Chapter 12

Warning: Sexual scenes in this chapter. Rated M

After M's family finish breakfast in the MI6 cafe, her children said goodbye. Her children stared at me; no doubt wondering about the quiet agent, who apparently killed for a living and who had introduced himself as their mother's lover.

I made sure to tell them that bit one on one, as to not embarrass Olivia further. I told them of my plan to marry her. Although, that shocked them, they're willing to be far more connected and loving towards her since her faked death. The loss of someone, even estranged will have that effect on you.

Tanner said that when the fake explosion took her life, the children finally found out all that their mother had been apart of for the last forty years. They had been gobsmacked; but that soon turned to pride and grief, for the mother they lost without ever understanding why she was away for much of their lives.

M didn't think she could ever make it up to them fully but I had a feeling that a vacation home in the Bahamas might help a great deal to healing whatever rifts remained. I invited them to Christmas in our tropical paradise with M's surprized nod of permission of course.

We finally left for my flat in the afternoon, completely exhausted from the emotional turmoil of the last day and late night. M still wore her wig at my insistence and for her general safety when we were in public.

I'll not lose her again and her being a target for anyone, had my protective instincts on overload. Every person on the street between my flat and MI6 was assessed as a possible threat.

I gave M the bedroom and fell into a fitful doze with my gun beside me facing the door. MI6 had cleaned the blood from Franz's death from my floor. The glass window had been replaced and a slight antiseptic smell hung in the air.

Hours later I was up but M was still sleeping. I was getting hungry and she would likely be the same by the time she woke. I decided to order some Italian food to be delivered, becuase I still don't trust leaving her alone for any amount of time.

I set the table and lit some candles as my buzzer rang. I paid for the meal and gave the man a tip and as I set the food on the table. I looked up to see M looking at me sleepily from the door way.

"You let me sleep the day away? I'll never sleep tonight." M said with a smile.

"That was the idea." I said lustfully as I rounded the table and pulled her into my arms. M pulled back a bit.

"M?"

"James...I...think...we need to talk. Not to mention I'm famished!"

"Alright." I said with some trepidation as we sat across from each other and dished out the bread and salad. I poured some wine as M placed the cloth serviette across her lap.

"James...I think you are moving too fast for me. It's just that this has all been...a sudden...very abrupt...reintroduction. And you already have us married and retired to the islands. All without really asking what I want."

"I'm sorry M but you didn't disagree at the time, so I just kept on with it. I cannot see into your heart and mind but I damn well know where mine is invested. Let's start simply. Do you have feelings for me?"

"Yes."

"I love you and will openly admit it. Do you love me?"

M paused and my anxiety rose. "I suppose...I do." She said with her eyes firmly on her fork and food in front of her.

"Well, try hard not to get over excited about it then." I said, peeved at her quick dismissal and partial answer. "You could at least look at me while you somewhat...reject me."

I know that I shouldn't be so abrupt and pissed off but I feel so strongly for her and she seems only remotely intrigued by the thought of me as her lover. Yes...I realise that I'm being petulant and arrogant in my assumption that she must want me as much as I want her. Which is desperately...all consumingly...urgently...heart beating harder in my chest...shocking even me, at the rate my body reacts to her presence.

M looked up with challenge in her eyes. "Do be reasonable James! It's not easy giving my heart away when I'm sure it will be shattered in a few years, or even less if your track record is anything to go by."

The sarcastic way she made that comment at the end made me clench my fists in frustration. "My track record...that's what this is all about?"

I could feel myself warming up for one doozy of an argument. "Ironic that I had to sleep with many just to satisfy your need to access their information, or get close enough to kill their husbands!"

Now I was trying not to get angry. But in my defense she was making it very hard to be civil, when she deliberately goaded me with a futile attempt to push me away.

"Fine then 007; let's talk about the women I did not send you to sleep with, they were far more dangerous to your case. This...supposed...strange...long term devotion to me anyway."

The sly bitch cornered me. M always could manipulate me into a corner, where I had to either agree and obey her or lash out and go rogue. I'm basically an arrogant...bastard of a man. I actively chose not to be agreeable. Even if she cornered me into a debate about past lovers.

"Nicely done M. What do you want to know? What they whispered into my ear? How smooth their skin was, or pert their breasts? Vesper's were larger than Maddy's and they were both confrontational like you." I met her stare with a glare of my own. I planned to push this...and far, to get her flustered and make her animated and flushed in that way. That way that always made my palms sweat as those cold blue eyes of hers cut into me like a hot knife through butter.

Pushing the proverbial knife in further, I continued on about Vesper and Maddie. "They also both disliked me in the beginning and hated what I stood for, as an assassin for Queen and country. That was until I brutally saved their lives then they were more than willing to throw themselves at me in thanks. Granted, Maddy fought hard against the foe and more than assisted me in killing him on a speeding train. And Vesper, well as you know she saved me from dying from digitalis poisoning in the car."

M merely nodded, seeming to become uncomfortable by my story. Good it was working! I want her off balance and out of sorts. Not only was it a massive feet to disrupt this woman it also was a fantastic way to make her slip...the mask of ice was dropping as the passion of arguing took hold of her. Christ she was divine when riled up!

