Genre: Romance, Drama, Crime, Family, Humor
Rating: M for violence, language and sexual situations
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters featured on the show Castle, they belong to the creator of the show, ABC, and the others who do own them.
A/N #1: It was great to see what the reviewers thought of the last chapter, so want to get to my thank yous right away! vetgirlmx (I had to laugh at bit at your reaction to the twist, lol, but not surprised at it either since I knew you were waiting for one. And not surprised that you thought it was too easy so there had to be a twist. And yeah, thought you might think it would be a mean cliffhanger, so no surprise to see you thought that there! Also not taken aback you're wondering how things are going to go for Beckett now with what everything she's seen. Glad you could see that it's a good thing there's no cell phone reception, since as you said, the girls can't ask about Castle. So happy to read that you can't wait for the next chapter. And now you don't have to wait to see how things'll go in this one!), life's a mystery (Smiled at your reaction to the cliffhanger, but was nice to see that it got that response from you; what I was aiming for. I'm not surprised you're hoping that Castle is okay and that Beckett will discover what really happened with that explosion soon!), Beckett-Castle4ever (Happy to see you thought it was a good chapter first off! It wasn't a surprised to me that you're wondering how Beckett's going to discover what really happened. Or that you missed them being able to call the girls, though a good thing right now since Castle isn't there of course. Interesting to see your speculation about Hill, since it means you are wondering how things will turn out. And great to see you can't wait to find out what'll happen next, not you don't have to wait anymore!), Guest (You reviewed in the first chapter, but still wanted to address what you said there. First off there will in fact be more than 11 chapters as you can see here, keep an eye out every fourth day after I post since that's when I put the next chapter up. And I'm glad to see you've been enjoying the series and think they're awesome. And yes you may have more, right now!), TORONTOSUN (I wasn't surprised to see your reaction to what happened at the end of the chapter. Or that you're hoping Castle's okay. But you make a good point, Beckett will be on the warpath; as you put it; if he isn't okay) and sammysgirl78 (I couldn't help laughing at your reaction to the cliffhanger, I figured I'd get a reaction from someone like that. And I'm not surprised you thought it was too soon for everything to be wrapped up. But it's nice to see this story too has got you hooked, of course what I'm aiming for! And glad you want to read more so you can find out what happens next, and now you can of course!). Thanks so much for the reviews, everyone who sent me one, I greatly appreciate it and also the time taken to write them and send them!
A/N #2: The title of this chapter is a lyric from the song Flying Hour written by George Harrison and Mick Ralphs and sung by George, from the original rejected track listing of George's album Somewhere in England.
That Which You Can Not Recall
The snow giving way underfoot as her legs tread through it made no noise, at least none that she could hear as the building appeared in front of her. She walked, not realizing that she was becoming numb as her fingers fumbled at the door before she got inside. Leaning back against it Beckett looked around waiting breathlessly, hoping in the silence.
"Rick?" she whispered, looking up at the second floor through the slight gap she saw in the stairs. She strode over to it, running up until she found herself in an empty bedroom. She had stopped on the second stair, and she nearly collapsed as she held onto the railing as if for dear life, reality striking her hard enough to leave her gasping for air.
Beckett couldn't recall what had happened after she had seen the body; she guessed that Morrissey had drawn her away from it when he'd seen her recognizing it as her husband's, leading her back to the cabin before she guessed she'd pushed the man away. She cringed as she could recall her cursing at the man to leave her alone as he tried to follow her, blaming him for her husband's death. It was then she remembered she hadn't seen every last inch of the cabin and she raced down to the bathroom; her last hope.
But flinging open the door, there was no one inside and it was then Beckett couldn't deny what had happened. She had lost him, she had lost Castle. She then staggered to the couch but didn't quite make it, falling on her knees on the floor as she couldn't breathe, clutching her chest as the tears began to course down her face before she could stop them. They were warm against her still chilled skin, two trails that burned a path down over her cheeks. She finally broke down as she heard a sob that she realized had come from her and covered her face with her hands.
But before she could lose herself in her tears, Beckett tried the best she could to stop, standing back up as she reached into her pocket. Withdrawing her phone she dialed her husband's number but there was nothing on the other end, making her nod once before she smiled mirthlessly and then felt herself crying yet again. He was gone.
She tried to walk toward the stairs not sure what else to do but as she went Beckett suddenly tore off her scarf, feeling like it was strangling her. Her gloves and coat were given the same treatment and she nearly went to the kitchen, seeing the bottle of wine on the counter still; thinking she could numb herself to what she was facing. But she paused and breathed out once before going to the table, taking the chair that was facing away from it. She looked around the cabin and it was then that reality intruded on her misery as she remembered something. 'I have to go home to them, to Julia and Eliza… tell them their father is dead…' she thought to herself, feeling the tears flow harder down her face as she couldn't face the idea. She covered her mouth as another sob escaped it and she couldn't stop thinking of what losing Castle meant.
'I'm alone, I have to go through the rest of my life without him,' Beckett thought. She looked at the couch and the armchair and the pain was a hollow feeling within her chest, making her again gasp for air as she couldn't seem to stop crying. "Without everything he gave me…" she murmured suddenly, nearly jumping at the sound of her voice which was hoarse and sounded horrible to her ears. She told herself to get up to go back outside, but she knew if she went to the hotel she would have nothing but the sympathetic gazes of her fellow guests, none of them able to help her get Castle back since nothing could be done to accomplish that. She stood up then and forced herself up to the bedroom, deciding that she needed to leave and to take her husband home. But halfway up the stairs she was reminded of her mother's funeral, everything her father had gone through laying his wife to rest. She stumbled down on a step, her hand going to her chest once more as she couldn't stop the tears that escaped her eyes. She had promised herself she was never going to go through that again; and yet she had to, had to take her husband's body home and lay him to rest, losing him completely in doing that.
And it was with that Beckett realized why it felt like there was a stabbing pain in her chest that had nothing to do with the scar from her shooting. It felt as if her heart had been ripped out of her, even as she was trying to tell herself she was being absurd. But there was no better way to describe to raw ache that wasn't going away. She knew why the reason for that was; she had given so much of herself to Castle, had gladly let herself put so much into their relationship that it felt as if there was nothing left within her. She shook her head as she managed to stand, again telling herself that she was out of her mind thinking that way. But it was impossible to try and argue against because what she was feeling she had little chance of disproving. She went back down the stairs, not sure where she could go in the small cabin that wasn't going to have a memory of him.
