Disclaimer: I do not own any part of this story. It all belongs to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer. Thank you for inspiring me! Most of the dialogues between Bella and Edward are from Chapter 23 in Eclipse.

Author's Note: Again I am so sorry this took so long… Between play practices (opening night in 8days! Yikes!), two Speech and Drama exams and getting ready to leave for college I'm going just a little bit insane. But I faithfully promise that I will finish this. It just might take a while. I leave for the US end of this month and my time will definitely be less to write fanfics but I the chapters will come… I cannot thank my readers enough for their patience and their support. The fact that you haven't got mad at me and stopped reading means a lot to me. This was a little rushed so I'd appreciate any comments about any and all errors.

Just a note about the chapter. This was the one place where I felt Edward doesn't stick to his 'perfect-ness'. He always puts Bella before him but he didn't think hurting Jacob meant hurting Bella too. But vampire or not, he has human feelings and human feelings are far from perfect. I tried to portray his torment of mind as accurately as I could. Tell me what you think. This chapter is relatively short. I wasn't planning on stopping here but when I reached this particular place I felt it was a prudent place to end. What do you think? Tell me in a review.

Enjoy and once again I apologize for the delay!

After what seemed like ages, the weak rays of the morning sun began to penetrate the heavy clouds and fog. The storm had passed and it was a relatively nice day for Forks. The day would only become better if we could finally be rid of the threats to our family once and for all.

I glanced at Bella's sleeping figure. I was glad it was finally morning. Not able to have her in my arms had been sheer torture. I wanted more than anything to hold her and let the warmth of her body soothe me. My sanity literally depended on her touch. Being unable to hold her had been bad enough but having to endure her being cradled by the dog had almost snapped my control several times during the night.

The night hadn't been an easy one.

Seeing her held by another, by a person who loved her, who was capable of giving her more than I could ever hope to give her had been excruciating. Every doubt and misgiving I had about myself had floated back to the surface.

Who had I been trying to fool when I convinced myself I should fight for her love? No matter how much she insisted otherwise the fact remained that Jacob Black would always be better, healthier for this beautiful creature. My conversation with him last night had only increased this feeling.

Hearing Bella's heartbeat pick up speed as she became conscious, I pushed my dark thoughts to the back of my mind. I was hers as long as she wanted me.

She blinked and immediately recoiled from the mongrel's burning skin. This instinctive action of hers made me ridiculously pleased.

She struggled fruitlessly against his tight grip around her. Should I assist her?

Her beautiful, chocolate brown eyes met mine and I could tell she saw beyond the expressionless mask I had fixed on my face.

"Is it any warmer out there?" she asked, voice still hoarse and sleep laden.

"Yes," I answered, smiling slightly at her. "I don't think the space heater will be necessary today."

She strained to reach the zipper and free herself but failed. Looking over at me she asked. "Some help?"

I was only too happy to oblige. Smiling wider, I asked, "Do you want me to take his arms all the way off?"

"No thank you," she quickly said. "Just get me free. I'm going to get heat stroke."

I unzipped the sleeping bag in one quick movement. Being on the side of the zipper, Jacob fell out and landed on his back. His eyes opened abruptly, no doubt jarred awake by the cold floor of the tent.

I couldn't care less.

"Hey," he exclaimed. To my disbelief, he rolled onto Bella, nearly crushing her with his weight. Her gasp clouded my vision in a haze of red.

Grasping his shoulder, I flung him away from her. I watched him hit the tent pole honestly not caring if he broke any bones. No one, no one treated Bella that way.

An angry growl escaped him as he fell onto his feet, quivering. My instincts immediately took over and I sank into a hunting crouch in front of my possession. Snarls were ripping through my mouth as I assessed the creature in front of me. I knew he wanted what belonged to me and I was prepared to fight, to tear the disgusting beast into pieces for even entertaining the thought.

Preparing to spring and sink my teeth into the creature's neck, I let another ferocious roar sound through my lips. As I was about to leap, I sensed movement behind me and a figure pushed its way in between my enemy and myself.

"Stop it," the figure cried.

Thatvoice…

Bella!

"Stop it!" I heard her yell in absolute distress.

Feeling a soft pressure on my chest, I looked down and saw Bella's hand restraining me with a force I barely felt. But the feel of her warm hand dissipated the red haze and I realized, with sudden horror how close she had been to being in danger. Seeing the mongrel's quivering form, I placed my hands around her waist to yank her out of the way. He was close enough that she could place her other arm on his chest.