"I heard you that night M; just before I…slipped away...'press the damn button' you said in desperation. As I faded away I thought to myself...she does care." M had the decency to look embarrassed for a moment but then glanced up with that predictable, yet sexy challenge in her eyes.

"Do not think for one moment...that I don't care for any of my agents! I am not made out of ice, like many would claim."

"Fine, I concede that point. So what you really need now are more details. You want to hear about Vesper and Madeleine?" I didn't give her the option to decline and went straight into descriptions, just to make her more uncomfortable and off balanced.

I really am a right awful bastard. I lashed out at her because she was about to reject me, after all that had happened between us over the years. I didn't want to disappoint, so I continued while she calmly sipped her wine between bites of lasagna.

"Our first couplings were fast and passionate much like any other. Gradually it moved to something more than a thank you fuck. But not like you and I would be, you rarely thank me for a job well done. The two of them could never compete with you in the bitch department M. Not only that; but both of them wanted me to change into something I am not and quit this life." I took another bite of dinner and I chewed forcefully as I glared at her. A challenge or dare for more arguments from the damn stubborn woman.

"I remember your resignation and Mallory told me that you almost walked away with Madeleine. Now you have quit once again, this time for an old woman. I did not ask you to give up this life, because I know how good you are and how they will need you."

She would toss loyalty to the crown at me, as a trite excuse. "I'm past 40 and this has been a long ride. I've the broken bones to prove it."

"And the broken hearts."

I frowned after M said that. "I will not do that to you M and you're just trying to push me away to see if I will leave you. What about your husband? Or any lovers you had? Do you have any more Silva's out their obsessing over you that I need to be worried about?"

"Enough!" M said angrily.

I loved the way her eyes flashed like dark blue ice in the candlelight. I wanted her badly and now!

"I know you think I'm only in this for a short term but don't you think that after this much time you could at least give me a try?" I'm just taunting her now. "Work out the kinks of your self imposed abstinence. For all your protests of being an old woman, I hear of men following you home from pubs and master criminals risking their lives just for a chance with you."

"That's beneath you Bond!"

"Yes it is! But I really want to help you...work through all this stress. I think you should try me, it's great stress relief and I'm an excellent masseuse.

M snorted and covered her mouth as she laughed while she ate. Her anger at my presumption dissipated with her amusement of my suggestion. A situation that I did understand, that she never expected to be in. Once she recaptured her breath and took a sip of wine she began again.

"Try you out...well that does sound fun. But you are the one who brought emotional baggage into this not I! If you had just wanted sex...that would have been easy for you to accomplish. I could say yes to a one off, now that we are not boss and employee. However, now you've made this about so much more than just sex. That's what surprizes me and makes me pause."

I'm completely shocked! She would have slept with me if it was for sex only...a one off?

I must look completely confused as M was smiling at me again but her eyes held the mischief and challenge of what could be. "You were shocked that day in the suite with Franz...that I admitted blatantly that I wanted you. You pushed me away after, only for your plan, or was it more? Were you scared of me M?"

"I did need to distance myself for the plan and yes...the intensity of your feelings shocked me that day. If you had said you just wanted to give me a try to get him going, I would have understood that. You are not the first to have workplace fantasies about the dominating woman in your life. Sex I can understand, it's base and serves a purpose like scratching an itch that requires scratching. But love...love is different entirely. It requires a level of trust that you and I keep failing at. I've lied to you and you've resigned and run away from me on many occasions. Usually with a stunning younger woman at your side. I trust you to act a certain way, accomplish certain tasks but do I trust you with my heart? This is the problem."

"But you lived with a man who knew little or nothing of this life. Was Nigel just a boring beard for work, to lend you credibility with the men upstairs! That's bullshit M and you know it!" I stood suddenly shocking her as I tossed my serviette on the table.

M's tone turned serious again. "You do not get to make disparaging comments about my husband nor our relationship ever!" That tone was final...I knew I had crossed a line with that comment. The vicious look in her eyes did not allow for anything further about Nigel Mansfield and his possible failings as a husband and lover.

"You push and push to try to get me angry enough to do something I will regret! Just so that you can justify me leaving you, as exactly what you had expected." I was trying unsuccessfully to contain my anger and all the while she just sat calmly...watching me melt down.

"But I'm not playing your games anymore!" Damn her! I cannot believe how much she can frustrate me in so short an amount of time.

"Good that is as it should be." M answered as she stood glaring at me from across the small table. Her look was a blatant dare to do...anything...say something to put the nail in the coffin of this fledgling relationship.

I breathed...panted really...as I tried to calm myself. I needed the time to rationalize all that was going through my head in regards to her.

"Are you seeing someone?" It sounded desperate and strained even to my ears.

"No, I have not since Nigel died, so I'm very out of practice with all this. I am content to remain on my own and in all honesty, it was what I expected."

"I'm done riding this emotional rollercoaster, so if you only want sex good! I will give you that all night long until you can't take anymore." I added with a smirk and a leer looking her up and down like I would any mark.

