I've got a secret that tears up my soul
and keeping it hidden has taken its toll
I can't tell the truth cause he might turn away
so I'll keep this secret it's better that way.
With her Leafeon resting on the floor in front of her, Ruby sat in a beat up office chair, slowly spinning side to side. It was clear by the small tears and scratches in the chair that it had been well worn. Resting her hand on a small tear on the arm of the chair, she began to pick at it, widening the tear that had been there.
It's just like me.
She was much older now compared to the kid she had once been. And as she had grown, she had received tears and scratches in her life that made her, well, her. Like the chair she was sitting in, she hadn't bothered to try and repair the scratches, nor was she ever able to get a new life. She had tried to escape her current life situation many times in an attempt to start new, but she never could truly escape. The memories like the ones connected to the chair followed her everywhere she went, taunting her of what she had so stupidly given up.
When she had arrived in Viridian, she had originally come here in search for information about her daughter's whereabouts. Within an hour everything changed. Now, she didn't know what she wanted anymore. Was she even still searching for Charlotte or closure for what had happened? Charlotte wasn't even technically Charlotte anymore; she was named Charlie. Had he really moved on so quickly? Changing their daughter's name so he could pretend what had happened between them never actually happened? That she no longer existed? What she did know was that he had done what she remembered him always doing: putting on a brave face and bottling it up so he could move on with life.
Twisting the chair, she made it so she faced the main door. After coming to visit Gary to apologize for her accusations, he had asked her to stay. When she had agreed, he had taken her to a room that he said he hadn't entered since the day he received the training school. For hidden behind the mahogany wood door was Ash's old office. This is where Ruby now found herself, the door shut and only the light sitting on the desk, its bulb starting to fade.
With the minimal light she had been given, she had closed and opened some drawers as quietly as she could, in hopes she would find some information. As luck would have it, she found pictures buried beneath unimportant looking papers. When she found the pictures, she thanked whatever god there was that Gary hadn't found them. For if he had, it would be opening up a world she preferred to keep hidden from him.
Picking up one of the pictures in her hand, she held it delicately in her hands, tracing the outline of the figures with her fingers. They had taken Charlotte to the fair, this outing being the first time in a while they'd spent time together as a family-if you could even call what they had that. Despite Ruby's protests, Ash had gone and spoiled Charlotte by buying her sweets and taking her on rides as many times as she wanted. He could never say no to her. And instead of making her walk, he had carried her on his shoulders the entire time. As they were heading toward the exit, they came across one of those booths where you could take your photo. Before she could say no, Ash had dragged her into the booth with Charlotte and him.
"Ash," she had groaned in annoyance, rolling her eyes, "this is stupid. We're too old for this."
"Lighten up, Rubes," he teased her. Setting Charlotte between them, he proceeded to push the START button. When the theme selection for the pictures appeared on the screen, he turned to her. "Now what do we want?"
She recalled looking at the themes with him, trying her best to seem interested and involved in the selection. As she glanced over them, for reasons unknown to her, the pictures with the filmstrip border caught her interest.
"That one," she stated, clicking it before Ash could say anything. Although more boring compared to the other themes, it was simple, an adjective she wish she could apply to her relationship with Ash. "So what are we going to do?"
"Whatever we want," Ash shrugged. The fun of these photo booths was being spontaneous. They were meant to be candid, not planned. "You ready?"
Nodding, Ruby quickly tried to come up with something while the screen counted down from three.
The results of that photo booth adventure were now sitting on the desk and resting in her hand.
The one in her hand was a filmstrip with pictures of various goofy poses Ash and her had tried to come up with on the fly. In the picture on the bottom, Ash had even given Charlotte bunny ears after she had finally looked at the camera, having spent the last three pictures staring at something on the floor. Placing the strip back onto the table, she proceeded to pick up the next one.
It was clear by the way they sat in the picture that this could be considered a real family picture. In between them, Charlotte leaned on Ash's lap in the middle of laughing after he had proceeded to tickle her. She had her eyes slightly shut as she flailed wildly. Above her, Ash was smiling, his face reflecting that of someone who genuinely cared and loved her. And like he always did, he wore his hat backwards. Next to them, Ruby was surprised to see the her in the picture laughing and smiling as she joined in on the tickle attack against Charlotte. While she knew that this picture was somewhat cheesy and over the top in its "aww" factor, it was Ruby's only evidence that they had at one time been a happy group of three. That what they had tried to work together to achieve was actually working.
Finally, picking up the last picture with her hand, she felt a greater rush of emotions bubble up inside her. In the final picture, Ash had used one of his hands to cover Charlotte's eyes as he kissed her. While they attempted for the other pictures to be candid, this one was truly a spur of the moment. Before the final picture had been taken, Ruby had found herself drawn to Ash's face after she had observed her daughter's carefree smile. Noticing her looking at him, he had flicked his eyes to the screen, smiled at her, and then covered Charlotte's eyes as he leaned forward. The action had caught her off guard, but it didn't take long for her to react as she started to kiss him back.
So what had happened? What had changed about their relationship that made these pictures unbelievable? She had loved him; or at least she knew some part of her had. So where had they gone wrong? That answer was buried in the back of her mind with all the memories of raising Charlotte.
"Ruby!" she heard Gary yell as he slammed the door opened and stormed in his Umbreon at his side.
