Trigger Warning: This chapter contains dark thoughts and actions that may disturb some readers.

Chapter 12

It had been two days since Duo had had tea with Quatre. Shortly after Quatre had left, Hildie had called Duo to inform him that she had arranged for him to surprise guest DJ at a local venue. Duo had originally planned to go out on a date with Treize that night. He had called the other man to invite him to the venue, but Treize had declined and canceled their date due to issues at work. The braided man had then texted his best friend to invite him instead but Quatre declined because he was far too busy with work. Duo had been a little upset about not having either of them at the event, but he brushed it off. He understood that they were both busy men, and he knew he could still have fun without them there. He had contemplated calling the other three men that he was now friends with, but decided against it. He was finally comfortable with the idea of making new friends, but he wasn't quite ready yet to spend time with them without Quatre there.

The venue had been busy, as it usually was on a Saturday night, and when Aminon was introduced the building erupted with excitement. Duo had played an hour long set and when he was finished he headed out onto the floor to grab himself a drink to enjoy the rest of the show. He had just left the bar with a mixed drink and was heading to find a table when he ran into none other than Heero.
"Heero, I didn't expect to see you here," Duo remarked in surprise.

"Yeah; Quatre messaged me yesterday and told me about it. I didn't have any plans so I thought I would come and enjoy some music. You were great by the way." Heero smiled, taking a drink of the beer he was holding.

"Thanks."

There was a moment of silence between the two men before Heero suggested, "How about we find a table?"

"Sure."

Duo lead the way to the back of the venue where a cluster of tables had been set up. It was quieter there but they could still hear the music. They sat down at a round table across from each other. Duo nursed his drink, wondering what to say.

As if Heero could read his uncertainty, the taller man struck up a conversation. "So Duo, you clearly enjoy this style of music, what other styles do you enjoy?"

"Hmm, well I'm pretty open to everything in the techno and dance sub genre's. I also enjoy classical; I get a lot of my inspiration from it. I'll listen to almost anything though. What about you?" Duo felt comfortable with this topic; he was a music artist after all.

"I listen to a little bit of everything. I wouldn't say that I have a favorite genre, but lately I've been listening to a lot of techno and dance," Heero admitted.

Duo's eye brows perked up. He wondered if that might have something to do with him. He tried not to think about it. He tried not to think about how hansom Heero was or about his striking cobalt blue eyes. You have a boyfriend Duo, you can't be ogling at other men. Well, I mean you can, but you shouldn't! Duo cleared his throat. "What about movies?"

"Well, I'd have to say I most enjoy watching action and adventure movies. I'll watch almost anything really. I'm not a particularly huge fan of horror movies though, but I've been convinced to watch a handful."

"Aww, I love horror movies. I love that adrenaline rush you get when you're watching them. Comedies are great too. About the only thing I don't care to watch are romances," Duo laughed, taking a swallow of his drink.

Heero chuckled. "So what do you do in your free time? You seem to be a very busy person what with your music career and your art."

Duo thought for a moment, "Well I enjoy going to clubs and raves I guess. I do tend to focus a lot on my work, but every once in awhile I like to go out. I've attended a few charity events, but that's about it. Yourself?" He had relaxed into the conversation and it felt more natural. The alcohol was tickling his body and the music was flowing through him. He was actually happy to have someone to talk to, even if he was still hesitant to get too close to Heero. He was willing to openly admit that they were friends, but he accepted that there were different levels of friendship.

"I work out a lot. I usually go to the gym twice a week and run three times a week. I've done a few marathons in the past. I hang out with Trowa and Wufei regularly; we've all been friends since primary school." Heero took a drink of his beer. "How long have you and Quatre known each other?"

Duo laughed, "Oh we go way back. We met the first year of primary school and became quick friends. We've been through almost everything together. He's like a second brother to me."

"Right, you have a brother. He passed away right? What was his name?"

Duo hesitated. The conversation was starting to flow too well, and it was beginning to lead into areas he didn't particularly like talking about. It was no secret that he had an older brother; he had admitted that much at his charity event that Heero had attended. Yet, he honestly didn't want to talk about his past; it brought up too many bad memories. Giving his brothers name couldn't hurt though, could it? "His name was Solo."
"Were the two of you close?" Heero inquired, a look of interest in his eyes.

