Is now the time that you realize you'd better get out quick?
Once House had stormed out of the room Gordon turned his eyes towards Wilson. Wilson wasn't sure he liked being the recipient of Gordon's frank stare; the eyes just seemed to see too much. There was something in them that actually reminded Wilson of House – or at least of House at his best. Those few times when House seemed to see all and understand all and even have compassion for his fellow human beings; the House that had been missing in action for quite some time.
"So, why don't we start from the end," Gordon settled in his chair as if he was willing to listen to Wilson for as long as necessary. "How do you feel about House now? How do you see him as a person?"
"He killed my girlfriend," Wilson huffed. "What do you think I feel?"
"What I think you feel or should feel may well be something altogether different than what you actually do feel," Gordon insisted. "So I'd much rather hear it from you."
"Are you sure?" Wilson challenged. "You told me you owe him your life, even if you didn't use exactly those words. Do you really want to hear what I think of him right now?"
"He doesn't think I owe him anything," Gordon mused. "Though that does not mean I necessarily agree with him. But if I owe him anything… I owe him the truth. Granted, it's a rare commodity and often impossible to obtain but I need to try to get to it or as close to it as I can. And I can't do it if you lie to me either outright or by omission. I owe him my objectivity and the closest thing to the truth that I can get. Tell me how you feel about Gregory House. And I do mean how you feel, not what your reason may tell you you ought to feel. Just tell me. You won't hurt my feelings."
"It's not going to be what you want to hear," Wilson felt compelled to warn Gordon. "House is not what you think he is."
"I may have been Gregory's friend some 30 years ago, but I can still make an educated guess – and in my case I really mean an educated guess – of what he is today based on what I knew then and what I have heard of him since," Gordon insisted. "I want to hear whatever it is you have to say."
"He's poison," Wilson stated blandly. "And I hate him. That is what I feel. It's not anger. I plain hate him. Nobody is better off for having known Greg House. If he died tomorrow nobody would miss him. Yes, some would miss his skills as a doctor but that is all. He makes everyone miserable. He destroys everything good in his life and in the lives that touch him. He's a drug addict and he cons you into being his enabler. He can charm the birds from the trees if he so decides but usually he doesn't even care to do that. He is a black hole that mesmerises you into falling in and then he sucks you dry. There is nothing good about him anymore. He is a taker. He lies, cheats, manipulates people and situations to his own advantage and he doesn't even have a good reason for it most of the time. He just wants to see how many people he can fool at any given time and how many times he can fool them. Well not me. Not anymore. I'm done with him."
Wilson stood up agitatedly. He couldn't just sit anymore. His voice got harder and he was speaking faster and he started to pace. He didn't look at Gordon; he looked down and around and he even stared up at the ceiling but he didn't look at Gordon. It almost seemed like he didn't care who heard him. The gates were open and everything just flooded out.
"He has almost cost me my career at least twice," Wilson went on. "Both times Cuddy saved his sorry ass and by extension I got off the hook as well. But House didn't care. He cost this hospital a 100 million bucks and he didn't care. He had what he wanted and he didn't even care let alone feel guilty. Same the next time when he angered a cop and ended up being investigated for drug trafficking. I was the one who got burned just because I decided to help him. My bank accounts got frozen my car was taken my medical licence was suspended but did House care? No! Not in the least. He blamed the cop! I got him a deal, a good one. All he needed to do was to go to rehab, basically, but what did he do? He refused! He needed to go to rehab anyway – and in the end he actually did go, though even there… never mind. It didn't work anyway. But no matter what was happening to people around him – I wasn't the only one affected, his team got their bank accounts frozen as well – he just refused to compromise. He always refuses to compromise. Everything has to go his way or it's not going to happen. I have tried. I have tried to teach him humility. I have tried to get him to rehab. I have tried to talk him into finding some other ways to deal with his pain than Vicodin but does he listen? No! He just doesn't care."
Wilson sat back down again. He was feeling exhausted. The emotions were taking their toll and he wasn't even half-way done yet.
"He is like a cancer gnawing at my insides," Wilson's voice was already getting hoarse. "He drains my energy and though I want to I don't have the energy to fight him. He always draws me back into his life at the expense of my own. Amber was the first person in a very long time who got me out of that place, the only one who was a strong enough counter-influence to House. Did I mention her speciality was radiology? Fitting, don't you think? Anyway, that is academic now. House killed her. And though I'm sure he didn't mean to kill her I am sure he called her to jerk her chain. To somehow rub it in that when he calls I come running!"
"Do you?" Gordon asked quietly just as a prompt making sure he didn't actually throw Wilson off his tirade. It was quite clear that this was something Wilson had to get off his chest.
