A/N: I know, I told last time that this will be a fast pacing but I just couldn't get this idea out of my head. I hope this chapter won't disappoint.
I'm posting the second part probably on Thursday. Pretty busy lately.Ok, enough with the excuses. Here's the new chap. Enjoy!
Cheer! :)
Chapter 11
Alex had never been this grateful for alcohol. Well, for her wife's side anyway. Ironic, yes. Remembering how much she cursed at it last night. Now, her still slightly alcohol tinted brain couldn't stop thinking about their little sweet moment later last night.
Basically, Piper would unbelievably gain this 'bi-polar' attitude when she's drunk. She would be at her extremities when she tasted alcohol. The first few hours would be hell as she could act all bitchy and feisty, violent even, like she didn't have a care in the world. But the next hours were much more rewarding. Alex smiled at the thought. 'Cos the later part is when she would definitely take the full turn to her softest but unexpected side—being this alluring and totally seductive but mushy teddy bear that Alex finds so irresistible.
Alex unconsciously bit her bottom lip. Some flashbacks of their adventures around the world instantly came flashing through her mind. She remembered how she would sometimes intentionally make Piper drunk so she would experience her on top of her. The aggressiveness, rough and mind-blowing sex. The primitive and hungry animal unleashed suddenly by alcohol. But somehow, she would be equally sweet and sappy. Alex's smile grew bigger. Those experiences. It's so fucking good that Alex didn't mind if she wouldn't be able to walk the next day.
God! I miss those days.
Alex sighed dreamily, looking afar. She would definitely trade anything for a minute of that experience again. Damn. Her wife could drive her stupidly insane.
Abruptly, her day dreaming was interrupted by heavy footsteps heading to the kitchen where she's currently sitting. She looked at the entrance seeing Piper with an awfully sulking face walking vigorously to the kitchen counter.
Bad hang-over? This part, I hate. Alex sighed shortly.
Piper didn't look at her though; instead she turned as if looking for something. Alex just stared at her, lifting her cup of coffee to her lips. Suddenly Piper followed her action as her jaw clenched a little. She gave Piper a confused look as she awkwardly cleared her throat when she put down her cup. Piper glared at her and turned to the cupboard to grab a cup. Then it hit Alex why she's suddenly upset.
Of all the time I will fucking forget to make her coffee, I choose this time! Shit!
Well, it's kinda like their thing every morning. Alex would make the coffee because she's really damn good at it and Piper would make the toast. Apparently, it's a little different this morning. Thanks to Alex's early mushy day-dreams, she totally forgot her duty.
Alex carefully glanced at her wife as she walked back to the counter across from her to the coffee machine. She gulped when Piper forcefully lifted the pot.
"God! I'm such a troublesome wife.", Piper chuckled bitterly. "I guess you're missing your house bunny 'cos she's probably the one making you coffee in the morning...", she commented still with a pang of bitterness while roughly grabbing the cinnamon and hazelnut containers.
Alex jerked hearing that comment.
The fuck! Did Polly—
"Oh, and she's probably making you pancakes and sunny-side up eggs too before she send your ass out to your undercover assignments...", Piper scrunched up her nose in pent up anger while gesturing her spoon to her.
"Pipes...what are you—"
"Oh sorry, am I assuming again? 'Cos, I did that a lot lately actually...", Piper cut her off narrowing her look at her.
Alex was trying to form a coherent explanation but her mind just couldn't. Hang-over got her bad also.
Please! Can I just go back to my day-dreaming state awhile ago?
Oh, how she wished she hadn't just woke up. Everything that happened last night now came crashing back to her mind. The confession, the terrible argument, Nicky's slipped, the couch encounter. Everything. Alex sighed shortly. But actually, it wasn't all that bad. The couch encounter was definitely sweet. Well, until Piper woke up and pushed her down to the floor with an awfully shocked expression which kinda looked like she had just woken up from an unexpected one-night stand of some sort. Then, she walked out on her, walking quickly to their room as Alex was left confused.
And now here they are, going through their unfinished argument.
Alex sighed audibly, scratching the back of her head.
