Remus and Lily walked away from the cabins and away from civilisation; both of them heartbroken, though none of them could admit it to each other.
"What were they doing?" Remus asked quietly.
"Nothing I guess…just…just talking…" Lily said just as quietly.
"Oh…" Remus said slightly happier.
"But…it was the way they were talking you know…?"
"Mmmm…" Remus murmured, slightly downtrodden again.
"What did you mean earlier?"
"Earlier?"
"You know…when you said you understood how I was feeling?"
"Well it's obvious that you're upset about it Lily…you were crying…"
"Yea but…does that mean…that you're feeling the same?"
Remus didn't answer; instead they trudged further on in the snow, in silence. Eventually a beautiful frozen lake came into view and the two took their places at the foot of it, sitting crossed legged in the snow.
"Why?" Lily asked suddenly, breaking the silence.
Remus continued to watch the ice, the odd robin emerging from the mass of frozen branches that surrounded them.
"Because certain people are meant for each other Lily…" Remus said, throwing a crystallized stone onto the ice.
"And…James and I are those people? And that's why you're upset?"
Remus nodded rolling a handful of snow into a ball.
"…But that's not the whole story is it Remus?" Lily said, watching him play with the snow.
"What do you think it is Lily?" Remus asked quietly.
"I think…I think you understand because…because you feel the same…"
Remus stopped moulding the snow and froze.
"And what would that mean?" He asked cautiously.
"That you're angry at your best friend because…they've taken someone from you that…never really belonged to you anyway…"
Remus smiled.
"So you do like James…"
"And you like Jaylee?"
Remus' eyes flashed to Lily for a brief moment before returning to the snow.
"It doesn't matter now…" He said sadly after a long pause, "It's obvious that she's head over heels in love with James…"
"Don't say that…" Lily shuddered.
The two sat in silence, obviously sharing the same vision; Jaylee and James in each other's arms, happy, besotted…in love…
"Tell me Lily…" Remus said, trying to take his mind off of the heartbreaking image, "If you like James…why the arguments? Why do you convince everyone that you hate him…including James?"
"I never really knew until now how much I actually…" Lily stopped mid-sentence…
This was scary…was she admitting that she liked James…not only to herself…but to Remus too?
"Consider yourself lucky…" Remus laughed bitterly, "I've liked Jaylee for years…and known about it…"
"Why didn't you say anything?"
"I knew she liked someone else…but I never thought James…"
"But back then she thought she didn't have a chance with James…If you'd have said something you might be together…"
"The same could be said for you and James…"
"Yea but I didn't know…"
"Yes you did…you were just in denial…"
"Either that…or I've been stupid…" Lily sighed.
"I'd say both…" Remus chuckled.
They both sat in silence for a while, reflecting upon their own thoughts, watching the wildlife emmerge from their beautiful suroundings.
"Come on…I'm freezing my tail off…" Remus said eventually.
"Tail?" Lily asked confused.
"Erm…let's have that conversation some other time" Remus smiled, ruffling his hair slightly embarrassed. A sharp pain shot through Lily's body; it reminded her so much of James.
The two walked back to the cabins, both feeling as if a weight had been lifted off their shoulders. They parted next to the main cabin, both knowing what was going on inside it and swore never to tell anyone else what they had shared back at the lake.
Lily smiled as she trudged back to her own cabin, it felt good now that she had told someone how she really felt, even though it was on a small scale. She reached the heavy wooden door of her own cabin and wrenched open the door. Jaylee was lying on the couch inside, her arms stretched out above her as she read a soppy romance in the glow of the fire. It was so like Remus it suddenly became obvious why he was besotted with her and Lily's lips curved into a small smile.
"There you are!" Jaylee said slamming the book shut and sitting up, "One minute I was talking to James the next minute you were gone! What happened?"
"I went for a walk with Remus…" Lily said, pulling off her coat and hanging it up.
"Oh…" Jaylee said, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, "I didn't upset you or anything did I?"
Lily looked at her friends' wide and worried eyes and thought better than telling the truth.
"No…of course not…" She smiled and Jaylee ran to hug her.
"Good…" Came Jaylee's muffled voice somewhere near her ear, "Cos…erm…we're going on a date tomorrow…"
Lily's eyes flicked open and her heart sank. Immediately her eyes stung and flooded with tears but she held them back, she had to hold them back for just one minute…
"Lily?" Jaylee asked sounding worried.
"Err…yea that's great!" Lily said swallowing hard.
"Really?" Jaylee said absolutely delighted.
"Yea…" Lily said, trying her best to sound as happy as possible, "Hey listen…I'm going to bed…I haven't had a proper nights sleep this holiday…I'll see you in the morning…"
"Ok!" Jaylee said, absolutely ecstatic. "Night!"
"Night…" Lily smiled. She could not get out of that room quick enough. She wrenched open the bedroom door and threw herself face down onto her bed. She cried and cried, letting the tears seep through her lashes as she scrunched them up tight, trying to fight the pain in her aching heart. It was her fault, her fault that Jaylee and James were going to have a glorious white wedding. It fault was her that they were going to have beautiful dark haired blue-eyed children. It was her fault that her heart had been smashed into a thousand pieces…and all she could do was cry, letting her tears wash away the broken pieces until there was no heart at all. Why couldn't she just have admitted it to James…to Jaylee…to someone? Now it was too late and she would remain stupid and proud all her life. She would have to watch her heart-wrenching vision come true. He had gotten over her whilst she had fallen in love with him and now she was left in the dark. She deserved it for making his life hell. They were so close; even this morning they had almost kissed…but it was her that had closed her eyes, her that had moved in…he had pulled back…he didn't want to kiss her at all that day…
More bitter tears leaked from her eyes as she cried silently into her pillow; he couldn't let Jaylee hear....
She could feel his agonizingly soft lips against hers, feel his fingers entangling in her hair, feel his arms around her, crushing their bodies together. How she longed for it again, to feel his warm breath against her skin, to feel his body warmth, to smell him, to hear him say the words she hadn't had the courage to say herself. All it took was three words and she was too proud to say it, even when he could say it to her, when there wasn't even the slightest chance of making a fool of herself.
Her memory flashed back to the previous two days, her time alone with James Potter…forty-two undisturbed hours and she had said nothing, secretly in ecstasy as he kissed her, longing for him to do it again.
That night was the first night Lily Evans cried herself to sleep over James, dreaming about his lips, hating herself for putting herself through so much pain.
Authors note: Thank you guys who have given me soooooo many reviews! I live for them! And thank you all those who have given me the confidence to carry on writing this story I'm really enjoying it! I'll write more as soon as possible (I PROMISE!) I don't want to leave Lily in such a state but there wouldn't be a story without it! Love you all! xxxx