Things have been very different since we returned from the German camp, painfully different. There aren't many of us left, only a handful of us survived the charge and only 20 or so stayed behind. The ghosts of our fallen comrades haunt us, but none of us are worse off than poor Major Stewart. The once confident man has now been reduced to a mentally unstable wreck. Charlie and I have tried our best to console him, talk him through losing Topthorn and the rest of our group, there has been no change. I remember distantly an interview of one of the actors from the War Horse movie, he said these cavalry men were 'gentlemen first, and soldiers seconds'. Jamie is no soldier, and it has been made quite clear in the recent turn of events.
James' death shook his walls, Topthorn's disappearance reduced them to rubble. Every morning Jamie still gets up at the crack of dawn and goes over to where Topthorn was once tied. He'll look at the spot, and stares at it in haze of confusion before he remembers everything. It's at that point he sinks to his knees on the ground and weeps silently, so that no one will notice. Everyone notices though, but we still try to give the Major his space so that perhaps he'll continue to believe we don't know. Once he's had a cry, he'll go down the line of horses and greet every one. He'll talk to them to settle his nerves, and he always ends up apologizing to them for 'murdering their comrades' as he puts it. He blames himself for everything.
Charlie and I have begun to wander away from camp to lie and stare at the sky again. Instead of talking about clouds though we talk about life. Charlie told me more details about Jamie and Topthorn during one of our outings. "Jamie's father was a wealthy politician, had a few racehorses on the side. Topthorn's sire and dam were the best, they were sure the foal would be something worth sending over to the states to win the big stakes races they have over there, however Topthorn's mother rejected him at birth. He was a very small, sickly colt. Could hardly stand when he was born. Jamie had been wary of the horses then, but he agreed to take care of Topthorn since no one else would. He couldn't stand the thought of it dying just because nobody cared enough." he explained.
"He kept Topthorn like a puppy, letting the little foal sleep on the floor next to his bed. When Topthorn was too big, Jamie would get up at the crack of dawn to see the colt and would make sure to say goodnight every nightfall. Jamie broke Topthorn, Jamie joined the cavalry with Topthorn, he had Topthorn when I met him" Charlie finished. He looked over at me after telling me all this, his expression very timid and unsure "What'll happen now?" he'd asked me.
That was a good question, I didn't know the answer then. It took us two more days to formulate a plan, and I pray it will work. We're going to get Jamie riding again. I know exactly what horse I'll put him on, the most surefooted, solid, quiet horse in the entire cavalry. Fergus! The big black shire with the white blaze and white fetlocks that private Mastin had been riding. The big horse somehow managed to survive the charge, dispite being a very large, very easy target for those machine gunners. I feel sad that private Mastin didn't make it, but I'm glad we managed to save Fergus.
Charlie and I have it all planned, I'm going to take Jamie out for a quiet ride while he figures out where we're going to go next. With Jamie a wreck, we haven't really been on the warfront like we're supposed to be. Hopefully Charlie will get everything sorted out so we can get moving again, staying here is making me a little antsy. The men aren't happy either, every night they sit in a tight knit circle around a fire and don't speak a word. Perhaps getting out and riding will be enough to lift their spirits, just slightly.
Sparks nuzzles me as I begin brushing him off. I haven't touched him since that ride, he needed the rest. He's all rested up and fresh now, just like I need him to be. Once he's groomed and tacked I move over to where Fergus is standing. The shire is huge, and I have to stand on a bucket to reach his back. It doesn't help I'm rather short anyway. Fergus is a gentle giant though, and patiently waits as I brush him and then begin tacking him up.
It takes a bit of effort to tack Fergus, but I finally get him ready for Jamie. Next order of business is to get the depressed Major! I walk through the camp, scanning the area. Some of my comrades offer me a small smile and a wave as I walk past them. Most of the camp is in on our plan, and they are all for it! I'm glad to have their support, it'll make it easier to do this.
When I reach Jamie's quarters, I knock on the door before letting myself in. He's sitting at his desk, an untouched glass of brandy in his hand. I approach "Major Stewart?" I ask. He doesn't look up, just puts his glass down and sighs heavily "Yes Private?" he asks after a moment. I close the gap between us, walking around the desk so I stand next to him "I know you've been upset about losing Topthorn, but we need to get you back in the saddle. We're at war, remember?".