While Beckett was leaning against the back of the couch, she reached up and touched her aquamarine pendant and shook her head catching sight of her engagement ring and wedding band. Seeing those, she sat down on the floor as it was a painful reminder of her husband and she had the macabre thought that she would be burying him while he still wore his band. As she leaned against the couch behind her she suddenly remembered Julia and Eliza again, recalling Castle with them, the great father that he'd been. The idea of her two girls losing that in their lives made her breath uneven and it was a rough struggle with herself to keep from breaking down yet again. Looking up at the ceiling she couldn't help remind herself about Martha and Alexis, having to tell them their son and father was gone. Her elbows on her knees she put her forehead in her hands and couldn't stop the groan escaping her lips of, "I can't do this… not alone Rick…"
That seemed to shake her as she hated feeling sorry for herself and Beckett made a mad dash for her coat. She was ready to run back to the boathouse as she realized she could do one thing at the very least to forget the pain remaining in her chest. But throwing open the door she was stopped short by the snow, whirling thickly in the heavy wind, looking like it was on its way to becoming a blizzard. She raised her foot to step out but paused, thinking of herself being found by the resort staff frozen next to where her husband's body had been discovered and her children left orphans because she had acted so rashly; without thinking of them. So she went back inside, but as tossed her coat in the closet she reached for the large piece of paper she and Castle had used at first as a murder board and she took it to the table, spreading it out. She didn't want to end up spending the rest of her life trying to find her husband's killer, but she needed that distraction from her grief and the nearly unknown of her future without Castle.
The cabin was soon filled with the sound of her writing on the paper and for a time Beckett's mind was lost in what she had of their case. But when she came to the point where Hill had escaped with the help of a partner and the destruction of the boathouse, she couldn't move the sharpie. She set it down and went to the kitchen, looking out the window. The wind rattled against it, blowing the snow over it and she knew she was stranded until the next day. But as she ignored the bottle of wine again for a bottle of water she was determined to continue the investigation as she needed anything to get her mind off of that night and facing it alone as she reminisced about hers and Castle's lovemaking the night before. Dashing a tear away from her cheek at the memory and a few others that she allowed without realizing to run through her mind, Beckett went back to the table. She began the only thing she knew would protect her from pain; work; the pen starting to move again across the white, as if that would banish the echo of her husband that was all around her in that room.
The shiver that ran through him made him open his eyes, but as soon as he had he let out a groan, wishing he hadn't done that as it made his head pound roughly in pain. He reached up with his right hand, feeling the bump on the back of his head through his hair. It was then he started to move his left arm, but heard the clink of metal on metal. Glancing down at his wrist, he wondered why he had a handcuff on it and why he was somewhere it was so obviously cold, pulling his coat tighter around him as a gust of wind rattled the windows of the shack he found himself in. When he saw that the other end of the handcuff was attached to a bed; bolted to the floor; he looked around himself, and took the time he obviously had to take stock of the situation.
And it was then he realized he had no idea who he was, as he couldn't remember where he was and why he was somewhere where it was snowing. He tried to recall his name, but all he got was silence in his mind, no internal dialogue telling him the answer. He knew he was in trouble but before he could panic something made him calm down. He breathed in and out a few times and understood that he'd tried to mediate before. "At least that's one thing," he said, shaking his head. He hissed as he did that a little too hard and his head pounded again. "Okay, so I'm here and it's… late," he said aloud, looking out the window nearest to him and seeing the darkness outside. He saw some snow was suddenly blown against the pane and said, "And there's a blizzard?"
His stomach growling then confirmed that it was late since he was hungry and he looked around but didn't really see anything by the way of provisions in the bare shack. He then patted the pockets of his coat and felt something hard and then something that made a plastic, crackling noise. He reached the plastic first, pulling out what looked like maple sugar formed into a leaf. He frowned as he turned it over, seeing that the item was made in Canada. "So I'm… Canadian?" he said aloud, but it didn't feel right, though he couldn't explain why. "Hopefully that means I'll get my memory back," he said as he started to open the package.
As he was doing that he felt like he'd been hit as he remembered someone slipping the package into his pocket though he didn't know when. "She didn't want it…" he began. "She gave it to me… who's she?" He thought he might have a girlfriend, but then saw the silver wedding band on his finger. "Oh no, she's looking for me I bet," he said, though he had no clue who on earth the 'she' was he did know was that he was married. He tried to squeeze his hand out of the handcuff but there was no possible way that was going to happen. He tucked the maple sugar cake into his pocket and tried to move the bed with no luck, the bolts were new. "Where the hell am I?" he asked, trying to look around for a tool, though of course there were none, nor was there anything he could fashion into a tool.
Slumped against the side of the bed he ate half of the hard cake, knowing it wasn't going to do much to sustain him but he was more worried about finding out who he was than anything else. And since he only had two things he could do; wallow in self pity before he froze to death or stay awake and regain his memory hopefully; he decided to try to figure himself out. He reached into his pocket, pulling out the other item that had been in the pocket, and saw it was a phone. "Great," he said eagerly as he tried to open it. But with the screen staying on he was more hopeful that he would have enough battery power to find something on that phone that would clue him in.
He then thought of a wallet, that would definitely let him know who he was, and he began to feel around his pockets the best he could with one hand. But a search turned up nothing and he realized whoever had handcuffed him had likely taken it. Frustrated that that had been taken away from him, he waited for his phone to turn on and slid his finger across the screen to find the cover of a book. He looked at the name at the bottom and saw it read Richard Castle. "Is that me?" he asked himself. He wasn't sure why else he'd have a book cover on the home page unless that was him. "Richard Castle," he tried, but shook his head as it didn't ring a bell. "Though unlikely I'll remember just like that," he said. "So Richard it is until someone tells me something else… hope they don't call me Dick."
Richard paused for a moment before he opened anything on the phone, trying to figure out what he should do first. "Obviously, the gallery…" he said, not minding that he was talking to himself. He opened the gallery app and saw four folders, tiny preview pictures in them that he couldn't make out. But he saw he had a lot of pictures in each one, and he frowned before deciding on the one that was labeled R&K. "So my name has to be that," he said as he tapped on it.
The sight of the woman in the pictures was like a rough jolt, and he murmured, "Kate… so you're my wife," before he looked at his wedding ring again. He looked at each picture in turn, seeing they were all selfies with his wife. He couldn't help smile at some of them, thinking that the Richard Castle he'd been before the memory loss was a lucky man since it looked like they were pretty deeply in love. "Wasn't always that way though," he said before he paused, wondering why he'd said that. Shaking his head, he came to the end of the folder and paused at the very last picture, of him and Kate in front of a body of water with some snow on the ground in the background. "Is this where I am now?" he asked though his wife obviously wasn't going to answer him.
All of a sudden, Richard went to his contacts, seeing that Kate was at the top of the list, letting him know finally that yes, she was his wife for sure. He tried calling her, but the phone just went straight to voicemail and he looked at the window, cursing the blizzard. But as he went back to the gallery he wondered if he wanted to do that to her; go to her without knowing who she was, who he himself was. He refrained the urge to shake his head at that thought and quickly decided to go to the other folder which he'd labeled Kids. "I have kids," he said, frowning then as he hoped they didn't know he was missing. The first picture was of a redheaded young woman but he couldn't get anything from seeing it. Only that she was his oldest, and she wasn't his and Kate's child. "Oh god, I'm so sorry, I'll know who you are," he said guiltily as he went to the next picture. He froze and it was as if he was seeing a movie, the images going with the picture of Kate, a child about six years old with reddish brown hair and green eyes leaning against her and a baby that had very dark hair in his wife's arms vivid suddenly in his mind.