In a frantic rush, she scrambled to grab the pictures and conceal them before he could get even the slightest glance. Luckily, he hadn't noticed the pictures, but that didn't mean she was safe yet. His face was full of anger and he was carrying a piece of paper in his hand like it was the most important thing to him. When he reached the desk where she was sitting, his blue eyes threw daggers at her as he slammed the piece of paper on the desk with his palm.
"Gary?"
She made sure to not sound accusatory, for fear he would suddenly explode in anger at her. As his eyes bared his eyes at her, she could hear him breathing through his teeth. Unlike before, though, she wasn't about to let herself get scared by Gary. She had only been scared before because Gary never got angry with her when they were kids. Now, she knew better and knew she could hold her ground against him if she needed to.
"Cut the crap, Ruby," he snapped at her. As much as he wanted to get angry with her and yell at her, hew knew that wasn't going to get him the answers he wanted. If he wanted Ruby to tell him the truth, he would have to approach this rationally so she didn't run away again. Since Ash was no longer around, she was his only way of every knowing what happened between them. So, as he stared back into her amber eyes that were filled with confusion, he took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down, readjusting his tone. "Look. Ruby, just tell me what happened."
"What?" she shot back at him. He wasn't making sense. First of all, she had no idea why he was even mad, and secondly, she had no idea what the letter was all about. Obviously it was the source of his anger, but he had yet to explain what about it peeved him so. "What are you even talking about, Gary?"
"I know who Charlie's mother is, Ruby." He kept his eyes glued to her face, waiting for any reaction. When she didn't say anything, however, he was forced to say the words for them. Instead of saying anything, though, he shoved the letter towards her and pointed to a specific paragraph. "He told me. It's you, Ruby."
Glancing at where Gary was pointing, Ruby began to read the paragraph. When she did, her face instantly paled. The letter was from Ash and he had told Gary that she was Charlotte's mother. Her secret was out, and she now had to face what would come next.
"Gary," she uttered, biting her lip as he glanced over at him. "I...I'm sorry. I wasn't going to say anything, but then you talked me into staying here and…"
"Ruby," he called her name, stopping her in her speech. "Just tell me what happened," he pleaded with her trying his best to stay calm. It was proving a lot harder than he had planned, though. "Please."
"It-it was 11 years ago," she started, her voice shaking in fear. She wanted to tell him the entire story, but it was going to be hard. "I ran into him at the Indigo Plateau. His friend had taken him out to celebrating winning some tournament. When I ran into him, it was later in the night so we were both kind of drunk. I hadn't meant to drink that much, but…yeah."
Gary didn't know why, but the fact that Ash and Ruby weren't exactly in the right state of mind when it had happened made it a little easier to accept. Since it had happened that way, he knew they hadn't intentionally gone behind his back and done this. It was a stupid decision, but an accident nonetheless.
"I had just broken up with my boyfriend so, my friend wanted to take me out to get my mind off of him and she had casually mentioned that when she found out I knew Ash. He kept asking me if I was okay and telling me I was lying when I would tell him I was fine. "I know you, Ruby," he kept saying. "You're not okay." So finally, I cracked and he and I went somewhere else to talk. It was just like the way things always used to be. Me having some problem and him being there to comfort me."
Gary nodded to acknowledge that he was still listening. He didn't blame Ash for doing what he did, knowing that if he himself had ran into Ruby, he would have done the same thing for her.
"We headed back to my apartment to talk and ended up drinking a bit more. Apparently, it was enough to obscure my judgment because the next thing I knew was I told him that I really missed him and then we were leaning forward. I was a bit shocked at first, but it didn't take long before the initial shock melted away and I deepened it. I'm sure you guess what happened after that…"
"Yeah," Gary replied, no emotion in his voice. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what had happened next.
"Right. Things only got worse when we woke up the next morning and realized what had happened. I don't think I'd ever seen him so emotionalyl distraught before."
When she had woken up, he was sitting on the edge of the bed with his hands in his head.
"Ash?" Ruby called, hugging the sheets close to her body.
When he heard her call him name, he suddenly looked up and turned back toward her.
"Ruby! I'm so sorry… I was stupid, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen," he rambled on, not knowing what to say. When he had woken up and figured out where he was and what had happened, his heart had been set into a racing panic. He couldn't believe what he had done.
"Ash…" she tried again. He ignored her, continuing to ramble on as he hopped off the bed and began to grab his clothes off the floor.
Glancing at the clock, his widened in fear. "It's 9:30? I told Brock I'd meet him back at the center last night," he told her as he hopped around, trying to pull his jeans on. Grabbing his phone out of his pocket he saw that he had five missed calls. "Shit! Brock and Misty are going to kill me! Misty's going to kill me… she's going to kill me."
"Ash we need to talk about this." She watched him as he grabbed his t-shirt and threw it over his head and pulled it on. "Ash, are you even listening to me?"
"I'm sorry, Ruby," he apologized. Just then his phone rang again, its shrilling noise towering over their voices. Flipping it open, he proceeded to try and reason with a very frazzled Brock. "I'm on my way. I'm sorry okay?"
In a fit of frustration, Ruby grabbed the covers to conceal herself as she hopped off the bed and proceeded to pick up her own clothing from the floor. While she waited for Ash to finish talking on the phone she redressed before sitting on the end of the bed.