He turns to me, his eyes bloodshot like he hasn't slept in days, I know he hasn't "I know" he says, sounding defeated "I just, I don't know if I can ride another horse. I was terrified of horses before Topthorn came along" he admits to me. I grab his arm and begin tugging him towards the door, I didn't come here to give therapy, I came here to get him back on a horse! "I know, but don't worry I've got the perfect horse for you!" I assure him.
We walk over to where Sparks and Fergus are tied, the Major looks up at the big black shire warily. I walk to the side "I'll give ya a leg up, and then we'll go for a little ride ok? Just the two of us. We can go slow if you want to, just so you can get a feel for the big guy" I explain to him. After a moment of consideration he nods and I lace my fingers together, giving him a place to put his foot. I almost fall over as he puts his full weight in my hands, he's heavy! I manage to boost him just enough for him to clamber onto the big horse.
Effortlessly, I swing up onto Sparks' back "You know how to ride, Fergus will respond to all the commands Topthorn did. He's solid as a rock and quiet as a mouse, he won't give you any troubles" I assure him. Turning Sparks, I dig my heels in and he takes off at a gallop. I listen as Jamie gives Fergus the command to follow us. I lead him into the forest, the opposite direction of where the German field was. Fergus is right on our tail and I steal a glance back to see Jamie's face set with concentration as he guides Fergus through the forest.
So far so good! Sparks tosses his head joyfully as we continue our gallop, excited to get out and excersize after resting so long. I reach down into my holster and pull out my handgun, taking off the safety. Charlie and I spent all day yesterday setting up targets to shoot, if Jamie's going to be back to his old self he's going to have to loosen up while on Fergus. A good way to do that, we decided, would be to get him shooting. I spot the first target and fire, hitting the edge of it. I've never been a good shot, this should be good practice for me as well.
It takes passing two more targets before Jamie hesitantly shoots his own gun. I shorten my rein as we approach a fallen log, preparing Sparks to leap over it. He does, without much trouble, and I don't even attempt to fire at the target set near the jump. I hear Jamie shoot at it though, and a glance back shows he's still on Fergus.
We pass a few more targets before I slow Sparks down. Fergus catches up to us and Jamie skillfully pulls him up next to us, panting slightly "What happened to slow?" he asks. I laugh at him as I rub Sparks' neck "I lied, I only said that so you'd get on the horse. You made it didn't you though?" I ask. I reload my gun before putting it back in my holster, he pats Fergus' neck "Yes well, I suppose this horse is fit enough for me" he replies slowly "Though he certainly isn't a patch on my Topthorn".
I swallow and offer a look of sympathy "No horse ever will" I say softly. He looks down, combing his fingers through Fergus' black mane "The Germans love their horses just as much as we do, they'll take care of him" he reasons. I smile sadly "They will, perhaps you'll find him again someday" I tell him. I know this is a complete lie, as I know exactly what will become of Topthorn, but I'll say it if it will get the Major back to being himself.
After a long moment of him considering my words he nods "I hope. Come on, we should return to camp" he finally says. We turn our horses around and begin walking back towards camp. With every step Fergus makes, I can practically see Jamie's confidence and trust in him growing stronger. My plan has worked! And thank goodness it has!
When we reach camp, I leave Jamie to take care of Fergus while I take care of Sparks. Once he's fed, watered, and shining I leave him to go see how Charlie made out. I don't knock on his door, just let myself in. He's sitting at the desk, papers sprawled all over and covering the surface. His hair is sticking up all over the place, and I can tell he has run his fingers through it multiple times today in frustration. I walk over and pour him a drink, placing it in front of him "Long day?" I ask him. He nods, taking a sip of the drink before putting it down again and looking up at me "This is Jamie's job, not mine" he says.
I flop down into one of the chairs and sigh "I know. Don't worry though, I think our Major will be back to himself shortly. He enjoyed his time out today". Charlie smiles hopefully "Really?" he asks. I nod and he sighs as though a great weight has just been taken off him. It's at this moment I realize just how exhausted he looks. I stand and walk over to him, putting my hand on his back and rubbing it gently. He folds his arms on the desk and places his head on top of them, closing his eyes "Will the war end soon?" he asks me "Because I don't know how much more I can take".
The current year is 1915, and the war won't end until 1918 if I remember correctly. That means there will be 3 more years. 3 more years, can we really take that much more? Jamie's a mess, Charlie's nerves are frayed, and frankly I'm not feeling too great about any of this either. Everyone here is a mess, how will we make it 3 more years? Years are so long!
