A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. What I do own is a three and a half pound bag of Boston Baked Beans. Ohhhhhh, glory, glory hallelujah! Santa came early this year. :D

Thanks so much to my superbeta, MaggieMay14. She's so fast, and who knew she liked desperate and needy kisses so much. Oh, did I speak too soon? :D

Thanks to my prereaders, Twilight44, Unchanged Affections, and EdwardsBloodType. I love them, even when they have frustrating computers, are working on school stuff, or are busy looking up weird subjects online… :D Thanks to the girls that WC'd with me for this. :D And to Mrs. Robward.

Thanks to ZenOneness for the awesome prompt and for letting me change it up just a bit. I hope you like this chapter. My prereader Unchanged Affections has been looking forward to it for MANY moons…waiting for it…dreaming about it. :D I hope it proves worth the wait. :D

Thanks to Dances with Wolves and The Substitute Wife, the two movies that I got some plot ideas from. I love those movies… :)

This is a good chapter, one I've been looking forward to. I do love writing this kind of dialog…I tend to get lost in it.

Oh, and the end is kinda good, too. :D

-Chapter 12-

~o~O~o~

The last bits of February passed quickly, as did March. Spring was blossoming in the fields all around them and planting season had taken up much of Edward's time. Kate healed from her cold and fever, and seemed to even regain a bit of strength, though Edward could see on an almost daily basis that she was getting worse and worse. Each day she hurt a little more, and required a little stronger dosage of morphine. Dr. Cullen had taken to visiting her twice a week, and adding to Pale Swan's already long list of caring duties.

Kate was in constant pain, but she did her best to help out around the house, insisting on doing the mending and helping with meals any way that she could. She also spent hours with Alice, letting the tiny girl climb all over her. Often times Edward would check on them during the day and find Kate in tears as Alice laughed and played. When he asked if she was hurting she always insisted that no, that wasn't it. It was slowly sinking in that she wouldn't get to spend much more time with her daughter, and that was breaking her heart. It was the one thing she truly regretted in her life.

Edward slept next to Kate each night, but the most affection they ever showed was a small peck on the lips or cheek, and a hug every so often. Most times when Edward tried to comfort or soothe her, it only made her hurt more, and he was forced to stop his attempts. Kate was constantly urging him to be more affectionate toward Pale Swan, but Edward was hesitant. He didn't think it was right to touch Pale Swan in any way more than a friendly gesture—at least not while he was still married to someone else.

The evenings were the hardest for him. Watching Pale Swan rock his daughter to sleep, listening to her hum songs to herself as she cleaned the evening dishes, or even just seeing her curled up on the rocking chair with the book he'd given her for Christmas, all made him crave her that much more. His fingers ached to touch her, to skim across her soft skin and simply feel her. Edward and Kate hadn't been intimate in months, and yearning for Pale Swan so deeply was beginning to wear him down. The frustration was building and he was afraid that sooner or later something would happen; he just wasn't sure what that something would be.

As each week went by, and Edward made numerous trips into town for supplies, he listened and asked about the local tribes, wondering if anyone had seen them. He knew Pale Swan missed her family, having been living in his home for just over a year by that point. Several of the town folk that had once traded with the tribes were more than happy to offer up information, but none of them had much of it to give. The most he was able to find out was that the more troublesome groups had been relocated to Oklahoma and the reservations that had been established there.

Pale Swan's group had never been considered aggressive, according to the people he spoke with, and the consensus was that they had simply left the area. He hoped, selfishly, that maybe they'd gone to another place and been captured there, but those thoughts just made him feel guilty. He knew the tribe was more than just Little Wolf for Pale Swan, it was her family. However, the fact that the man she loved and intended to share her life with, could return at any moment caused Edward much grief and worry. He never wanted her to have to choose, but if that day ever came, his only hope was that by then she would know how much he loved her and wanted her, and that she would choose to stay with him.