"What is it?" Castle asked as he came up to his wife who was looking out the window.
"Julia," Beckett replied with a smile, nodding at the chez lounge where their oldest daughter was.
Looking out, Castle saw that Julia was twirling a hibiscus flower around in her fingers, trying to keep her baby sister from grabbing it at the same time. He couldn't help laugh as they could hear Eliza's squeal as she tried to get the bright pink flower. "Think we should go out?" he asked his wife.
"More than likely," Beckett said. "Julia's going to want to know if we can go down to the beach." She followed him outside; smiling when Julia pointed them out to her sister and the nearly eight month old baby got her hand on the flower. "Here sweetie," she said calmly to Eliza, taking the flower out of her hand as she picked her up at the same time. She kissed the baby before she could start to cry and gave the flower back to Julia.
"Julia," Castle said suddenly, having been watching them. He gestured her over to him and whispered to her before the little girl took off for the side of the house. "What?" he asked, seeing his wife was watching him.
"Nothing, I'm going to head down to the beach," Beckett replied as she started to reach for Eliza's hat on the table between the two chairs. She was a little surprised when Castle grabbed it and she gave him a look.
"Hold on," Castle said before they could hear Julia coming back. "Did you find them?"
"Yeah, like you said Daddy," the little girl replied, another hibiscus that was white tucked behind her ear. She then handed a yellow flower to her mother saying, "That's for Eliza."
"Thank you, but-" Beckett started to say when Castle suddenly took it and tucked it behind the baby's ear.
"And this is for you Mommy," Julia said, to keep her from trying to take the flower. She handed her some frangipani flowers and said, "For your ear too like us."
"You know I was wondering if you were going to take the picture here since we found out it was actually in Antigua and not Jamaica," Beckett told her husband as she saw he had a camera.
"Good thing we checked," Castle said as he took the lounge out into the sun, turning it so they could sit comfortably on it. "Ready?"
"I think so," Beckett said as she sat with Eliza on her lap and Julia at her side. She looked at the camera as Castle told them to hold still and heard him taking more than one shot; since the baby was moving already on her lap. She was going to move when he put down the camera but was startled when he took another picture, that time with his phone. "Now you're ready?" she asked as he stood.
"All set," Castle said, about to help his wife stand. He was taken aback when she gave him Eliza and said, "Do-"
"Sit," Beckett said quickly and with a smile.
"Daddy doesn't get flowers?" Julia asked with a smile.
"Not this time," Castle said, wrapping his arm around her as the little girl pressed her cheek against him, looking at the camera Beckett was holding. Just before the shutter went off, he leaned down, pressing his lips to Eliza's head, the baby tilting her head up at the exact same time.
Taking a picture with Castle's phone, Beckett looked at the screen of her camera and smiled when she saw how it'd come out. She looked at her husband as she felt someone coming up to her and she wordlessly showed him the camera before giving him his phone. While he was looking at them both she waited a moment and then put her hand on his cheek, turning his face to hers. Kissing him deeply, she forgot for a moment about their daughters, though she knew that Julia would watch Eliza.
Smiling at the sight of their parents kissing, the little girl tensed as she watched her mother's camera nearly fall in Castle's hand but luckily he held onto it tight enough that it stayed where it was. She smiled at Eliza then and cried out, "Lizzy no!" as the baby was trying to put the flower she'd taken from behind her ear into her mouth.
Startled apart by that, Castle and Beckett broke their kiss before they saw that Julia was pulling the yellow flower away from Eliza. When the baby began to whimper, Beckett hurried over and took her from her sister.
"Shh, it's okay, you know you're not supposed to eat those," Beckett said, trying to soothe her daughter.
"Can we go swimming now?" Julia asked as she took her flower out from behind her ear. "Can I take that to dry and keep Mommy?" she asked before her mother could answer her question.
"Go ahead," Beckett said with a smile as she handed her the flowers behind her ear. She pressed a kiss to Eliza's temple when she saw Castle was coming out with their towels and the umbrella that his friend had for the beach; since it was his friend's house they were staying in for their week in Antigua. She went to the stairs, going down to the private beach, hearing Eliza gurgling and then cooing. She smiled again hearing that and when she reached the sand she waited for her husband to get the umbrella set up as she watched Julia come down the stairs with a bag of her beach toys.
"Can I go out?" Julia asked after her father had set out a blanket in the shade.
"Hold on, I'll go with you," Castle said as he took off his shirt and then went to Julia, taking her hand before they went into the clear blue water. As the little girl was jumping up and down, splashing, he looked back at Beckett, watching as she was helping Eliza stand up. He smiled at the sight of the baby sitting down a little hard before his wife picked her up. "Kate," he called to her then.
"We're coming," Beckett said, standing up and carrying Eliza down to the water. She felt her squirming in her arms and hurried the rest of the way to her husband before she handed their youngest over to him. "I guess she wanted to swim too," she said.
"I'll swim with her," Julia said eagerly, hurrying to her father and holding her arms up to him.
"Luckily she doesn't seem to mind us handing her off between us," Castle commented with a smile as he gave Eliza to her. "Think you can watch her for us?" he asked the little girl as he and Beckett watched her walk to the point where the water washed up on the shore, sitting with Eliza.
"Yeah, we'll stay here, it's fun, huh?" Julia asked her little sister. When Eliza could only babble as she peered up at her, smiling, she looked over at her parents and said, "She said yeah."
"We'll take your word for it," Beckett replied laughingly. "We won't take too long." When Julia didn't say anything in reply to her, she said, "Stay with her," though she knew her oldest would. She then turned with Castle and they walked into the water together until they could jump in and they went under at the same time before resurfacing. She turned with her husband to the shore and they checked on their daughters before they waved. After they could see Julia waving back, she took off diving beneath the water. She wondered why she'd forgotten to bring the mask and snorkel Castle had bought for her in Jamaica when they'd been there, but shook that off as she reemerged a little ways away.
"What?" Castle asked as he came back up from his quick dive to see his wife looking over at the shore. "They're fine," he told her, seeing her gaze was on Julia and Eliza.
"No, I'm heading back for my mask," Beckett told him.
"Oh, good idea, I'll go with you," Castle said. He followed her underneath the water and when they reached the shallower waters said, "Going to take Eliza in further?"
"When we're finished diving, actually, I should say when I'm finished diving with Julia," Beckett said, looking at her husband.
"Great, I can spend some time with Eliza," Castle said.
"You finished already?" Julia said in slight dismay.
"No," Beckett replied with a smile. "Why you wanted us to stay out longer?"
"Yeah, so I can play with my sister," Julia insisted. "We're okay, I can watch her."
