Chapter 12

It was incredibly difficult for Harper to keep secret her conversation with Finn at school the next day. She felt like her insides were going to burst from the elation over having found and contacting one of her birth parents. She felt like her brain might explode with all the questions she had for him. Throughout the school day, she tried to preoccupy herself with menial tasks, tried to keep a lid on her emotions. But the day wore on and on and she hardly knew what any of her classes had covered

Harper knew she couldn't tell anyone. As much as she wanted to share the secret with her best friend Cora, she couldn't run the risk of her parents finding out. Her parents were well connected and very active in their community, so the possibility of someone spilling the beans was real. Her parents even considered some of the faculty at the high school to be close friends. No, Harper thought to herself, she wouldn't risk it.

Harper wasn't even sure how she was going to break the news to her parents. They had been weird the last few days, with the news of her finding Carole, her paternal Grandmother. They were still supporting her in the way they always did, and had attended her volleyball game on Sunday morning, and continued with their usual Starbucks and had even offered to take her out for brunch instead. She declined the brunch, which surprised all three of them. They were getting close to Christmas holidays and she needed all the time she could get to get ahead of assignments or complete them before school went on break until the new year. She had seen the disappointed looks in their eyes behind their tight smiles, but she kept up the front as best as she could.

Harper pulled her car into the driveway and waited with a shiver as the door to the double car garage rose. Her high school wasn't too far away, so the car barely had time to warm up to any acceptable temperature before she arrived home.

"Come on," she muttered under her breath as she waited for the garage door to roll up. A loud huff blew from her mouth when it finally lifted, and she drove forward. She got out of the car quickly, determined to get into the warmth of her home. Harper slipped off her Uggs as soon as she was inside the house, and immediately slipped on her warm fuzzy black slippers. Her parents kept the house warm, but her feet naturally ran cold even with socks. The silence of the house enveloped her, and for a moment she was appreciative that she always got home before her parents. She ventured into the kitchen once she had stripped herself of her coat and dropped it on the bench by the door. Her stomach rumbled with hunger, and she wasn't disappointed to find a tray of gingerbread and sugar cookies laying on the island. She grabbed one and could immediately taste that they weren't her Mom's recipe—they were a little dry and not nearly as tasty. She grabbed herself a glass of milk as Samson trotted in.

"Hey boy," she smiled. "Awe, Mom put your Christmas collar on you." She put the milk on the counter and knelt to his height. "Who's a handsome boy, huh?" she said scratching behind his ears. Samson closed his eyes and growled in appreciation of the attention.

"I was hoping we could put the tree up tonight," Diane's voice carried into the room as she came upstairs from the basement.

Harper jumped when she heard her.

"Jeez Mom, I thought I was home alone. You startled me half to death."

Diane chuckled as she put the box of Christmas decorations she was carrying on the floor. She brushed the dust off her shirt and walked over to where Harper was now standing. "Weren't you listening this morning when I said I was only working until 2 today?"

"I guess I missed that part when I was making my smoothie," she sighed sitting on the stool. "Where did the cookies come from?" she asked grabbing another, this time a gingerbread and dunked it in her milk before taking a bite.

"Nancy at the office brought them in," she smiled. "She made everyone some for the holidays. She's going on a cruise so today was her last day until the New Year."

Harper nodded. "I hate to say it but they taste store bought," she chuckled.

Diane playfully swatted at Harper as she walked by to get a drink from the refrigerator.

"Be nice," she laughed.

"What, is Nancy down in the basement too?"

"That's enough out of you," Diane chuckled. "So what do you think, got time to help decorate the tree tonight?"
Harper smiled thoughtfully as she chewed on the last bite of the cookie.

"I think I can do that. After dinner?" Harper asked.

"I think that sounds good," Diane nodded. "Dad texted and said he'd be running late because of a meeting. So it'll only be us tonight for dinner. What are you feeling? I could do a stir fry? And we could load it with the mushrooms your Dad hates so much…" Diane chuckled.