Looking down, I realize Charlie has fallen asleep. I walk over to his bedroom and snag the blanket off his bed, draping it over his shoulders "G'night Charlie" I whisper. After dousing the lights in his office, I head back to my own tent. On my way there I see the rest of our regiment as they always are on these nights, huddled pitifully around the fire. I approach them and sit down, they regard me with weak smiles.
I've got to think, I've got to pull everyone out of this slum! We'll never succeed or get anywhere with such a shroud of gloom hanging over us! I try to think back to every sports movie I've ever watched that had a pep talk before the big challenge. However I haven't really watched a lot of sports movies because I think they're really stupid. I smile at just the thought, stupid sports movies. That's one thing I never thought I'd miss.
Giving up, I decide to just go to bed. Maybe I can think of a pep talk or something after a good night of sleeping. I stand, wish everyone goodnight, and head into my tent. As I curl up under my blankets, I find myself wishing very much that I was in my own bed in 2012. Or even in the hotel room in Virginia Beach, under the watchful eye on my band teacher and mentor. I wouldn't even care if he was mad at me for what I did, as long as he was there. I was safe with him, I was safe with my friends, I was safe in my own time period. I'm not safe, and it has taken me a long time here to finally realize that.
No! I'm not doing this! I'm not going to fall into the pit of despair everyone else is in. I need to stay positive! Positive, what's the funniest thing I can think of? Despicable Me, that was a funny movie. What else? Uh, um. What about my stupid high school principal? I imagine her falling off a cliff and giggle at the thought. Is it odd that my own laughter sounds so very foreign to my own ears?
What else is there that I can think of? Well there's uh, um. There's some videos on youtube that are funny. Charlie the Unicorn for example, and what else, there are others! How animals eat their food was pretty funny to watch. I burrow deeper under my blankets and close my eyes, trying to think of more positive, funny things. That's what I'll have to do from now on, think of good things before I go to sleep.
I'm woken up by Charlie not long after I've drifted. He shakes my shoulder "Gabby, come on we have to go!" he urges me. I blink up at him "Go?" I ask, I look around sleepily. It's still dark out from what I can see. Charlie tugs on my arm "Yes, go. Come on we have to go right now" he says. I rub my eyes and sit up, looking at him confused "Charlie, what's the matter? Go where?".
"The Germans, they sent scouts here. Jamie dealt with them, but one got away. We have to go before they come. Get up now, pack up. I know exactly where we're going. Jamie's rounding up everyone else. Come on" he explains. I immediately get up and begin packing my things while Charlie leaves to go get the others. By the time I've gotten everything ready to go, nearly everyone else is mounting their horses. I tack Sparks as quickly as I can, tying my things to the saddle before swinging up into it and gathering the reins.
The entire unit gallops off, Charlie in front and Jamie behind us. We ride in a tightly knit group, no one wanting even one of their comrades out of their sight for a moment. We ride all night, and the entirety of the next day. Just after the sun has set, I see an encampment not too far ahead of us, a rather large encampment. I ride up alongside Charlie "This is your plan?" I ask him.
He nods "Our group is too small now, this cavalry unit has had more success than us. We'll merge with them" he explains. That sounds as good a plan as any. Numbers will be on our side once more, that's good. Things are looking up now, if only a little bit. I glance back, everyone else seems relieved to see other british soldiers and horses.
When we reach the camp the others welcome us with open arms. Charlie and Jamie go off with the other officers, while the rest of us pitch our tents with the other soldiers. There is a brief meet and greet, but most of us don't stay very long because we're exhausted. I'm actually one of the last ones from my unit to turn in for the night. As I get ready to sleep, I can't help but feel this is the safest I've felt since before our first cavalry charge. There's one positive to chew over tonight. What's something else positive? Uh, chocolate. Yep, chocolate is pretty positive. In fact, I think tomorrow I'm going to see if I can find any. France is known for its fancy chocolates right? I'd like to try some!
Sorry this is taking so long to update, I've been all over the place. I went to NYC, and then to Kentucky, and then took my horse to the fair for 4 days to show. NOW I'm finally done! The rest of my summer is nice and open! Therefore, I'll have more time to write and hopefully finish this fanfiction before the end of the summer! So, cheers for that!
Hopefully things will go faster now, I know I've said that in past chapters but I'm pretty confident now that things will go faster. Thank you everybody who has followed and kept with me. Please review and let me know what ya think. Anybody have any ideas for future chapters? Lemme know! Again, thank you so much!