"We know, we're just going to go snorkeling for a little bit," Beckett replied. "I'll take you out once we're done," she said before the little girl could ask.
Going back into the water with their things, Castle let his wife go first while he kept an eye on their daughters.
Looking around under them, Beckett could see a few fish below, and she took a breath before ducking under. She went down as close to the bottom as she could before she swam along a little, taking a quick look at the fish swimming around in front of her before surfacing. "Go ahead," she told her husband with a smile.
"It's nice?" Castle asked with a smile.
"It's great," Beckett replied. She was surprised when instead of going down; he grabbed her, pulling her to him. "Did you even want to dive?" she asked, smirking at him slightly.
"I will, just give me this at least," Castle told her simply before kissing her. He kept it very simple though and after they had parted he put on his diving mask and placed the snorkel in his mouth before he ducked under the water immediately, doing the same as he'd seen Beckett do, swim down close to the bottom and then further forward as far as he could go before going back up.
After taking turns doing that, Castle swam back and sat with Eliza while Julia was getting her swimming vest, mask, snorkel and flippers. "Have fun," he told her with a smile as he could see how excited she was in the way she jumped over the waves next to them.
"I will, sorry Eliza," Julia told her sister since she'd splashed them.
"Hey, how about an apology for me too?" Castle said, teasing her. "Oof, apology accepted," he said with a laugh as she threw herself at him.
"Julia, sweetie, come on!" Beckett called from the water.
"I'll be back," the little girl said, kissing her sister's cheek. She ran into the water, and followed her mother deeper before they started to swim.
Hearing Eliza babbling, Castle picked her up and kissed her, holding her on his lap as the baby turned her head down to a floating dolphin that Julia had brought to the water. Handing it to her, he watched as his wife and their oldest popped back up out of the water, and he heard Eliza's shrill giggle, thinking she'd seen them. But looking down at her he saw that she was only reacting to the toy that squirted water out of its mouth when it was squeezed.
When they came back to the shore, Beckett wasn't surprised to see Castle waiting for them as she and Julia put their stuff back on the sand before they all walked into the sea. "You're lucky your phone's waterproof," she said with a slight smirk, seeing it was in his hand.
"I know, but I wasn't planning on going underwater," Castle said as he watched Julia duck under before she popped back up in front of them.
"Are they back yet?" the little girl then asked.
"Not yet, you heard them, they were going to find a market to get things to make dinner tonight," Castle said, since she was talking about the others who were there with them.
"Did you want to go with them?" Beckett asked.
"No, but I wanted to go swimming with ," Julia said, going over to Eliza. She patted her sister's cheeks and asked, "You want to too huh?" She giggled when the baby only babbled at that, turning her head back and forth in response.
"What does that mean?" Beckett asked as she took Eliza.
"Just that she wants to swim, even if she has to be held by us," Julia said.
"I don't blame her," Castle said. "I think we have two water children love."
"That's not bad right?" Julia asked as she dog paddled around her mother, seeing Eliza was watching her as she went. When she was behind Beckett, she waited as she could hear her little sister babble before she jumped out behind her, making the baby shriek with laughter. "Did I scare you?" she asked, pressing a kiss to Eliza's lips.
"I think she was more surprised," Castle said with amusement as he watched them. "Come here sweetheart," he told her, picking her up as she swam to him. "Have you been having fun?"
"Here?" Julia asked, watching as Beckett ducked down in the water, bringing Eliza up to her neck in the blue sea.
"Yeah," Castle said, watching with a smile as Eliza waved her arms under the water; the same as she did back at home.
"Yeah, I love going where Paul did, he had fun too," Julia said. "But I'm glad I'm with you and Mommy and Eliza." She then cried out as her father ducked down so they were even with Beckett and her little sister before continuing saying, "And , and ."
"Okay, then part of my objective is complete," Castle commented, glancing at his wife; not surprised to see her giving him a look at that. "You Kate?"
"Yes, I'm having a great time," Beckett said in a mockingly defeated tone of voice. "Now Julia, Rick," she told them as she stood up.
"Yes?" the two asked at the same time.
Smiling at that and the expressions on their faces as they looked at her, Beckett said, "I need to take Eliza up for a nap, so you two can stay here."
"I think we should take her too," Castle commented, looking at Julia.
"I don't…" Julia started to say before she slumped a little. "Can we come back out and swim?"
"I'll let you go with your sister down here while we're cooking dinner," Beckett said. "And after dinner we'll go into the pool."
"Kay," Julia said eagerly as she followed her parents up to the sand. They left the umbrella and blankets there since they'd be needed the rest of their week there and she looked back at it before her father's phone suddenly appeared in front of her.
"I can see the look in your eyes, just like your mother," Castle said, a smile on his face.
"Thank you!" Julia said in Irish with a giggle before she took a picture of the beach.
"Come on you two," Beckett called from the top of the stairs as Eliza was rubbing her eye for a few seconds. When they'd joined her she led the way into the house and to the room that the girls were sharing. She let Castle and Julia kiss the baby goodnight before she did the same and put her in the crib and after her husband had closed the shutters they went with their oldest to her bed, kissing her before they left.
"You know I keep being amazed by you," Castle told his wife as they walked out to the two chez lounges with a speaker for the baby monitor in the room in his hand.
"How?" Beckett asked, smiling at that.
"You with our daughters, you as a mother," Castle said, quickly adding the last. "I always knew you were going to be a great mother and you have to know I love you for that," he said as he sat down in his lounge chair. "Oh, hey, what…" he started to say when she sat down on his lap and immediately kissed him. He held her closely as he blindly set the baby monitor speaker on the table next to them, kissing her back as deeply as he could, feeling her thanks to him in the feel of her lips. He tried to reinforce his words to her as they came together for another kiss, not sure if he could do that, but not hesitating to try his best as they became a little lost in one another.
Groaning as he realized his memory had gaps in it, Richard thought for a second about what he could remember of that trip. He knew there were more people, because it had been mentioned, but who it was, he couldn't think of. He then remembered the first picture in his gallery and knew it had to be her, his oldest daughter out of his three. But he still couldn't recall her name and he said a hurried apology to her, whatever her name was. He finally looked down at the screen, at the picture of his wife and their two daughters, smiling at the sight of them looking into the camera. "You're trying to make us just like Paul and Linda," he suddenly said. His brow furrowing when he understood what he'd said, Richard tried to remember who had said that and guessed it was his wife.
Since he couldn't evoke any more memories with that picture he went to the next one in the folder, seeing it was the one Kate had taken of him with their daughters. He smiled, seeing himself with his girls, remembering that he did call them that. Richard went on through the rest of the folder seeing more pictures of his wife with their daughters before he came to one with Eliza standing in front of her sister, a little video camera icon in the corner. Guessing it was a movie he tapped it and watched as the baby; about a year old he thought; started to take her first steps. Hearing the sounds of his wife, both their daughters and himself, the memories came back to him in a rush and he could remember how it had been. It was cooler, so winter, but not decorated for the holidays, so he guessed it was likely after New Year's. He was distracted by Eliza babbling a little until she fell into her mother's arms and more was coming to him suddenly.
