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Turn On The Lights

Chapter Twelve: Having And Not

"I look re-goddamn-diculous." She deadpanned.

Arnold popped up behind her in the bathroom mirror, straightening his bow-tie.

"You look hella sweet." He grinned evilly. She shot him a look filled with venom which he responded to with deep laughter. She stared at herself in the mirror wearing a white long sleeve shirt with thin red stripes. She also wore bright red suspenders, a paper hat, and a yellow bow-tie that Arnold had taught her to tie.

"I quit." She said simply.

"Quit complaining." He said. He ran his hand experimentally through his hair and shot himself a smile.

"I am so ready."

"Ready for oscar myer weeniers." She grumbled.

"Listen, your awe inspiring optimism better take a backseat. I gave them my word you were good." He said with hands on his hips. Serious business, she thought.

"Alright, I can fake that." She plastered a joker smile on her face. A painful grimacing smile. He laughed.

"A for effort." He chuckled.

"Thank you."

"So, are you ready for your first day then?"

"I'd be more ready if I was dead."

"Perfect! Then we're almost there!"

She rolled her eyes.

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So working at Slausen's wasn't as hard as she thought. She knew there had to be a reason these people were being paid minimum wage. As long as she smiled, asked people how they were doing, and got them their desserts in a timely manner, people were kind and grateful and more than willing to leave a nice tip in the tip jar. The cash register had been something to triumph though. She had to learn how to charge a debit or credit card, run a check, and use gift cards. The worst thing though was when she accidentally entered the wrong amount of money a customer had given her so she had to figure out how much change to give them in her head. She nearly cried in embarrassment when the customer became impatient at the wait, but of course, Arnold had swooped in and saved her. He figured out the change in less than three seconds and the man was happily on his way. Of course, Arnold's powers at dealing with people gave him an incredible advantage in customer service. He had that boy next door vibe that made you trust him, a kind sincere smile that made you believe he was doing everything in his power to set things right, and convincing words that could get him off the hook with anyone. It was no wonder really he would be a supervisor while someone like her, who was tempted to old betsy a customer when they wanted three topping variations on a child sized serving of ice cream, was left with taking orders.

"So how are you feeling there, Helga?" Mr. Slausen slapped her happily on the back.

"Great! I mean, the milkshake machine has still bested me more times than I have it but it will happen. I will become its master."

"Well aren't you a peach? You're lighting up the place already."

"Didn't I tell you?" Arnold popped up beside her, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"You've never steered me wrong Arnold. The store has been ten times better since you arrived."

"Aw, Mr. Slausen. You don't have to say that."

"No, I mean it. I'm not half as worried when you're here." His smile was crinkly, reaching his big eyes.

"Well thank you, Mister Slausen. You're too kind."

"I think I'm gonna head on home. The misses will be expecting me and well hell! I miss her! And that's what I'm paying you youngins for, am I right?" He hooted and smacked his knee in his laughter. Helga raised an eyebrow at Arnold but he just shrugged, smirking as he messed his hair.

"I guess I'll see you for the meeting tomorrow then sir."

"Gotta check in or they're lost without me." Mister Slausen leaned in with a wink. She laughed at his cheekiness. Arnold was not impressed and cracked a towel at him.

"Go on home then!" He joked. The old man waved him off, still smiling, and walked out the door.

"He sure is feisty." She said laughing.

"Only when there's new flesh around. He's a bit of a trouble maker."

She sighed. "I wanna be just like that when I'm old."

"What are you talking about? You're like that now."

She cracked a hand towel at him but he danced out of reach.

"See what I mean?" He teased. She shot it at his football head instead and got him full in the face.

"Who turned off the lights?!" He demanded waving his arms around.

"It seems quite bright and clear in here." Someone interrupted their horsing around. Helga turned to see Lila walking in, smiling softly. Arnold lifted up the towel to peer one eye out innocently.

"Lila!" He squeaked. "You're here early."

