. *sigh*
"Where were you last night!?"
"Merry Christmas to you, too," I raised an eyebrow, turning my head to see her angry face.
"Casey!"
"I went for a walk," I shrugged, leaving my perch at the window and sitting on my bed. "Don't worry about it. Open your presents!"
She gave me another glare, one that clearly implied that she had a feeling I had broken some rule and that she was disapproving of it, but obediently reached for her gifts.
Ron had given her a bottle of perfume, which, after she had so excitedly sprayed it, turned out to be yet another one of George and Fred's gag gifts. We had to open the window to air out the smell of rotted tomatoes. But everything else was non-bewitched and quite pleasant after that.
Since I had sorely lacked the funds for extravagant gifts, I had stuck to what I did best—wrapping up my artwork and giving it out. She complimented me on the landscape she got, as I thanked her for the walkman she had bought me.
"It's been charmed to play on the grounds," she explained, handing me a tape. "So don't let McGonagall catch you with it—she'll have a fit."
After stashing everything away, we hurried to the Common Room to meet Harry and Ron. They both gave me the same spiel Hermione had, but Ron was more vocalized about it while Harry just stood back, arms crossed, eyes narrowed. When he thanked me for the painting, his voice was formal and distant. It perplexed me, having him staring at me, as if formulating ideas and opinions in his mind on my whereabouts last night. Not a good thing that early in the morning.
Heading down to breakfast, I made a quick detour to Lupin's room. (yes, I went back…) I knocked, but he was already downstairs, so I just set his gift on his desk and hurried back out.
And then, debating with myself even as I knocked, I waited for Snape to open his door. He glared at me viciously.
"What do you want, American!?"
"Well, for one thing, Merry Christmas," I said, forcing myself to sound cheerful. "I know we're not the best friends in the world, but I wanted to give you this anyway." I handed him my card. He took it suspiciously.
"What's this?"
"It's commonly-referred to as a Christmas card," I explained. "It's for you."
He looked from me to the card, then back to me. "I—I didn't get anyone a card…"
"Don't worry about it…" I smiled. "It's just a card—no biggie. I'm gonna go down and eat now—so I'll see ya later. Merry Christmas."
"Yes…. Merry Christmas," he echoed, looking quite stunned. It was wonderful. Made even better by the loud blast that followed me down the stairs, then the bellowed
"AMERICAN!!!!!"
Grinning, I practically skipped to the Great Hall.
Chapter Thirty-One: Another Perfectly Executed Enchantment (aka, Christmas, Weasley Style)
Once there, however, I immediately sobered, unsure of how to act around Remus. I needn't have worried, he had his head bent low as he ate, barely looking up at anyone.
McGonagall, looking much more composed by then, gave me a hand on the shoulder before asking me to pass the muffins.
"What on earth is keeping Severus?" Dumbledore asked, looking towards the doors as we all ate. I snuck a glance at Ron, who had gotten me the card from his ever-useful and ingenious brothers. His face turned a bright red as he tried not to laugh out loud.
As if on cue, Snape came stalking into the room, looking murderous. His face was covered in makeup, and little pink and purple flowers were dotted in his hair. His robe had turned mauve. He took his seat with as much dignity as he could muster, pouring himself some tea.
"Erm, Severus… Your business is your business, and I don't mean to pry into your personal affairs, but…" Professor Dumbledore trailed off, looking quite amused.
I couldn't help it. I burst into laughter, which started Ron in. While we laughed crazily, Remus finally looked up, giving Snape a critical look.
"Y'know, Severus, that shade of purple is really quite becoming on you."
I fell out my chair, clutching at my sides as I started crying with laughter. The remainder of the sane people left at the table exchanged looks.
"Casey, would you care to explain this lovely enchantment to the rest of us?" Dumbledore asked kindly as I pulled myself back into my seat. Remus' eyes met with mine, crinkled with suppressed laughter, as I tried to proclaim my innocence.
"I wouldn't have any idea, sir…"
"You seem to be declaring your innocence a lot today," he mused out loud. My face flamed, and I went to look towards Lupin again, but Harry's penetrating gaze stopped me halfway. I had to lower my eyes in guilt while Harry glanced towards Remus.
"It was just a joke." I mumbled.
"I don't see Professor Snape laughing."
"He's laughing on the inside."
"Casey, may I please have a word with you after breakfast?" The tone Dumbledore used, so unlike his cheerful self, sobered me instantly.
"Yes, sir."
I didn't say another word until the meal was complete. While the others shuffled off to do whatever they felt like, I sat, staring at the table, waiting for him to speak.
"Casey, I realize you're at a rough time in your life… the first holiday without your parents… but you need to know when to quit while you're ahead."
"It'll only last for an hour," I started to say.
