Author: Everything_Once
Pairing: Naomy/Emily
Rating: K
Warnings: Swearing and maybe a bit of "art" later who knows...
Summary: AU Skins never happens. Effy and Naomi are at university together, while Emily is a mysterious rock singer at a local pub.
Disclaimer: Skins isn't my property, even if I secretly wish so! At the moment I pretty much own nothing...
Chapter Twelve
*** Emily's thoughts***
I'm still walking in the streets under the rain one hour after, i'm not even sure to know where I am now. Truth is that it doesn't really matter right now, I'm soaked trough and i'm freezing right now. I don't even feel my legs anymore, it's almost like if i was dead, all my mind can think about is Naomi, her eyes, her lips, her tears ...
I hate myself so much right now. I hate myself cause I've let myself fall for her so hard, I hate myself for being so selfish, I hate myself for letting what other people think have such an important place in my life, I hate myself for doing what they want me to even if it's too late and if it's not what I want ... I hate myself for not being with her right now when it's all i really want and need! But mostly I hate myself for hurting her so much.
I can't even walk right now, I let myself fall on the floor, exhausted, ashamed but mostly just broken.
A bit later i feel a hand on my shoulder, I don't even move at first not sure to know what i should do now.
"It won't make you feel better to sleep there alone under the rain you know..."
I immediately recognize this voice ...
"You should be happy to see me like that!"
"It's not about me. The real question is are you happy Emily?"
I stand myself up and I walk to the nearest bench, it's then that I realise that I'm at the water park and that it's not raining anymore.
"Fuck you Effy you really think that you know everything that you know me at all. Well you don't otherwise you'll now that it's killing me to do that to her."
"Change it then."
"I wish I could be it's too fucking hard."
"It's where you're wrong Emily."
"You wanna know me, you wanna know my fucking story then great I'll tell you everything. I was around 14 first time I realise that I might be into girls, there was this beautiful girl at my school, she was on of my sister closest friend so she was always around our house. I was like addicted to her but i've never really talked to her, only small talks and stuff like that, too fucking scared to even say a whole fucking sentence to her. I was around 16 when we really talked for the first time. We were having a party at ours and of course she was there too. I wasn't partying with the others cause no one really was my friend there so I was alone in my bedroom reading some book when I heard her knock on my bedroom. After a bit of talking she kissed me, like proper kissed me, i was so in shock and she left me there. Month later we were at another party and she kisses me again but this time my fucking twin sister saw us and this girl told her that i've taken advantage of her. And guess what my own fucking twin believed her, that hurts but what hurt me the most that night was the look of horror and disgust I saw in Katie's eyes."
"Listen Emily ..."
"I'm not over yet. Listen the only two persons that knows the whole story are JJ and Cook and it's really hard for me to tell you so but I've to now so please just let me go on."
"Ok."
"After seeing me with that girl Katie hasn't told me one word, the walk home was one of the worst moment of my life. I've begged her to talked to me, to listen to me or at least to look at me but it was like if we were strangers now. As soon as we arrived home she told the whole story to my parents. My father didn't said one word, all the yelling were coming from my mother she was disgusted too and told me that I was sick and that I just needed to change. She also said that she was letting me one month to change and then if I was still sick I wouldn't be allowed in this house anymore. I didn't sleep that night all I was able to do was cry. A few days later this girl called me and told me that she was sorry, we start to date a few days later but it was a secret. I was pretty much in love with her and one month later when my mother asked me I told her that I wasn't sick and just attracted by other girls. She kicked me out that night, my little brother was the only one to told her that she was wrong, but it might only be cause he wanted to learn everything about my sexuality. A friend of mine help me to find a place to sleep. But at the moment it wasn't really important cause i was in love and it was the only important thing for me. A few day later she broke up with me and her friends, which include her boyfriend and my sister confronted me one night at a club. I haven't even try to respond to them i was so flabbergasted by the whole situation. A bit later that night the guys decided to beat me, they left me for dead in an alley and it was Cook that found be that night with JJ, they both help me to stand up and took care of me. We've been best friends since."
She gently takes my hand in her and it was then that i realise that she was crying too now.
"Those guys ... have they ..."
"No. God no! Me and JJ are pretending to be a couple now too cause it's easier to me now and it helps him too with his own mother. And since my night I haven't seen any of them or my family. The missing pieces are my family and this is all that count for me."
"You can't live like that Emily, you can't fight who you are, love matter.I get that you're scared and hurt but ..."
"Yeah right ... nothing really matter. Plus correct me if i'm wrong but you're in love with Cook too but you broke up with him as well..."
"That's different."
"No, you're just scared, we're more alike that you think."
We stayed like that for a bit not talking. After a bit she stands up and give me a hand. I look at her confused.
"I've to help you home first then I have to go at Cook place to pick up Naomi from what I've heard she's a total mess tonight."
"So you knew what was happening from the beginning?"
"Yeah. But sometimes it helps to say those things out loud."
"Maybe..."
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