"I thought I might get a little treat for myself while I waited for you to get off." She slipped onto a bar seat and leaned her little chin onto her interlaced fingers.

Arnold glanced over at Helga. She stood rigid, not about to play any stupid games with Lila. His pleading look melted her posture.

"What can I get you today?" She asked the redhead in her higher, kinder customer voice. Lila smirked.

"I think I'll have a small banana split milkshake, dark chocolate drizzle, heavy on the banana, fat free whip cream, and exactly three maraschino cherries on top."

Helga glowered at her. What was really sad is she couldn't tell if the girl was just trying to make her order difficult or if she really ordered food like that.

"Coming up." She said tartly and went over to the milkshake machine to attempt to make Lila's complicated ass milkshake. She scooped three balls of vanilla ice cream into the small metal cup and paused, calculating quickly as she stared at the ingredients on the counter. She watched Arnold walk up to Lila as they started talking. Lila shot her a look but looked up enthusiastically into Arnold's eyes, talking animatedly. Helga rolled her eyes and stared at the three squirt bottles filled with chocolate syrups. She turned the three's labels towards the wall and deliberately picked the fatty milk chocolate, squirting it heavily into the cup. She smiled as she threw open the refrigerator door, pulled out a single wimpy banana, chopped it up roughly, and threw the slices into the cup.

She glanced suspiciously back at the two at the counter. Lila was too busy sucking up to Arnold to notice her sneaky sabotage of her milkshake. She smirked happily and moved back over to the milkshake machine. It buzzed to life as she maneuvered the metal cup in circles to puree the milkshake. She moved back to the refrigerator, her back to them to hide the fact that she was glopping generous amounts of fatty whip cream on top and plopped three perfect little cherries on top. There, she thought, for the perfect little air-headed princess.

"For the lady." She slammed the milkshake down between the two.

"Enjoy." She said dramatically, bowing with attitude. Arnold glared at her, unseen by Lila with his back to her. She smiled and pulled the cup towards her, taking a loud slurp.

"I'm gonna head out now Helga." He said slowly. "The replacement cashier should be here any minute. Then you just go home. Okay?"

She glared at his message, crossing her arms as she watched him pull his apron over his head.

"Just like a good little girl?" She said sarcastically. He shot her a testy look as he walked around the counter to stand with Lila.

"Goodbye, Helga. See you later." He said stiffly. Lila threw her arm around his as they walked out the store. She turned to give Helga a cheeky smile and sucked suggestively from her straw as the door shut behind them. Helga stood stiffly behind the counter until they disappeared from sight. Then she picked up the nearest thing and flung it at the wall, hard. The metal cup rung out as it fell on the floor.

"Tough day?" Someone said behind her. She turned to see the other cashier, Alexia, standing behind her.

"The worst." She said darkly, ripping the stupid apron over her head.

"I'm betting it has something to do with that genius redhead who was just in here?" She said jerking her thumb towards the door. Helga fell silent as she folded her apron with a little too much force. Alexia chuckled, crossing her arms.

"Yeah, I've seen her around school. A big pain in the ass. She reminds me of a hippy."

"A hippy?" Helga asked.

"Yeah, all that free love shit she's always going on about. Of course, everyone else loves it but me? Well, I'm not a big fat whore so, yeah." She chuckled again, her short dark curls bouncing around.

"I guess I hadn't heard anything about it." Helga said lowly.

"It looks like you keep a good bit of distance from her, am I right? Not me, I gotta sit right in front of the drooling queen in English. Ugh."

Helga did make an effort to stay away from her. Lila had never been her cup of tea. Her unnecessary bubbliness and optimism and now teenage habit of acting like a valley girl to get attention wore through Helga's patience like a knife through soft cheese. But this was new. She hadn't heard anything about her potential...hippy behavior. Oh what did she care? She hated to admit it but she was curious.

"I think I'm gonna head out then. Are you good?" She asked.