"Please-let me finish." He gave me a stern look. "I'm not going to tell you what you should and should not be doing—you're nearly an adult, I trust you to make those decisions yourself. However, I am going to warn you—you might want to be a little more prudent with your choices. I may be a doting old man, but I can assure you, there are many, many people who will not be as lenient."
I didn't know what to say. I couldn't understand if he meant my Christmas card or my early-morning entrance.
"On the other hand," he broke into a grin. "I'll have to admit, that truly made my morning."
I grinned back, relief flooding through me. "Isn't that great? Another perfectly executed enchantment, provided for your enjoyment by Feorge and Gred Weasley." I quoted, remembering the inscription at the back of the card.
"Ah, Fred and George… the mind shudders to think of what they're up to…" he sighed. "I'm afraid a detention will be in order, but I'm sure we can postpone that until the term begins again. And you will listen to what I've said?"
"Of course." I nodded. "And thank you."
"Anytime, Casey. I'm always here if you need me."
"Thank you," I repeated, standing to go. "Merry Christmas."
"You too."
I left quickly, hurrying towards the tower. And, as per the usual, clichéd way of seeing the person you have a crush on, I ran right into Remus.
"Erm…hello…" I said nervously.
"Casey—I was looking for you."
"You were!? Why?" I didn't bother to hide my surprise.
"Not here." He looked over his shoulder, as if he expected someone to be spying on us. "Will you meet me outside? In the garden, about twenty minutes?" his warm eyes locked with mine. "There is much to say."
"Of course," I heard myself saying, but my voice was fuzzy, far away, dreamlike. Remus said something along the lines of goodbye, and I floated away towards the Common Room, imagining all sorts of scenarios that could result from a meeting, in the gardens, in twenty minutes. And the majority of them were rather pleasant.
"What'd he say to you?" Ron asked the instant I had climbed through. "Am I in trouble?"
"Huh? Oh…. No…" I murmured, sinking into a chair and staring off at the wall, still daydreaming of Remus.
"Are you ok?"
"Yes." I gave him a silly grin. "I'm perfect."
Harry looked up from the book Hermione had given him. "Where were you last night? And this morning?"
His question snapped me back to reality. He was waiting, eyes concentrated on me, searching my face for any give-aways.
"I told you… I just went for a walk.. And got lost a few times."
"Lost in the halls or in someone's eyes?" he muttered, turning his attention back to his book.
"What is that supposed to mean!?"
"You know what it means."
"Maybe I don't."
"Then you're a lot dumber than you look."
I stared at him, hurt. Ron raised his hands in a "I'm innocent" manner and backed away…quickly.
"Why are you treating me like I'm an enemy, Harry!? For the past week, all you've done is stare at me, giving me cold looks, saying things like that! Why?"
"Why have you been treating me like a child?" he shot back. "Ever since I met you, you say one thing, then do another. You walk around here, always talking about the same thing, drawing the same person… Then act surprised that I would question you on it. I'm not blind, Casey. I can see what's going on."
"If you know what's going on, then by all means, enlighten me!" I crossed my arms over my chest angrily, waiting for him to continue.
He muttered something and shook his head. "Just forget it."
"No! Tell me!"
"He is twice your age!" he exploded. "And your teacher! How on earth can you let yourself do this!? Don't you realize what's going to happen? You'll be expelled, for one thing. He'll lose his job—again—because of this, and be left alone to wander the streets, trying to find some work to keep himself alive. All for the sake of your stupid, childish, romantic fantasies!!"
Ron was listening with renewed interest. Apparently, this was all new to him.
"I'm doing nothing wrong by talking to him, Harry! And neither is he!"
"So why can't you tell me where you were last night?"
"I already have."
"No, you told me you went for a walk. To where? And for how long!?"
"I went around the school. All night."
"Seems pretty coincidental you vanished right before the moon rose."
"Seems pretty obvious how boring your own life is, to have to catalogue and record mine so much."
"All I'm trying to do is get you to understand the absurdity of the situation you're in right now, Casey. Give it up. How he acts today could be forgotten by tomorrow. Older men are attracted to younger women all the time. But it doesn't mean they want to commit to them. Hardly ever, do they really. You're just an amusing source of fun to him."
"That's not true."
"Yes it is, and you know it. Otherwise you'd've already walked away from me. But here you are, still listening."
"Because I was taught it was rude to walk away in the middle of a conversation."
"Pity your parents taught you manners, yet forgot to instill some common sense."
Tears welled up in my eyes. I tried to blink them back, but they spilled out anyways, betraying the doubt I had kept inside. He wasn't using me—there was no way. I would have known if he was. His actions were pure, sweet, and honest. Weren't they?
"I didn't mean to make you cry," Harry mumbled apologetically. "But you have to understand he doesn't really want a teenaged girl, Casey. He wants—he needs—someone his own age."