"Ruby," he called her name as he closed his phone. When she looked at him, she could see pain and fear in his eyes as he tried to figure out what to say to her. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't seem to come up with the right words to say. All he could do was continue to apologize, "I'm so sorry."
"Just go, Ash," she told him, some bitterness in her voice. "You're friends are waiting for you. We'll just pretend this never happened."
"Okay."
"Little did I know that trying to forget what happened wouldn't be possible. It was about a month later when I started getting really sick. I thought maybe I had gotten the flu or something because it was going around my work at the time. When I went to the doctor, though, he told me that it was morning sickness and that I was pregnant."
"Did you tell Ash?" Gary asked.
Ruby shook her head. "No. I knew it was him, but I couldn't do it. I was too afraid. Besides, I had no way of contacting him. I didn't know where he was or how to even find him."
"Did you tell anyone? Ruby you know you could have called me."
"I thought about it," she admitted, closing her eyes for a second, "but I thought you would be mad once you figured out that it was Ash who was the father. I even contemplated calling Ms. Ketchum, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I didn't tell anyone for about three months, but after it was no longer possible to hide, I told my friend Sarah. She let me live with her so that I could save money to pay for the hospital bills."
"Where did your friend live?" Gary inquired out of curiosity.
"She lived in Saffron. That's where I learned about Pokemon Contest and started participating in them so I could earn some extra money," Ruby informed him. Her friend Sarah, who had done a few contests herself, had pushed her to enter a contest after seeing Ruby battle with her Leafeon. Knowing she needed some extra money, she suggested her friend enter a contest. "I ended up doing very well. Turns out, I'm quite the natural. Anyways, I was able to save up enough money so that by the time Charlotte was born, I moved out of Sarah's apartment and bought one for us in Viridian."
Interrupting her once again, Gary posed another question. "How'd you pick Charlotte?" So long as he kept asking Ruby questions, he knew that he could get her to keep talking and he could combat the bits of pain he was feeling. So long as he was distracted, he wouldn't dwell on what had happened between his two friends. "It's a pretty name. I really like it. Suites her well, too."
"Uh, thanks," Ruby sheepishly replied, blushing a bit at his compliment. "I wish I had some special story behind why I named her that, but I don't. I picked it out because I liked the sound of it. Although she always went by Charlotte Hamilton, on her birth certificate, I put Charlotte Elizabeth Ketchum and put Ash's name down."
For a second, Ruby smiled to herself before continuing on.
"She was so adorable Gary," she found herself reminiscing. "She didn't have a whole lot of hair, but you could see the reddish brown color in them, and her eyes were just like his. They were this dark shade of brown, almost a chestnut color, and they were big. When they gave her to me, I fell in love the second she wrapped her little finger around mine. I thought about giving her up for adoption, but after that, I couldn't do it."
For the first time since he had marched into the office, Gary smiled, but there was still some pain behind his smile. He had always cared deeply for Ruby, and had always imagined himself one day marrying her and starting a family. It was a far-fetched idea, but as Ruby described her first look at Charlotte, he couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if it had been him like he always hoped. Instead of Ash's brown eyes, he hoped she would have gotten his blue ones. Her facial features would have been Ruby, but her personality, he hoped, would have been him. But instead, she was a mixture of both Ash and Ruby in both personality and looks.
"Things were a little rough at first, but eventually, I got a job at that old diner here and I met some nice people who offered to watch her while I worked. Plus, I still did contests and battles on the sides since the pay wasn't as good as I would have hoped. Before I knew it, a year had gone by and she was turning one." Tired from sitting the way she was, Ruby took a second to readjust herself as she pulled her knees to her chest. "One day I was carrying her and she started saying, "da da." She kept saying it, and that's when I decided that she deserved the chance to have her dad in her life. Plus, I didn't want her to be like Ash. I remember it was always hard for him not having a dad around, so I wanted to give him the chance to at least meet her, you know?"
Gary nodded. "How'd you find him?"
"I didn't know where to start or even how to find him, so I just sat down one evening and started calling every Pokemon Center in Kanto. Eventually, I got lucky and he happened to be staying in the one in Celadon City. That was probably one of the hardest phone calls I ever made."
"Um…hi, this is Ash," Ash hesitantly answered the phone. When he had asked Nurse Joy who was calling for him, she had told him she didn't know but that they had said it was really important. "Who's calling?"
While he waited for the caller to answer, he took the time to flip on the video screen. When he did, his mouth gaped open and he almost dropped the phone. "Ruby?"
"Hey Ash. I'm glad I finally found you," she told him, trying to make some small talk. "How are you?"
"I'm good. Ruby, is something wrong?" he asked. Ruby was the last person he would expect to call him, so it worried him a bit. He hoped everything was okay and that she wasn't in trouble.
"No. But I need to tell you something," she explained, averting her eyes from the screen for a second. Just as she was about to tell him, there was a crying in the background.
"Is that a baby?" Ash asked, puzzled by the sudden noise.
"Uh yeah. One second, okay? I'll be right back so don't hang up."
"I wont."
He was still left confused, wondering why she had tracked him down and called him. Secondly, he was confused as to why she had a baby. After some consideration, he figured she was just babysitting.