One day, late in April, Edward had reached his limit. He'd worked most of the day along side Pale Swan as they trained his newest colt, and having her so close was driving him insane. He left the barn early, telling her that he was feeling a bit weak and needed to lie down. Of course, Pale Swan was instantly worried, trying to check him with her hands, and feel for any signs of fever. When her fingers touched his neck, the sensation nearly shocked him, and he bolted toward the house, insisting he was fine and just needed rest.

Alice was asleep in her bed, the new dog Edward had gotten recently curled up next to her. He had worried about leaving the two women home alone while he rode into town so often, so when Dr. Cullen mentioned his dog had a litter of pups, Edward instantly eyed the friendliest of the bunch and took her home as a surprise. The dog was still rather small, but she and Alice seemed to have an instant connection. The pup rarely left Alice's side, even jumping into her bed and snuggling along side the sleeping girl each day and night. Pale Swan seemed to enjoy having the new animal around, and was even okay with it being inside the house. Kate took a little more convincing, but once she saw Alice happily "petting" the dog, she gave in. The patience the animal showed her young daughter was more than enough for Kate, and she joyfully accepted the dog into the family.

Edward looked to the bed, seeing Kate resting under the covers. He knew that Pale Swan would be in the barn for another hour or so, and the frustration that he felt was no longer bearable. He quickly closed the bedroom door and stripped down to his undergarments. Climbing into the bed along side Kate, he shifted to lay beside her, placing his hand gently on her face—his thumb rubbing across her lips.

"Katie?" Edward whispered, hoping not to startle his wife or to wake his daughter. Kate moaned a bit, moving as she stretched her legs ever so slightly.

"Hi," she said, trying to smile at Edward. "You okay?"

Edward leaned forward and kissed her, pressing his lips firmly against hers before moving them a bit and letting his tongue slide out and slide along her lips. Kate froze for a moment, unsure of what to do. Edward's fingers curled around her neck and he tilted his head so that he could deepen the kiss. He felt Kate begin to cautiously kiss him back, and when her hands glided over his arms, he took that as his cue to continue. His left hand slid down her neck and to her breast, where he palmed her through her nightgown, rubbing his thumb over her nipple.

"Edward, stop," Kate said, trying to push him back a bit.

Edward looked down at her, noticing how wide her eyes were. "What? Am I hurting you?" he asked.

"No, but we can't do this. We're not doing this anymore, remember?"

Edward rolled over, lying on his back and letting out a huff of air. His hand went to his hair and he pulled at it in frustration. "I just need this, okay? If it doesn't hurt too much, can't we do this one more time?"

Kate was quiet for a few moments before placing her hand on his chest. "It's not right, Edward. I know I'm not the one you really want to be with. It's not fair that just because this stupid illness hasn't taken me yet, you should be denied what you need. I know you, Edward, and just like most men, you have needs, and I can't fill them anymore."

Edward stared at the ceiling, his eyes squinting as he thought over what Kate had said. "But you're my wife, so how can this not be right? Why shouldn't we be together? I made promises to you, until death parts us, and that hasn't happened yet, so it doesn't really matter what or who I want, does it?"

Kate sighed, rolling onto her side, despite the pain she felt, so that she could look at Edward. "You and I both know why we married. It wasn't because we were in love with each other. I think we've grown to love one another over the years, but until Bella got here, you didn't really know what being in love was like. Now you do, and it's only right that you should want her in that way. I know she wants you, too, and it wouldn't be fair to her for us to be together."

The things Kate was saying made a lot of sense to Edward, but the fact of the matter was that he was still married to Kate, regardless of who he was in love with. "I promised you, Katie. I promised to keep myself only to you, and I don't intend to break that promise."

Kate looked at her husband, respectful of the loyalty he showed her. "Are you saying you've never thought of Bella in that way? Because many people interpret thoughts as being the same level of sin as actions. You've never wanted to kiss her or touch her or lay with her?"