"Oh yeah, I'm good. See you later then." Alexia waved enthusiastically and moved to the counter to wipe it down. Helga walked out onto the street, stomping along as she thought. Although she had a good excuse now why she was always hanging out at the boarding house without Arnold, it still was always awkward to be there without him. She was gonna get to the bottom of this curious little business though. She walked up the front steps and knocked hard.

"Who is it?!" Phil shouted from the other side. He threw open the door and leaned forward to peer into her face.

"Well lookie here everyone! It's Arnold's little girlfriend everyone! What are you doing here, little girlfriend?" He teased.

"Arnold's with some friends. I'm gonna wait here for a bit until he comes home. Do you mind?" She asked smally.

"Of course not. What did I say? Mi casa es su casa. Come on in!" Phil waved her in, walking into the living room.

"We're just playing some poker. You interested?" He asked from his metal seat at their rickety poker table. Mr. Hyunh and Mr. Potts looked up at her, mumbling hellos, and staring back intently at the hands before them.

"Usually I wouldn't pass up a chance to hand it to you Phil."

Phil grasped his heart, feigning shock.

"But I gotta look something up on the internet."

"Next time little girl." Phil pointed at her. She rolled her eyes at him with a smirk and marched up the steps to Arnold's room. She shut the door quietly behind her, glancing around the room suspiciously until her eyes fell onto his laptop sitting innocently at his desk. She plopped down in front of it and threw it open. She glared annoyed at the login screen, knowing she would have to type in the dreaded and idiotic password. She typed it in with her eyes shut and hit enter. It drummed to life and the first site she hit was Facebook. Rhonda was always easily accessible there, the queen of gossip, her smartphone was connected directly so she wouldn't miss a single thing. And of course, there she was in the IM box. She clicked her brooding little face and typed in a message.

Rhonda, I need your help.

Hey there darling, how are you? ;)

Just fuckin' peachy. What do you know about Lila?

Besides that she's full of shit? lulz

Yes, besides that.

What are you looking for exactly?

Someone told me she's a hippy, talking about free love or some shit.

Free love? Oh yes, I know what you mean. Lila isn't a tied down kind of girl. She believes in "multiple loves". She's a serial dater.

I don't get it.

How about you go to her profile page and tell me what her relationship status is.

Helga quirked an eyebrow at that but decided to follow her line of thought anyways. She opened the search bar and typed in Lila Sawyer. Her profile popped immediately since they had so many friends in common. Of course her profile information was completely public so she dug into the About Me. Sure enough, right there under Relationship Status, it said single.

Single?

As in, not tied down. ;D

What are you saying?

I'm saying is when Lila says dating and Arnold says dating, they can mean two completely different things.

She paused, falling back against the chairs back. Did Arnold know that?

Thanks.

Anytime hot stuff. ;D

She signed off and leaned back in the chair, her arms crossed behind her head. Originally, she had been jealous of Lila obviously. She still had a huge crush on Arnold and any dumb bimbo who came along and stole his attention was definitely on the top of her hit-list. But this time it was different. Arnold was her friend, one of her best friends if she was willing to admit it. And she realized hugely that he was being set up for a catastrophe. He was about to be shut down and hurt badly. And there was nothing she could do about it without coming off as a major bitch, like she always did, like what happened with Summer. She sighed heavily and buried her faces in her arms on the desk.

For the first time in her life, she didn't know what to do. She was stuck and there was nothing she could do about it. And again, it was all her own fault. If she hadn't been such a wicked witch of the west, maybe her friends would listen to her every once in a while.