"Okay, I'm back!" she announced, sitting back down in front of the phone. This time she had Charlotte sitting on her knee as she balanced the phone in the crook of her neck and used her hands to bounce the baby on her knee.
"She's really cute," Ash smiled, taking in Charlotte's baby little button nose and chubby cheeks. They kind of reminded him of his baby pictures, except he had crazy jet- black hair where she had curly brownish red hair. "Hi," Ash waved at the little girl before flicking his eyes back to Ruby. "Are you babysitting her?"
"No," Ruby shook her head, puzzling Ash even more. "This is my daughter, Charlotte."
"You're daughter?" Ash's eyes widened in shock, almost bursting out of their sockets. When had Ruby gone and had a kid? Pressing his face closer to the glass, he inspected Charlotte some more. With the new knowledge Ruby had given him, he could see the Ruby like features he had missed before "How old is she?"
"She's one," Ruby answered.
Taking notice of Ash on the screen, Charlotte's curiosity rose as she leaned forward and tried to grab at the screen with her little hands.
"Da da da da," Charlotte cooed, as she wiggled around on Ruby's lap. At Charlotte's little slip, Ruby tightened her grip on the phone.
Laughing, Ash used his free hand to nervously rub the back of his neck. "Sorry, Charlotte. I don't understand baby talk." Ruby sighed in relief that Ash being rather dense at times had worked to her advantage. "So she's one, huh? You weren't pregnant when I ran into you"
"No I wasn't."
"Right, so when did this happen?" While he waited for Ruby to answer him, he tried to figure it out himself. She wasn't pregnant when I ran into her, but if Charlotte's one, that means that Ruby got pregnant about twenty months ago. That would put it at…at…Ash felt himself gulp in fear as he finally figured it out. …the night we ran into each other. "Ruby, she's…"
"Yours," Ruby finished for him. Ash stayed transfixed on Charlotte, though, not hearing a single word Ruby had said. "Ash, Charlotte's your daughter."
This is when all life and color drained from Ash's face and the phone fell from his hands, hitting the machine with a loud thud. This wasn't what was supposed to happen. They were supposed to forget it ever happened. He couldn't even form the words he needed to say, his mouth dry and agape. He had a daughter; a one-year old daughter he never even knew about.
"I wanted you to know about her, and I would love for you two to meet so she at least knows who her father is. I understand though if you are busy traveling or don't want to. I just wanted you to at least know."
"No," he quickly blurted, scrambling to pick up the phone. In that split second as he looked at his daughter sitting on Ruby's lap, he made the decision that his daughter needed him more. He could always travel and battle in tournaments again, but he wasn't going to get another chance to meet his daughter. "Where are you?"
"I live in Viridian."
"Ash? Who are you talking to?" another girl's voice drifted through the center. Looking the direction of the voice, Ash started to panic when he saw Misty walking down the hallway.
"Hold on, Mist!" he yelled to her before turning back to Ruby. "I'm sorry. I have to go," he urged, trying to push the conversation to an end. "But I want to see her, Ruby. I'll leave tonight and be in Viridian tomorrow. Meet me at the Pokemon Center! Bye!"
After that, the screen went black and Ash disappeared.
Gary had always wondered why Ash had suddenly gone missing during one of the biggest tournaments he'd ever been in. It wasn't like him to chicken out and quit, especially without saying anything to anyone. After he had learned about Charlie, he was able to uncover why Ash left, but he still always wondered how he had found out. Now he knew that Ruby had tracked him down and called him. Despite these questions being answered, he was still curious as to how nobody ever found him if he was in Viridian the entire time, a city right near Pewter and Pallet. Also, how had the people of Viridian not recognized him when the news stations had reported his shocking disappearance after he had been the crowd favorite to win?
"Just like he told me, he called the next day from the Pokemon Center in Viridian to tell me he was here. I won't lie; I didn't think he'd actually come. But he was there. I could tell he was disappointed that I didn't bring Charlotte with me, but she was napping and I didn't want to wake her up. The first thing he wanted to do when we got there was go see her, so I told him where her room was and cleaned up the kitchen while I gave him some time. A little after he went in there, she started crying, so I headed toward her room. When I got there, he was sitting in the rocking chair with his Pikachu peering over his shoulder and her fast asleep in his arms. It was as if she knew who he was, Gary. I can't explain how or why, but she just seemed to know. That's when he told me that there was no need to worry because everything would be okay."
"His friend Dawn always says that," Gary interjected. When she was a bit confused at first as to what he was referring to, he clarified. "The no need to worry bit. It was like her go to solution for everything."
"Oh. I guess that explains why he said it. I'd never heard him say it before so I figured he must have gotten it from someone."
"Yep. Sorry, though…"
"It's okay. But anyways, he got a job as an assistant at the Viridian City Gym and we kind of just went from there. It was hard at first, but every moment of free time he had was spent with Charlotte. I think he was trying to make up for all the time he missed. I was actually kind of impressed with how great he was with her. After a while, things started to smooth out and we were able to work together and got a system going. It was like he was never even gone before now."
Grabbing the pictures she had tried to hide from Gary earlier, Ruby placed them on the desk and slid them toward him. "I found these in the drawer. She was three at the time.I'm surprised he kept them for so long. I just love them, though. I think it's because, for once, we actually looked like a family. It showed that all the effort Ash and I were putting forth to make sure Charlotte lived a happy life were working. Things had started off rocky and unplanned, but this picture just feels like that point in a story when everything comes together. It's that goal you've finally reached after all your hard work."