"Can we top it with a lot of water chestnuts?" Harper countered with an arch to her brow.

The familiar ding of her cell phone interrupted their banter. The ding took her by surprised.

"Go check your phone," Diane said motioning Harper to her jacket. "I know you're itching to."

Harper nodded, and easily slid off the stool, trying to remain calm as she left the kitchen. The second she knew she was out of Diane's line of sight, she picked up the pace to get her phone.

Harper was anxious knowing there was a great possibility the message alert was from Finn. She tried not to set her expectations too high though. After all, the alert could have been from anyone, really. She hastily touched the screen to bring it to life. Immediately the alert from Facebook messenger came alive on the screen and her anxiety took over.

"How was school?"

A quiet chuckle slipped from her lips reading the three simple words. "How was school?"

The anxiety slipped away as she read the words a few times as she made her way to the couch. She had wanted to hear from him, but the simplicity in his message made her giggle softly. She had heard the same words a million times from her parents – but to have Finn ask? It was almost like a dream.

"It was fine, busy but fine, thank you," Harper texted back.

"Just fine?" His response came almost immediately, and it resurfaced the same giggle as a moment ago.

"What's so funny in here?" Diane poked her head around the corner before venturing out of the kitchen. She stood in the small walkway between the two rooms with a tilt to her head but a smile on her lips. Harper almost threw the phone, caught off guard by her mom's voice and words.

"Nothing, nothing," she stuttered, her words falling out of her mouth faster than she realized. "It's Cora."

Diane chuckled. It usually was Cora.

"Well, tell her I say hi," she smiled as she crossed the room and headed for the stairs. Harper eyed her mother from where she was, flopped on the couch and she didn't go back to her phone until she was fully out of sight.

"Okay, it was brutal," she typed. "Days before holidays are always long, full of assignments and test prep. It sucks."

"I'm sorry." he wrote back. "Those days weren't fun, from what I remember. Or what I remember of them."

Harper sent Finn an LOL in response. She sat back and waited for him to write something else while keeping an eye on the stairs. It wasn't that her Mom would come and read over her shoulder, she wasn't that kind of mom. Harper just wasn't ready for her parents to know.

"Did you have a good day at work?" she knew the question was kind of vague. She was at a loss of what to say, she'd never been good at small talk and often stumbled over her words in new situations. Using messenger and text messages was helpful when she could use them, but this situation was so…different. Finn was her birth father. Hers. She would never get tired of reminding herself of the fact.

"I'm still at work actually. Time difference, remember?"

Right, she thought, he told her he lived in Oregon, a considerable drive and a different time zone from suburban New York City.

"Been a long day already. We got a bit of snow – just a few inches that wasn't expected, and the work keeps piling up. People are freaking out."

Harper chuckled again.

"I love snow. I used to love building snowmen on snow days and my dad would make these awesome forts with me that would last for days!"

She waited a few beats for him to respond, but when he didn't she tossed the phone on the pillow beside her and tried not to over think her last message – and the silence. Harper leaned her head back against the pillow and stared up at the ceiling as Samson trotted in. She sat up and gently scratched between his ears.

"That feel good?" she whispered. He raised his paw when she stopped scratching and Harper laughed.

"Wanna go for a walk?" Samson barked happily before running to the door.

"Wait for me!" she said getting off the couch and walking after the old pup. "You need your coat, silly!"

Samson barked in return running to the door with impatience. Harper couldn't help but laugh as she approached the pup at the door.

"Don't be long," Diane called from the top of the stairs. "It's cold and I'm going to get started on dinner soon so we can decorate when your dad gets home."

Harper playfully rolled her eyes, staring back at her mother while she shoving her feet into boots.

"Just a quick lap, right Sam?"

The dog whined as if he knew what she was implying. There was no such thing as quick laps for the two of them when they got going. Harper's phone beeped from her pocket just as she shrugged off her coat.