"Oh Mommy, Daddy, did you see!" Julia cried as she rushed across the family room, kissing her little sister's cheek. "She walked!"
"We did," Castle said, stopping the video on his phone. He went over to Beckett who had taken Eliza and Julia to the couch before he knelt in front of them.
"Can we help you love?" Beckett asked with a smile as she watched him take her hand.
"No, not really," Castle replied simply before he handed her his phone, letting her watch the clip while he tickled the bottom of Eliza's feet.
"You have talent Rick," Beckett teased him as she let Julia take the phone from her and freed her hand from his. She pulled on it until he was sitting with her and said, "Go to your daddy sweetie."
"Dada… ba…" Eliza said enthusiastically as she patted Castle's cheek.
"That means she's happy she's walking now," Julia commented, looking over at them. "And now she wants to run with me all over the place."
"And here comes the exercise," Castle told his wife teasingly after he'd kissed Eliza's cheek.
"We're not to that point yet," Beckett said as she took back the phone and took a picture of the two before taking a quick selfie with Julia.
"What are you doing now Mommy?" the little girl asked.
"Sending this to your , Alexis and your ," Beckett told her with a smile. "We'll be getting some calls in a little bit."
"Excited calls," Castle said with a smile as Eliza was holding onto his chin and giggling. "Especially from my ."
"Most likely," Beckett replied. "Why don't we play a game until they call?"
"I'll get it!" Julia said eagerly. Before she could jump down from the couch though, her mother held her back and she shared a kiss with her before she went to her father and did the same with him. She tried to kiss her sister, when she gripped her nose.
"I think I've been playing that game with you too much," Castle said with a heavy laugh as he managed to get Eliza's hand off of Julia. "Go ahead," he said before suddenly the baby's tiny hand was gripping his nose. "Love?" he asked her.
"I don't know if I want to try, she might start crying," Beckett said in amusement as she watched them.
"Can we see if she walks again Mommy?" Julia suddenly said as she neared them.
"I think so," Castle said as he got off of the couch.
"You just want her to let go of your nose," Beckett teased him as she followed.
"Maybe," Castle said wryly, getting on his knees as he helped Eliza stand.
"Come here Lizzy, come here and see what game I picked," Julia said cajolingly.
Eliza stared at her sister for a moment, not realizing that she and their parents were all watching her with bated breath. She finally laughed shortly and then with a serious expression on her face, started to take awkward steps to Julia, but never made it all the way, falling before she got too far from her father.
"Oh, good try," Castle said, scooping her up quickly before he kissed her cheek in case she started to cry.
"Mama," Eliza said, reaching for her mother with one hand opening and closing.
Having filmed that second attempt, Beckett quickly sent it off before she went to Castle, taking their daughter from her.
"Ah, and the phone calls have begun," Castle said, seeing the number was from
"Alexis," Richard said as he had finally remembered the name of his daughter. "Alexis," he repeated when he came to a selfie with her. He nodded and then shook his head as he didn't remember much else about her. He took a deep breath and then came to a picture of him, his wife and Julia. Eliza wasn't in the picture, but when he took notice of Kate, he realized why; she was still pregnant with their youngest in it. He went back to the folder with pictures of just him and his wife, and came to another, which he felt like he should remember where he was in it.
The background was of the ocean, and Kate had her arms around him tightly as he was kissing her. She had her left hand to the camera very obviously, and Richard remembered very suddenly; it had been for their one month anniversary, the memories from that day flooding into his mind.
"What's this for?" Beckett asked in surprise as she looked at the bouquet of flowers that were slid over the table in front of her.
"You don't remember what today is?"Castle asked her incredulously.
"I do, but I wasn't sure you'd remember," Beckett said, sniffing at the coral colored roses.
"Hey, you… oh, you're kidding, thanks," Castle said, pretending to be annoyed that she'd done that. "Happy one month."
"One month?" Beckett couldn't help saying in amusement.
"One month of marriage, anniversary, whatever you want to call it," Castle replied. He took her hand and kissed it tenderly before grasping it in his saying, "It's hard to believe it's been a month."
"It did go by pretty quickly," Beckett agreed. "What are your plans with this Rick?" she asked teasingly as she waved the roses back and forth once.
"Oh, that's up to you," Castle said, letting go of her hand to place it on top of his wife's stomach, though since she was just barely three and a half months there was still no difference in the shape of it. "But I hope you'll allow me to treat you to lunch at The White Narrows."
"Let me get my shoes," Beckett said quickly in response to that question.
Following her as she went to the front door, Castle said, "I swear I didn't pick that color for later, I just picked it because you know… we tend to have desire and passion between the two of us, sometimes."
"And last night?" Beckett asked when she had her boots on, raising an eyebrow at him.
"Touché," Castle conceded though he'd wanted to hear her say that. He took her hand and led her out to his car which was already turned around and ready to go.
"So you planned this," Beckett said in amusement.
"Of course," Castle told her. "But for our one year anniversary, I think I'll plan with you what to do."
"That'll be nice," Beckett said, hoping her voice didn't sound a little reticent as she spoke. She took Castle's hand as they were heading out to the restaurant, looking at Julia's school that they passed on the way.
"She'll be at lunch too right now," Castle commented.
"I know, I just hope she's making a friend at least," Beckett said, smiling then as she recalled taking their daughter to her new school two weeks before. Her attention was distracted when they arrived at the restaurant and she shook her head as she watched Castle hurry around to open the door for her.
Their lunch was quiet as with it being fall there were less people there and Castle and Beckett were able to talk without worrying about anyone overhearing them while they ate.
As they were splitting dessert Castle studied his wife and then said, "You okay love?"
"Hmm? Oh, I'm fine, this crème brûlée-" Beckett started to say.
"No, something's bothering you," Castle said, looking at her closely to make sure she wouldn't try to deflect with him.
"I…" Beckett started to say before she paused. "Why don't we talk at home?" she asked as their waitress was coming over with the bill.
Nodding, Castle paid for their meal and then took Beckett back home where they went out together to the beach, walking on the sand as he waited for her to begin. After a while he got the feeling that she wasn't going to talk, about to start himself, when she abruptly began.
"Are you going to be like this every month?" Beckett asked him.
"Not really, why, do you want me to?" Castle asked.
"I just am worried about you doing something every month on the seventeenth," Beckett told him. "It would get repetitive and I'm sure on your nerves and I don't want that to happen."
"Don't worry, I just wanted to celebrate a month, because that's a pretty big milestone," Castle assured her. "After that, I'm looking forward to celebrating each year. And that also gives me more time to think up a great gift for you," he told her with a slight grin.
"And you know you don't need to," Beckett said, shaking her head.
"But I'd like to, just for one day," Castle said. "And luckily," he said, wrapping his arm around her waist. "I have some help deciding what to do."
