Chapter 12

The day after the revelation of the betrayal, Naruto had sat in his apartment all day long. He just sat on his bed, silently. Tears would flow down on his cheeks at the times when the feeling of being numb disappeared, and he felt completely powerless. Sweets wouldn't cheer him up now. The bare thought of them made him feel sick to his stomach.

Even now, a week later, he still felt numb, nauseous and at times very depressed. At school and work, he'd simply drift through the days, with no feelings at all. Keep up the facade that everything was okay, smiling on the outside, while almost unconscious on the inside. But when he walked in the door to his apartment, he would feel all the cooped up emotions of the day all attack him at once, pushing him into nauseating depression of guilt.
He'd started to dread going home in the evening, and today was just the same. It was Saturday, and he'd taken an extra long shift to keep himself occupied. But now he was almost home, having left work only minutes earlier. As the large, cold building came into sight, he could already feel a small lump form in his throat.
As he walked heavily up the stairs, he could feel the guilt rapidly increasing in his chest, quickly chasing away the tranquiliser of being busy. He walked in and sat down in front of his TV. It was good enough to get his mind a bit more absent for a while longer.
But soon the feelings caught up to him, and he felt the darkness wrap itself around him. He grinded his teeth as he placed his hand on his forehead.

"God dammit," he swore, squinting his eyes shut.

'I can't believe I lost him… And it's entirely my own fault too…' he could feel his eyes get watery, but had managed to control the tears so they didn't fall, 'He'll never forgive me…'
He leaned his back on the bed. Looking up at the ceiling, he sighed sadly.

'… It really was the same as that other time; and yet completely different too. It's so odd, the two incidents look nothing like each other on the outside, but it felt the same… And just like now, it was entirely my fault I ended up in that situation in the first place…'

He buried his face in his knees where he sat on the floor, as memories of a time long ago played themselves over in his mind.

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"Mommy!" a small blonde child, radiating brightness and joy ran up to a woman. She was beautiful, with long red hair and a face so fair and kind it made even the hardest worn man soften.

"There you are, honey!" she smiled a warm smile and bent down to pick up her little boy, "You almost made me worry, running off on your own again. Haven't I told you that you're not supposed to do that?" she smiled and blew air on his naked stomach, tickling him. Laughing happily, the small boy smiled at his mother, with pure content at being in her safe arms.

"But mommy, there was a doggie by the other cabin! I just wanted to go pet it," he held on to his mother while she carried him inside the small rented cabin.

"Naruto, you should never, ever go over to a dog, you never know how well they've been trained; he could bite you!" she frowned her brow, though still smiling warmly.

"I know, I'm sorry, mommy…" he apologized, looking honestly regretful. He didn't like making his mom worry, but it was such a cool dog, with brown and black fur and spiky ears! How could he not go over to it?

"It's okay, honey, just be more careful. Mommy and daddy love you so much, we just want our little boy to be safe," she kissed his cheek as she sat him down at the little table.

"But the doggie was nice, and the owner was nice too, he even said he had a boat! … But where's daddy?" he looked around the room.

"He went out on a small errand before we all go fishing," she replied. The small blonde boy watched happily as his mother put some cookies and lemonade in a bag, preparing for the day's fishing trip. He felt like the luckiest boy in the world. Not only were his mom and dad the nicest mom and dad ever, but they'd even taken him on summer vacation to the big lake! Now they could fish and swim and have barbeques and play all day long! And there was even a cute doggie here, and swings! How could it get better than that?

Feeling absolutely content, he continued to watch his mother pack for the trip to the lake a few minute walk away, feeling safe at the mere presence of his pretty redheaded protector.

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"Wow, this'll be great for our barbeque tomorrow, huh, Naruto?" a tall blonde man was walking up a path toward a camping area with his son on his shoulders and his beautiful wife walking next to them, carrying the newly caught fish and their fishing poles.

"Yeah!" the small boy exclaimed excitedly. They'd caught four fishes, and they'd been pretty big too.

"But daddy, what are we going to do when we get back to the cabin?" he asked from his high point of view.