Duo felt a prickle of anxiety creeping up inside of him. "Yeah we were pretty close." He didn't want to talk about this. He didn't want to remember how much he cared for his brother, and how much he had resented him for being the only one to know their absent father. Sure, Duo had grown to hate his father for leaving when he was just a baby, but at the same time that didn't change the fact that he had been there for the first eight years of Solo's life. Solo had experienced time with their father; something that Duo never had. One might ask why he never went in search for his father, but Duo would answer that by saying that after all of these years he wanted nothing to do with the man. Now that his brother had passed away, all the resentment he had had was gone and he now resented himself for feeling the way he had. He needed to steer the conversation away from his life so he asked, "What about you? Do you have any siblings?"

"I have a younger sister; her name is Satchiko. She moved to Japan a couple of years ago so I haven't seen her for some time." Heero informed, finishing his beer.

"Oh? What made her move there?" Duo continued to steer the conversation towards Heero not only because he wanted to avoid himself, but also because he was starting to grow interested in Heero's background. It dawned on him that he had learned more about Heero in the past few minutes then he even knew about his boyfriend. He pushed the thought aside and listened to Heero's answer.

"My parents are from there. I grew up in Japan for the first five years of my life until my parents moved here for my fathers work. Satchiko was born after we moved so she wanted to spend some time experiencing her family culture."

"Do you have any plans to ever go back and visit?" Duo inquired.

"I've been thinking about it a lot lately. It would be nice to see my sister and spend time in my home country. Have you ever been there yourself? I know you tour abroad for your music."

Duo laughed. "That's actually one of the few places I haven't toured. My manager has kept a lot of my shows focused in Europe, but I have gone to the United states and South America. I only started touring about two years ago though."

"We should go some time. It's a beautiful country bursting with culture and heritage," Heero casually proposed as if they had been friends for years.

"Like, just the two of us?" Duo asked awkwardly. The idea sounded fun, but it felt too much like a romantic gesture.

"Well, we can of course invite the others," Heero smoothed over the tension. "I know Trowa and Wufei have never been and I'm sure Quatre would enjoy it."

"Yeah," Duo finally downed the last of his drink. "That could be fun." It was getting late and Duo wanted to get going. The conversation had been nice, but it had arisen issues inside of him. He wanted to get away and drown out the memories and awkward feelings that Heero had stirred inside of him. Unfortunately, he didn't have a good excuse to leave so he would have to lie. "Well, it's getting pretty late. My manager wants to get with me early tomorrow morning so I should probably get going. It was good seeing you and getting a chance to chat." Duo stood. "I'll see you later."

"Alight, I'll see you later. Have a good night." Heero smiled.

"Back at ya!" Duo plastered a forced grin on his face and made his way out of the venue. When he stepped out into the cool night air he took a deep breath. His anxiety was running rampant in his body. He shakily pulled out a cigarette and lit it, taking a long drag. As he smoked, he made his way to his car, feeling only the edge of the anxiety receding. It wasn't enough, he needed more. He wanted to call Treize; he wanted to feel something other than what he was feeling now. He reminded himself that it was late and he didn't want to bother the other man with something so trivial. While driving home he continued to think. He needed something right away to take the edge off, more than just a cigarette. A dark idea slipped into his mind and he began to toy with it. /I can do it one more time and then I'll quit. Just a few cuts where no one will see and I'll be fine. It'll be fine./ Duo lied to himself the entire way home, his mind formulating a plan for when he got home.

By the time Duo had gotten home, the itch inside had grown unbearable. He rushed into his flat, locking the door behind him and made a b-line to the bathroom. Once there he pulled the pocket knife out from the back of the drawer. When the knife was finally in his hand, he closed the door and sat with his back to it. He examined the blade, contemplating the best location. He had always favored his left arm when he turned to cutting, and a little voice in his mind reassured him that no one would notice the new cuts next to the ten already there. They were healing, but the skin around them was still an angry red. Any new marks would blend it fine. Decision made, he pulled up the fabric of the mesh long sleeve shirt he had worn that night and pressed the blade to his skin. A rush of adrenaline engulfed him as the sharp metal sliced his flesh. The anxiety was washed over, erasing it from existence if only for a moment. It wasn't enough though. He needed more. He cut himself once, twice, three times more before he stopped. Satisfaction mingled with the adrenaline coursing through his body, filling his entire being. In that moment he did not think about how the feeling would not last long. He did not think of the past or anxiety. He did not worry about the repercussions of his actions. He only felt and thought about the feeling filling him. The intense and euphoric feeling. It was a high that he had fought to resist, but now it was a drug. A drug that he would fall back on, cling to and rely on to get him through the days.

End Chapter 12

Authors Note: A majority of the dark themes in this story come from personal experience. My wish is not to glorify these dark themes but only to give an accurate portrayal.