"Why are you doing this to me?" I whispered, heart breaking. Harry sounded so positive, so certain… Suddenly, all the times I had spoken to Remus—even last night, seemed to turn to a different perspective. I saw it the way Harry wanted me to—a 36 year old man, falling in love with his 17 year student? Hadn't Remus even said it once—"Do you really believe I'd fall in love with one of my own students?"
Feeling drained and shattered, I backed unsteadily towards the stairs.
"Casey—" Ron put a hand out towards me, to steady me, I suppose. But I turned and fled up the stairs, too hurt for words. All that time, I had been so blind to what had truly been happening.
No, a part of me screamed. You love him. And you know he would never do anything like that. Not to you, not to anyone.
I loved him. I had even said it to him. And for what? For him to have a good laugh over, later on, looking back on it. I could see him, writing a letter to that Padfoot friend of his…
Hey—listen to this: For the past four months, I've been acting all sweet and wonderful to this kid I teach, making her believe I was this perfect guy… Then, when she tells me she loves me (this will crack you up, Padfoot!) I told her to meet me outside so I could tell her what a gullible little dreamer she was. HA!
Oh, P.s.—tell my girlfriend I love and miss her, and not to worry—Casey was only a game for me. Something to pass the time. Keep me amused while I was away from the one I really loved.
When I pulled on my new sweater Ron's mother had so thoughtfully knitted me (with a bright blue C in case I forgot how to spell my name) and swung my cloak around my shoulders, I was determined to tell Remus exactly what I thought about his fun and games. He'd be sorry he ever thought he could do that to me.
Stalking down the stairs and out the portrait hole, I fumed my entire way to the crisp snowy outdoors, taking a small satisfaction at the loud crunching my feet made in the new snow. He was already out there—his footprints led the way.
Resolve hardened, mind screaming with words to shout at him, I turned the final corner and stopped dead in my tracks. There he stood, bundled in a heavy black coat, scarf whipping around him in the bitter wind, with his hands shoved deep in his pockets. He had been inspecting his shoes at my arrival, and as his eyes slowly rose to meet mine, my words vanished. Something inside me clicked, and in one instant, I realized how absurd Harry's accusations had been. The day Remus J. Lupin used me for an indulgent amusement would be the day I stopped breathing.
"Hello."
"Hello," I echoed weakly.
"Thank you for the painting… It's extraordinary."
"You're welcome."
"I don't have a painting for you," he smiled softly, taking a step closer to me. "I don't have much of anything to give to you," he pulled his hand from his pocket. "All I have is this."
He held his closed fist out towards me. I numbly opened my palm, feeling a slight weight as he dropped something into it. Looking down in silence, I saw a small silver chain with a tiny glass teardrop at the end. Upon closer inspection, I saw it was full of swirling, shifting wisps of colored smoke. It looked like there were tiny fireflies inside, lighting up the smoke and making it glow softly.
"This is beautiful! What is it?"
"It's called an Enchanter." He explained, taking the necklace and reaching behind my neck to fasten it. "It's supposed to bring you love and happiness. All that superstitious stuff." He forced a laugh as I tried to look anywhere but his face, looming only centimeters from mine as he worked.
"Thank you," I whispered. He focused his eyes on me, having gotten the clasp to shut.
"You're welcome." He answered back quietly. His hands were now resting lightly on the tops of my arms, eyes locked with mine.
"I'm sorry if I made you angry last night, when I wouldn't leave-"
"No, I'm glad you stayed," he cut me off. "Despite my protests, I hoped you would."
I blushed, ducking my head.
A soft hand tilted my chin upwards. "Casey, I need to ask you something, and I want you to be honest with me."
"Alright."
"I had a dream last night… the most amazing dream… and you said something to me. I just wanted to know---was it truly a dream, or was it real?"
I bit down hard on my lower lip. This was the moment. The moment that would change everything.
"I said… I told you…" I took a deep breath, closing my eyes. "It was for real," I whispered, feeling a tear sliding down my cheek.
"I was afraid it was just a dream," he murmured, reaching to wipe it away softly. "So afraid it was just my imagination."
"I'm sorry—I know I'm just a kid to you," I began, starting to cry harder. "But I can't help how I feel-"
"Casey, last night, you put into words what I've been feeling since that day back in August. Even before I spoke to you—I saw you walking towards the store, and knew that somehow, in any way possible, I had to speak to you. To know you. And I've been the luckiest man alive to have that chance. And the chance to hear you saying those words to me…It doesn't matter how old you are! I'm in love with you, not your age."
I blinked back tears and stared at him, unable to believe what he had just said. He saw my look and laughed, nodding. "Yes, Casey, I said I was in love with you."
"But all those times-" I started, but he put a finger to my lips and quieted me.
"That doesn't matter anymore," he murmured. "All that matters is that we both know now. We don't have to pretend anymore."
And in a moment that seemed to last forever, yet end all too quickly, he pulled me close and kissed me.