"Well, I have a surprise for you! When I went shopping today, I bought some candy! So tonight we can play a board game and eat lots of candy! What do you say?" he smiled up at his boy.

"Yay!" he exclaimed happily, almost jumping on his fathers broad shoulders, "Can we play the one with the dinosaurs that have to get to their caves?" he bent down next to his fathers head.

"Of course! Whatever you like," he smiled as his little boy kissed his cheek happily.

"Yay!" he sang again.

As the three happily walked back toward the cabin, Naruto couldn't believe how fun this day had been. And luckily, it wasn't over yet! They would play games and sit in the living room and watch a bit of TV before getting ready for bed, just like the day before. And when he was supposed to go to sleep, he'd sneak up to the bedroom door and look out into the living room at how his mom and dad were so happy together. When he'd see them kiss, he'd sneak back into bed again, sure of how wonderful and safe the world was today too.

But today, the world wasn't so wonderful.

And definitely not safe.

"Hey there, folks… And hey little boy, you came over to visit my dog earlier didn't you?" a shabby looking man walked toward them, looking at Naruto where he walked hand in hand with his mother, having just been put down by his father.

"Hi! Yeah, that was me!" Naruto smiled at him, tugging his mother's hand, "His dog's so cool! It's big and has spiky ears!"

"How cool," she smiled warmly at her son, before turning her attention to the man approaching them, "You're staying at the cabin next to ours, right?" she asked politely.

"Yes," he answered, smiling at her, "You people have such a nice car too! Is that a vintage car?" He pointed to their car a few meters away.

"Yes, I bought it old and dirty, but fixed it right back up again," Narutos father replied, "Naruto here helped me, too," he smiled at his boy.

"Mhm!" Naruto nodded proudly.

"Wow, such a good little boy," the man said, his eyes slowly turning a bit colder, "You know, I had a daughter that looked just like you. Blonde and always so excited about the smallest things,"

"Really?" Naruto asked curiously.

"Yeah… But you know what happened to her?"

"No, what?"

"She was stolen from me… There was a fire, and she died, my poor little girl died…"

Naruto felt scared. He tightened his grip on his mother's hand, and she did too.

"I'm so sorry, that's just awful," Narutos father replied, eyebrows now a bit creased.

"Yeah… God damn fire department couldn't get their asses over there quick enough. They let my little girl die!" The man's eyes became wild. As tears flowed down his dirty cheeks, Narutos mother picked up Naruto. As the man's hand found its way into his pocket, Narutos father, looked very worried, and sent a glance over to his wife. Naruto didn't understand what he meant, but the look on his mothers face told him that she obviously did.

"You… you don't deserve to have what I've lost! My daughter should live! You idiots don't deserve her!" the man cried loudly, a few people nearby noticing the groups presence as fear struck all. Out of his pocket, came the doom of a family of three.

As Narutos father jumped forward to stop him, Narutos mother ran with all her might, as fast as she could, clenching her little boy in her arms as tears fell down her frightened face.

Scared like never before, Naruto cried silently, hands grasping his mothers' thin blouse while she ran to her limit.
'What's happening…?'

"BANG"

Turning sharply, his mother looked mortified. As tears fell endlessly down her now pale cheeks, she turned again and continued running, trying to reach the main lobby of the camps administration. Pressing her little boys head softly to her shoulder, trying to shield his eyes from all the frightening things happening, she whispered, "It'll be okay, sweetie, everything's going to be okay," Her voice almost broke, but for her little boy, she would be strong.

As she flung open the doors of the empty lobby, she ran over to where the phones were and picked it up. Pressing some numbers, she put her boy down.

"Sit here, and be quiet, mommy's gonna protect you," she said firmly.

Naruto was terrified, what was happening? What was that bang? And why did his mom look so scared and sad after it? Something hadn't happened to dad, had it?

He was shaking violently, terrified. As his mother talked a little to whoever she was calling, he only picked up a few words like 'Please come quickly… a man with a gun… shot,'
But then, she was cut off, as the raging man came inside too, and aimed the metal pipe at her. As Naruto heard the doors bell ring, he looked up at his mother, whose expression froze for a moment, before a deafening new bang was heard, and blood spattered everywhere around him. As she fell to the ground, coughing blood, Naruto thought only one thing.