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Arnold marched along the sidewalk happily, headed for home. His bowtie was a little off queue and his hair a little ruffled but he didn't care. He had just had a wonderful time at Lila's house. They had sat around in her dim living room watching the funniest show about goofy doctors. Half way through though, she had slid to his side of the couch, cuddled up into the crook of his arm, and kissed his cheek. Initially he had been surprised by her bold behavior but in the end, he wasn't complaining. He grinned at the thought of her soft red lips pressed against his, how she had climbed into his lap and let her little hands paw at his chest, gripping his hair to angle his head back as her tongue slipped into his mouth. The boarding house came into sight. His grin faded a little as he spotted the light in his bedroom window. He straightened his tie absentmindedly.

He was not particularly bothered when he came home from his evenings with Lila to Helga in his room. Rationally, he understood that it should seem odd, to be out with his real girlfriend and come home to a pretend one. It was kind of nice though, to come home and have someone to talk to. Their new thing was Scrabble. She was a thousand times better with her outrageous vocabulary but his favorite part was making up nonsense words and daring her to challenge him. The more ridiculous, the harder she laughed. He liked to hear her laugh. It was such a challenge to get that reaction from her. He liked that he could do that. He hoped he could talk her into a game.

"Shortman, is that you!" His grandpa shouted from the living room as he unlocked the front door.

"Who else would it be?" Arnold called back, shaking his head as he smirked.

"The most polite robber we could ever ask for." He shouted. Arnold walked to the foot of the stairs, watching all the guys at a poker table in the living room. Kakoshka was seriously wearing dark circle shaped sunglasses and smoking a cigar.

"Who's winning?" He asked as he took a step.

"Who do you think?" Mr. Potts turned in his chair to roll his eyes at Arnold.

His grandpa cackled as he swooped the pile of chips towards his end of the table.

"Have fun guys." He chuckled as he climbed out of sight.

"You too!" He could hear the guys yell. He knocked on his bedroom door to announce his presence and opened it wide.

"Good evening." He said in a deep voice, wiggling his eyebrows at her. She was on the bed as usual, her back against the bookcase as she wrote. She glanced up at him. She didn't crack a smile though at his greeting. She looked pained.

"Hey." She said quietly, shutting her book and putting it aside.

"How's it going? I'm surprised you're not downstairs playing poker too." He said pulling his work shirt over his head and tossing it into the hamper.

"I wasn't in the mood."

"Really? Everything alright?" He asked. He pinched his wife beater, pulled it to his nose to sniff it. It was still clean so he threw a t-shirt on over it.

"I guess." She shrugged noncommittally, not meeting his gaze. "I talked to Rhonda today."

"Oh? What did she have to say? Please tell me it was about Curly. I love a good crazy Curly story. What'd he do this time?" Arnold grinned at her but still her expression didn't change.

"No." She paused, glancing at him. "She told me some things about Lila."

He shook his head, surprised at the turn of topic.

"Lila? Ya'll talked about Lila?" He plopped down into his desk chair.

"Well yeah. I've been hearing some things." She leaned forward, hugging her legs as she rested her cheek on her knees. He could tell just by the upset look on her face, that this was not about to be one of their best conversations.

"What things?" He asked, hearing the cliché in his ears. It's like they were in a movie, saying the same lines. He knew the answer. He knew it was ugly and yet, he was bracing for something, what he didn't know.

"That she's leading you on. That she's not really committed or interested." She was watching him intently, trying to read his thoughts through his expression.

"She wouldn't do that." The words sounded mechanical.

She sighed heavily, her shoulders slumped as she surveyed him with her head tilted backwards.

"Football head." She said solemnly, her gaze unwavering.

"What?" He asked, feeling the hairs on his neck prickle. He could hear himself getting defensive but couldn't stop it. His body was tensed, he realized vaguely, his fists clenched without having commanded them to be. He stretched his fingers. She watched them wiggle in the air.

"She's playing with you. That's what she does. She seriously believes in "multiple loves". What kind of shit is that?"

"She said she wanted to date!"

"And what do you think that means Arnold?!" She snapped, sitting up abruptly.

"Dating Helga! It's not fucking rocket science!" He shouted. Maybe if he yelled it loud enough, he could beret her into believing him and leaving it alone.

