Dear Editor,

I'm a simple girl who has a simple life. Give me coffee, a decent book, and at least two 15 minute breaks and an hour for lunch on the weekdays, and I'd like to think I'm good to go, but maybe I'm wrong because I'm starting to think all of you think my life is far more important than it actually is.

Since I first wrote in, I've been inundated with requests for my petition, and I would like to say that, at the time I wrote that letter, I was frustrated. People, I was being facetious. There is no petition. There never was a petition, and, while I'm on the subject of what is actually happening as opposed to what is hyperbole, if you call into the Mayor's Office to request I set up an appointment for you to see Mayor Mills but absolutely refuse to tell me what the nature of the meeting will be, I'm not going to try to squeeze you in because there's no way for me to know you're having an emergency situation. Don't go off halfcocked and start telling people that I'm refusing to let you see the Mayor because that is NOT what is happening.

I don't know what's going on if you don't tell me, and I ask you why you'd like to speak with her for a reason. Got it? I will, of course, make an appointment for you, and it will be the next truly available appointment date unless you tell me the nature of your call so I can see that it is actually an emergency as opposed to you saying it's an emergency and me finding out through the Mayor's wrath that you were angry about your neighbor's dog pooping on your lawn. I'm not trying to prevent you from having an audience with your mayor, okay? Let's get that cleared away right now. No one is trying to prevent you from speaking with Mayor Mills.

The fact that everyone suddenly decided they wanted to air their grievances to City Hall all at the same time is not my fault, and I'm doing the best I can to manage it while continuing on with my normal duties and responsibilities, which, by the way, are many. So, if you call and get my answering machine, please leave a message. I will get back to you. I'm not avoiding you.

Let me repeat that.

I am not avoiding you.

Unlike some of the other city workers in this town, you don't have to camp out next to my car until I leave for work in order to get me to do something. I have a 24 hour turnaround, per the website and the message on my answering machine. Please stop randomly popping up next to my car in the morning. It's creepy. I almost pepper sprayed one of you yesterday morning. You know who you are. I'm not sorry. You shouldn't have been laying on the ground waiting for me to leave my apartment.

You cannot bribe me in order to get ahead of the line of people who wish to speak with the Mayor. I, unlike some others in town, do have a modicum of integrity left. Please stop trying to bribe me, and I assure you there is nothing you can offer the Mayor that would win her interest. She has everything. Really.

I do not enjoy being reprimanded by Mayor Mills. It falls somewhere between root canal and having my fingernails ripped out one-by-one on the scale of how unenjoyable the experience is, so I can assure I take doing my job extremely seriously. It's the only way to ensure I avoid being on the Mayor's radar.

Thanks to all of you who have decided that I need to be the Mockingjay for your campaign to right the wrongs of this town, I'm not only on her radar, I'm a daily stop in her routine.

I hate you all.

We have processes and procedures in place for our city workers, and they are there for a reason. If you feel a civil servant isn't doing their job, then, by all means, please feel free to call in, write in, or come in to City Hall to air your grievances. Do not, however, pin me in a booth at Granny's and rant at me for over an hour about how the Sheriff's Office refuses to arrest Hook for hitting on young women. Yes, it's disgusting. Yes, he's a pig. Yes, he shouldn't be doing it. But – and here's the important part of this – there's nothing to be done until or unless he actually touches one of the girls (or that one boy). Up until that point, he's just going to be that crazy, leather wearing, drunken pirate with a hook for a hand, okay?

I can't do anything. I can't influence the Mayor to do anything, and the Mayor can only encourage the Sheriff to talk to Hook, which has happened, by the way. David Nolan apparently had that talk with Hook the day before yesterday, so you can stop with cornering me to tell me I need to let the Mayor know.

She knows, alright?

Look, I think it's safe to say that everyone reads this paper every day, and I know that I've seen some really great ideas going on to help make the town a better place. Mario Rodriquez should be commended for the support group he's starting up. Someone should back Tom Billings because I, for one, would love a coffee shop, and Brad Johnson and his bros are onto something regarding live music in town.

Billy Jack is right. We have to make do. I swear to whatever deity of choice you'd like that I am doing everything I can, but I can only do so much. I'm not the deputy mayor, the mayor, part of the city council or anything. I'm just Regina Mills' administrative assistant. That's it. I hold no power. Basically, I'm a glorified secretary who is shamed deeply by the fact that her boss's fashion sense is about 1,000 times better than her own.

If you want to improve the town, make is safer, get the economy running, or whatever, then we have to do it as a community. We can't just go to Mayor Mills' office, lodge a complaint, and assume it'll get fixed. When is she going to have time to address everything? Between dodging the Wicked Witch and trying to protect the town from flying monkeys? Yeah, I don't think so.

I'll admit I have a lot to be frustrated about regarding my job, and Ms. Walrack, the Comptroller, is on the verge of losing her ever loving mind due to the budget situation, but we're trying to do our part. I swear to you we are.

Are you trying to do yours?

Making it day-to-day,

Ann Hawthorne

Yup, Ann will be a recurring letter writer. I like her a lot.

As always, reviews are appreciated.