'Mommy… She's dying because of me…'

She grabbed Naruto's hand, and held him closely, trying to shield him.

'If I just listened to her, and didn't go over to that man… If only I didn't talk to him…'

"Mommy!" he screamed as loudly as he could, his heart breaking into small pieces as his mothers life slowly ended as red blood was all he could see.

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"I'm so sorry for your loss," a woman's voice said.

"Uh…uhu…uuuhuhuuu…" someone sobbed.

"The police told us the man who killed your daughter was insane. He'd lost his child in a fire a year ago, and wanted your grandson to replace her after seeing him… They had to shoot his leg to make him surrender and give your grandson back after kidnapping him. Luckily he didn't get too far, the police found him right after they came. Unfortunately, your daughter and her husbands life were not possible to save, they'd suffered too significant damage to be resuscitated…" the woman spoke again.

The sobbing continued, the tears stained by heavy bitterness.

Slowly, Naruto managed to open his eyes a little. He quickly realised the woman, whoever she was, was talking about him. He remembered what'd happened the instant he'd heard the other person crying. As his heart bled, he felt the tears unable to pour out, not having any left.
As his vision slowly cleared, he looked up at the figure crying.

"G-…Grandma…?" he spoke, tiredly.

As the sobbing continued, the other woman, who he now saw was a nurse, looked down on him, smiling.

"Oh, your awake, sweetie," she said, "How are you feeling, poor thing?"

But Naruto couldn't answer that. He gasped for air, as the lump in his throat grew along with the immense guilt he felt.

'Mommy…! Daddy! No, no, no, no!' his heart cried, 'Don't be dead, please, don't leave me! I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I want you back…!'

"I'll never take him in my care," the other woman then spoke.

'Grandma…?'

"You… you… my little girl, my dear, beautiful girl… It's your fault she died…!"

And as the nurse objected greatly, Naruto couldn't hear anything but the sore pounding of his heart as he saw the eyes of his now only family.
The eyes of hatred and coldness.

His chest ached as he realised, that it truly, truly, was his entire fault. He'd killed his parents. He'd killed them. They died because he had done something wrong. And because of that, he was now all alone, rejected by his own grandmother.

'I'm all alone… And it's really… all my fault…'

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Thirteen years older, the boy was again all alone. Because of his own actions, he'd made another person close to him reject him with all their heart.

His throat ached as tears fell down from his sorrowful eyes. It was different completely different. But the loneliness of yet again having no one, was as unbearable as it had always been. At least Sakura had filled up some of that lonely gap, but now he'd lost her too. But what was tens, no, hundreds of times worse, was losing Sasuke. Sasuke had made him feel happy. No one had ever made him happy like that before, happy to the core of his entire being. For the first time since he'd lost his family, he'd been truly happy again. And now, just like the last time, he'd managed to ruin it all by one careless incident coming back to bite him in the ass.

"Sasuke…" he whispered.

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At the Uchiha mansion, the aura of a big black cloud seemed to hang over the entire property.

Sasuke was lying in his bed in his room. In exception of when he ate or went to the bathroom, or on the weekdays went to school, this was all he'd been doing all week. Just lay in bed all day long when he didn't have to do anything else. The rest of his family were a bit worried, he didn't talk at all this last week. He was just quiet, just utterly silent. To Itachis big worry, Sasuke didn't even care if he insulted him of talked about the blonde he was obviously so fond of. If he did mention the blonde, his little brother just seemed to get even more depressed, without even replying. Nothing he did or said made much change in his brothers' low demeanour. At least not in a positive way. Itachi had never been in a situation like this before.
And no wonder, either. Sasuke had never been in this horrible situation before, with a broken heart and all. Because, even though it sounded lame and very cliché, Sasuke had indeed unwillingly come to the conclusion that he was a bit heartbroken. He couldn't really find a better way of describing it.
He felt a lump in his throat at the worst times, but an Uchiha didn't damn cry.