"What help?" Beckett asked, studying him.
"There are two lists of anniversary gifts," Castle said. When he saw his wife was just looking at him, slightly perplexed he couldn't help laugh slightly before he told her, "You'll see when we get to a year."
"Okay, though you realize you don't need to entice me to stay married to you," Beckett joked.
"No, but reminding you why you're married to me will be interesting to do," Castle said.
Stopping and turning to him, Beckett said, "And why am I married to you?"
For a moment Castle was a little taken aback by that until he realized why she'd said it and smiled. "Well, for starters I'm a great guy, ruggedly handsome, good father too."
"That's it?" Beckett asked. She wasn't too surprised when her husband looked startled again, and she leaned into him to whisper, "Great lover too."
"The most important thing," Castle teased her. When she rolled her eyes he leaned down, taking her lips with his before they kissed deeply as she seemed to recover quickly and was even with him. He carefully slipped his tongue into her mouth and as they were fighting each other a little delicately he ran his hand over her hair until they needed to breathe. "Just so you know," he told her, fishing into his pocket suddenly. "I won't get tired of you."
"And how do you know that?" Beckett asked in amusement.
"You're a great wife; and remember I have some experience with that," Castle said. "Devastatingly gorgeous-"
"Devastatingly?" Beckett asked, outright laughing as she spoke.
"I mean what I say; a great mother…" there Castle trailed off his he put his arm back around her waist to lay it on her stomach. "And also as great a lover as I am."
Beckett shook her head at that, though she was blushing faintly at the compliment, and she said, "Then we're pretty good together."
"Another thing that we're good at together," Castle told her before he showed her his phone.
Smiling, Beckett took the selfie with him, nodding when she saw the screen saying, "Alright, you have a point. But I was hoping you were talking about something else."
"Such as?" Castle started to ask even as his wife was taking his hand, pulling him back home.
Remembering his two ex-wives, Richard realized that he was insanely lucky Kate hadn't used that against him in not marrying him; though didn't know why he thought that exactly. He couldn't think of their names though, or much else besides some arguing and frustration with the marriages. But he knew Alexis had come from his first marriage, so that wasn't something that was a pain to remember about his life before Kate. "When did I meet her though," he said aloud, recalling something very vague about a party. But that was as far as his memory went and he hoped he would at the very least remember when he and Kate first met, wanting to recollect that moment. Going through the next few pictures he saw that some of them had them with their daughters and he had a niggling feeling there was something he had with his family he hadn't before.
Thinking, he had to wonder if his mother was still alive; he thought she might be, as in his memories the gaps made him think he had his mother and Kate might have her parents. But with that Richard felt that was wrong and he went back to the folder marked family, wondering why he hadn't done that in the first place. "Ah, there you are Mother," he said suddenly as the first picture was of him and a red headed older woman and he instantly knew that was his mother. He went through some more pictures, stopping at a family photo, there were his wife, their daughters, Alexis, his mother, and an older man he could tell was Kate's father. "So your mother…" he began. And he nearly felt as if he'd been punched as the picture was vivid in his mind of Johanna Beckett. "We gave Eliza her name…" he mumbled in the middle of remembering. The picture of his mother in law murdered in an alley must have played a big role in his and Kate's relationship, but beyond that he couldn't say why and how. Sighing, he went back to the picture of him and his wife, hoping to get more back.
It was the next picture that gave him another rush of memories, of him and Kate on a beach again that time making Richard smile as he recalled their wedding. They'd been on a beach… "Because we live in a beach house," he said aloud, now realizing he and Kate had been in their home with their daughters in the memory of Eliza walking. "Hampstead? No, Hamptons," he was able to figure out abruptly. "We got married there… with Julia and Alexis… friends… our parents…" He could see faces, but couldn't remember who they were. There was an aisle with orchids, and grass where he'd instructed the florist to place a trail of white lotus flowers along either side of the aisle for his wife to have. "Because they mean wisdom and… compassion," he said. "I love that about you Kate."
Keeping his eyes closed then as he recollected their vows, he remembered then she was already pregnant with Eliza then, as she'd said so to their guests who hadn't known. Richard recalled their first dance, their cake and for some reason the country of Ireland. "Our honeymoon was there," he said slowly. "Yeah, we went and had a great time. We're taking the girls," he said, more to keep his thoughts straight and not get too confused. He went down a few more pictures, and saw one of him; Kate and Eliza, seeing the little girl had her fingers in her mouth. He studied the picture, and then smiled as it came back to him out of the blue with him saying, "Her first word."
"I think she's getting the hang of that," Beckett said as she watched her husband wipe off their daughter's mouth when they'd finished lunch.
"I think she'll be making a mess for a while still," Castle told her simply. "Now that she's done, games?" he asked.
Giving him a look; since he already knew the answer to that; Beckett stood up and took their daughter from her high chair before telling him, "If you want to go ahead, but I'm taking her upstairs for her nap."
Eliza gurgled before reaching past her mother's shoulder, though she wasn't looking at her father. She babbled a little until he came up behind Beckett, and she smiled at him as he kissed her hand.
Following Beckett up the stairs, Castle waited while she changed Eliza into pajamas; handing them to her; before he took her off the changing table. "Okay," he said, raising her up in the air slightly. "I think you are all set to go to bed. What do you think?" he asked her, pretending to be serious.
Eliza smiled again, but then grew serious as Beckett walked up to them and she squirmed before saying, "Mama."
At the same moment, Beckett was about to lean down to the crib to move the blanket out of the way, but when she heard that she froze and then looked up at the baby. "Did she just-" she said, knowing that Eliza had just said her first word, but unable to believe that it had been that.
"She did," Castle said, smiling at his wife's shock though he was just as surprised as her about it. "And that was said really nicely. But what about dada, can you give me a quick…? No, okay," he said with a laugh as Eliza wouldn't stop squirming.
"Thank you sweetie," Beckett said, kissing her temple and feeling her eyes fill with tears. "And you said that pretty well, your daddy's right."
"See, I told you teaching her would be a good thing," Castle teased her.
"I know," Beckett said with a sigh though she was smiling by then.
"Were those your first words too?" Castle asked, realizing then why she looked to be a little emotional. At her nod he wrapped both her and their daughter in a quick hug, kissing her temple gently before they looked at Eliza together who started to yawn.
"Now it's time for a nap," Beckett said. She kissed the baby's forehead and then lips before she handed her to Castle to let him tuck her in.
Waiting until they were outside the room as soon as Eliza was asleep, Castle put his arm around his wife's shoulder and told her, "I wish she was here too."
"She told me it was just the two of us in the apartment when I first spoke and that she had almost burst into tears, because she hadn't realized what a special moment it was to hear your child call you by name the first time," Beckett said. "And I understand her reaction now. That was… But I feel a little guilty," she told her husband, stopping with him at the top of the stairs.
"To tell you the truth," Castle said quickly before she could say anything else. "I've been teaching her to say mama first."