"Stop it now," she commanded me. I stared. Surely she could see the danger of being near a wolf who was on the verge of phasing?

But I could see him calming down. I hated that her touch seemed to have the same effect it had on me.

It's Bella… You are not going to phase near Bella… Not to hurt Bella. I could hear him chanting the same phrases like a mantra in his head.

Seth was voicing his worry and frustration from outside in spurts of growls.

"Jacob?" Bella asked, after a few moments. "Are you hurt?"

"Of course not!" he hissed. Damn leech! He nearly made me phase and Bella would have….! Ugh! What the hell is he playing at???

I narrowed my eyes. Was he trying to blame his lack of control on me? What was I playing at? I could feel the haze starting to cloud around my vision again.

I saw Bella look at me and say, "That wasn't nice. You should say sorry."

Sorry??? I looked at her incredulously. Surely she didn't mean it? He was smothering her!

"You must be joking," I told her. "He was crushing you!" Why was she defending him? The thought stung.

"Because you dumped him on the floor!" she said, indignantly. "He didn't do it on purpose, and he didn't hurt me."

I groaned as the dog's smug mental voice reverberated in my mind. Of course Bella was right. I just wasn't feeling at all gentlemanly to observe common etiquette.

"My apologies, dog," I said, stiffly, not really meaning a word of it.

"No harm done," he said, a slight mockery in his tone. It would take a lot more than that to get to me. Want to try leech?

I would not let him provoke me. Instead I focused on Bella who was starting to slightly shiver despite the absence of yesterday's chill.

"Here," I said, picking the parka off the floor and wrapping it around shoulders.

"That's Jacob's" she protested.

I bit back a rude retort and said, "Jacob has a fur coat." Perhaps he could phase and leave us alone.

"I'll just use the sleeping bag again, if you don't mind," the mutt said, ignoring my pointed hint and slipping inside the sleeping bag. "I wasn't quite ready to wake up. That wasn't the best night's sleep I had."

"It was your idea," I countered. He was deranged if he couldn't appreciate how precious it was to be able to sleep next her. To not run the risk of freezing her to death and sink into blissful oblivion with her by his side…

"I didn't say it wasn't the best night I've ever spent," the dog said, settling down in the sleeping bag again. "Just that I didn't get a lot of sleep. I thought Bella was never going to shut up."

I bristled at his tone at something that meant so much to me. Foolish mutt, to not see the value in what she had unknowingly shared…

I saw Bella wince out of the corner of my eye. Obviously she was wondering what she said in her sleep. I wasn't so sure I wanted her to know she had said his name as well.

My Jacob she said, leech... My Jacob…

"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself," I murmured, suppressing the momentary stab of pain.

His eyes snapped open. "Didn't you have a nice night, then?" he asked, smugness literally rolling off him. I wonder why…

I would not let him get to me.

"It wasn't the worst night of my life." I said, coolly. It was true. There had been darker times, much darker. Having to watch a dog drool over her was infinitely better than…certain other scenarios.

"Did it make the top ten?" he asked, eagerly.

"Possibly," I said.

He smiled and settled down again.

Conjuring the memory of her body wrapped around mine as the moonlight glittered off the ring she wore on her left hand, I said softly, closing my eyes, "But if I had been able to take your place last night, it would not have made the top ten of the best nights in my life."

Opening my eyes, I locked gazes with him. Bella Swan was my fiancée. He would know it very, very soon and drop this ridiculous claim he had on her. "Dream about that!"

I felt the tenor of pain in his thoughts with vindictive pleasure. I was beyond being compassionate. Esme would be ashamed but I was long past bothering.

"You know what? I think it's too crowded here," Need to get out of here… Bella with him… No…

"I couldn't agree more," I answered.

I felt Bella elbow me in the ribs. Silly girl… She probably bruised herself.

"Guess I'll catch up on my sleep later, then," the dog said, making a face. I need a clear head today. Oh well, probably should go talk to Sam. "I need to talk to Sam anyway."

Rolling onto his knees, he yanked the tent door open.

I felt Bella's heart quicken and looked at her. Her face was a picture of distress. Even though her mind was silent, I had a good guess what was causing those beautiful features to crumple.

"Jake, wait –" she choked out, taking her hand out of mine and sliding down his. I pushed back the irritable stabs of pain that seeing her hand on his arm caused me.