Miserable as he was, he'd had a good deal of time to think about it all. He loved Naruto. And he felt absolutely betrayed by him. He felt tricked and humiliated and used. The fact that he'd agreed to try and get Sasuke to like Sakura, was such a huge break of trust. He felt vulnerable wondering what the stupid pink haired girl knew of him. He'd always been so upright with Naruto. Parts of him he always hid, he'd shown him…
He wondered how much Naruto had meant of what he'd shown Sasuke of himself. Was he who he'd been with him? Were the cute blushes fake? The hugs? The words? At the same time as he seriously didn't believe that they weren't honest, the doubt had now gotten rooted in him, and he wasn't so sure after all.

And this, the sureness of Naruto being honest, and at the same time having this horrible doubt, was what confused him so much.

But he loved Naruto, and being without him, not talking with him at school or meeting up in afternoons or weekends, was tearing him apart.

But he felt so betrayed.

Even if he was miserable without him, he was so hurt by what he'd done, not to mention severely pissed, that he just couldn't forgive him.

But not only that! The blonde hadn't even tried to apologize! And that didn't just make him angry, but also doubtful yet again of the blue eyed boys' feelings. Didn't he want to make up? Didn't he care if they ever became friends again? Become close again? Was Sasuke that unimportant to him? And did that mean he really was just acting all that time?

If that was the case, even the mighty Uchiha pride would perhaps crumble and let a tear or two out…

But Sasuke couldn't believe that. It couldn't be true. No one can fake honesty like that… Closeness like that…
And seeing him at school told him also that the blonde was indeed the one Sasuke had gotten to know, and not just faking it all. He smiled, yes. But, they were sad, artificial smiles. Sasuke still knew his smiles.

And angry as he was, sad as he was, that still made him a bit hopeful.
The worst scenario there could be, was if Naruto didn't care at all. If he was sorry about what he'd done, and he truly had been honest around Sasuke and didn't want to lose him, then maybe, just maybe, Sasuke could forgive him.

Because, even if he was angry and upset, he still loved his blonde.

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One week later, Naruto had been forbidden to work. He was seriously annoyed at this. He had actually been declined work for the entire week, and was now facing another three days of no work after this one.
After he'd finished working the Tuesday prior, his boss had pulled him into the back and told him to take a week off. Naruto had of course heavily objected, but to no avail. His boss had told him he was actually 'too efficient and not making enough mistakes' for things to be normal.

'What kind of a boss says that anyway?!' he though irritated to himself. But it was true. Now that he was so miserable most of the time, he usually just tuned out and just did what he was supposed to, without letting emotions and sad thoughts get to him.

His boss said he was worried. That he wanted him to take the days off to think and get whatever was wrong, right again. Naruto had then almost objected, but somehow just couldn't. His heart felt heavy again, and he'd just nodded and left.

And now he was stuck thinking all day long.

Thinking while depressed is seldom very pleasant, as Naruto knew only too well.

He felt awful, just like he had for the past two weeks. And now the weekend was here too, and even school couldn't distract him.

Today was especially bad. He felt almost immobilised of the mere nausea from feeling so sad and guilty. He figured now, that guilt had to be the worst emotion there is in the world. Nothing is quite like it. If you're angry, you feel like you can do something at least. It may even help just to punch a wall. And if your sad, then you can cry and cry and be comforted without feeling bad for it. But when you feel guilty, no amount of comfort helps, because you know you really don't deserve it. And you feel powerless. The hurt you've caused, teares so much on you and keeps you so low, that you feel like it'll never get better, or at least not until its all fixed. And even then you know it'll stay with you.

Yes. Guilt had to be one of the absolutely worst feelings in the world. Next to the sorrow of losing someone close forever, maybe. He wasn't quite sure. But no matter where it sat on the scale of horrid emotions, it felt devastating right now.

He'd hurt Sasuke so badly, he felt like he'd throw up when he thought about it. As the days had passed, his feeling of sorrow for losing Sasuke had been overwhelmed by guilt for hurting him. He could blame no one but himself for feeling lonely and for feeling sad at not having Sasuke in his life anymore, and he knew Sasuke must be terribly hurt now too. He knew Sasuke was. He knew.