Gary quickly glanced over the one where Ruby and Ash kissed and continued onto the others. He felt himself chuckle a bit at the strip of pictures where, for most of them, Charlie was looking at the ground. It reminded him of when he and Ash were kids and how Ash was always distracted by something else that was going on. The picture of the two of them laughing with Charlie led him to understand why Ruby had looked at the pictures the way she did. While Ash was the kind of person who followed his heart and had faith in things you couldn't see, Ruby was like Gary in the fact that she choose mind over intuition. She always wanted proof. Proof that what she was doing was working, or proof that something was true. So, for her to look at the photo as proof that what her and Ash were doing for Charlie was working, made a lot of sense. It looked like your standard family picture where people would look at it and comment that they looked happy together.
"But you left, Ruby." What troubled Gary was that what Ruby had said contradicted what she had done. If she loved Charlie and felt things were working, why had she suddenly left? "What made you change your mind?"
At this question, Ruby frowned as her eyes started to well up a bit with tears. She knew this question was coming, her decision something that had haunted her for years. Every day she questioned herself, wondering if what she had done was really the right thing? She had even contemplated going back at times, but as time grew longer, so did her fear.
"After that day, I realized I was falling in love with him and it scared me."
"Why's falling in love with someone so scary?"
While Gary never actually thought he would fall in love, if it happened, he knew he wouldn't be afraid.
"Because we're best friends, Gary. Best friends aren't supposed to fall it love," she answered, her voice rough and low. "It's so cliché."
"Ash did," Gary simply stated. Ash had fallen in love with Misty, and maybe, he had even fallen in love with Ruby. Plus, Gary was pretty sure he was falling in love with Ruby. "It's not as crazy as you think, Ruby."
"I know," she sighed. "But even though he tried so hard for Charlotte, I knew this wasn't what he wanted. He had a life before this and, as I later found out, he was even pretty close to achieving his dream. He didn't want to be cooped up in a house; that wasn't Ash. He wanted to be out on the road again with his friends. He was just too nice to say anything and it was only reinforced after he took me out dinner one night."
After having taken Ruby out to a nice dinner, they had gone to the park to enjoy the nice weather and talk. Finding themselves sitting on a bench in silence, Ash finally spoke up.
"Ruby, I need to ask you something," Ash told her, his voice a bit shaky and unsure.
"What is it?" Reaching into his pocket, Ash pulled out a little black box and flipped it open. When Ruby saw the ring sitting inside it, her eyes widened to the size of saucers. "Ash…what are you doing?"
"Ruby, just hear me out. I know things haven't been exactly the way you would have hoped for them to be, but we've been able to work through them. Charlotte's been able to live with her mom and dad and she's happy; we're finally happy. I really care about you and Charlotte's been the best thing that's happened to me. I just want to do the right thing for us, and I think becoming a real family and getting a really house would be good."
"But Ash, you don't want that. I can see it," Ruby protested.
"Yes I do, Ruby," he tried to convince her. He really did care about them and although it wasn't whom he imagined himself proposing to, he still wanted it to make Ruby and Charlotte happy.
"Ash, do you actually love me?" Ruby questioned him knowing better.
"Of course I do!" he cried.
"You know what I mean, Ash" she pushed him to understand.
"Ruby I…"
"It's okay, Ash. You can be honest with me. In fact, you need to. You've bottled everything up for Charlotte and I since the day you got here. I know you care about us, trust me I would never doubt that. You've done so much for both me and for Charlotte, and nothing you do will ever change the way Charlotte feels about you. You've been an amazing father to her and she loves you SO much." Ruby bit her lip, contemplating if she should continue on with what she wanted to say. Since she was pushing Ash to be honest, she figured she should be honest, too. "I love you, too, Ash, but I'm not convinced you're thinking about yourself in this. I want you to be happy, too. And if that means I'm not the person you love and want to spend the rest of your life with, then I understand."
Ash hung his head in shame, unable to deny what Ruby had said. He loved her because she was his friend and because she was the mother of his child, but he didn't love her like he loved Misty. He had tried to make himself love her more than a friend, and at one point he just might have, but he couldn't force himself to love someone he didn't.
"I'm sorry Ash."
"No. It's okay," he assured her. To back up his claim some more, he leaded forward and gave her a small hug. "I understand. I just thought it would be the right thing to do."
"That's all that matters to me, Ash."
Ash weakly nodded his head. As much as he would have loved to stay with Ruby and Charlotte, it wasn't him. For now at least, he preferred to constantly be traveling with little home visits in between. He missed the road and he really missed his friends. He had been hiding from them for two years and was long overdue for an explanation. That's when he made the decision that he would try to start traveling again. Unlike before Charlotte was born, he wouldn't be gone for a whole year, instead coming back as often as he could to see her. In addition to that, he would send back some of his earnings so that Ruby wouldn't have to worry about paying for things herself.
"He told me he was going to start traveling again at the end of the month, but I mistakenly thought that meant he had no plans of coming back; that he was done. I didn't want to live in Viridian anymore either because it was too far away from where most of the contest were held and I liked change every now and then. So, I decided that I would make it easier for him and move out with Charlotte before he left. That way, if Charlotte ever learned what happened, she wouldn't hate Ash for leaving. I could pretend it was the other way around. Of course, like everything else, that didn't go as planned. I had all my stuffed pack and I was getting ready to leave when he came back from work early. When he saw my suitcase and Charlotte in my arms, he freaked out."
