We had to lock Sam in Bobby's panic room soon after we had found out about the source of his powers. Not that it was easy. Hearing Sam scream in pain and agony, it felt like a stab wound in my heart every time.

After hours and hours of hearing my twin scream and plead for mercy, Dean and I went out to take a break. And boy, it was a long break. It was mostly because Dean and I shouted for Cas to come. Maybe the angels knew how to help us.

"I can't do this anymore, Dean", I mumbled and looked up.

"Me neither, but we have to do it, for Sammy", Dean said.

"Cas!" Dean shouted.

"Come on, man! Don't be a dick!"

I cupped my hands around my mouth.

"Cas! Please, come down here! We seriously need you!" I shouted up in the sky.

I was about to take another breath of new oxygen, when I suddenly could hear the sound of his wings, and there he stood.

With his robot-like expression, I could see nothing of the Cas I remembered by the car or the motel. It made me sick to think about what the angels had done to him.

"It's about time!" Dean snapped.

"We've been screaming ourselves hoarse for two and a half hours now."

"What do you want?" Cas asked, his voice as dead as his expression.

He started to move closer to us.

"You can start with what the hell happened in Illinois", Dean suggested.

"What do you mean?" Cas lied.

"Cut the crap. You were going to tell Abigail something", he replied.

"Nothing of import", Cas responded.

"Cas, whatever it was, it didn't end well for you because of it. It's probably important then", I said.

I didn't want to mention that he'd gotten tortured, it felt like it wasn't my thing to say.

Cas looked at me thoughtfully before he opened his mouth.

"I can't, I'm sorry."

He walked away from us, his back against us.

"Get to the reason why you really called us. It's about Sam, isn't it?" he said.

"Can he do it? Kill Lilith, stop the Apocalypse?" Dean asked him.

"Possibly, yes", Cas said and turned back.

"But as you know, he has to take certain steps."

I nodded and kept me from shuddering by the thought.

"You mean, fill himself with demon blood?"

"Consuming the amount of blood to kill Lilith would change your brother forever. Most likely, he'd become the next creature you'd feel compelled to kill. This is no reason why this has to come to path. We believe it's you, Dean. With the help of Abigail. Not your brother", Cas said and walked closer.

But something in his blue eyes told me it wouldn't be good.

"The only question for us is if you two are willing to accept it. Stand up, and accept your roles. You two are the ones to stop it."

I stared at Cas. One option was to stick the offer up, let Sam kill Lilith, and him becoming a demon.

But just the thought of it made me sick and disgusted by myself to think that.

And the other option was to sign up to be the angels' bitch. Becoming Heaven's bitch or let your brother ally with a demon, the answer was pretty obvious.

"If we do this, Sammy doesn't have to?" Dean asked hopefully.

"If it gives you comfort to see it that way", he responded.

Dean shook his head.

"God, you're a dick these days", he muttered and walked away a few steps.

"If Sammy won't have to, I'll do it", I said.

"Yes, I'm in."

Dean considered it a second.

"Fine, I'm in."

"You give yourselves wholly to the service of God and his angels?" Cas asked us.

I nodded.

"Yes. Yes", I said while Dean accepted it too.

"Say it", Cas demanded.

I looked at Dean before we said it in unison.

"I give myself wholly to serve God and you guys", we said and somehow said 'you guys'.

"You swear to follow his will and word as swiftly and obediently as you did to your own father's?"

I closed my eyes for a moment. I sometimes hadn't obeyed Dad, but I hoped this would work anyway.

"Yes, I swear."

Cas nodded slightly who staring at us both, which kind of confused me.

"Now what?" I asked.

"Now you wait. We call on you when it's time", he said softly.

Dean looked one last time before he went back inside, while I stayed.

"You didn't tell him", Cas stated.

I tilted my head.

"What do you mean?"

"About what happened, why?" Cas asked.

I shrugged fluidly.

"Not my thing to say", I replied.

We were silent for about ten seconds. It felt quite uncomfortable. Like very uncomfortable.

"How could you know?" he asked me curiously and started to sound more like the Cas I knew, but not entirely.

I furrowed my eyebrows together. That was actually an excellent question.

"No idea. A dream", I admitted.

"Have you heard about something beings able to pull off such things?"

Cas shook his head.

"Not what I ever have ever heard about."

I pressed my lips together and nodded while looking down on the ground. It didn't feel like I would be needed in the stopping of the Apocalypse.

So what? I could see the true form of angels and had the ability to feel the presence of demons, not exactly useful in a full fledged war. Dean had at least the title 'Righteous man' and what I knew, he would be needed.

"Abigail, look at me", Cas said and gently lifted my chin so I met his piercing cerulean eyes.

I always got mesmerized by those blue eyes, knowing that his angelic being looked at me through them made my heart flutter.

He cupped my cheeks with his warm and soft hands and brought me closer to his face. In a silly second, I wondered if Cas had seen people do this a lot.

We were so close now, only a millimeter…. I could feel the warmth of his lips on mine. So close…

Then he drew away.

I looked at him and tried to hide my disappointment while my insides screamed at me to touch him again.

"They're calling on me", he whispered.

"I'm sorry."

I nodded slowly and watched the outlines of his wings appear before his disappeared, while I silently cried out for him, longing for his smooth and gentle touch on my skin…

Bobby, of course, wasn't happy about that Dean and I had sworn loyalty, but I reminded him about the fact that it was either that, or Sam being buddy with a demon, sorry I meant more than buddies.