I need to let this whole fucking story out to stop these misunderstandings!
"Look Pipes...", Alex thinned her lips nervously while shutting her eyes momentarily. Her wife didn't look at her and continued what she's doing. "You're gonna listen to me, alright?"
Piper remained silent.
"There's something you still need to know about and I you need to be open-minded about the situation..."
"Open-minded?", Piper scoffed. "Really, Alex? I've been open-minded since we got together again! I tried to accept every shit you're throwing at me! I even understand the career choice you decided to take! All the consequences of your job! And even your whole deal with Nicky that I still don't fucking know! But have you heard anything from me? Have I complain even once? God no! I didn't! And now you're telling me this being open-minded shit? Jesus, Alex! Are you really this jerk?"
Now it's getting serious. Alex bit her inner cheek, calming herself down and focusing on the matter.
"Piper, please...just let me talk...", Alex tried to calm her wife but Piper wasn't really in it for a nice and peaceful conversation. Thanks bad hang-over.
"No! You're that one's who has been closed and secretive this whole fucking time! All this time you're keeping your other family from me! All this time you've been cheating on me, with this...this disgraced home-wrecking bitch who even agreed to have your baby! God! Alex! How do you expect me to deal with that? How do you expect me to...to...Fuck Alex! Did you even love me?", Piper's tears were threatening to fall.
Wait...What just happened?
Alex was surprised her wife just asked that. How did she even come up with that? Her last statement was all it took for her throw everything away and stood up to hold her wife. Clearly, this whole mess was getting to her and confusing her more than Alex had thought.
So she held her tightly, even if Piper's forcefully pushing her away. She enveloped her with her arms, not wanting to let go. This is too much. She buried her face on the top of her wife's head. She couldn't bear to see her wife's hurtful face.
"Are kidding me now, Pipes?", Alex still tried to hide how the whole situation was killing her. "Are you not feeling it? After all that we've been through...are you not still getting how much I fucking love you?", she whispered softly in her wife's ear, even tightening her hold onto her. "Pipes...you got it all wrong...I didn't cheat on you...I never cheat on you...I never did, honey..."
"Then why this? Why Max?", Piper sobbed on her chest. "We have Andy, why would you still decide on this?"
"You asked me to try again..."
"I know! And I did!", Piper pushed her a little so she could look at Alex's eyes. At this confession, she wanted to look at her eyes. To look through everything she has to say.
"And didn't know that you did!", Alex looked at her, careful at not to raise her voice while stating her point. "And I wanted you to have what you wanted...", paused. "So I looked for a surrogate..."
"A su...A surrogate? And you didn't tell me?", Piper was skeptical.
There it is. My fucking confession.
"I know...It was selfish...And completely wrong that I did not ask you first...but...Piper...babe, I was...I was scared...I was afraid that you would insist to carry it yourself...and...I, I was scared that we would have to go through everything again!", a pause. Piper let her eyes glued on her. "Hence the IVF, and the surrogate...I thought that maybe if...maybe if it was already done, then it'll be easier to take in...", Alex reasoned, intently focusing her eyes on her wife.
Piper was silent, still doubting her explanation. She slowly freed herself from Alex's hold, her eyes on her. "Spill it out, Alex...No more secrets..."
Alex sighed, averting her eyes on her wife. She took a little step back then looked at Piper with real sincerity and sorry. She gulped, preparing herself for her reaction.
"T-The surrogate...She's...She my...ex-lover..."
Piper's gasped told her that she's even more pissed off now. Well, who would be pleased knowing your wife had a child with her ex-lover because her pathetic wife couldn't give her one?
"Ex-...Ex-lover?", Piper slowly let the word flow through her lips with distaste.
Alex averted her look and raised her hand on her head. "God! Now it sounded much worse...", she muttered. "She's my ex-girlfriend, Pipes..."
"...Ex-lover?", Piper repeated. "Y-You...loved her?", her voice suddenly cracked as Alex whipped her head to look at her.
"Pipes, no! I didn't!"
"Oh god!", Piper pushed her and turned to lean on the counter, resting her hands on it.