She was silent as she watched him like a cat waiting to pounce. He glared at her, all calm and rational. Fuck that, he thought.

"Has she called you her boyfriend? Did she introduce you to her sweet daddy? Is it Facebook official?" She asked darkly.

"None of that matters." He said quietly.

"No, not as long as she pinches the tip, huh?" She bit out.

"UGH!" He roared, standing suddenly and throwing his arms into the air.

"What is wrong with you!" He spun around to glower down at her. "Why do you do that? Why do you say shit like that?"

Her lips were pressed together in a tight light as she gave him an icy stare.

"If it weren't true, it wouldn't piss you off so much, Arnoldo." She whispered dangerously. He took a step back. He didn't know where to go from there. He could sense something in that impersonal stare, the way she had regressed back into the sharp bully he'd once known, there was an issue here that was rubbing him the wrong way. He groaned, falling down into his desk chair and burying his face in his hands.

"I'm getting so tired of this." He groaned.

"And I'm not? You think it's fun watching your overly optimistic venire painting your glasses a rosy pink? You think it's fun always having to watch over you and make sure the world doesn't disappoint your sunny side up view of it?" She said angrily.

"No one asked you to do that." He growled. She narrowed her eyes at him threateningly.

"That's right, no one did. You just walked into my life when I was three and never left. I guess I owe you jack shit then." Her eyes burned with anger. He couldn't bear it anymore, her stare, her presence, her words. He stared at the carpet instead.

"I'm going to Phoebe's."

His head snapped back up.

"I need a break."

She stood up, picking up a knapsack he hadn't noticed and slinging it over her shoulder.

"Call Lila. Or call the Heyerdahls. Whichever comes first." She said and crawled up the steps to the skylight. He watched as she let herself out and disappeared through the hole there. He jumped up angrily, pacing back and forth as he shot looks up at the skylight. He half expected her to crawl back in, tell him another thing, but she didn't. He kicked his chair suddenly, watching it fly and fall over on the floor.

He hated her. Why was she always hell bent on making him miserable? Every single time he had something good going, she had to try to pop in and ruin it for him. That was the only thing he could count on her for, her disgusting pessimistic attitude she spewed all over everything. He snatched his phone from his desk and flipped it open, dialing Lila's number.

"Hello?" She said cheerfully.

"Lila." He sighed, running a hand through his hair. He was suddenly very tired. Exhausted.

"Can we talk?"

"I would think we already are, Arnold." She said. He could see her laughing in his mind.

"What's going on with us?" He asked, bursting her little flirty bubble.

She was silent for a moment. "What's wrong Arnold?"

He stared up at the ceiling, tugging his own hair a little as he bit his lip.

"Are we a couple or not." He said.

Silence.

"We're just dating Arnold."

His heart fell.

"I know. I have a feeling you mean something different though."

"Arnold." She sighed, a twinge of annoyance in her voice. "I'm not like you. I'm not ready to just settle down. We're young. We should be having fun, not getting so serious."

"Damnit Lila, it's not like I'm asking you to marry me!" He shouted suddenly.

She was silent on the other end. He scrubbed his face with his hand and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I'm sorry." He said quietly.

"It's okay. I understand you're upset. This is all I can offer right now though." She let that hang in the air. He stared up at the skylight.

"Do you want to do this still?" She asked softly.

"Fine." He surrendered, turning his back.

"Alright. I'll text you, okay?" She asked gently. He nodded, realizing she couldn't see him.

"Sure." He croaked. She hung up. He stared at the phone in his palm. He set it down on the desk, righted the chair, and sat finally.

Sometimes he wondered if everyone could tell how full of shit he was.

Not so perfect.

Just as screwed up.

Arnold, Mr. Serious, casually dating and probably hooking up with the girl he'd been chasing since grade school. His parents would be proud. Helga certainly was.

For the first time in a long time, he buried his face in his hands and cried.