"Ruby?" Ash called her name in a questioning tone. She was standing with her back to the front door and she had a packed suitcase in her hand. In the other she was holding Charlotte, who was fast asleep on her shoulder. Confused by her actions, he pushed for an explanation. "What are you doing?"
As he waited for her answer, he scanned the room for any sign that could lead him to an explanation.
"Ash!" she yelped, practically jumping out of her skin. Halting in her actions, she turned around to face him. "You're not supposed to be home yet," she accused him.
"I got off early," he softly replied, the information seeming meaningless to him. Not daring to look at her face for fear it might show something he didn't want to see, he kept his eyes fixed on Charlotte's peaceful face. "Ruby, what's going on? Why's Charlotte wearing her coat?"
"Ash, I can explain," she tried to defend herself, having been caught. Despite what she had told him, she didn't know what to say or how to explain what she was doing. It had quickly become obvious that she wasn't going to be able to make a clean get away like she had planned. Just as she was about to speak, though, her cell phone vibrated to indicate she had a new message. Flipping it open, she quickly read the message before closing the phone and slipping it back into her pocket. "I have to go now, Ash."
"Go? Ruby, where are you going?"
She could hear his voice grown in agitation as she continued to leave him in the dark. It was the same tone he used when he was scared and needed answers, forceful, yet with an undertone of uncertainty. He knew she sometimes had to travel to compete in contests, but she always told him in advanced if she had to go somewhere. Plus, she never took Charlotte with her. This sudden departure seemed spontaneous and she had yet to attribute it to work.
"Ruby…"
His eyes darkened in color, a sign that an emotion similar to anger was on its way. He didn't understand what was going on.
"I'm making it easier for you. I'll take Charlotte with me so you don't have to worry about her when you start traveling again."
Without another explanation, she left the room, pulling the suitcase behind her. Standing in the middle of the room, Ash stared into space as he absorbed everything. When the reality of what it was she was exactly doing hit him, he felt his heart break as he tried his best to keep the emotions he was feeling at bay. With a sudden realization, he bolted after her. When he caught up to her she was just getting ready to open the door.
"Ruby, wait! Don't go!" he yelled as he halted a few feet away from her. At the sound of his voice, Ruby let her hand fall to her side as she turned around to face him. "Ruby, please don't take her from me."
"Ash, you can't take a toddler with you while you travel. You can come visit her whenever you want, but she'll understand Ash. She's a strong kid and she'll always know you love her," Ruby tried to console him. Every minute she was forced to stand there looking at his pain stricken face made it that much harder for her to leave. "I'm not going to let her forget you, Ash."
"Ruby, please," he pleaded, his voice cracking a bit. At this point he could no longer hold back the tears that he had fought so hard to prevent. "You can't take her from me."
"Ash, you don't have to be the hero and do the right thing to make everyone happy. I'll take Charlotte with me and you can go on your merry way without her image of you ever being tainted."
"Ruby, that's not what I meant. I still want us to live together, but I want to travel, too," he tried to explain to her. He hoped that by clearing up what she misunderstood, she wouldn't leave. "I'll come and visit as often as I can and I'll send money back for you two. When I finally reach my goal, I'll come back here and live with you two."
"Ash, you don't love me like that, remember?" she reminded him. "What are you going to say to Charlotte when you do meet that person you love? You're not going to have her live with us are you?"
"I…"
"Ash!" Ruby yelled at him, annoyed by his incompetence. "You can't bring some other woman in here and expect Charlotte to understand. What are you going to tell her, Ash? I'm her mother but you never loved me, but you love this woman who's not? Grow up, Ash! You can't do that."
"I know that, Ruby!" he yelled, pulling at his hair in frustration. He didn't know what to do. His seemingly flawless plan was suddenly filled with numerous holes. His voice eventually died down to almost a whisper, but quickly grew in volume. "I know that. But what else am I supposed to do? I don't want to live in a different home than her. I want to live with her!"
At the sudden increase of volume, Charlotte started to wake up, disturbed by the arguing. When she woke up, she saw Ash staring back at her with a distressed look on her face. Even though she was still small and didn't quite understand what was going on, she could sense that her dad was upset about something.
"Daddy, why you sad?" she asked him. Her voice was full of innocence, naïve to what was going on around her.
Ash frowned at Charlotte, not sure what to tell her.
"Ash, it can't work like that," Ruby sighed, rubbing her head in frustration. This was ten times harder than she had anticipated. She didn't understand what he couldn't grasp about the situation. While it might work out in the beginning, it would be awkward, and the minute Ash found someone he actually loved and wanted to get married to, he would be forced to move out. That would be harder for Charlotte to deal with than it would be for her to grow up most of her life with her dad visiting. She was still pretty young so she wouldn't remember that they used to live together, instead always thinking her dad traveled and then came to visit every now and then. "Look, you're more than welcome to come visit her till your hearts content, but we can't live together. It won't work."
Glancing back at Ruby, he gave her one last pleading look. "Please, Ruby. Don't leave. Stay."
