Romance of the Three Kingdoms the New Story
Summary: This is the story about the many heroes of Ancient China and their adventures. Rated T for Humor and some jokes.
The history is based on some Dynasty Warriors games and Romance of the Three Kingdoms. This is my first story, I hope you like it! If you like the story, or feel something is wrong and/or can be better, don't feel shy about it and Review! Your feedback is greatly appreciated.
I changed some parts of the story, to make it more funny than the original Romance of the Three Kingdoms.
Chapter 12: The Battle of Yan Province (Puyang)
After Tao Qian died, Liu Bei was the new governor of Xu Province. He sought to make peace with Cao Cao and forget the past hostilities. Cao Cao had retreated back to Yan Province because his subordinates Chen Gong and Zhang Miao rebelled and helped Lu Bu take over the city. He lost almost 30,000 men when Lu Bu took over Yan Province, as they all surrendered to Lu Bu.
Cao Cao: Reclaim this land from the animal Lu Bu and kill the traitors! Do not let them alive!
Xiahou Yuan: See?! This is what happens when you let your guard down aroud Lu Bu! He will no doubt attack when he has the chance!
Cao Cao: For now, let us concentrate on defeating him, nothing less.
The two armies were fighting in a stalemate for 100 days, with no one of them gaining the advantage. Lu Bu had to abandon his position because a disease took over the troops
Soldier: My lord, there has been a massive outbreak of this disease! The men are pooping and trowing up a lot! They are going to die if we continue here!
Lu Bu: Humph.. Worthless illness... Retreat for now and go to Puyang! Those fools don't have any troops there! Puyang is mine!
Lu Bu then retreated to Puyang. Cao Cao ordered his army to siege the city. When Lu Bu stationed there, he ordered his cavalry to attack Cao Cao. The cavalry defeated most of Cao Cao's forces and they were thrown into confusion. To make use of the momentum, Lu Bu's forces initiated a fire attack. During the fire attack, Cao Cao fell from his horse and burnt the palm of his left hand.
Cao Cao: AGHHH DAMN! Lu Bu will pay for this! OUCH... I cannot hold my sword...
Just then, Dian Wei appeared with some troops to rescue Cao Cao.
Dian Wei: Don't worry my lord! We came to rescue you! WHOA, what happened in your hand?
Cao Cao: That animal Lu Bu initiated a fire attack and I fell from my horse and burned my hand! Aghh...
Dian Wei: Ohh.. Lord Xiahou Dun and the other have halted their advance because the haven't seen you my lord! Please retreat and regroup our forces!
Meanwhile, Lu Bu made Zhang Miao retreat his family for their safety, but that was a bad move... Cao Cao laid siege to the city they where and killed Zhang Miao's brother and his family.
Cao Cao: THIS is what happens if you betray me and get in my way, Zhang Miao Mwhahahahaha!
Zhang Miao freaked out when he heard that Cao Cao had killed almost his entire family. He sought help from Yuan Shu but before the reinforcements arrived, his subordinates killed him. Lu Bu's troops still had the disease. And, they didn't had supplies. They even ate Horse food and when they didn't have more horse food, they had to resort to cannibalism. Lu Bu's troops were demoralized.
Lu Bu: Diaochan, what horse food is the best? I like the brown ones that look like meatbuns... They are tasty...
Diaochan: Lord Lu Bu, we can't continue eating soldiers and horse food! Anyway, I like the pink ones, they are sweet and tasty too...
Lu Bu: Red Hare, what is your favorite horse food?
Red Hare: IEEEEEHHHHH Frahhhh... (The Red Ones are my favorite)
Lu Bu: Hehehe those aren't bad either... Chen Gong, which one is your favorite?
Chen Gong: I errr I like the Purple ones
Lu Bu: I don't like them, but if those are your favorites, then so be it.
Meanwhile, Zhang Liao arrived in Puyang after scouting. He was one of Lu Bu's best generals, second to Lu Bu in strength, but way more intelligent than Lu Bu.
Zhang Liao: Lord Lu Bu! The Tian clan have opened the city gates! They have switched allegiance to Cao Cao! Cao Cao's army is going to siege the city again!
Lu Bu: Humph... Worthless noble family... I have an idea... Bring me some horsemen!
Cao Cao entered the city of Puyang and set the city gates in fire. Lu Bu anticipated this and his horsemen captured Cao Cao. However, Lu Bu and his men didn't know how Cao Cao looked like.
Lu Bu: Hey you! Tell us where Cao Cao is and we will free you!
A soldier from Cao Cao's army then passed by with a horse that resembled the one Cao Cao used.
Cao Cao: That man over there is him! That's his horse and the one riding it is him!
Lu Bu: Thank you! AFTER HIM!
Cao Cao was freed after he said who the soldier was.
Cao Cao: Mwhahahahaha! I swear that even a horse is smarter than Lu Bu! He doesn't even now who I am!
Cao Cao then left. Lu Bu didn't knew he was tricked until Chen Gong told him so.
Lu Bu: I have claimed Cao Cao's head! Hahahahahaha
Chen Gong: My lord! That man isn't Cao Cao! He's just a mere soldier! Cao Cao is tall, has a goatee and a mustache and isn't fat!
Lu Bu: OH SNAP! That description is the same as the guy who told me that this soldier was Cao Cao!
Chen Gong: I fear you were fooled, my lord...
Lu Bu: NOOOOOOOOOO! Arghh retreat! We can take this worthless province anytime we want!
After a year, Cao Cao recovered all of his cities in Yan Province and made Lu Bu flee to seek shelter under Liu Bei in Xu Province.
However, there where some people that didn't like to live in the same land as Lu Bu.
Zhang Fei: We can't let an animal like that join us!
Liu Bei: Lu Bu is a man without a home, we cannot simply turn our backs on him.
Zhang Fei: Humph... Your kindness will get you killed...!
Of all the people that oposed Lu Bu in Xu Province, Zhang Fei was the one that hated him the most. Guan Yu and Liu Bei's wives remained neutral and Liu Bei enjoyed being around Lu Bu. Lu Bu treated Liu Bei like a "Little Brother'' and, this infuriated Zhang Fei.
End of Chapter 12
Hope you liked it!
Next chapter is a side story that tells how Cao Cao conquered Yan Province. After that will be the Imperial Rescue.