"Well, at least I know your phone still works," Diane said heading back to what she was doing upstairs.

Harper hooked Samson's leash to his collar and the two headed outside.

Harper had a special place in her heart for the holidays. There was something about the season that just made her heart warm. She loved taking Samson for long walks with the snow crunching under her boots, loved the way her house smelled as her mom baked and the smell of their tree; her mom was big on using scented candles to make the house smell like a real fir tree, since her Dad was highly allergic to the sap from the real thing. She loved being with her family and giving gifts. As she left school and pushed her way through the throngs of students to get to her car, she couldn't help but feel grateful that she now had her birth father in the mix, even if it had only been for just about a week.

And what a week it had been.

They talked every day. Sure, it resulted in a lot of lost sleep in the last few days but to Harper it was worth it. She had come to know when the best time was to send him a message, and in return Finn seemed to have nailed down her school schedule along with the time change to get her at the right time. She had learned, in the short snips of conversation, that his favourite colour was red and that just like her, he had a pup. Huck was his name. That made her smile. He was a dog person, she liked that. It gave her a sense of connection to Finn – something she was longing for.

Harper got to her car quickly and rubbed her hands together before she got in. She and Cora were going to go to the mall to find some gifts for their parents. She had shopped already for her cousin Alannah, the name she drew in the secret Santa they were doing between the 10 of them – but she had yet to find anything for either of her parents. And she wondered, for a moment if she should be getting something for Finn as well. She stopped herself there. He had been in her life for a week. She shouldn't be getting this far ahead of herself, though the thought of being able to buy something for her birth father for Christmas made her smile.

"It is way too cold out here," Cora announced as she sunk into the passenger seat.

Harper chuckled as she eyed her best friend.

"Sorry, did I interrupt something?" Cora asked. Harper rolled her eyes playfully as she reached to crank the heat.

"I literally got here 10 seconds before you, what could I possibly have been up to that you would interrupt?"

"I don't know, gosh," Cora laughed. "You just have been attached to your phone, that's all."

"Why are you acting like a boyfriend right now?" Harper asked as she started backing out of the parking space.

Cora screwed up her face before she laughed loudly.

"Let's get our shop on," she exclaimed said reaching to change the radio channel to blast some Christmas music.

"I have so much to buy still," Harper groaned as they got on the road. "I have no idea what to get my Dad, he's literally the hardest person to buy for because he just buys whatever he needs. And I'm still going back and forth about buying something for Finn."

She didn't catch herself at first, but she felt Cora's eyes on her when they came to a stop light.

"Whose Finn?" she asked rather innocently.

Harper felt she couldn't hold it in any longer. She needed to tell someone.

"He's my birth father. I found him."

"What?!" Cora exclaimed.

Harper winced at the loud volume, it was probably for the best that they were stopped at a light.

"And you didn't tell me? Harper!" she shouted as she gently pushed against her shoulder with her gloved covered hand. "Tell me everything!"

Harper smiled. "I found him online but listen, you can't breathe a word to anyone else, alright?"

Cora gave her a sideways look just as the light turned green. Harper took a deep breath as she hit the gas before going more into detail.

"My parents don't know I've talked to him," she spoke softly. "They know I know his name but nothing further."

"How?" Cora asked.

"Facebook. I found him on Facebook and I sent him a message a week ago. We've been talking for a few days now."

Harper continued: "I found my paternal grandmother through an adoptive family registry and things just spiralled from there."

She turned her full attention to the road as Cora digested the information. The mall was only a few minutes away but with the holiday shopping traffic, the roads were busy.

"So, why are you keeping this from your parents?" she questioned. Cora had been around the Richards family for years, and she had always envied how close the three of them were.

"They're not exactly thrilled about how I've gone about this," Harper sighed, "They say they're on board and want to help, but I know this must be killing them."

Cora pursed her lips but remained quiet as Harper continued the drive.

"It's not like they had no idea you were adopted or who they adopted you from," Cora chuckled as Harper pulled into the mall parking lot.