He pulled his hand away before hers could slip into his. As much as I rejoiced to see him not touch her, it irked me to see him snub her. And the tortured look on Bella's face was almost too much to bear.

Don't do this, Bella… I heard him think.

"Please, Jake. Won't you stay?" she pleaded.

I knew my assurances that he would be safe, that we would all be safe would fall on deaf ears. This was Bella, constantly worried and passionately afraid for the ones she held dear. And that was one of the many reasons I loved her. I adored her large heart that had enough love to give to all including a cursed creature like me.

"No," he answered her stiffly. God, I love you…

Her face recoiled and he softened his expression slightly. I almost pitied him. Loving someone you could never have was unbearable. I knew…

Come on, Black. Fix the brave face on…

"Don't worry about me, Bells. I'll be fine, just like I always am." Forcing a laugh out he said, "'Sides, you think I'm going to let Seth go in my place – have all the fun and steal all the glory? Right." He snorted.

Would kill you guys to let me join, wouldn't it Jake Seth grumbled.

"Be careful –" Bella started to say, but he was out of the tent before she could finish her sentence.

"Give it a rest, Bells," he muttered, re-zipping the door.

Silently and smoothly he phased into his wolf form.

Mornin' Jake!

Morning kid

You ok?

Of course I'm ok! What makes you think I'm not ok???

Nothing, nothing, Jeez! Calm down ok?

Bella leaned against my shoulder and it felt like a missing piece had fallen into place. I relished the feel of her warmth seeping into my body.

She was quiet and I didn't press to start a conversation. Playing with her hair, I let drifts of the wolves' conversation float through my mind.

Jacob I heard the gruff voice of the pack's Alpha call, when do you plan on gracing us with your presence? I need all of you here.

Just before they arrive. Did the mind reader tell you when?

A little over an hour…

Right! I'll join you then.

Hey Sam, isn't there any chance…?

No Seth, you stay put there!

Aw please…

I said no! We need some method of communication up there as well.

Fine, fine!

"How much longer?" Bella asked me softly, some time later.

"Alice told Sam it should be an hour or so," I said, my tone expressionless.

"We stay together," she said, looking at me, her eyes blazing. "No matter what."

"No matter what," I agreed. I could never leave her. But despite knowing my families capabilities, I still worried about them.

"I know," she said, "I'm terrified for them too."

It was amazing how well she could read me. But I wasn't about to acknowledge my fears and worry her further.

"They know how to handle themselves," I said, trying to sound nonchalant. "I just hate missing the fun."

I saw her eyes narrow.

Wrapping an arm around her shoulder, I said, "Don't worry," and placed a soft, reassuring kiss on her forehead.

"Sure, sure," she said.

"Would you like me to distract you?" I asked softly, running a finger down her beautiful cheek. My lips had missed hers…

She shivered at my touch and for once it wasn't because I was 'dazzling' her. I pulled back, despising what I was. I couldn't even touch her.

"Maybe not right now."

"There are other ways you can distract me," she said, smiling up at me.

'What would you like," I asked, not able to resist smiling adoringly back at her.

"You could tell me about your ten best nights," she said. "I'm curious."

"Try to guess," I said, laughing.

She shook her head. "There are too many nights I don't know about. A century of them."

Silly Bella… As if any night I had spent without her could fall into the category of 'best'?

"I'll narrow it down for you," I said, kissing her head softly and breathing in her scent. "All of my best nights have happened since I met you."

"Really?" she asked, locking eyes with me, a look of wonderment on her face.

I was always astounded at how surprised she seemed when I stated that my life had become so much brighter since she joined it.

"Yes, really – and by quite a large margin, too."

She was silent for a moment. I let my gaze rest on her face, slightly puckered as she thought.

"I can only think of mine," she finally said.

"They might be the same," I said, urging her to go on.

"Well, there was the first night. The night you stayed," she said, a slight blush beautifully colouring her cheeks.

"Yes, that's one of mine too. Of course, you were unconscious for my favourite part," I said, reliving the moment where she had confessed she loved me, so innocently and sincerely. Time had stopped and I had wanted to kneel and revere her then and there…

"That's right," she said. "I was talking that night, too."

"Yes."

As I watched her, I saw the blood rush into her face. I was sure she was wondering what she had said in her sleep last night…

"What did I say last night?" she whispered sounding apprehensive.

I shrugged, preferring not to get into this particular topic. I could hear Jacob stop pacing outside the tent and prick up his ears.

She winced. "That bad?"