Edward was silent, and he knew that Kate would be reading his lack of words for what they were—confirmation that her guesses were true.

"Edward, it's okay. I want you to feel that way for her. I need to know that you desire her, otherwise how will you two ever work when I'm gone?"

"You want to know that I dream about her, is that it?" Edward asked, looking over to his wife. "You want to know that I can't keep from watching her, that I can't stop myself from wanting to touch her? Is that what you need to know?"

Kate smiled. "It's a start."

Edward sighed in anger. "Fine, then you know what? I kissed her. You want to know that? You want me to tell you that I've held her hand a few times? That I mistook her for you once, and put my hands on her? Do these things make you happy?"

"Edward, I want you to be happy when I'm gone and I know that Bella can give you that. She loves you, Edward, and she loves Alice and I know she'll do everything she can to make your lives as wonderful as possible. I want that for you. I want you all to live long and beautiful lives together, and I don't ever want you to regret anything."

Edward looked over at Kate, noticing that her eyes were filled with tears.

"If I can't be here with you, I want to know that someone else is here, and that she's everything you've ever dreamed of. I need to know that you'll be okay without me." Kate looked down at the bed, a tear falling down her cheek as she did. "I know it seems wrong that I want you to be affectionate with her, but I need to know for sure, Edward. I can't rest until I know you're going to be alright."

"Katie, we're never going to be alright without you. It doesn't matter who's here, they'll never be able to replace you."

Kate smiled at Edward's words, hoping that they were a lie. "Don't say that, that doesn't make this any easier for me. I love you and Alice more than anyone else, and Bella is like a sister to me. I want you all to be happy after I'm gone. I want you to have a good life together. I want you to think about me and know that I'm glad you're together. I need to see it before I pass, Edward. I know it's not proper, but I don't care. Nothing about this situation is proper."

Edward looked at Kate, watching as a determined look came over her face. "What do mean, you don't care? What are you talking about?"

Kate cleared her throat, speaking her words not much louder than a whisper. "I think you should start sleeping in the loft with Bella."

Edward stared at his wife, sure he had heard her incorrectly. "What did you say?" he asked.

"I want you to start sleeping with Bella in the loft. I think you should lay with her—make sure she can fulfill the needs you have. It's only right, Edward. It seems I've arranged this whole thing and I want to make sure that you two are compatible in all ways. I think you should lay with her tonight. You have needs, and I want you to seek her comfort from now on."

Edward lay still, stunned at what Kate had just told him. He couldn't believe that she would ever say such a thing, and he wanted to yell at her, and make her understand that there was no possible way he would ever do what she was asking of him. He knew Alice was sleeping near them, and the desire to not wake her was the only thing keeping him from giving Kate a good tongue lashing.

"You must be joking, Katie. I will not lay with her, not while you're still alive. Maybe not even after you're gone. I haven't decided yet what I'll do once you pass, but I won't have you telling me that it's okay and acceptable for me to lay with another woman while my wife sleeps just feet away. That's wrong, Katie, and you know it."

Edward climbed out of the bed, reaching for his pants and beginning to redress.

"Edward, you know what I'm saying is practical, and don't you dare go back on your promise of staying here with Bella. I swear to all that's holy, if you take my daughter and return to those monsters in Chicago, I will haunt you until the day you die. And by the same token, if you bring some random whore in here and ask her to raise our child, I'll never rest. Bella is here and she loves Alice as though she were her own baby. She loves you too, I asked her. She told me that she would stay here and marry you, if you want her. What more can I do, Edward?"

"You asked her what?" Edward said, shocked at Kate's forwardness. "How dare you ask her if she would marry me!" His voice was rising higher and louder, and he heard the dog whimper a bit. Mindful of waking Alice, he lowered his tone and continued speaking. "What I do after you're gone is of no concern to you. You wouldn't even fight to save yourself, and now you just want me to go along with the little plan you've masterminded. How can this be right when I don't even get a say in it?"