"I did," Wilson growled. "That was what caused my divorces. My wives hated House, hated how he always got me away from them. Sure, I got called away a lot otherwise too, being a doctor, but they always knew when it was House and not the hospital. House has insinuated himself into pretty much every aspect of my life and taken over. I used to have friends, I mean real friends not just people I know and have dinner with sometimes. Friends that were really part of my life. Not anymore. House is it. All I had before Amber was my job and House and more than once he put both of those things in jeopardy for no good reason. I can't even count the times he has risked his life to satisfy his curiosity about something or just out of sheer stupidity. Do you know he actually faked cancer once? Not to me, I found out about it by accident, but even then he didn't tell me he was faking it. Oh no, he was afraid that I would tell the nice doctors in Boston that he didn't need that cool new drug they were going to insert into his brain. I tried to put him on antidepressants after that, he was actually happy for a few weeks then, but did he accept the benefits when he found out? No! Not even close. He claimed they made him hazy. He didn't care that they had made life a little easier for him and especially for people around him. He just loves his misery and he loves dragging everyone down with him. And that's not even half of what he does to Cuddy. The troubles he has caused her – and she always forgives him. I don't understand why she hasn't fired him several times over. And he invades her personal life with impunity too! He monitors her dates! He has actually broken into her house – though, ok, that time it was for medical reasons, but she is his boss he should have asked for permission. She wanted a child and tried to get pregnant by IVF and he actually found out who the donors were and told her she wouldn't want to get pregnant by an idiot! And then he told her that it was a good thing she hadn't got pregnant because she would make a lousy mother. It takes a lot to make Cuddy cry but… He had no right to do that. He makes everyone miserable. He is even interfering between Cameron and Chase and he isn't even doing anything. It's just that he had them for three years and they can't shake him. Or maybe Chase can, he seems to be ok. But Cameron is still hung up on House."
"Did they have an affair or something?" Gordon inserted again lightly.
"God no," Wilson scoffed. "To go there House would actually have needed to make an effort. Granted only for a short time but he wasn't willing to shift himself even that much. Fortunately, as it turned out though I didn't think so at the time. I actually encouraged him to explore a relationship with her. And I even warned Cameron to be gentle with him! Can you believe that? I was so deluded that I thought House might be the one who could get hurt! Well, he sabotaged that opportunity but even so he managed to keep Cameron worshiping him from afar. Just every now and then he appeared to give a damn about a patient or a person and make her believe that he has a soul or a heart. He doesn't have either. If he ever had them they cut it out with the thigh muscle they removed after the infarction. He hasn't had a soul for years. People just don't want to see it. They don't want to believe that a doctor could really be as heartless as House is."
"And it's all pretence?" Gordon queried softly.
"He doesn't bother to pretend even," Wilson nearly laughed. "It's all in the eyes of the beholder. I suppose I shouldn't blame him for our own illusions but he knows that he has people fooled and he takes advantage of that. Especially Cuddy! She protects him like he was something special and she even puts her own job in jeopardy for him. She shouldn't. Yes, House is a genius and an amazingly good at diagnostics, but he will kill himself soon enough so there is no point in protecting him. She needs to find a way to diagnose patients without him then anyway, why not do it now when she can prepare for it. She has three of his old fellows working in the hospital now! Surely they can work together to diagnose at least as well as House does."
"Are you going to suggest that course of action to Dr Cuddy?" Gordon wanted to know. "I mean if you worry about his influence in her life as well, that would be the logical thing to do."
"Like she would listen to me," Wilson rolled his eyes. "She still believes in him. Or it could be just guilt, I'm not sure. She was after all the doctor in charge when his leg was operated on."
"Did something go wrong with the operation?" Gordon went on inserting questions.
"No," Wilson sighed. "He didn't want the surgery. They had already removed the clot and House wanted to just wait. The pain was so bad that he asked to be put into coma for a couple of days. When he was under his girlfriend, who was also his medical proxy, authorised the operation and saved his life. He wasn't grateful."
"Yes, I have rather gathered that you don't see gratitude as House's strongest suit," Gordon observed.
"I'm not sure he can even spell the word," Wilson said. He sounded defeated.
"Well, I'm sure you could go on with your story, but I think I got the gist of it and you sound rather drained," Gordon stated. "Why don't I make us some tea before we talk more. Or would you prefer coffee? I have to warn you though; I've been told that I don't know how to make coffee."
"Tea's fine," Wilson didn't really care.
Gordon got up and made the tea in silence. He brought a mug to Wilson: "It is rather sweet," Gordon said apologetically. "But you need the energy. Shock and all that you know."
"What shock?" Wilson asked though he accepted the drink. He had to use both his hands to hold the mug.
"I don't think you expected to open up to me quite as extensively as you did," Gordon replied. "And I'm fairly sure half the things you told me came right from your subconscious. You didn't know those were your feelings until they just poured out of you."
"I suppose," Wilson had to admit as he thought about all the things he had said. "I don't know what came over me. I… I don't really think all that."
"Yes you do," Gordon maintained as he sat back down with his mug of tea. "Of course, that does not mean you want to feel them or that you think they are entirely rational. But you do think them."
"So now you know," Wilson shrugged. "What are you going to do?"
"Help you find out why you're so stupid," Gordon said giving Wilson an innocent stare.
"What!" Wilson wasn't sure he had heard him right.
"Sorry, but needed to shock you a bit to get your attention," Gordon just smiled. "I don't actually think you're stupid but nor do I believe that what you just told me is the whole truth."
"Why not?" Wilson challenged him. "I do know that what I said was blunt but I wasn't lying."
"I never said you lied," Gordon explained. "But if all you ever got from House was grief, you would have left him a long time ago. We don't stay in relationships – be they friendships or whatever – if they don't give us some kind of gratification too. It may well be that the friendship between you and House is toxic, but there has to be some fairly powerful satisfaction in it as well or you would not be here still. Only your girlfriend's death was enough to make you even think that you need to put distance between you and House. Now I'm assuming that you're not a masochist, so tell me what it is that you do get out of the friendship?"
"Right now I have no idea," Wilson confessed. "I'm not even sure I ever had."
"Hmmm… Interesting," Gordon drank some tea. "We need to examine that in more detail. But you need to drink your tea before that. You'll need it"
Wilson eyed Gordon suspiciously but drank his tea.