They were immediately met with throngs of cars jostling for the very few spaces that remained, Harper drove up and down the laneways.

"That's besides the point and you know it," she replied. "And they never knew WHO my birth parents were; closed adoption, remember? They knew nothing…thus, facebook."

She moved the car forward when she saw a minivan slowly pulling out ahead of them.

"Yes!" she exclaimed, skillfully driving the car into the space as a large SUV hiding on the opposite side honked in frustration.

"Gotta move faster buddy!" Harper said, putting the car into park.
Cora rolled her eyes.

"I forgot you have an insane competitive streak for just a split second there," she laughed. "But for real, do you think keeping this from your parents is a good idea? I mean, they're going to find out somehow any way and wouldn't it be nice to have them on your side? Not that they're not," she trailed off.

Harper sighed. She regretted letting her birth father's name slip in that moment. She knew Cora wasn't going to let it go. Normally it was what she loved most about her fiery and energetic best friend, but not in this situation.

"I just don't want to hurt them."

"Well, don't you think you should have thought of that before you went all Annaliese Keating?" Cora asked getting out of the car.

They had parked far from the main entrance of the mall, and Cora immediately pulled the hood of her jacket over her head. Harper mirrored her movements and pulled her own hat down over her ears. She hated hats, but it was cold.

"You were up late last night binging on Netflix again, weren't you?" Harper asked Cora trying to change the subject.

"We're not talking about me. We're talking about you and your secret birth father issue," she countered.

Harper blew out a breath. "I shouldn't have said anything. Just don't tell anyone I told you. I'll tell them when they need to know."

"Like when your application essay is due?" Cora pointed out.

Harper stopped mid step and pulled her hat further down her head as she stared at Cora. She was in a constant battle with herself about the essay. The deadline was closing in on her, stomping closer as the days passed. She still didn't feel like she had the answers to the big questions that she wanted – who was her birth mother? Why did they give her up? Why didn't they fight to stay in her life? She knew about the law, but she also knew from many posts on many different websites that there were ways around it. But that had never been offered to her. And she could only think the reason why had something to do with her birth parents not wanting her.

"You know, maybe shopping wasn't the best idea," she murmured as all her thoughts crushed over her like waves.

"Harper," Cora sighed. She knew instantly she had hit a nerve. "I'm sorry. I was just trying to be realistic."

"Well, thanks for the dose of reality. Think you can get a ride home?" she asked briskly, slumping her way back to the driver's side of her car.

"Harper. Come on, let's go get a hot chocolate and start over," Cora tried.

"I don't really feel like shopping anymore," she whispered. "Should probably go home and ponder why my birth parents never wanted me some more."

"Harper, that's not fair. I never said that at all…"

"Your face said all I needed to know," she said. "Come on, I'll drive you home if you want. I just…I can't go shopping right now."

Cora nodded and silently walked over to the car and slid into the passenger seat. "I'm sorry, Harper."

Harper gave a faint smile. In the calm of the moment, sitting in the car she was brought back down to earth.

"No, I'm sorry. I lost my temper and I shouldn't have."

"It's kind of your thing," Cora chuckled. "But I shouldn't have pushed you. You'll tell your parents when you're ready, I know you. And I'll be right behind you in any way you need me to be."

Harper nodded: "But you're right. It's a lot to hold onto all the time and it's only been a week! What am I doing?"

"Hell if I know!" Cora answered.

Harper reached over and smacked her shoulder without looking.

"Hey!"

Harper was exhausted by the time she pulled her car into the garage. After her blow out with Cora in the parking lot and subsequent resolution, they had gone in to the mall after all. She had knocked only a few people off her list; her dad remained elusive to her. When they had called it a day with their trip, she was resigned to ask her mom for some ideas when she had a moment alone with her.

Harper took a moment to take a deep breath once she had turned off the car. She hadn't meant to tell Cora about Finn – and the resulting conversation had left her feeling less than stable about the whole situation. It had been a week and she had already built up so many fantasies about what it would be like to have Finn in her life for good.