Kate sat up in the bed, anger beginning to seep into her words. "Edward Masen, how dare you speak to me that way. I am your wife and the mother of your child, and I will not have you saying such things to me. Everything I've done has been for the good of both you and Alice, and I won't have you accusing me of giving up. You know exactly why I didn't fight the way you wanted me to. How dare you."

The anger and hurt in the room was almost thick enough to cut with a knife, and both Edward and Kate were seething with rage by that point.

"You will listen to me, and listen good. I want my daughter to be cared for and loved, and I want her to grow up with brothers and sisters. Bella can give her those things, and she's willing to. I have continually told her what a wonderful man you are, but for some reason she's always seemed a bit hesitant to believe me. Well, if this the way you act around her then I can't say I blame her. I've given my life to you, Edward Masen, and now I'm giving my life for you. The least you could do is be thankful for the sacrifices I've made and see to it that our daughter has a mother worthy of her. I think I've done a pretty good job finding one, if I do say so myself. Don't you go and mess this up."

Edward stood in shock at the words that had come out of Kate's mouth. It was very rare that Kate lost her temper, and he'd never been on the receiving end of a tirade, but as he stood looking at her, he could see the determination in her eyes. She knew what she wanted and she would never give in until she had it.

Edward let out a long breath. "I won't have relations with her while you live. That's final. It's not proper and you can't ask me to condemn my soul to Hell by breaking my marriage vows. I will be agreeable to marriage after you've passed, but I will not seriously discuss it with Bella until after you're gone. It's not right to arrange such things when your wife is still living."

Kate and Edward stared at each other for several moments, before Edward finally looked down at the floor. "Please don't ask me to lay with her, Katie. Whether I want to or not is irrelevant. The fact of the matter is that I'm married to you, and I can't do it. I can't have relations with her while you lay here sleeping, listening to everything that's happening between us. I won't do that to you."

Kate nodded, understanding Edward's request, but seeing little point in it. "Edward, you need to meet your needs now. There's no telling how much longer I'll be here, and you can't wait much more. I just want to know that you're a good fit with Bella in that respect. Just once, ask her to lay with you tonight and I promise I'll be sleeping. I won't hear anything and I won't be angry tomorrow, I promise."

Edward watched his wife, hearing her plea. "No, Katie. It's wrong and I won't do it. Whether she would agree or not, it doesn't change the fact that it's wrong and I refuse. You can't make me do it, Kate. You can't!"

With that, Edward stomped out of the room, throwing the door against the wall as he opened it. His boots made an angry pounding sound on the floor that soon woke Alice from her nap, and he slammed the back door on his way out of the house. Pale Swan watched silently from the dining table, having just entered the house and unfortunately overhearing the last bit of Edward and Kate's conversation.

Edward went straight to the barn, which seemed to be his location of choice when he needed quiet, comforting, and a good place to think. He didn't see Pale Swan standing in the doorway until after he'd been pacing back and forth for several minutes. She had followed him out of the house, hoping to find out what had transpired between him and Kate.

"What are you doing here?" Edward asked in an angry tone.

"I hear you fighting, want to see if you alright."

"Yeah, I'm fine, though I'm not really thrilled with you right now, so maybe you could leave me be."

Pale Swan wondered why he was upset with her this time.

"What I do? I hear you talk to Kate, you both sound angry."

Edward let out a huff, realizing that it wasn't Pale Swan's fault that Kate seemed to have lost her mind.

"Nothing, you didn't do anything. It's just Kate and these ideas she has. Sometimes she gets like this, where she has this idea or feeling and she just won't let it go until I have to give in and let her have her way. She did the same thing when I told her I didn't want you coming to stay here last year." Edward looked at Pale Swan, noticing the sadness that suddenly shadowed her face. He hadn't meant for that to sound rude, so he needed to make it right, and quickly. "I just didn't want you here because I knew the feelings I could have for you. I already felt it, from that very first day. There was a draw to you, something pulling my soul to yours. I couldn't risk my family for that."