And that had led him to a new thought. If Sasuke was upset too, maybe it'd be okay for Naruto to go apologize?
Did he deserve to be forgiven?
Would that be a selfish thing to want?
Because he wanted it with his entire being. He wanted nothing, nothing more than to be close to Sasuke again, for him not to hate him, for him not to be sad because of Naruto.

Sasuke should never be sad.

He sighed where he sat in his living room. He didn't deserve Sasuke's forgiveness. He didn't at all. Sasuke shouldn't forgive him, really, for what he had done was such an intimate betrayal, that even if Sasuke did forgive him, Naruto would probably still be worn of guilt, but then for Sasuke being too nice with someone as awful as himself.

But, Sasuke really deserved an apology. And…

It was so selfish, he knew that…

But…

He truly, deeply, wished that they could be friends again…

Be close again…

Sit next to each other. Eat together. Watch movies. Play Tekken.

Just be close again, along with all the wonderful things that meant.

With this drop of newfound resolve, Naruto stood up.

He knew what he had to do.

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Panting, a slender blonde boy stood in front of a pair of very intimidating iron gates. He was still only wearing a loose t-shirt revealing his neck line and a pair of jeans. In his rush to not lose his small amount of courage, he hadn't even taken the time to put on a jacket.
Shivering from the cold, he rang the bell. After only a short moment, a man's voice sounded.

"Uchiha residence, who am I speaking with?"

'Itachi…' Naruto thought relieved. If Sasuke was the one to answer, he might not have let him in. This way, he could at least get on the property.

"Hello, Itachi," he said, "It's me, Naruto,"

"Ooooh, finally," the man moaned, "I thought you'd never come over! Please, cheer him up, okay? He's such a tension maker nowadays," he said, before opening the gates. As they swung open, Naruto was about to run inside, before he heard Itachi say one more thing.

"Go to the back, he's in his little hiding spot for once,"

'Hiding spot… The greenhouse?' Naruto thought to himself as he started running up the road. As the gates closed behind him, he ran for the little thick of trees where he knew Sasukes secret greenhouse was to be found.

'What am I going to tell him?' he thought to himself. His heart was no longer just drumming because of his tired body, but also of nerves. What would he do if Sasuke rejected him now?
But he couldn't worry about that now. He had to just try. Just… speak from the heart. Say what he wanted to say.

He walked up the thin path toward the glass house, and stood waiting a few meters away. He couldn't yet see Sasuke, but still felt terrified. It was like the ultimate moment of truth, now or never.
Yes or no.

Swallowing hardly, he walked up and knocked on the door as he saw his beloved sitting on the ground next to some plants.
He watched carefully as his raven haired head turned around and felt his insides twist at how his surprised expression quickly turned cold in pain.

He merely looked away, as if not welcoming the blonde in, but still not locking him out.

Naruto felt a lump in his throat already start to build up, and hurriedly opened the door.

"…Hi," he said quietly as he closed the door behind him. He didn't know what he should say.

"…Hello," Sasuke replied emotionlessly.

Seeing the one he loved like this, broke Narutos heart once again. He could tell how deeply hurt Sasuke was. Forcing a threatening tear back into his eye, he walked over and sat next to Sasuke, without getting too close.

"Um…" he started after a while. He felt so unsure of what to say now.

Sasuke didn't make it easier. He just continued doing his thing, as if not noticing the blondes attempt to make contact.
The truth was that he was very surprised at him coming over, and a small gleam of hope lit up in him, but he felt so hurt just by looking at him, that he didn't want to make things easy for him either.
He'd hurt him.

Naruto started to fiddle with his t-shirt. This was bad. Sasuke was already practically rejecting him already.

"If you're not going to say something, then I'd rather be left alone," Sasuke then said, not even looking at the boy next to him.

At this, Naruto felt the tear from a moment ago fall from his eye on the side furthest away from Sasuke. Hearing his voice being so cold toward him hurt so much.

"…I'm sorry…" he whispered.

"…Sorry for what?" Sasuke replied coldly.

Narutos lips hardened.