I was usually up in Bobby's library and tried to find something about creatures— no, beings, I reminded myself— who could so all the things I had done. So far, the closest was Nephilim, the offspring of a human and an angel mating, which I strongly disbelieved that I was. Sam and I were twins and he wasn't exactly like I was and Mom wouldn't have been unfaithful to Dad.

And Cas had probably heard of Nephilim too.

Sam later escaped but Dean and I managed to track him down to a honeymoon suite, which wasn't Sam's taste at all.

And there was the bitch who had ruined my brother's life: Ruby.

I charged at her with a holy water dipped dagger in my hand and stabbed her in the arm. She let out a howl of pain and kicked me away, only to get attacked by Dean and the demon knife. He was so close at ending her life, when Sam showed up and stopped him.

"No!" he exclaimed and grabbed Dean from behind and threw him onto the bed.

"Let her go. Just take it easy", he said while I stood beside Dean this time.

"You two seem to have had a bit of a party, considering that you've tried to prevent us from crashing it", I stated and directed the most of my words at Ruby, but also Sam.

"Well, a solid try, but here we are", Dean added.

"Dean, Abigail, I'm glad you're here. Look, let's just talk about this", Sam said calmly.

"As soon that she's dead we can talk all you want", Dean said.

I shot daggers at Ruby, who glanced at Sam with a expression I couldn't categorize.

"Ruby, get out of here", he said to here.

"No, she's not going anywhere", Dean said and walked toward her, but Sam blocked the path and gave Ruby time to leave.

I stared at him horrified.

"She's poison, Sam!" I cried out.

"It's not what you think, Abigail", he said.

"Look what she did to you! She leaves you like that for weeks and then suddenly pops up again—"

"She was looking for Lilith!"

"That is French for ten ways to manipulate your ass ten days from Sunday", Dean snapped angrily.

"You're wrong."

"Sam, you're lying to yourself", Dean said frustrated.

"We just want you to be okay. You would do the same for me, for Abby, I know you would."

"Just listen", Sam began and threw the demon knife on the bed.

"Just listen a second. We got a lead to a demon close to Lilith. Come with us. We'll do this together", Sam seemed to plead.

"That sounds great. As long as it's you, me and Abby. Demon bitch is a deal breaker. You kiss her goodbye, we can go right now", Dean said.

"I can't. Dean. Abby, I need her, to help me kill Lilith. I know you can't wrap your head around it, maybe, one day, you'll understand", Sam said.

"I'm the only one who can do this, guys."

I shook my head slowly. Why couldn't he understand that demon blood wasn't the solution? Why couldn't he see that it was eating him from inside out?

"No, you're not the one who's gonna do this", Dean said after had turned away and turned back.

"That's right, I forgot. The angels think it's you", Sam muttered and sounded like he was tired of hearing it.

"You don't think I can? With Abby?" Dean asked, his voice taking on a dangerous tone.

"No, you can't. You two aren't strong enough", Sam stated.

"Who the hell are you?" Dean almost growled.

"I'm being practical here. I'm doing what needs to be done."

"Yeah? You're not going to do a single damn thing", Dean said and sounded more angry.

"Stop bossing me around, Dean!" Sam exclaimed frustrated, before he tried to calm himself down.

"Look. My whole life, you've take the wheel, you called the shots and I trust you because you're my brother. Now, I'm asking you, for once, I'm asking you both, trust me", Sam practically begged.

I shook my head.

"No, you don't know what you're doing, Sam", I said.

"Yes, I do", he protested and looked and was extremely hurt, I could see that miles away.

But the demon blood, Ruby, it wasn't right. It wasn't.

"Then that's worse", Dean exclaimed.

"Why? Look, I'm telling you—"

"Because it's not something that you're doing, it's what you are!" Dean said loudly with tears.

"It means…"

He broke off, but I knew exactly what he meant. And I didn't want hear him say that. I couldn't. I swallowed and tried to fight the upcoming tears, but failed.

"What? No. Say it", Sam said, also crying.

"It means you're a monster", Dean told hoarsely.

Sam nodded before he punched Dean in the face. Dean fell down on the floor but seemed 'fine', if fine even existed for us. He rose and stared at Sam, who was looking strange.

Dean then punched Sam in the face, making him grunt.

"No!" I screamed and tried to separate my brothers from each other.

But it was with no luck, they were much bigger and stronger than me, plus they were two. Dean pushed away me with so much force, it made me land against some thing made of glass, with some glass shard stuck inside me.

Sam then knocked Dean into the mirror, which shattered like thin ice.

He lunged for Sam, who flung him into the vine-like screen and broke something. I quickly kneeled over Dean, worried if he had any serious wounds. Sam walked over to us and suddenly knocked me over and wrapped his hands around my throat. I tried to get free, but Sam's grip was tight as iron.

"No!" Dean croaked out and tried to help me, but Sam let go, making me choke and gasp for air.

"You don't know me, none of you do. You never did. And you never will", Sam said and began to walk out.

"You walk out that door— don't you ever come back!" Dean gasped.

I let out a small whimper while it felt like my spine was freezing yet boiling, Dad had said exact same thing for almost eight years ago. It felt like I was ripped back to that place, seeing Dad and Sammy yell at each other, before he stormed out.

Sam stopped by the door and turned to look at us— he didn't look like Sammy, not my Sammy— before he opened the door and left us, again.

"No", I whispered and tried to rise, but couldn't.

It felt like someone had ripped my heart out and thrown it on the floor before painfully sewing it back in. Sammy was gone, it wasn't him. Not anymore.

I buried my face in the floor and let my tears fall freely.

Quick note: If you see some spelling or when I write 'defiantly' instead of 'definitely', please tell me. Every time I noticed that little word, it bugs me out.