"Nothing too horrible," I said, sighing. It wasn't so much her mentioning his name that bothered me than her referring to him as her Jacob.

"Please tell me," she begged.

Go on, leech tell her….

"Mostly you said my name, the same as usually," I said, unable to infuse my voice with the same enthusiasm as usual.

"That's not bad," she said, cautiously.

"Near the end though, you started mumbling some nonsense about 'Jacob, my Jacob." I couldn't believe how much it hurt to just say it. "Your Jacob enjoyed that quite a lot," I said, trying hard to keep the resentment in my voice to a minimum.

Hell, yeah I did…

I fixed my gaze on a random point on the roof of the tent. Why, why did I let this bother me so much? I knew Bella was mine, engaged to me, belonged to me…

I felt her twist around in my arms and press her lips softly to my jaw.

"Sorry," she murmured and I immediately felt bad for acting like a petulant child. "That's just the way I differentiate."

"Differentiate?"

Huh? I heard the dog echo my confusion.

"Between Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Between the Jacob I like and the one who annoys the hell out of me," she explained patiently.

Hmph!

I bit back a laugh. So much for the dog's superior complex. Feeling we had lingered on the subject long enough, I said, "Tell me another night."

"Flying home from Italy?" she said, without second thought.

I frowned. I would have thought that would have been among the few of her least favourite nights.

"Is that not one of yours?" she asked, noticing my expression.

"No, it is one of mine, actually, but I'm surprised it's on your list. Weren't you under the ludicrous impression I was acting from a guilty conscience and I was going to bolt as soon as the plane doors opened?" I said, remembering with difficulty how she had not spoken a word but clung to my arm as if it were a life line.

"Yes. But you were there," she said, simply.

Once again, the extent of her love for me caught my breath. Even at the time when she had no idea how I felt for her, when she was still under the impression that I didn't love her, not only had she come running to Italy to save me without a moment's thought about her safety or if she owed it to me, she still appreciated the moment simply because I was there. My beautiful, forgiving Bella…

I kissed her hair and restated the fact that had me in awe of her, "You love me more than I deserve."

She laughed. "Next would be the night after Italy," she went on.

"Yes," I agreed. "That's on the list. You were so funny."

"Funny?"

"I had no idea dreams were so vivid. It took me forever to convince you that you were awake." Though I kept my voice light it was far from what I had felt that night. My dead heart still ached when I thought of the extent to which I had hurt her for her to seriously believe I was not real, that there was no earthly possibility I was there in front of her. I had felt unworthy to even beg for her forgiveness, yet needed it so desperately. I had felt almost insane with the want to hold her, touch her and love her again. Her immediate acceptance of me even after I deserved none of it was what made it one of my best and most potent memories.

"I'm still not sure," she muttered. "You've always seemed more like a dream that reality. Tell me one of yours now," she said, without letting me comment. "Did I guess first place?"

"No – that would be two nights ago, when you finally agreed to marry me."

I head Jacob freeze in his tracks. What?????

Bella made a face.

"That doesn't make your list?

She was silent.

No, no, no. no, no….

"Yes, it does," she said slowly. "But with reservations. I don't understand why it's so important to you. You already had me forever."

Oh Bella… How could she see what it was like to walk the earth for a century, incomplete, yet never knowing why it was that you felt misplaced or what could remedy it? How could she appreciate the purity and sanctity of a marriage union and what it meant in our cursed half-life? That she was agreeing to let me be a part of this was a very sacred gift only she could give me.

"A hundred years from now, when you've gained enough perspective to really appreciate the answer, I will explain it to you."

Need to leave. Now. Oh God! No! Can't stay here anymore…

"I'll remind you to explain – in a hundred years," she said, grinning up at me.

Jake, you okay man? Get it together would you? There's not much time left.

Have to get away… Marriage! What? Why, Bella, why?

"Are you warm enough?" I asked her.

"I'm fine," she said. "Why?"

Why Bella why? You were supposed to just get over him…you were supposed to realize I was the one for you… You were supposed to say 'yes' to me, dammit! Oh God!!!!! NO!!!!

A howl ripped through the air and I winced slightly at the onslaught of pain in Jacob's mind further amplified in the whole wolf psyche. It was underhand, what I had done, but he needed to know, I told myself. He would have had to know at some point. Bella was mine!

"Because your space heater has reached his limit," I answered her question quietly, watching the realization dawn on her face. "Truce over," I muttered under my breath.

"Jacob was listening," Bella said, in a horrified whisper.