"I'm sorry for… everything… I didn't… I mean… I-"

"Doesn't even sound like you know what you did wrong, to me," Sasuke stood up, and walked toward the door.

'No, don't leave now! Not yet!' Narutos mind chaotically yelled.

"S-stop!" Naruto ran after him and grabbed his hand. As Sasuke still stood turned away from him, he knew this was it.

"Please, please… forgive me… I don't deserve it, I know, I really don't… But I'm so, so sorry, I swear… I never should have betrayed you like that, and I will never forgive myself for it…"

He let his gaze fall to the ground.

"I'm so sorry… I hate myself for hurting you like this, for betraying you like this… The only thing I can say in my defence is that I made the agreement early, before I knew you, before we became friends. It's been tearing me apart for so long, and a while ago, I broke it off, far too late, of course, but I… Oh, I'm so sorry, I just, she's my friend you know? And now I even lost her too… But that's not the important thing now. Sasuke, I'm most sorry about losing you! These past days, I even realised something. It's not being alone again that made me so sad and miserable after that day, it's… it's…!" he took a deep breath. As tears fell down on his tanned cheeks, he continued.

"Sasuke, it's being without you that makes me so miserable!"

He felt almost numb.

"I want… I just want… to be friends again…"

He frowned as the lump in his throat became too big to bear.

"I want to be close again!"

And as his sobs became more audible, Sasuke felt his heart break too. He was so happy of hearing this. Naruto, he knew he was honest. And hearing him so upset, made him now feel like his heart bled. Naruto truly was too wonderful to be true, even if he had messed up this once.

He quickly turned around, grabbing the blondes' thin wrist, and before Naruto knew what was happening, he'd caught his lips in a soft kiss.

As he felt Sasukes delicate lips on his, moist and amazing as always, he couldn't stop the tears from falling. They kept tracing down his tanned cheeks as Narutos sore heart felt happier than ever.

"Don't cry when I'm kissing you, Naruto. How's that supposed to make me feel?" Sasuke said quietly while his lips still touched Narutos.

"I'm sorry," Naruto giggled half choked from the crying.

"I'm not that bad a kisser, am I?" he smiled softly at him, lips still in contact.

"No, you're a great kisser…"

And at that note, their tongues found their way into the others mouth yet again. They hungrily tasted the other for the first time in far too long, tongues searching the others mouth excitedly.

Happy like he'd feared the past days he'd never be again, Sasuke wanted to feel more of his blonde marvel. How his tanned fingers were running through Sasukes hair made the black eyed boy nearly go mad. He'd been Naruto-deprived for far too long. He let his hands find their way up Narutos too big t-shirt and touched his soft skin. How it was possible to be this soft was beyond him. He embraced the blonde in a tight grip, letting his hands travel over his arched back. As he ran his pale hands trough Narutos hair while pushing down on him lightly to kiss even harder, he heard him moan. Continuing the kiss for a while longer, the Uchiha finally let go of the blonde's lips, who, to his delight, then leaned forward to get more. But not now. If he continued much more, he'd lose control. And this wasn't the time to lose control.
Not yet. But some day.

He hugged Naruto tightly, pressing the blonde to his body.

"God, I've missed you,"

And to that, Naruto dug his face into his neck and let his lips lightly kiss the Uchiha's collar bone.

"I've missed you too…"

As the moon slowly rose on the night sky, the two boys still stood in the greenhouse, embracing one another.

As different as they may be, they were both thinking the exact same thing.

'I never want to let go again,'

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A/N : Hey everyone!

Woohoo XD I'm so happy...!

Yay, they're finally friends again:D Yaaaaaaaaay!

Anyway! For those who might care to know, my physics examn went wonderfully, against all odds (the tasks were sickely difficult), so now I only have assignments left and one day of school before my vacation begins :D

But yeah, long chappie, sorry about that XD;;; Hope you liked it anyway, it was helluva lot of fun to write. I loved writing it. So! Tell me what you think, ne?

Hmmm, I don't think I have any more stuff to ramble on about right now... So let's just call it a day :)

So, until next time, as aaaalways, lots and lots and lots and lots of looove from P.Peachy :D