"Any reason why?" Beckett asked.
"It just seemed easier to me," Castle commented. "The m sound instead of the d. And now I get to teach her dada in earnest and I know Julia will help me out in that."
Smiling and shaking her head, Beckett shared a kiss with him then, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. When they had parted she took his hand and said, "That was a nice break, but now, back to Moor and Green."
"Lead on love," Castle said, laughing briefly when she glanced back at him before they headed down to their office to return to their book.
"We write together?" Richard said to himself. "We didn't always… she was a cop, that's why she's… always correcting me," he groaned slightly as his head throbbed with a growing headache. "A detective," he reminded himself though that thought came out of the blue. He took a deep breath and then turned off his phone as he saw it was nearly three in the morning. Though he was desperate to remember more; especially about his wife; he needed to get some rest he knew. He leaned against the wall as he'd been when he'd regained consciousness, and found himself looking at the wall opposite him. But he wasn't really seeing that, instead remembering a table, with four cranes clustered together on top of a wrapped gift. "Has to be perfect," he mumbled under his breath. "For your mom Julia… she has to know I love her right?"
"Right Daddy, is that good?" Julia asked eagerly.
"It's fine," Castle replied as he shifted Eliza to his other side. "Okay, let's go inside so your mom doesn't see this before it's night."
"I hope she likes your presents," Julia said, glancing at the unofficial centerpiece of the table that her father had made with her help. "Why is it paper?"
"I don't know," Castle said. "But I still think we did a great job."
"I hope Mommy thinks it's special," Julia said. "That's what you said you were going to do right?"
"Every year we're married; and paper is the gift for the first year," Castle reminded her before they went into the house.
"It feels like you got married yesterday," Julia giggled as they went to the family room to wait for her mother to return with Martha.
"I know, but then look at Eliza," Castle said, kissing the four and a half month old baby. "It feels like it took a long time for her to be born."
"Yeah, that's right," Julia said, nodding. She then smiled and said, "I can't wait for her to grow up."
"Give her a little time to do that sweetie," a voice said at the doorway.
"Mommy!" Julia said happily, running over to her.
"Where's my mom?" Castle asked as he went over to Beckett.
"In the foyer," she said as she was kneeling to hug their oldest. "Why?"
"I think he was going to tease you that you left me behind at the salon Kate," Martha said, walking over to them. "Now, it's nearly night, I want to take my granddaughters over to the Foster's home, leave you two to your celebration."
Smiling, Beckett followed her mother in law and Julia up the stairs, taking Eliza into her room before Castle suddenly passed her. "I can carry that," she teased him as he grabbed the baby's diaper bag.
"Yeah, but my mother would chide me for not being the gentleman and help you with it," Castle told her. He smiled and said, "Plus I got to spend time with her alone just now, so I want you have a chance to be with her."
"Your daddy is very funny sometimes," Beckett murmured to the baby who was leaning against her. She pressed a kiss to the top of her head and told her, "Behave tonight and I promise you we'll see you for breakfast on the beach." She smiled as she looked into Eliza's eyes, seeing the baby looking back at her for a moment. With that she left going downstairs to where everyone was in the foyer. "Are we ready?" she asked, mainly her husband and Martha.
"Yes, everything is packed for little Eliza," Castle's mother said as she watched her son say goodbye to the baby.
"Love you Mommy," Julia was saying to Beckett as they hugged tightly. "I hope you have a good dinner."
"We will, behave over at the Fosters," she told her daughter with a smile. "And help your gram with your sister if she needs it."
"I will," Julia said before she hurried to her father. "I love you too Daddy, I hope you have fun at dinner."
"Like your mom said we will," Castle said, picking her up to kiss her. "If anything happens Mother-"
"I'll call, both of you don't need to worry in the slightest," Martha interrupted him. "We'll be next door. You two need to take a trip on your own to ease up the separation anxiety."
"Bye, have fun!" Julia called as she followed her grandmother down the driveway, walking backwards as she waved to her parents.
"Walk forward," Castle and Beckett both said at the same time.
Laughing, Julia turned and then hurried after Martha before they disappeared around the corner, walking to the Fosters who were on vacation, but letting them stay to allow Castle and Beckett to have a dinner by themselves to celebrate their first anniversary.
"Okay, well, dinner's almost ready," Castle said as they walked back into the house.
"I just need to change," Beckett told him, squeezing his hand.
"Into what?" Castle asked eagerly.
"You'll find out soon enough love," Beckett replied before she went up the stairs. She could feel his gaze on her the entire time, but didn't look back, continuing on until she was inside of their room.
Castle had to nearly physically move himself to go to the kitchen where he put the finishing touches on dinner, taking what he needed to the gazebo. He changed in the office; as Beckett had let him know he'd better before he saw her for dinner; and after he'd finished he had to wonder how a year had gone by that fast. It had been a pretty pleasant year, with Eliza being born and he and his wife no longer having to hide their relationship. Their first book was going to be released the next day and he hoped that their celebration that night would be enough to make them both forget their slight unease of whether it was going to be well received or not.
"Rick, you're thinking about the book, stop," Beckett said, coming down the stairs to see him standing in the doorway to their office.
His head shooting up at that, Castle grinned slightly and said, "I almost thought you'd be wearing the dress you had on when I proposed to you."
"That didn't seem to work for tonight," Beckett told him. "But I get the feeling you won't mind this one," she said as he wrapped his arm around her waist, looking at the tight black dress she'd worn on their second Valentine's Day.
"Also you seem to want to make me work for it later on?" Castle asked.
Beckett just shrugged at that and then started to walk to the dining room where he'd told her they were going to eat, when he suddenly ran up to her and stopped her. "A surprise?" she asked.
"Yeah, but not that way," Castle told her before he took her hand, leading her to the door to the back.
A little confused, Beckett looked ahead at the gazebo that he was leading her to, and she saw the blue and white lights that were on though it wasn't quite dark yet. When they were a little closer she saw the café table in the middle, and the centerpiece of a wrapped gift and four origami cranes in different patterned papers on top of it. "I didn't think you'd go with the paper gift," she teased him as she set down the gift in her hand on the table.
"Well, I thought they would be nice, Julia made these two smaller ones," Castle told her. "Eliza would have helped but…"
"The paper would have just gone into her mouth," Beckett said in amusement. "But they are beautiful and the gazebo is too."
"That I thought should look like it did when I proposed," Castle said. "Plus the light will be nice when we're eating. Speaking of that, I need to get dinner," he told her as he helped her sit down in one of the two chairs. "So I'll be right back."
"You know you could have taken me out here from the kitchen door," Beckett teased him.
"I wanted you to have the full effect from a distance," Castle told her.
Beckett rolled her eyes as she smiled when he disappeared inside the kitchen and she sighed as she picked up one of the cranes. Seeing the tiny shell inside it to weigh it down she heard the door open and looked up at her husband saying, "These are very cute."