"Yes," I said, expressionlessly.

"You knew." It wasn't a question.

"Yes."

She stared into space, her eyes tormented.

"I never promised to fight fair. And he deserved to know," I said, knowing perfectly well those were not excuses.

Her head dropped into her hands.

"Are you angry with me?" I asked, softly. The ache was back. Did he matter so much…?

"Not you," she whispered. "I'm horrified at me."

"Don't torment yourself," I pleaded. I didn't want her to blame herself when it was I who had manipulated the conversation.

"Yes," she agreed, sarcastically. "I should save my energy to torment Jacob some more. I wouldn't want to leave any part of him unharmed."

"He knew what he was doing." I said, through clenched teeth.

"Do you thing that matters?" Tears were shining in her eyes, her voice shook and I felt instant remorse at causing her such pain. I was a cad. "Do you think I care whether it's fair or not whether he was adequately warned? I'm hurting him. Every time I turn around, I'm hurting him again. I'm a hideous person," she said.

"No you're not," I said, wrapping her in my arms. I was the hideous person who loved an angel.

"I am! What is wrong with me?" She struggled against my hold and it felt like a slap in the face. I let them drop. "I have to go find him."

"Bella, he's already miles away, and it's cold."

"I don't care. I can't just sit here." She sounded hysterical and shrugged off the dog's coat. Shoving her feet into her boots she crawled to the tent door. "I have to – I have to…" her voice trailed off as she opened the door and stepped outside.

What had I done? I only wanted him to know she belonged to me, to make him stop trying to take her away from me and all I had succeeded in achieving was hurting Bella. Again. What right did I have to stake a claim to her heart when I hurt her over and over again like this?

I followed her outside and caught her wrist as she stumbled around.

"You can't go after him. No today. It's almost time. And getting yourself lost wouldn't help anyone regardless."

She pulled against my hold on her.

"I'm sorry, Bella," I said softly. Would I do nothing but apologize to her? "I'm sorry I did that."

"You didn't do anything. It's all my fault". Oh, my faultless angel, why must you blame yourself when it is I who is to be blamed. For everything… "I could have… When he… I shouldn't have… I… I…" she broke of sobbing and my dead heart ached.

"Bella, Bella," I said, gathering her into my arms.

"I should have – told him – I should – have said –" she sobbed against my shirt. "He shouldn't have – found out like this."

"Do you want me to see if I can bring him back, so that you can talk to him? There's still a little time," I murmured. Say no, please say no, I begged in my mind. Don't leave me for him…

She nodded into my chest, not raising her eyes.

"Stay by the tent, I'll be back soon."

And I sped from her side. I didn't deserve to be there.

What had I done? I asked myself again. This was it, I could feel it. This was the moment that Bella would realize how she felt about him, the moment when she would fully comprehend what he could give her. Would I lose her? The thought made me stop.

No, surely no…

And yet, why would she want to stay with me? Why would she, when he could give her so much more? When he was a man and I was a monster, a soulless, cursed, monster.

A sob threatened to burst out of me. Would I touch her again? Hold her? Kiss her? I needed her to exist. She had saved me, she gave me purpose to live, to try and be a better person for her. I couldn't…I wouldn't survive without her.

My resolution to let her go if that was what she wanted suddenly didn't seem possible now that the time was nigh. She was my…everything. I existed for her, because of her.

Oh God Bella! Do you still want me? I thought. Because I need you. I can't go on without you… Please, please love me still. He can give you so much, but he cannot love you the way I do. I need you Bella, I need you…

How could she not see what her affection for him did to me? She worried about the hurt she caused him. But what about me, Bella? Every loving word, every endearment directed at him stabbed at my heart over and over again. Am I not your everything, like you are mine?

I leaned against a tree and covered my face with my hands, the agony ripping through me in waves. I never mentioned it but I hated the extent she cared for him. I despised and loathed it. Because I wanted it all. I wanted all her love, her devotion and her adoration. It hurt to see it given to another. Another who loved her…

But I had no one to blame but myself for losing the one precious thing I had been blessed with. I had walked away from her, leaving her to seek comfort in him. And now I had pushed her into realizing what I had been trying to prevent her from apprehending. I had fallen into my own proverbial pit.

I didn't deserve her. I never deserved her. And now I was being punished for daring to love someone so whole and so pure.

I walked deeper into the forest to pay my penance, to search for the man who loved my world and take him to lead her away from me…

A/N: Please remember to review!!!!!