"Pipes...", Alex raised her hand to reach for her wife but was cut off mid-way.
"When?", Piper gritted. "When did this happen?"
Alex turned her gaze on the cups of coffee on the counter. "A week after we decided to try again..."
Piper huffed turning around to face Alex. "At the same fucking week I did too! Fuck! I bet I bumped onto this whore at some point at the clinic!"
"I don't think for sure...It's kind of a private thing—"
"Ha!", Piper scoffed. "A private thing, right..."
"What the—Piper! It's not my whole fucking idea to...to stick up my eggs to her!"
"Your eggs? God! Oh, god...gross!"
"I did not choose the surrogate for fuck's sake! It just happened! I could care less who the hell would carry the kid as long as I give you what you want!"
"And fucking fate played you and your 'eggs'...", air-quote. "...ended up in your ex-lover's vagina! What a fucking coincidence, Alex!", Piper distastefully yelled at her.
"Fuck! It was Nicky!"
"Jesus! The surrogate was Nicky? Alex! You dated Nicky? What the fuck!"
"God no! Now you're gross!", Alex cringed in disgust. "Jesus...how did we end up in this conversation, anyway?"
"Just fucking say it Alex!"
Alex looked away. Somehow, she didn't want Nicky to get involved again with the mess. She already owed her too much because of Max.
"Alex!"
"Ok! Ok! Jeez!", Alex sighed. "I asked Nicky to look for the surrogate...and she played me up. 'Cos apparently, she's still hang up with me, giving up the cartel and abandoning her...", she honestly reasoned. "And she asked my ex-girlfriend to be the surrogate just so she could fucking mess with me..."
"She did what? Alex! Are making just this up?"
"What! No! Pipes, I'm fucking honest here! Trust me!", pause. "And you know...I regretted it after! I...I almost aborted Max because of it...when I found out that you're pregnant...", Alex shamefully admitted hanging her head low and bit her bottom lip, preventing her emotions to took over.
Piper stiffened. She did what?
"God...Alex...", Piper somehow felt bad at that confession. She was still for a moment and tried to reach for her but, decided not to. She was still digesting all the information and was a little confused.
Alex looked at her, trying to see through her confused reaction. All she needed right now was Piper believing her. Just that, the hell with everything.
When Piper didn't say anything more and just blankly stared at her, Alex sighed and slowly walked to the other side of the counter to grab her coffee. She knew Piper was still processing it and now she's giving her time. She was about to take a sip of her coffee when Piper turned to look at her.
"That was so...messed up Alex...", she commented.
"I know...", Alex quietly replied. At this point, there's really nothing she could say. Now, all she could do is wait on how Piper would take it. She slowly took Piper's cup to finish her coffee and waited for what her wife would say. "I wish you did tell me that you're impregnating yourself too...", Alex suddenly spoke.
Now she's blaming me?
"Fuck! Now it's my fault?", Piper snapped.
"No! I just thought that maybe we had talked about it!"
"Are you fucking kidding me?", Piper scoffed. "By default, ofcourse I'm suppose to carry the baby! I'm your fucking wife!"
"And that's whole fucking reason I looked for a surrogate!", Alex snapped back. "I don't want you to carry the baby! Piper! Don't you get it? I'm fucking scared that we might lose the baby again!", she quickly halted when she realized she was raising her voice at her wife. She leaned back a little trying to hide the sob that almost escaped her mouth. She looked down and bit her bottom lip miserably. Not fighting back the emotions that were eating her up inside and let it flow through her nerves. Piper just looked at her, focused on what she had to say.
"And worst—", Alex continued. She put down the spoon she's using to stir the coffee she just made and looked straight to her wife's blue eyes. "I was...I'm...I'm scared that I might lose you..."
Piper was silent, slowly settling down on the stool by the counter. She eyed her every movement, unable to think of anything at the moment. This confession was nothing she thought how it would turn out and she just couldn't bring herself to believe every word Alex said. It's too obscure. Too scripted and movie-like.
How was she supposed to react at that? The surrogate. The deal with Nicky. The ex-girlfriend. And now, Alex's sincere and honest confession.