Normally, Ruby tried her best to keep her anger in check, especially with Charlotte present. But Ash's inability to understand what would be best for Charlotte was ticking her off.
"Fine!" she snapped at him, causing him to flinch at her sudden burst of anger. As Ruby marched toward him, he suddenly became a bit terrified. "Have it your way, Ash," she yelled some more, this time placing Charlotte in his arms. "You can have her and I'll be the grownup for us. I'll be in Saffron."
After that, Ash held Charlotte close as he watched Ruby walk out, the door slamming behind her.
"Where did mommy go?" Charlotte asked, nestling her head in the nook of Ash's shoulder. "She go twain?"
"Yeah, Charlotte," Ash answered despite the shock he was experiencing. "Mommy went to train."
"If I knew he wasn't ever going to show up, I would have never left," Ruby explained, her voice cracking a bit as small tears rolled down her cheek. "I knew I shouldn't have left, but it was the only thing I could think of. I just wanted what was best for Charlotte."
Sensing her sadness, Gary stood up and walked over to Ruby, wrapping his arms around her in an attempt to calm her down. "Shh," he whispered, rubbing her back as she cried some more. "Come on Rubes. It's not your fault. You know how Ash is. He always lived in this fantasy world where he could magically fix everything so everyone's happy and things work out. He never thought about what's actually practical."
Looking up at him, she stuttered through her words, moving her hands in grand gestures. "But… I just left her there. I left my own daughter, Gary," she cried some more, her shoulders starting to shake a bit. "Moms don't do that!"
"Ruby, you're not a horrible mom. While I think you should have just taken her-Ash was being stupid in my opinion- you put Charlotte first and thought about what was best for her and not what would make you happy. You knew she needed Ash and that he wasn't going to let you take her without a fight. So, instead of dragging her through what could have turned into a nasty custody fight, you put your image on the line and saved Ash's. So, in a way, you pulled an Ash move and by protecting him, you did what you needed to."
"I guess," she squeaked, although she didn't really believe him. "I always wanted to go back and find her, but it took me seven years to gain the courage to do so. That's why I came here. I was going to go find Ash and just talk to him. When I got here, though, I found you instead and I found out he was dead. Dead, Gary! HE DIED!"
By now Gary's shirt was drenched in Ruby's tears as she was finally letting out everything she had bottled up for years.
"That's why I flipped out on you. I knew I couldn't tell you the truth, but all I could think about was Charlotte. With him gone, I had no idea where she was, if she was okay, or who she was living with and it scared me. But you were right, Gary. I just ran away like I always do."
"That's not true, Ruby. You have to believe me when I tell you that it's not true," he tried to convince her. Knowing the whole story and why she had left, he felt terrible for everything he had said to her. If he had just kept calm and rationally discussed it with her, maybe she would have said something earlier. "I'm sorry I accused you of that, and I'm sorry I told you to run away, but that's not what you did. I was wrong. You started facing your problems the minute you took responsibility for Charlotte and the minute you called Ash and told him. Ruby, you could have just run away and let him go through his life without ever knowing because telling him was too stressful, but you didn't. It took you awhile, but you faced your fears and told him. And because of that, Charlotte was at least able to get to know him before he died."
"But what do I do now? He's gone and I have no idea where she is or even where to start looking."
Even though she was in a rather vulnerable position, Gary couldn't help but laugh, resorting to his whole ways. "I can help you with that," he told her, the familiar air of cockiness and confidence in his voice. "She's here in Viridian, Ruby."
"What?" Ruby gasped, lifting her head up to look at Gary.
Her eyes were red and puffy from crying, and some of her makeup had smeared a bit on her face. Despite these minor flaws, Gary found himself smiling a bit at her. Even looking like a mess, he still found her beautiful.
Nodding, Gary threw her a smile, grabbing the letter off the desk. "She was in my office before I came storming in here. She's the one who gave me this letter, and I know where you can find her."
"Really?" Ruby asked, her heart leaping in excitement. She had waited years for this, and after much deliberation she decided she could never forgive herself if she passed up the opportunity to meet her daughter after coming all this way. "What does she look like? Is she okay? Is she happy?"
"One question at a time, Roo Roo," Gary laughed, causing Ruby to scowl a bit at the dreaded nickname. "I think it might be wise to first ask Charlie if she wants to meet you so you don't just spring this on her and freak her out."
"That makes sense," Ruby agreed, slowly nodding her head. "I wouldn't want to mess things up for her."
"Secondly, if she agrees and things go smoothly, I want you to come to Pallet Town with me for Christmas. Ash asked me to take her there so she could meet Ms. Ketchum, and I think you are long overdue for a visit."
"Gary, I can't go back there," she stated. He may have convinced her to stay in Viridian until Charlotte returned, but he wasn't about to get her to go to Pallet. "It's not a good idea."
"Ruby, come on," he pleaded with her. This was one battle he wasn't going to let her win. "Ms. Ketchum and Gramps would be so happy and you'll get to meet some of Ash's friends."
As much as she was curious about the other people who had traveled with Ash, she was more scared of facing Ms. Ketchum. She hadn't seen the woman since she left Pallet when she was ten, she had been MIA for her son's funeral, and she was scared of what Ms. Ketchum would do once she found out that she was Charlotte's mother.