M visibly bristled as her arms crossed under her breasts. "I don't think it can just be sex between the two of us James. We are not wired that way. We've needed each other in ways that no one anywhere could ever relate too. This isn't just a May, December romance between us...it's different. You know that. I still can't see why you would want to bother with me at all?!"

"My god! If you want the list I can start with fierce loyalty and intelligence. Dwindle down to every physical aspect of you that drives me mad. The way your hair shines and creates a halo around you, to the sexy arch of your eyebrows. I have thought very nasty thoughts to divulge to you, just to see one elegant brow rise in response. Fantasies...a thousand of them that ran through my head at every meeting, on comms during missions and sitting outside your flat. Sitting in my car staring at your window like a bloody stalker! Wondering if I should dare wake you at three in the morning. I did that once...you remember...how could you forget. I was drunk but it was worth it."

"You had better not be lying James." M said as she thought about what I said. Her voice and attitude was softening towards me. Now I had to make this work.

"M I don't believe for one minute you are doing anything but pushing me away because of some antiquated notion of propriety. There is nothing in our way but this dinner table. There is a bed only paces from where we are and I've waited a very long time for this. And before you protest about your post menopausal body I've never wanted a woman more than you. Lines and wrinkles be damned, you are far more than physically beautiful to me." I walked around the table and took her hand in mine.

M looked up at me unable to speak. She swallowed and breathed deeply and I could see in her eyes that she was aroused by what I had said.

I leaned down about to kiss her but diverted my mouth to her ear, inhaling her perfume and whispering…"I want you."

I could see her physically shiver as she closed her eyes and leaned unconsciously towards me. I knew at that moment that she wanted me as much as I wanted her.

I swung her up into my arms and made it into the bedroom kicking the door shut with my foot as I carried her to my...no our...bed.

"So much for going slow." M managed with a smirk on her face as she laid on the dark grey covers propped up on her elbows. I began to toe off my shoes, frantic to undress and end this pent up, angst filled misery.

I began pulling off my shirt and paused to look at her. "I will stop the moment you say no. It may be the hardest thing I have ever done but I will stop."

I opened my belt as M's eyes rake my body. I can see her reaction, a catch in her breath as my trousers hit the floor and I stood before her, rock hard in just my tight black shorts.

"Dear god...what have I done to deserve this." M mumbled as a delightful rose shade invaded her face. She looked momentarily confused about what to do and began to unbutton her blouse.

"No...M...I would love to do that for you." I knelt on the bed beside her and placed my hands over hers. I deftly undid the buttons and helped her off with the blouse. She was wearing a dark navy blue lace bra and I stop moving as I lingered, enjoying getting to see her in this state. Then I gently kissed her neck, pushing her back on the bed, as I unzipped her trousers. I paused only to slide them down her legs and enjoy the view. The matching blue panties were somewhat of a shock. Not just for function, but for show.

"You knew this was going to happen when you dressed didn't you?"

"I don't know what you mean by that 007?" M purred as her hand moved up my length in my shorts. I had to stop her just to contain myself.

"I think you do M. You're a damn dangerous woman!" I growled, as my lips finally tasted hers the way I had always dreamed. I got so lost in just kissing her and caressing her that I didn't move to finish undressing her.

She tasted of warm sweet wine and our tongues intertwined lovingly as the passion built. The moment her moan of pleasure hit my ears I snapped back into reality.

I became extremely heated and an incredible urgency rose within me. I told her that I would try to go slow but I frantically took her panties down and bra off to see her bare before me. My hands became somewhat clumsy in my attempts to touch her everywhere at once.

I had slept with older women several times and it's true what they say, that women get better with age. M couldn't taste better if she were finest wine available.

It was indescribably amazing and I could no more convey what it felt like to finally make love to her, than describe the colour of the sky.

I cannot say I was at my best. I was to excited to give her my best but I damn well made up for it by the third act.

M was delightfully responsive and it made me ecstatic that, as she put it…'feels the need to make up for lost time'. Kissing her was beyond good, I'll never tire of it.

We took the night to learn about each other's bodies and physical needs. I treated her with kid gloves, not wanting to hurt her in my urgency. M assured me that any discomfort was just because it had been so long for her and it would get easier. And it did get easier and better and better as the night turned to early morning.

Dry spell be damned...she sure as hell was willing to make up for it. M was joyously vocal when well pleased and I have certainly found a retirement activity that would keep us busy and out of trouble.

I looked at her sleeping in my arms by 0300. What a couple of days to remember. First; the end of Blofeld and Spectre and now the consummation of years of verbal titillation and desire. I want to wake her just to kiss her again. So tired and oh so much more satisfied than at any other time in my life. This was what love felt like. Desire finally sated once lovers joined.

We may marry, we may not, but I'll be damned if I will leave her side anytime soon. I have never felt so at peace and secure with anyone in my life. I began to drift off and my only dream yet unfulfilled is making love to her on a beach near our new home in the Bahamas.

I can practically smell the salt air...see M in a sundress and hat...smiling at me...a nice dream...of our...future.

The end.