"I wanted to hang them above us, but Julia pointed out the wind would have ripped them off any string we used," Castle said as he set a plate in front of her and then one on his placemat. "She said they'd be better as a centerpiece and I had to agree with her."
"Of course," Beckett said. She watched him pour wine for him and sparkling cider for her and then said, holding up her glass, "To us Rick, one year already."
"Many more to come of course Kate," Castle said before they tapped their glasses together.
Sipping a little of the cider, Beckett began to eat before she and Castle were talking about the book signing they'd been convinced to do by their agent and the book party they were going to have to go into the city for that Friday. Luckily they were going to see the boys, Lanie and Jenny before that at the loft, so they were looking forward to that more, still unsure of their reception as co-authors.
When the meal had been finished and they opened their anniversary gifts to each other; both books that had both been ordered from the bookstore in Dublin; Beckett was sitting and leaning against the rail of the gazebo, looking out at the waves before Castle came back out to her after clearing the table.
"This wasn't anything too big," Castle told her as he sat next to her.
"It doesn't have to be," Beckett said as she squeezed his hand that had taken hers. "I enjoyed it immensely. We got to swim with the girls; you spent some time with them; please tell me you played with Julia a little and didn't spend the whole time getting everything ready?"
"We did," Castle said with a slight smile as he remembered playing with some of Eliza's toys as Julia had wanted to play with her little sister too. He explained quickly to his wife what they'd done, and finished saying, "I think Julia's enjoying being the big sister."
"It sounds like it," Beckett said, though she knew he was right as she'd seen Julia playing with the baby before. "Plus you know she likes getting to take care of her when she can."
"Like when you let her help with Eliza's bath?" Castle asked, that coming to mind as it was actually the first time he and Beckett had given their youngest a bath since she'd come home from the hospital.
"You and I let her help," Beckett reminded him as they'd decided on that to involve their oldest daughter more in the baby's life. "I'm surprised she didn't try to run down the beach to come see us," she said idly as they looked at the water together.
"I bet you anything my mom told her not to interrupt us," Castle said.
"And Julia probably didn't want to interrupt us," Beckett said, reminding him how their oldest had told them to have fun.
"You make a point there," Castle said, thinking about that and nodding. He then studied his wife and reached over, fingering her aquamarine necklace that she was wearing and he said, "Would you want me to get you a sapphire necklace for our fifth anniversary?"
"No," Beckett said simply. "And that's a gift?"
"Traditional gift in some lists… well, just one," Castle told her as she gave him a look. "And it is blue…"
"I'm good with aquamarines," Beckett assured him. "Three of the people I love have that as their birthstone, so I'll stick with it."
"Good, I like you in this color," Castle said.
"Rick," Beckett said, grabbing his wrist and pulling down his arm. Before he could reply to the slightly warning tone in her voice she cupped his cheeks with her hands and kissed him deeply.
Responding to that immediately, Castle held her tightly against him, before finally giving up and pulling her on his lap. He felt her stroking his neck before her hands went up to his hair, and he groaned as her nails gently raked his scalp before she pulled away first. "I love you Kate," he told her.
Smiling at that, Beckett brushed her lips against his and murmured, "I love you too Rick. Always?"
"Always," Castle assured her. "I'm hoping we celebrate like this next year."
"Like this how? Here having dinner?" Beckett asked with a small smile still on her lips.
"No, just us," Castle corrected her. He then brought her back to his lips and they kissed again, deeply as they clung to one another.
A number of passionate kisses later, the two were walking down to the beach barefoot, letting the breaking waves run over them before Castle gathered his wife in his arms, kissing her again. They kept on doing that until Beckett slipped out of his grasp and laughing at him over her shoulder, started to walk up to the house. Watching her for a few seconds, it took little time for Castle to catch up to her and usher her inside where he closed and locked the door as she kissed him once more.
Jerking awake, Castle looked around himself and realized that he wasn't with his wife as he'd been dreaming. He then recalled the hours before he'd been sleeping, remembering his and Beckett's first anniversary. That had been the final catalyst and something in his mind had regained his memories, at least he hoped so. But since the furthest back that he could reminisce was when he'd been around four years old and his mother had found him reading by himself for the first time he knew he had everything back. He knew his wife could let him know if that was his earliest memory when he froze.
"Damn it, she probably thinks I'm dead," Castle said as he looked up at the window, seeing that the sky was lightening with the coming dawn. He jerked his wrist again before rubbing his skin. "Damn it," he swore again as what he'd been dreaming about came back to him. He had been with Beckett, on the floor in front of a fire, fucking her as she took what he gave her eagerly. He bit the side of his mouth as he tried not to get aroused at the thought of her, remembering how she'd felt. Not just there, but on the armchair, couch and bed as well the night before. He breathed out a little, turning his mind to something else; who had brought him there. "Hill," he said, gritting his teeth, though he had to wonder how the man had gotten out of the closet he'd been locked in.
Knowing that that was the least of his worries, Castle decided he needed to get out before the activities director came back and most likely killed him. But his stomach was growling at the same time and he rolled his eyes before he took out the maple sugar leaf. As he ate that he went through his life again, ending with, "I'm married to Kate Beckett, we have two daughters; Julia whom we both adopted but she's our daughter. And we had our first baby two years ago, Elizabeth but we call her Eliza for short. And Kate and I write together because she had to resign from the NYPD because of Tyson, to keep our girls safe." Nodding in confirmation at that, he breathed and said, "At least I remember them and Alexis. Mother too, she'd be upset if I forgot her," his lips quirking up at the corners as he could imagine her response to that.
He glanced over at the window again, leaning away from the wall as far as he could to see if it was snowing still. Castle couldn't see anything though and thought he might have seen the blue of the sky. He wasn't sure if that was an advantage or a detriment, but decided not to try and find out. He picked up his phone, thinking finally he'd be able to call his wife, but promptly discovered that he still had no reception. Letting out a groan of irritation he pocketed it and glanced at the handcuff around him. "Man I wish I was handcuffed to Kate again," he said, that being one of the memories he'd recalled after he'd come back to himself. He tried, uselessly he knew, to push it off of him, but all that did was scrape his skin.
Castle's mind went back to Beckett yet again as he slumped against the wall in defeat, unable to help bringing up in his mind how she had looked the night before and the night before the fire that had started their whole crazy investigation. He tried to quickly put the reins on that line of thought; which made him remember his wife and him riding horses together for some reason. That in turn led to him recollecting Julia who was starting to ride herself, making him smile as he always thought she was like her mother when she was on a horse. "Oh god, Kate's going to think she's got to raise the girls on her own…" he said to himself, wondering why the rush of his memories and remembrance of who he was had made him forget that fact. In the sudden scramble he made to again push off the handcuffs, he had an epiphany, swearing as it should have been one of the first things his situation had evoked since it had happened to him more than once. But he finally had a way out and he started to twist his body, trying to work with only one hand left unbound, desperate to make it back to Beckett after experiencing their relationship and life together again, needing to get back to her.