I'm scared that I might lose you. Alex's voice echoed through her head. Her emotions were getting into her. She was showing her vulnerable side now. She's opening up to Piper with those pained and sorry eyes unafraid to break in front of her. Unafraid to show her how this whole fucking situation was also hurting her.
Piper gritted her teeth as her gaze fall on the offered drink that Alex set in front of her. She was avoiding her look but Piper let her eyes on her. She noted how nervous and worried Alex was, unconsciously nibbling her bottom lip like a fucking kid. Then her eyes landed on her lips.
Suddenly, Piper frowned. Her body was telling her to give up all this pent up anger, take her wife in her arms and tell her that 'It's all right'. That she understands. That she was sorry for jumping to conclusions and for pushing her away, not listening to her explanations. That no matter how fucked up the situation is and how hurt and pained she had felt, still she's ready to accept her because she loves her. She accepts and loves her with every fiber of her being even though she kept her in the dark for 17 fucking years.
Alex...Piper's mind kept on repeating her wife's name over and over with longing and forgiveness. She just couldn't stay mad at her for too long. She just couldn't resist forgiving her at that moment, but her fucking guts and ego would kick in. Her goddamn pride would still get the best of her. She wanted to hold Alex. She wanted to touch her. To accept everything. To believe her. But she just couldn't able to move from her spot.
She stared at her spaced out wife. Alex looked like she's deep in her thoughts, still waiting for her reaction after that heart-felt confession.
And this wasn't really all Alex's fault. Her mind kept on telling her. But still she stood her ground. She remained this asshole and resisted to accept her apology.
Who are you kidding? You already forgave her even before she asked for it. Shut up brain! Piper internally kicked herself.
Nicky. Her mind averted her thoughts.
That stupid drug-dealing junky was so unbelievable! How could she do such thing? What the hell was she thinking playing at their life like she's a fucking god? Who the hell she thinks she is?
"I...I don't know Alex...I'm still...", Alex looked at her.
"You have every right to be angry..."
"I don't know if I'm angry...I'm confused...by you..."
Alex sadly smirked. "I'm confused by me too...", a pause. "I'm pretty much the master of handling things completely wrong..."
"Yeah, well, that's an understatement...", Alex snapped a look at her.
"Look, Piper...I'm fucked up...I know! But could you just look deeper? Just...look at me...", Alex looked at her straight to the eyes but she couldn't. She couldn't stand seeing her pained right now.
Piper bit her bottom lip. "I don't know..."
Silence fell on both of them. They turned their head away from each other, looking at nowhere. They were lost in their own thoughts, deliberating what else to say at each other. Piper lifted her gaze and looked at Alex for a split second and sighed deeply.
Stop being an asshole, Piper. Didn't I tell you to shut up, huh brain? Piper momentarily scoffed. Now, she's losing her fucking mind. Great.
She was about to say something when they heard someone coming to the kitchen. Alex was suddenly devastated, seeing Max walked in.
"Fuck! I set my alarm way too late...", Max gnarled as she turned to walk briskly to the front door.
"Kid...Kid, wait!", Alex quickly stood up to stop her from leaving but she was instantly gone. She sighed audibly then her eyes were met by the sight of her wife standing up.
"Where you going?
"At the porch..."
"We don't have a porch...", Piper just looked at her, then turned to leave.
"Pipes..."
"Just...anywhere!", she said suddenly irritated. "Sorry Alex, but seeing that kid still upsets me..."
Alex sighed looking at Piper walking out on her yet again. She leaned back on the counter, raising her hand on her head. She looked through her shoulder at the spot where Piper was sitting awhile ago. Her gaze fell on the cup of coffee she had made her.
And this issue ain't over yet.
A/N: Incorporated some lines from OITNB. I just felt like it suited the scene. Ha!
Now, Piper knows everything, we'll just have to see how she will deal with Max. An expected encounter next chapter! And you will all get to see Detective Alex Vause. This story will pretty much shift to a more darker side. Just imagine OITNB season 2. Ha!
Ok! Until next time! :)