Pale Swan nodded, realizing that she had felt the same thing when they first met. She wouldn't have been willing to give up her family for a chance at a life with Edward, which is why she, too, had been hesitant about living in his home. But that was over a year ago, before she and Edward had been forced together. Before she came to know him and care for not only him, but Alice and Kate. Now she couldn't imagine ever being anywhere else.

"I know, I afraid," she whispered, as Edward searched her face for answers. "I feel something from you that first day, and it scare me."

Edward was silent for a moment, frustration continuing to grow in him. "See, that's what I mean. We've both tried so hard to stay away from each other—to not feel what we were feeling—and now it turns out it was for nothing. It doesn't even matter. How wrong is it that I've dreamt of you for a year, feeling guilty every morning, and now it turns out that it's okay? I didn't have to feel guilty because now I get to be with you, and it's okay."

Pale Swan stood quietly watching him as his hands raked through his hair and he began to pace through the room. When Edward glanced at her, he could see the confusion on her face, and that she clearly did not understand the things he had said to her.

"I don't…" she said, watching him closely and waiting for an explanation, but Edward was too upset to offer one just yet.

"It feels like some kind of joke, you know? Like I've suffered through this agony for nothing. And now Kate just tells me, 'It doesn't matter that we're married, I want you to be with her. Go lay with her. Go kiss her. Go put your hands on her, it's fine. That's how it's supposed to be.' How could she say that?" Edward looked at Pale Swan, noticing the expression on her face.

"Kate say what?" she asked, clearly shocked at the words Edward had spoken.

"Yeah, she says we can be together, that she won't be mad. She wants me to sleep in the loft with you, and come to you to meet my needs. Physical needs." Edward waited for Pale Swan to fully understand what he as saying. When she still looked confused, he got more specific. "Intimate needs, that a husband and wife share when they lay together."

"What?" Pale Swan said, her hand flying to her throat in embarrassment. The things Edward was telling her were surely things she'd always wanted with him, and things she hoped to have someday if they were ever married. The idea that Kate would want them to share those things now, while Kate remained living, shocked her, and Edward could see the proof of that in her body language. She stumbled back, until her body was flush against the wall of the barn.

"Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. She wants us to be together. She said she needs to know that we are 'compatible in that way.' Like we wouldn't be compatible." He mumbled the last line to himself, but Pale Swan heard him, and her eyes shot up.

"You think me like that? Like husband think of wife?"

The two of them stared at each other for a few moments, each wondering what the other thought about the possibility of them being together.

"Yes," Edward finally said. He decided to lay his cards on the table and tell her exactly what he was thinking. "I think of you that way, with me. I wonder what it would be like to touch you, to hold you in my bed, and to kiss you. I wonder what you feel like, but I can't let myself know…not yet. I won't be unfaithful to Kate, no matter what she says."

Pale Swan nodded in agreement before muttering a soundless, "Me too."

Their eyes were connected, a fire burning between them, and in an instant all the frustration of the last few months boiled over and Edward was across the room to where Pale Swan stood, pulling her into his arms and letting his lips attack hers. She gasped at his forcefulness, but wrapped her arms around his neck as he slid his tongue into her mouth. The kiss was much different than the other one they'd shared, and each of them felt the desperation of the moment. There was no sound, other than their staggered, heavy breaths.

Edward clawed at her back, not able to get her body close enough to his. His hands swiftly moved to her bottom and then lower to her thighs and grabbed her, lifting her to his waist and pushing her back hard against the wall. Her legs quickly wrapped around his waist as her mouth moved frantically with his. Edward could feel his hard member pressing against Pale Swan's hot center, and he wondered desperately what it would feel like if they were naked. He wanted her so much in that moment, and for a split second he seriously considered doing what Kate asked him to do.