"It's not going to be as bad as you think," Gary tried to assure her. He was willing to do anything to get her to go to Pallet. When Ruby didn't answer, he tried a different route. "We need you Ruby."
"You need me? Why?"
"You're the only one who was with Ash after he disappeared. He may have talked to me later on, but you're the only one who knew what happened, what he did, and maybe even why he never contacted us," Gary explained.
"But I left after two years," she reminded him. "I don't know about anything after that."
"True, but it's something."
"But," she tried to protest, "what about Ash? Gary I can't go to Pallet and see all that. Part of me still loves him. It's too hard. "
"Hey, look at me," Gary commanded. Grabbing her hands he cupped them in his own as he started back at her. When Ruby looked up, her amber eyes met Gary's piercing blue ones. She could an intensity in them that indicated he was determined and would not take no for an answer. "It's been hard for everyone. Heck, five years later and I still have trouble sometimes. But we're all in the same boat, Ruby. Ms. Ketchum still puts a plate out for him and his friend Misty just goes and sits in his room for hours. We all miss him and it's still weird that he's not there, but we support each other and get through it just like we do every year."
Giving her hand a gentle squeeze, he threw in some final words.
"Its two days, Ruby. I have a feeling things will be different with Charlie around, too. Knowing Ms. Ketchum, once she finds out who Charlie is, she's going to throw a huge party and invite as many people as she can. Everyone will be so excited to meet her that there'll be no time to think about him like that. And Ash's friends will love you, especially May and Dawn since you do contests and are still a bit of a girly girl."
"Only two days?" Ruby repeated to make sure she had heard correctly. While she had no intention of going to Pallet, she knew that Gary wasn't going to let her say no without a fight.
"Two days. I promise."
"Okay."
OOOO
"Charlie? Charlie!" Grayson called out to his friend, trying to keep his voice low. "Charlie, please say something."
"She's my mom, Grayson," Charlie wavered through her sudden rush of emotions. "That's my mom in there."
Charlie had always wondered about her mom and why she had left and never returned. She had spent years envying her friends for having a relationship with their mothers that she never thought she would ever get. While Christina was nice to her and was everything Charlie could have hoped for in a mother, she wasn't her real mom. All her life nobody had told her more than a few things about her mom, and now, in a span of a half hour, she had gotten the whole story. All her questions had been answered and the woman she had been wrestling with herself over if she wanted to meet or not was sitting just on the other side of the door.
If Charlie wanted to, she could stand up and open the door to get her first look at her mom. But something held her back. She didn't understand why after all these years of longing to know the truth all she felt was confusion. She wasn't mad at her mom like she thought she would be, nor was she as happy as she thought she would be. She was lost, not knowing what to do next. What kind of relationship could she have with the woman she hadn't seen in seven years?
"Charlie, I'm sorry," Grayson, whispered, resting his hand on his friend's shoulder. As he looked down at the ground trying to think of what to say next, she startled him by suddenly standing up. "Hey, where are you going?"
"Home," she stated, her voice lacking any emotion whatsoever.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, Grayson," she told him, but he was not convinced in the least. This only made him slightly angry, knowing that if she had just listened to him and not followed Gary like he had told her, she would have never found out. "I'm tired anyway. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"
"Okay," he replied, his voice dying a bit. Despite what she said, knowing her, he knew she wasn't going home. He would give her some time to herself like he always did, but then he would go check on her. "See you tomorrow, Charlie."
OOOO
"If you're hungry, we can go grab some dinner. I'll call Charlie tonight and talk to her," Gary offered. "I need to anyways, considering I kind of left her hanging after I rushed out of the office. She probably thinks I'm crazy."
"Mmm," Ruby contemplated to herself, a small smile appearing on her face. "If she does, she's not exactly incorrect."
"Hey!"
"Come on. Let's go."
Standing up, Ruby collected the pictures from the desk and placed them back in the drawer she had found them in. Sliding it shut, she followed Gary toward the entrance, Umbreon and Leafeon following close behind. When he opened the door and walked out, he froze where he was. Curious as to what had caused him to stop, Ruby walked up next to him to see him staring at a boy who's back was facing them.
"Grayson?" Grayson turned around, a little surprised to see Gary standing there. While lost in his own world worrying about Charlie, he hadn't heard the door open. "What are you doing here?"
"Well," Grayson sighed, stuffing his hands into his pocket, "after you ran out of your office, Charlie followed you. She wanted to know what about her dad's letter had caused you to get mad, so she sat outside the door and…"
"Wait," Gary cut him off. "She heard everything we said?"
At this Ruby's stomach dropped. Her daughter had been outside the door listening the entire time. This wasn't how things were supposed to go.
"I tried to stop her, but she's too stubborn. She never listens to me," Grayson cried, throwing his hands up in the air as he defended himself. "I don't even know why I bother anymore."
"Where is she now?" Gary pressed Grayson to tell him.
"She said she was going home, but I know her better," he explained to them, calming down a bit. "Whenever she's upset or needs to think she goes to the playground in the old park. I guess her dad used to-"
Poor Grayson was ignored, his sentimental story suited for a different time and place.
"Ruby, you stay here and I'll talk to her," Gary instructed. Resting his hands on her shoulders, he looked her in the eyes. "It's going to be okay? No need to worry. Come on Umbreon."
After that he ran off to go find Charlie, leaving Grayson and Ruby behind.