She had gotten ahead of herself.

An incoming message flashed on her phone screen from the cupholder. She breathed with a modicum of relief when she saw it was Finn, checking in with her and letting her know he was closing up for dinner and had time to chat.

Harper reached for the phone and quickly typed out an answer before finally finding the energy to get out of the car, leaving the gifts she purchased behind in the trunk for safe keeping. She would get them later when her Mom wasn't home. Harper managed to find several little trinkets and things she knew her mother would appreciate. But her Dad? She still had no idea what to get him, nothing jumped out at her as they walked through the mall.

Walking into the house, Harper heard raucous laughter coming from the living room. She smiled a little; her parents loved entertaining and quite often would have impromptu dinners with their friends. She quickly ran through her memories of the brief conversations she had with both of her parents before she left for school, but nothing came to mind. She skirted around the living room, trying to be quiet as she made her way to the kitchen.

"Harp? Is that you sweetheart?" her mom's voice stopped her in her tracks and she angled her body so she was peaking into the living room.

"It's me," she pasted a smile on her face when she saw that her parents best friends, Olivia and Miguel were with them, the source of the laughter evident from her Mom's ruddy cheeks. The four of them were a riot together and she couldn't help but allow the smile to slip from pasted on to genuine.

"Hi Mr. and Mrs. Spencer," Harper smiled with a wave.

"Well, hello Harper," they both smiled.

"Why don't you join us?" Olivia asked invitingly. "We brought plenty of charcuterie."

"And wine, your mother has already had lots of wine," her Dad joked as her mother lovingly hit him.

Harper looked down at her watch. "You guys look like you're having much more fun without me. But remember, it is only after 6pm," she chuckled as she backed out of the doorway and headed for the kitchen as she had planned.

Only a few moments had passed before Harper heard the distinct sounds of the adults in the other room standing and gathering their things to leave. She tried to ignore the movements and pushed down the idea that her comment was the reason they were leaving. She had no idea how long they had been over, and as she rooted through the fridge to make herself a quick salad, she heard the Spencers shout their goodbyes before they headed out the door.

Harper hummed as she put together a mixed salad before she took it over to the island to and Cora had just grabbed frosted hot chocolates from Starbucks, forgoing dinner since neither was hungry. Now, however, she was famished. She dug into her salad as her parents walked into the room, carrying all the left overs from their visit.

"They ran off pretty quick," she noted as she scooped a forkful of salad into her mouth and chewed.

"They had to get to Sammy's hockey game," Scott said. "Slow down, you're going to choke."

Harper swallowed but rolled her eyes all the same.

"He's applying to Yale too, you know," Diane added corking the wine before placing it back on the stand. "I think she said he's applying for Physics?"

"Well, if Yale is good enough for Sammy, then it's got to be good for me too, right?" she smirked before she shoveling another forkful of salad in her mouth. She was only half serious. She and Sammy were the same age and had been competitive to a fault as young children. They began Junior Kindergarten together. and it became apparent very early on that he loved anything with numbers. She just didn't.

Both her parents laughed almost in unison.

"No one ever said Yale wasn't good enough for you, sweetheart," Scott said as he started rinsing out the wine glasses. "Speaking of Yale though, we should look into a tour when the holidays are over."

"Maybe we can road trip like old times?" Harper asked, as she finished off her salad.

"I think that's a great idea," Scott replied.

"What about Mom?" Diane laughed. "You want more salad sweetheart? Did you and Cora not eat at the mall?"

Harper shook her head. "Just hot chocolate."

"Let me make you a sandwich then, with all this leftover stuff," she waved her hand over the plate the Spencers left behind.

"Mom," she whined. She didn't really want anything else.

"Don't argue with your mother," Scott said walking behind her and kissed her head. "I have some things to do in the office for a bit, movie later?"