He moved his lips to Pale Swan's neck, leaving wet, open mouthed kisses along her skin, and listening as she moaned in ecstasy. Her hands were in his hair, pushing his face tighter into her neck, and he wondered if she'd ever experienced this kind of feeling before. Edward had been with Kate intimately too many times for him to count, but never in all his life had he felt what he was feeling with Pale Swan. His right hand shifted to her waist, holding her tightly before skimming up her side to her face. His fingers wrapped around her jaw and he angled her head so that he could kiss her again, letting his tongue stroke hers as they twisted together. His hand began to drift downward, and before he realized what he was doing, he was grasping her breast, squeezing it and craving more. Pale Swan groaned into his mouth, and just as he moved toward the buttons on her bodice, there was a loud cry from somewhere outside the barn. They both froze, looking toward the house for a moment before they heard it again. It was Alice, and almost as quickly as their encounter had begun, it was over.

Edward set Pale Swan back down on the ground, trying to steady his breathing as he backed away from her. She adjusted her clothes, attempting to make herself presentable and make sure everything was in its proper place. When their eyes met again, they both paused and stood still.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me," Edward said.

Pale Swan shook her head. "No, it alright, I feel it too. I think Kate right."

Edward stepped toward Pale Swan. "What do you mean Kate's right?"

"I think she see more than we do."

Edward nodded and just as he was about to kiss her again, Alice cried out. He reached down and took Pale Swan's hand, lacing his fingers with hers and pulling her toward the house. Before opening the door, he lifted her hand to his mouth, pressing his lips against her fingers. "I'll talk to Kate, okay?"

Pale Swan nodded, unsure of exactly what Edward was talking about, but when they entered the house, it didn't matter anymore. Kate lay on the bedroom floor, crying and in pain.

"Katie?" Edward said, rushing to her side.

"Edward, I'm so sorry, I never should have pushed you. Please don't be angry, you were right. It's wrong what I told you, and I'm sorry. Please don't be upset with me."

Edward swiftly knelt on the floor next to Kate, pulling her into his arms and letting her cry on his shoulder. Pale Swan quietly entered the room, picking up Alice and taking her outside, leaving Edward to tend to his sobbing and sorrowful wife.

~o~O~o~

A/N: Dun, dun, dun… :D Poor Edward. Men have it so bad sometimes. :D And in case you're wondering, he's rather hesitant to relieve "that tension" on his own, if you know what I mean. He doesn't see it as "proper," so he's kind of at Kate's mercy here. :D It's been a while…he's been holding out for a while now. :D

Thank you, too, for all the opinions going on with this. I think Kate is trying to deal with the fact that she's not going to be around to see all the things she'd planned for her life. She isn't perfect and sometimes she doesn't make the best decisions. She's real, or at least I try to make her that way. And Edward…I know everyone wants him to be the perfect man that will hold out and be faithful and his loyalty will never waver. That's not real. :D He's human, he has flaws, he makes bad choices, that's just how it is. I think we've all been around men (or women, for that matter) who have regularly received sex and then had it taken away for whatever reason. They are not always the most pleasant of people to deal with. I have a husband, I know this. Men do not always think with the head that has the brain, sometimes they think with the head about three feet lower that is programmed for one thing, and one thing only. Edward is just like any other guy, and in this situation he's dealing with a lot, in addition to the no sex thing. His best friend is dying, he's going to be on his own soon with a ranch to run and an infant daughter, and he's forced to spend hours and hours each day with this woman that he feels an incredible connection to, and that he knows feels the same way, and yet he can't touch her. At all. The guy is stressed. I'm sorry if his behavior offended any of you last chapter, and I'm sorry if some others were upset because he doesn't just kick Kate to the curb and bang away at Bella. :D I have this all planned out, just hang in there. There are only 3 chapters to go, and then you'll know the whole story. :) I hope you'll still like it when it's done.

Need I remind you, I love the number 13. Next chapter is a biggie… :)