Both Diane and Harper nodded.

Harper sat silently picking at the few stray pieces of salad still in her bowl. Her mother bustled around the kitchen making her the sandwich she didn't really want. It was easier to go along with what she was doing, especially when it came to food. Her mother's love language was always food and she wasn't going to lie, she did make pretty awesome sandwiches.

"You got quiet quickly," Diane noted as she put the sandwich on a plate.

Harper shrugged, pushing her salad bowl away from herself.

"Did something happen at the mall?" Diane asked, placing the sandwich in front of Harper.

Harper didn't know how to answer that because answering would let loose the secret she had been so desperate to keep from her parents.

"Harper?" Diane gently prodded leaning on the counter.

Harper grabbed the sandwich and took a bite. Maybe she was hungrier than she thought.

Diane stood up. Harper knew her mother like the back of her hand, and she knew her silence was doing little to calm whatever thoughts her mother was having in that moment.

"Is it good?" her mother asked quietly loading the dishwasher.

"It's great Mom."

Diane mashed her lips in a fine line, as she emptied the sink of dishes into the dish washer so she could run it later.

Harper felt like her Mom wasn't going to leave her alone. Her mother was a worrier, and especially so when she felt something wasn't quite right. Another trait that made it harder to keep her conversations with Finn a secret.

"Dee?" Scott's voice broke through both of their thoughts. His footsteps followed his voice and he stopped in the doorway of the kitchen, a piece of paper in his hands.

"I just got an email from Dan and…" he stopped short as he took in the atmosphere of the kitchen.

Her Dad had had 18 years of practice deciphering silences in the house, and Harper didn't need to look up to meet his eyes to know he could feel the thick cloud of uncertainty that surrounded she and her Mom.

"Whoa, what's happening in here?" he questioned.

Harper looked up in time to see her mother shoot her father a look and she herself knew from 18 years of deciphering looks that she was trying to tell him there was something wrong with her.

But there wasn't something wrong. She was perfectly okay. Well, mostly okay. She would be more okay if she had more answers from Finn but she knew that was to come or at least she hoped.

"Nothing Dad," she broke her silence as she finished her sandwich.

Her mother's sigh was loud enough that the neighbours could hear it clearly.

"Mom," Harper said, getting up from the table to take her plate to the sink. Instead of letting her mother take it from her, she avoided Diane's reach and rinsed it before placing it in the dishwasher in the way she knew her mother preferred.

"You can tell us, you know," Scott interjected. "Whatever it is. If you spent too much money at the mall, or if you dented the car…you can tell us.".

Harper let a slow chuckle leave her lips.

"You think I dented the car?" she laughed softly as her phone beeped. She turned to grab her phone from the counter but her Dad moved quicker and grabbed the phone that was face down on the surface.

"Hey!" Harper complained.

"You've been too attached to this," Scott said.

Harper sighed once more, and placed her elbow on the counter. She leaned her head in the palm of her hands and stared at her parents with as much of a look of indifference as she could muster in the moment. As the seconds ticked by, she felt like her resolve was breaking down. They were on to her, and it would be easiest to just let it slip, tell her parents all about her birth father.

"You're keeping something from us, Harp," her Mom whispered lowly, a crack to her voice. The phone beeped again and she perked up.

"What is so important right now?" Scott asked.

He flipped her phone around in his hand, his fingers grazing the screen so much that it lit up. Harper swallowed, instantly worried that he would see the messages she was sure were from Finn. It was the right time.

"Fine, I'll tell you," she whispered. "Can I have my phone back please?"

Scott handed her the phone and took a seat at the head of the island.

With her phone back in her possession, Harper placed it on the counter in front of her screen side up. Harper touched it gently, bringing the screen to life for a moment as she peaked at it. It had, in fact, been Finn messaging her.

She took a deep breath as she flipped the phone back over, screen side down before she raised her eyes to look at both of her parents.

"I've been talking to Finn, my birth father," she said firmly. "I found him."